Read My Lips (19 page)

This can be both good news and bad news. The bad news is that a lot of women may rely on these restricted genital resources for information; the good news is that there are other resources that show a diverse range of vulva images. We were curious whether these images actually impacted the way women viewed their vulvas.

OUR LABIA, OURSELVES

Vanessa and a team of researchers at George Washington University conducted two experiments (and we are both in the process of conducting a third at Indiana University) to investigate this question.
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As researchers, we are always excited when we come across a new unanswered question to investigate. We keep several tools in our toolboxes for such occasions including surveys, experiments, observations, and interviews. Although any of these methods would have helped us answer our question of interest, conducting an actual experiment can help the researcher maintain control over the kinds of information available to the participants, and this can yield more easily interpretable results. Consequently, Vanessa set about designing an experiment. In the first experiment, female college students were randomly assigned to one of four different groups. Participants in the first three groups were asked to rate a series of six vulva pictures. The first group saw pictures of airbrushed vulvas from a popular men’s magazine, the second group saw pictures of vulvas after labiaplasty (an elective procedure for labia reductions), and the third group saw the vulvas of the exact same women before they underwent labiaplasty (their “before” photos). The fourth group did not see any pictures at all. The participants were also asked several questions about the appearance of their vulva including how large/ small various components were, what their ideal vulva would look like, and how satisfied they were with various components of their vulva. Approximately two hundred female undergraduate students participated in the online experiment. Participants had no idea that they had been assigned to a certain group and would be seeing different images than the next participant in line.

The day that data came back, the first thing Vanessa was interested in was whether the women rated one picture set as significantly more attractive than the others. They had, without a doubt, rated the men’s magazine pictures the most attractive.
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While this may feel disappointing for all of us who do not have runway model vulvas, we have to keep in mind that those pictures were the only ones that were airbrushed. It is quite possible that the participants were responding to the nice airbrushed quality that we have become accustomed to by reading magazines. In addition to rating the mainstream men’s magazines as the most attractive, most participants also indicated that their ideal vulva would be “smaller.” Of course, not all stated this, but that was the trend. Finally, the key question was, given that we knew that these women thought smaller, airbrushed vulvas were more ideal, how did viewing these pictures make them feel about their own vulvas? Before guessing, think about the last time you opened a fashion magazine and looked at the models. How did you feel about your body? Now, take a look around the locker room, subway station, or wherever you come across “ordinary” women. Have your feelings about your body changed? It is likely that they have, just as they did for the women in the study.

I only learned—in the last five years—that women have different vaginas— protruding inner labia, etc. I don’t think that women see enough images of vulvas. They are airbrushed in skin mags and considered pornographic. I think that hinders women’s pride in their genitals.

—
J
OY,
40, Australia

After taking into consideration factors like the frequency with which the women in the study looked at pornography, how frequently they engaged in sexual behavior with other women, how often they checked out their own lady bits, and so on, Vanessa’s research team found that women who viewed the “before” labiaplasty photos thought their labia were the smallest, followed by women who saw the post-labiaplasty pictures, followed by the women who saw pictures from a mainstream men’s magazine.
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So, what was happening? Is it possible that these women really had different sized labia? Probably not. We believe that they were using the pictures as reference points for what “normal” looks like and were judging the size of their inner labia based upon those judgments. In other words, the examples that we see of women’s genitals may impact how we feel about our own.

Okay, so women thought their inner labia were bigger/smaller. Why is this interesting? To many it isn’t—but considering you are reading a book about vulvas, we are going to assume that you are interested in the implications. First, this tells us that women’s perceptions of their labia size may be malleable. This also suggests that the media may play a role in how women perceive their genitals. This is no surprise given the media’s reach in today’s world; however, it is still interesting to note that our perceptions of something so important to some can be modified with just a few pictures. Finally, it is important because those women who perceive larger inner labia to be less attractive may find their own genitals less attractive if they believe that they are “larger” than their ideal.

VULVA MATCHING GAME

To make up for the fact that women and men are exposed to so few images of women’s genital diversity, books that show images of women’s vulvas (such as
Femalia
,
Petals
, and
I’ll Show You Mine
) have helped to bridge this gap. Of course, as we all know from browsing photos of our friends and ourselves, people can look very different in one photo compared to another. The same is probably true for vulvas in that they may look different depending on the angle the photo is taken from, the lighting, or how a woman is sitting or standing or otherwise posed. We were delighted, then, when Catherine Johnson-Roehr, curator of The Kinsey Institute’s art collection, showed us a remarkable series of images by institute photographer William Dellenback. Among the many things we like about this series is that there are multiple images taken for each woman, showing how different we can all look based on how we hold our labia or how we’re sitting. What we hope this does for you is to show you how the same vulva on the same woman can vary so much. Not only is there genital diversity that can be celebrated for all of womankind but also for you as an individual.

Now for a fun little game: looking at the twelve images of vulvas from the institute’s collection, see if you can identify which vulvas go together. We’ll give you a hint: there are four women represented here and three images of each woman’s vulva. Can you guess which vulvas belong to which women? (Answers are below the images— but don’t peek.)

