razorsedge (54 page)

* * *

Kusac turned away from his comm and looked down into the lower level of the den where Carrie sat on the floor fletching arrows to take to Jalna. Normally it was a job she enjoyed doing, but today nothing seemed to be going right for her.
With an exclamation of disgust, she threw the offending arrow across the room. "I loathe binding! I've got glue all over the flights again!" she muttered angrily.
Kusac knew exactly what was wrong with her. It had been two weeks since they'd been at the Retreat and they'd still had no word from Kaid. He pushed himself away from the desk and went to join her. Crouching down beside her, he gently turned her to face him.
"Leave the arrows," he said. "You'll only ruin more of them. It's time you dealt with what's really bothering you."
"I'm trying to," she said, refusing to look at him as she picked up another. "It's just that I keep getting the glue over everything!"
He took it from her, laying it back on the low table. "Go and see Kaid."
"I don't want to see Kaid, I want to finish these damned arrows!" she said, trying to move away from him.
"Carrie, do you think I can't sense what's happening to you?" he asked, holding her tighter. "You need to spend time with him. I can feel that bond you have calling you together. You've both tried to ignore it for too long. Go to him. You need some time together."
She sat back on her heels, looking up at him. "No, Kusac. If he can ignore it, then so can I."
"This could jeopardize our mission, Carrie. Nine people are depending on us. Will you let this stand between them and their rescue?"
"Kaid is."
"One of you has to have some sense! Why not you? Go to him, Carrie. Have it out with him if you will, but resolve it. For my sake if nothing else."
"For your sake?"
He could feel her questioning thought. "We're a Triad, and he's my sword-brother. There is no male dearer to me save my father, and it hurts me to see this barrier between the two of you."
"I'm angry with him, Kusac. He has no right to ignore me like this."
"I don't understand it either, but there must be a reason. Ask him."
"I'll do more than ask him," she muttered. "I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Then go and do it now, get it over with," he said, getting to his feet and helping her up. "Before you lose your nerve," he added.
"Nerve? I don't need any nerve to do this!"
He could feel her outrage and grinned quietly to himself as they began to walk toward the stairs. "Take what time you need, we'll be fine, Kashini and I. I've plenty to do to keep me busy."
She stopped. "Like what?"
"Like going over the inventory with Conrad and Quin. Remember, we leave for Jalna in two weeks. It's time to start checking through the things we've put aside to take."
Pulling a face, she resumed walking. "I'll leave you to it, then."

* * *

He walked with her to the garage, helping her into the aircar and running his own quick check that all was in order before she took off. As he turned around to walk back to the house, he saw T'Chebbi waiting for him.
"Can you fetch Conrad and Quin, please, T'Chebbi? It's time we went through that inventory."
Nodding, she headed off to fetch the two Humans.

* * *

Boring though the task was, by midafternoon, they had amassed a large pile of equipment in the den.
It was T'Chebbi who called a halt. "Need to pack in crates and label this. One crate for each category," she said. "Add any more and we lose things in wrong crates."
"You're right," Kusac said, sitting back on his haunches. "There should be some crates in the storehouse next to where you're staying," he said to Conrad.
"Tomorrow," said T'Chebbi firmly, getting up and surveying the three males. "Go home now. Make own list for tomorrow, things you each want. Done enough for today."
Conrad got to his feet. "We'll bring the crates over tomorrow morning," he said.
Slightly surprised at her taking charge of the situation, Kusac murmured good-bye as she saw them out. Getting to his feet, he stretched, suddenly realizing how stiff he was. He went over to the hotplate and poured himself a coffee. He hadn't thought it would be such a tiring job. He heard the door open then close.
"Coffee, T'Chebbi?" he asked, looking over at her as she came back down to join him.
"Please."
He handed her his mug, getting a second one for himself. As he did, the restlessness he'd been feeling for the last few minutes began to resolve itself. He turned to find her still standing behind him.
"Your timing is impeccable," he said. "You knew she'd reached Stronghold, didn't you? That's why you sent them away. Thank you."
T'Chebbi nodded and slowly stepped aside for him to pass.
"I don't need company, T'Chebbi," he said as he settled himself in his favorite chair. "You're welcome to stay, but I'm fine on my own." He watched her come round his side of the table, then sit on the edge of it opposite him. She began sipping her drink. He could feel her nervousness as she gathered the courage to speak.
"Why be alone?" she asked quietly. "I would stay with you. Kaid and I spend time together now and then. When they are together, would be nice for us share some time, too."
Echoes of Carrie and Kaid's bond were getting stronger now. It was no more than an attraction, a pull that he felt, but he was sure what the outcome would be. That was enough to make him susceptible to an attractive female making an approach to him. And T'Chebbi was attractive. Not the least of it was the air of the competent warrior about her.
He leaned forward, holding his hand out to her. "That could be, T'Chebbi. But I don't really know much about you," he said as she took hold of his hand. "Talk to me. Tell me about yourself." He sensed her surprise, then a quiet amusement as she began to purr gently.
"Knew you were different. What you want to know?" she asked.
"How did you and Kaid meet?"

