Read My Lips (6 page)

Then in 2010, a team of researchers from the UK published a study suggesting that there is no G-spot—or at least no genetic basis for one, in spite of 56 percent of the women in their survey saying they had one.
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They conducted a survey of 1,840 twin, heterosexual women in the UK, asking them, “Do you believe you have a so-called G-spot?” The fact that agreement among identical twins was no more common than among fraternal (non-identical) twins suggested to the researchers that there must be no physical basis to the G-spot. However, many researchers criticized this study, too. After all, a woman may believe or not believe in the existence of the “so-called G-spot” for any number of reasons including her own sexual experiences, things she has heard from friends or partners, human sexuality classes, or articles about the G-spot she has read in the media. Again, it was a curious study but it didn’t close the gap in our understanding of the G-spot one way or the other.

To sum up, what we do know about the G-spot is this:

• It is clear that there is an area along the front wall of the vagina that some but not all women find to be pleasurable when stimulated with fingers, a penis, or a sex toy.
  
• There are undeniably body parts on the other side of the front vaginal wall (parts such as the internal parts (crura) of the clitoris, the urethral sponge, and their associated nerve endings) that may be stimulated through the front wall of the vagina.
  
• Large studies of women suggest that the majority of women feel they have a G-spot, or an area of erotic sensitivity on the front wall of the vagina.
  

As such, if you want to explore this area, go ahead! If you are a woman, you can try this on your own with your own fingers or with a sex toy. If you have a female partner, you might ask her if she would like to explore G-spot play, as well, with fingers, a sex toy, or (if you’re a guy) with your penis. If it doesn’t feel all that interesting or exciting to you, then perhaps move on to something else and try again (or not) another time. And if it does feel pleasurable to you, then yay for you! You’ve learned something new about your body that may enhance your sex life.

VIVA LA VULVA!

Activity

One of our favorite vulva-themed movies (and we have a few) is
Viva La Vulva
, created by vulva activist, educator, author, and artist Betty Dodson.
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In
Viva La Vulva
, women come to Betty’s home to be interviewed about their bodies, to groom (or not groom) their pubic hair in whatever way feels good to them, and to have their vulva portrait taken. One unique feature of this film is that the women—who span a few decades in age—go around and look at each other’s vulvas, admiring them and remarking on various features such as the coloration of certain parts or the size or shape of the inner labia or clitoral hood. We have both shown this video in classes that we’ve taught, and male and female students alike often have a powerful reaction to watching even just twenty minutes of the film. We highly recommend you get a copy (see Resources).

FEMALE EJACULATION

Another vagina controversy has to do with female ejaculation—and it doesn’t even seem to be coming from the vagina (although for years, some wondered if female ejaculation came from the vagina, so we still consider it a “vagina controversy”). It seems that some women release fluids from their urethra during sexual excitement or orgasm. We don’t know how common this experience is, as there have been no good population-based studies of women that would tell us with any certainty whether it’s 10 percent of women, 40 percent of women, or nearly all women who are capable of female ejaculation.

Some people don’t like the term “female ejaculation,” as the fluids aren’t exact matches for male ejaculation, and it is certainly a different process with different body parts involved. However, we use the term “female ejaculation” because it’s commonly used in the United States and it’s a term that many people are familiar with hearing described as such.

People vary in regard to how they feel about female ejaculation. Some people enjoy it and feel that female ejaculation is a huge turn-on. Others are uncomfortable with the amount of wetness it creates and may worry about getting their sheets wet (some people have similar concerns with male ejaculation). If you like the wetness, great! And if you’re not a fan of it, you might want to lay a towel down on the bed before you masturbate or have sex. If it’s a little unpredictable when you have sex, and you don’t want to run to the towel closet on the spur of a moment, keep a few towels underneath your bed or in your nightstand for easy reach.

If you have never experienced female ejaculation, we don’t recommend that you put any extra effort into trying—in spite of the popularity of some books and movies that try to show women how to go about doing this. Here’s why: it’s generally not a good idea to frequently bear down on your pelvic-floor muscles, as it may weaken them. Over time, everyone’s pelvic-floor muscles weaken anyway, and this can lead to problems with incontinence (peeing when one doesn’t mean to pee). Why hasten the process? Rather, if you feel that it is happening, let yourself go there if you want to try it. But we wouldn’t recommend that you strain yourself—or your pelvic-floor muscles— trying to make it happen. There are enough pressures when it comes to sex; why add another one? Instead, try to focus on how your body works and enjoy your experience. People’s sex lives changes over time, anyway, and you may end up experiencing female ejaculation one day without even trying. Stranger things have happened.