DOES SIZE MATTER?

Messages about penis size bombard us (check your “junk” or spam email folder if you disagree), but we rarely hear anything about the vulva. Is that because one size fits all? We wish. Unfortunately, there may be perceptions about what makes women’s genitals more or less attractive. As with the penis, men’s genital perceptions are out there for all to see and discuss, whereas women’s genital concerns remain more hidden. Women may feel uncomfortable about their genital smell, size, or shape—though fortunately, most women don’t feel persistently concerned or bothered about their genitals. It is more likely that a woman will become aware of such concerns when her genitals are relevant to the activity at hand. Does that mean any relevant activity? No—most women probably don’t even think about their genitals much when they engage in day-to-day activities like going to the bathroom or pulling underwear on or off.

When do we think about them, then? Probably when we are concerned that someone else is thinking about them. When a lover goes down on her or a gynecologist asks a woman to scoot forward into the stirrups, she may suddenly become very aware of her genitals. Do I smell okay? How do I taste? What about my pubic hairstyle? Do I have too much pubic hair? Too little? Are my labia too long? Too short? These concerns crop up for different women at different times in their lives. They can influence how comfortable or anxious we feel in healthcare settings or in the bedroom.

It is often said that the mind is the biggest sex organ. Our mental state can influence how receptive we feel to being sexually touched or caressed, the ease with which we experience orgasm, or whether we want to have sex in the first place. Women may enjoy and/or experience orgasm from a variety of sexual activities including breast play, neck biting, and thigh licking; the list of non-genital activities goes on. That being said, for many women, genital stimulation is often a necessary element of their sexual experience. This includes everything from hand or finger stimulation to cunnilingus to vaginal intercourse and beyond. Some concerns may be temporary, while others are situation-dependent (e.g., When did I shower last? Have I shaved recently?), and others are somewhat more stable (e.g., Does my lover like my labia?). Any genital concerns have the potential to hinder women’s enjoyment or pleasure. Whether it is a baby crying in the room, a telephone ringing by the side of the bed, or genital concerns badgering you inside your own head, it is tricky to stop and focus on pleasure with so much distraction.

In her dissertation research, Debby found that women’s concerns about their genital appearance were more problematic than concerns about genital smell or taste when it came to whether or not a woman could sit back, relax, and enjoy receiving oral sex—or experience an orgasm from it. Vanessa and colleagues
¹⁴
also investigated the role of appearance-based concerns on women’s sexual experience and found that women with concerns about their genital appearance reported significantly lower sexual self-esteem (feeling good about themselves in the bedroom), which translates into lower sexual satisfaction. It was even related to reduced intentions to use condoms or protective methods. This may be surprising at first, but it makes sense when you think about it. You are probably more likely to take care of those things that you love. In the same survey, the women were asked whether they enjoyed several sexual activities that involved their vulva. Whether or not they liked the various activities was probably dependent on many factors, but one commonly cited reason for their lack of enjoyment in the activities was their concerns about their genitals.

Despite popular conceptions that a woman’s sexual complaints are due to her man’s penis not being very long or her partner’s technique, a woman’s primary complaint is oftentimes actually about herself. Does that mean that there is nothing her lover can do to increase her sexual pleasure? Of course not. Psychological tips can be just as sexy as the physiological ones. When people ask us for one hint to enhance the quality of their sex lives, sometimes we tell them to simply remind their partners of how beautiful they are. This can be everything from her brain to her big brown eyes to her boobs or butt—just don’t forget her lady bits. You can be perverted or polite about it—as long as you compliment her in a way that she’s open to. Complimenting her vulva will open a dialogue in the bedroom that may make you both feel more at ease.

IS YOUR VULVA READY FOR ITS CLOSE-UP?

Hook-up Ready

Definition: The state of being physically and mentally prepared for a sexual encounter including the shaving of one’s legs, genitals, etc.

Origin: A phrase that first made its appearance amongst drinks with a few girlfriends discussing an initial sexual encounter.

As properly used in the sentence: “I wanted to hook-up with him but couldn’t because I wasn’t hook-up ready,” or “I snuck into his bathroom and dry-shaved with his razor because I wasn’t hook-up ready.” (Note: not recommended! (A) You should try to never share razors. It may increase the likelihood of STI transmission, and (B) Ouch! No one likes a dry shave, particularly not on your sensitive Sally.) Why are we filling you in on our cocktail party vernacular? Because we think that it nicely illustrates an interesting phenomenon. Some women may feel confident about their genitals regardless of the situation. Others may feel uncomfortable and in need of a little reassurance to get them revved up during the act, and still others are so shy, embarrassed, or ashamed about their genitals that they decide not to engage in sex that they otherwise want. These, of course, are not always three separate groups of women (although they certainly can be). For our friends, being hook-up ready is often only a state that they felt they needed to be in for their first sexual encounter with a new partner. It’s kind of like avoiding sex because you’re wearing unflattering granny panties and would rather wait until you feel like you’re wearing sexier panties. But as time goes on, you feel comfortable breaking out your cotton day-of-the-week underwear.