* * *

Carrie braced herself as she got out of the aircar at Stronghold. She wasn't looking forward to this. Already alerted by security to her arrival, a small reception committee stood on the main steps waiting for her.
"Clan Leader, well come," said L'Seuli, inclining his head. "We don't get many visits from the En'Shalla Brothers and Sisters."
With a bare nod of acknowledgment she continued past him, heart thumping. Kusac had been right about losing her nerve. She was very afraid she was about to do just that. In the main hallway, she stopped, trying to get her bearings. It looked very different from when she'd last been here. Fifteen hundred years had wrought a great many changes.
Her eyes were drawn to the top of the main staircase where Father Lijou stood. A gesture from him and her reception committee suddenly had pressing business elsewhere.
"Where is he?" she asked as he descended the steps toward her.
In the Temple, through the doors on your right.
He used mind-speech, a tight sending that none but she would receive.
When he's not at classes, he's to be found there. I'm glad you came. He's become too solitary. I've told him he can't solve this alone, that he needs to speak to you.
It'll be solved before I leave
, she replied, turning toward the temple doors.
If you need me...
Thank you.
The door was heavy, but as she leaned into it, it opened smoothly. Stepping inside, she saw him immediately. He was sitting, his back to a pillar, at the side of the temple near the statue of Vartra. Some half a dozen other Sholans were also there.
She took a deep breath. "Out. Leave us," she ordered, her voice louder than she'd intended in the silence of the temple.
Every head but his turned to look at her, then they scrambled to their feet, leaving in a hurried flurry of black robes, bowing sketchily to her as they passed.
Her footsteps echoed hollowly as she walked down the central aisle to where he was sitting on his prayer mat. She stopped beside him.
"We need to talk, Kaid. Now."
He stirred, slowly increasing his breathing as he came out of the light trance he'd been in. Now she could hear the litany he was reciting.
"I'm sure that for once, Vartra won't mind you shortchanging Him," she said. If he was trying to annoy her, he was succeeding.
He finished, and with an inclination of his head to the God, turned to look up at her. "Vartra is always due proper respect," he said, his tone mild as he clasped his hands on his lap.
"And I'm due none?"
The bitterness in her voice startled him and he looked at her properly. She wore Terran style trousers and a long-sleeved military jacket. The colors, red edged with black and purple, showed her Sholan Clan and the fact that she was an En'Shalla Brotherhood Priest. Oddly, it accentuated her alienness.
"Am I due no respect?" she repeated. "Why have you refused to speak to me, Kaid? You're treating me as if I were no better than a qwene! We're friends, and a Triad, or had you forgotten that?"
He looked down at his hands. "No, I haven't forgotten. I told you I needed some time to myself, Carrie. You shouldn't have come," he said quietly.
"You've had weeks of it. We're running out of time now. Just when did you intend to return to the estate?"
When he remained silent, she spoke again. "I've missed you," she said, her voice as quiet as his had been. She reached down to touch his hair, her fingers twining among the uneven lengths that reached just below his shoulders. "You look different."
He lifted his head, eyes glowing in the dim light of the temple. "I am. The person who was brought out from these dungeons and who walked the Fire Margins with you wasn't me. Kaid Tallinu was destroyed."
"You weren't destroyed, Kaid. You survived the worst they could do to you."
"They only began it."
He got to his feet, black robe swirling round his feet as he turned to lean against the pillar, feeling the welcome coolness of the stone against his hands. Just being in her presence had brought to the surface all that he'd fought so long to subdue and try to understand.
"I started having visions, flashes of the future— memories. They came at any time of day or night. I couldn't stop them. I was confused, couldn't tell what was real any longer, so I came here. I was afraid I was losing my mind, that I'd harm you or the cub."
"Why didn't you tell us? We would have tried to help you at home. There was no need for you to leave, Kaid." She reached out, but he backed away, moving farther around the pillar.
"Dammit, Carrie, you don't understand! I had to get away from you! I thought I'd come to terms with it, but I hadn't. Finding out that I belonged to the past, and your kindness to the cub I was then— our night at Noni's— all left me with this..." He searched for the word, unable to find it at first. "...this
dependence
on you that try as I might, I cannot erase! All I thought about while I was imprisoned here by Ghezu was you! You dominated my thoughts so much that I was physically pulled to where you were." He stopped, turning his face away from her, his ears invisible.