Finally, although chemical analyses of female ejaculate have shown that it is not the same as urine, some women can’t help but wonder if they are peeing (by accident) during sex. If you have concerns about incontinence, for example, if you leak urine when you laugh or cough or if you feel as though you’re often running to the bathroom throughout the day, check in with your healthcare provider. You might also try reducing or eliminating your caffeine intake, as caffeine can cause people to feel as if they frequently need to urinate (it does this by making the bladder muscle spasm).

PERINEUM

The perineum is the area between the bottom of a woman’s vaginal entrance and her anus. It’s also called the “taint” (as in, t’ain’t the vagina, t’ain’t the anus) or the “tween” area (as it is “between” those two parts). In medical circles, you will hear it called the perineum. Most women won’t ever hear people talking about their perineum. It’s not a particularly sensitive or erotic spot for most women, although it is for some. More often, it comes into play because women who give birth vaginally may experience natural tearing of their perineum during childbirth or may have this area surgically cut during childbirth during a procedure called an “episiotomy.” This procedure has become more controversial in recent years, and many women choose to talk to their healthcare providers and ask them not to perform an episiotomy unless absolutely necessary, as natural tears may heal better than surgical cuts. If you are pregnant, you may find it helpful to ask your healthcare provider or midwife about their take on episiotomies.

THE FEMALE GENITAL SELF-IMAGE SCALE (FGSIS)

The following items are about how you feel about your own genitals (the vulva and the vagina). The word “vulva” refers to a woman’s external genitals (the parts that you can see from the outside such as the clitoris, pubic mound, and vaginal lips). The word “vagina” refers to the inside part, also sometimes called the “birth canal” (this is also the part where a penis may enter or where a tampon is inserted). Please indicate how strongly you agree or disagree with each statement.

How to score yourself:

1. Give yourself a 1 for each item for which you answered, “Strongly Disagree,” a 2 for each item for which you answered “Disagree,” a 3 for each “Agree,” and a 4 for each “Strongly Agree.”
   
2. 2. Add up your points for a total score (possible points range from 7 to 28).
   

There is no “right” or “wrong” score on this measure. Women have a wide variety of experiences in their lives that shape how they feel about their genitals. Some women remember being told as little girls not to touch their private parts. They may have been raised to believe that their genitals were dirty or that only “bad girls” touched their privates. As adults, some women are more exposed or susceptible to commercials, such as those for feminine-hygiene products that further suggest that women’s genitals are unclean. Other women may have had the very good fortune of having a mother, sister, or good friend teach them about their vulvas and vaginas and let them know that their parts are special, unique, and have the potential for pleasure. Some women first learned to love their bodies, including their genitals, thanks to the appreciative gaze of a loving or lustful partner.

As such, we’re not going to take the common approach to self-quizzes that one often finds in women’s magazines. As much as we love playing with genital words, we won’t tell you, for example, that higher scores make you a “Vulva Vixen” or that certain scores in the lower ranges make you a “Sad Snatch.” What we will suggest is that no matter where you fall on the FGSIS, there is always room to rejoice and always room to grow. If you would like to improve how you feel about your genitals, then we hope that this book is a fruitful starting place for you to learn about your body and to embrace it as the wonderful thing that it is.

FEMALE GENITAL SELF-IMAGE

In 2010, our research team published two studies in the
Journal of Sexual Medicine
about how women feel about their own genitals, a concept we call “female genital self-image.”
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To measure this concept, we created a seven-item scale that women themselves (or doctors, nurses, or researchers) can use—it’s called the Female Genital Self-Image Scale, or the FGSIS for short.

In our research, we found that women who engage in health-promoting behaviors, such as having an annual gynecological exam or performing genital self-examination, tend to have a higher female genital self-image.

Curious where you fall? You can take the FGSIS right here in this book (see previous box). And remember: there is no “pass” or “fail” when it comes to FGSIS. Rather, if you find that answering these questions helps you see an area that you’d like to improve on, perhaps you can work on ways to feel better about your genitals.

VULVA AND VAGINA LOVE

All too often we hear negative things about women’s genitals: middle-school boys making “vaginas smell like fish” jokes, feminine-hygiene ads that suggest women don’t smell “fresh,” or advertisements for surgeries that make us question whether we look all right down there. We decided that more women—including us— could benefit from talking about the things they like about their genitals.

In a recent study, we asked women, “What do you like about your genitals?” Hundreds of women responded. Although some women said that they didn’t really like their genitals, many were very specific about the things about their lady parts that make them feel happy, aroused, or grateful.