"I don't know if what I feel for you is real, Carrie. I'm afraid that it isn't. I would have told you myself tomorrow, at the estate."
There was a small silence before she spoke. "I didn't realize I'd caused you so much pain, or that you needed to forget me," she said. "You're right, I shouldn't have intruded on you." Though she tried to hide it, he could hear the hurt in her voice. "The mission's more important than me, Kaid. Come to the estate tomorrow. I won't add to your troubles, that I promise. Good-bye."
He listened to her footsteps receding. When she'd gone, the lonely silence in the temple settled on him like a weight. She'd said good-bye— and meant it. He hadn't been prepared for her to walk out of his life. He remembered what she'd said when he'd told her he was coming here.
Promise you'll talk to me before you make a final decision.
What she wanted, what she felt, was also important, and he hadn't let her say anything.
He turned and began to run toward the entrance.
Wait! I need to ask you something!
he sent.
She was standing at the top of the steps outside the main doors. Around her, curious students were making their way to and from classes.
He stopped in front of her. "Carrie, why did you come?" He had to know.
"It's not important now, Kaid." She turned away and began walking down the steps.
He lunged after her, catching her by the arm, using the contact to touch her mind with his before she could reject him. He could hardly believe what he sensed. "You came to spend time with me!"
Her anger surged through him as she tried to pull away. "Stop it, Kaid! You have no right to pry!"
He grasped her by the other arm. "Why did you pair with me at Noni's?" he demanded.
"You know why! You're the one trying to forget, remember?" Her voice was low and intense. "Leave me some pride, Kaid!"
"Tell me why! I need to hear it from you!" He tightened his grip on her arms.
"How could you ask me that in front of all these people! Let me go at once!" she hissed, trying again to pull free.
"You mustn't leave," he said, his mouth touching hers as he pulled her close. "I've been a fool. Thinking about us isn't the answer." His kiss was deep and full of the passion he felt for her.
She went rigid with shock.
Reluctantly he stopped, drawing back a little from her, aware for the first time of their audience of now highly interested students. "You're right, it's far too public here." He looked beyond her into the courtyard. "Your aircar? Please, come with me." Taking her by the hand, he urged her toward the vehicle.
She hesitated, now totally confused by him. "Kaid..."
"I want to take you somewhere. Please. Trust me."
She let him lead her to her craft, handing him the card when he stopped at the door. "You might as well drive. I've no idea what's going on," she said.
Touching her cheek briefly, he took it from her and made for the pilot's seat.
As she fastened herself in beside him, the small craft rose gently into the air until it was above Stronghold, then headed out toward the Retreat.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
She knew for herself how Kusac had felt with Kaid now. This was not the person she'd known before. Suddenly she felt nervous. A sidelong look told her that much about him had changed. He'd regained the weight he'd lost, and after the training he and Kusac had been doing, was obviously at the peak of physical health. But he had been ill. Even he'd been worried about his sanity.
"This isn't some test or mind game, is it, Kaid?"
He glanced at her, seeing the worried look on her face. His ears dipped and remained there. "No. No games with you, Carrie. They weren't games with Kusac either. I know how to help other people face their fears and overcome them, that's what I was doing. I'm just not very good at handling my own," he added quietly.
Carrie looked out at the scenery. It was breathtaking, and in watching it unfold beneath her, she forgot some of her worries about him. The harsh savagery of the land was softened by a deep blanket of snow. Scattered here and there, the winter trees were oases of deep green in the sea of white. A small herd of mountain rhaklas, frightened by the sound of their vehicle, bolted toward a small copse.
"We're flying over one of the wildest parts of the Dzahai Range," he said. "Good hunting land."
"It's beautiful."
He banked the craft, heading upward toward the peaks ahead of them. "We're going to the town just beyond the Retreat. It's not far."
Within a few minutes she could see the distant rooftops. Once more Kaid veered away, heading now for a nearby hillside, its lower slope dotted with trees. As they came closer, gradually she made out the shape of a house nestling amid the trees at the lee of the rock face. This must be their destination.
Kaid slowed the aircar, keeping it hovering in front of the house for a moment while he activated the comm unit and transmitted a harmonic pulse of sound at the stubby antenna on the domed roof. That done, he let the craft sink gently to the ground and began to power it down. He turned to face her. "Well come to my home."