Here is a sampling of what they had to say:

• “They’re absolutely beautiful! One labia is slightly longer than the other and folds over the shorter one, and I have slight freckling on my outer labia. They are a wonderful colour, and are very, very responsive.”
  
• “They bring me tremendous pleasure and have participated in giving birth to my two children.”
  
• “That they’re my own and unique; that they easily respond to sexual stimulation; that they will one day function in helping to create life; that they look hot; and that they’re what make me a woman.”
  
• “I like the look and colour of my labia, the fullness of the outer labia, and the positive way they respond to sexual stimuli.”
  
• “EVERYTHING! The pleasure they bring me, their uniqueness and beauty, their potential for new life (literally and figuratively), their sensual smell, the way they react to stimulation.”
  
• “I like that I am a woman and mine are slightly different from everyone else’s. I like that their exact appearance is something I only share with my partner. I think the size/shape/color of every part is just adorable.”
  
• “The uniqueness of the scent. One of my lovers said I smelled earthy and I liked that. I’m also in awe of the way they open up when I’m making love. And I love that my daughter came from them and through them.”
  
• “They bring great sexual pleasure, they feel warm and smooth, they remind me of my womanness, and I really like the smell when I touch myself and bring my finger to my nose.”
  
• “They are strong (I work my Kegel muscles), they are neat and comfortable (I keep the hair trimmed so it doesn’t catch on underwear and hurt me), they give me a lot of pleasure with a sexual partner or my vibrators.”
  
• “I have learned to like the appearance of my vulva more so now than when I was younger. I love how I maintain them, Brazilian waxing every six weeks. I actually love that my partner loves my labia.”
  
• “I like the way my genitals look, feel, and smell. I look at my vaginal area often with a mirror, and I do it because I enjoy knowing what it looks like. I also love that it feels so good when touched, and that it helps me have orgasms.”
  
• “I like that they give my husband and me pleasure and that they helped make and deliver my son.”
  
• “Sometimes the smell, I like that guys like them, I like that they give me pleasure, I like that they’re mine.”
  
• “I like that they are healthy. I like that they feel good. I like that my inner labia hang down a bit; I think it is mature and sexual. Men like it. I like the colors and textures. I even like the smell.”
  
• “They give me good feelings. They are luscious and voluptuous. They smell and taste good. They birthed a baby.”
  
• “All the different colors (pinks, browns), the shape of the labia, the fluids, the smell, the softness, the pleasure they give me (and sometimes others), one special birthmark.”
  
• “They can be fun to play with.”
  
• “Hmm, haven’t really thought about this question before. I guess not much.”
  
• “They’re very sensitive! At least the clit is. I like how everything neatly protects itself, like how the labia is all closed up, and then there are flaps over the clit as well. The hair is pretty cool; I’ve tried different things like shaving and whatnot.”
  
• “Is it bad to say everything about them? I like that I have strawberry blonde pubes—I like the size, length, etc., of my lips, I love my clit and hood (which I want to pierce eventually).”
  
• “It is very hairy, I like to stroke my genital hair.”
  
• “That they were a part of the creation of my children. That they are unique. That they are powerful.”
  
• “They’re very neat ‘the perfect pussy’ as depicted in porn.”
  
• “They make me feel good they can bring forth life. They are a source of oppression, and while oppression sucks, the fact that so much effort is expended on controlling women’s genitals suggests that they’re pretty important.”
  
• “I like . . . everything about my genitals? Except maybe that my vagina is quite small so I can’t use some of the sex toys I own—and that’s not really something I dislike so much as a vague annoyance. Also, my clitoris is AMAZING. Orgasms— mine being directly related to my genitals—are amazing. I also like how they look, feel, and taste (though I’ve only been able to taste second-hand), so in short? Everything.”
  
• “Nothing.”
  
• “I like the pleasure they give me. I like the anatomical complexity and the wonder I have from having a clitoris which doesn’t seem to have any purpose in the evolutionary sense, but being an organ of pleasure. I like all the orgasms I can have.”
  
• “I like that inside my vulva is red but on the outside it’s tones of brown/black. I also like the smell sometimes. I like my genitals a lot when I’m aroused and my pussy lips get all full and plump. I really love how everything down there feels when I’m really wet, like after I’ve cum. I also like, when my finger is inside myself, to feel myself cum really hard—I really like the feeling of the contractions and the super slick cum.”
  
• “My pubes are awesome and they are very very sensitive, which sometimes I don’t like too.”
  
• “I am pretty tight, I like that. I also like that my clit is well hooded and not out in the open. It’s wrapped like a present.”
  
• “That they cause such pleasure. I like how it looks. I am very happy with my vagina. Looking forward to pushing a baby out through my vagina someday.”