Rarity (11 page)

Chapter 16

Jay sat next to me in Math class again and asked how I was feeling.  I assured him I was better.  We didn’t say much more.  I felt pretty ashamed of my panic attack the night before and pretty low about betraying him - he probably thought I was an emotiona
l headcase. 

Lunch was just Meg and I at the table with our nameless tablemates.  “What’s up?  You seem off today.”  Meg could see through me and knew when something was up.  “Did something happen at the coffee date?”

I didn’t want to tell Meg about Jay.  It was so complicated and despite that, it was his story to tell.  “Coffee was great.  We just talked.”  I looked over at his table and Jay was in the middle of telling a funny tale to Soren and the track guys, but he looked up and caught my eye and gave a half smile. . 

“So, what?  Just friends?”  I shrugged in response.

“For now - just friends.”

“Damn shame.” Meg began telling me something, but I was only half listening. “You sure nothing else is bugging you?   Oops, there goes Becca to move in on him again.”  I looked over and saw Becca in her high heels and tight shirt trot over to Jay’s table.  She flashed her smile and flipped her hair.  Who did that stuff?  And who wore heels to high school?  I looked down at my outfit for the day - tight leggings, flats, a flowy geometric print tunic. Even though I looked put together, I wasn’t in the same league as Becca. I also didn’t have a line of guys dying to date me.  I looked back over to their table, interested to see how Becca and Jay interacted after the parking lot exchange yesterday.  “Looks like she’s changed guys...she’s all over Soren.”  Sure enough, she walked past Jay and sat close to Soren.

I turned and saw Meg staring at me now.  “What?  I don’t know what the heck is going on over there.”  Meg looked like she didn’t believe me. “Listen, she was upset that Jay and I were having coffee and he basically said she had no right to be upset - that they weren’t an item.”  Meg’s mouth dropped open.

“But I thought they did IT.”  I shrugged, not knowing if they had sex or not.  “That’s HUGE.”

“Whatever, I didn’t think too much of it because he was going to call her later. I figured they’d talk it out and be back to normal.”  I crunched my apple and looked at Becca swooning over Soren.  When I looked at Jay I half expected him to look jealous or sad that Becca was moving in on Soren, but instead he looked up, as if he sensed me, and smiled.  I smiled again, then dropped my gaze when I felt myself blushing.  “Though, Jay seems pretty ok with Becca moving on.”

Jay and I did not see each other after lunch.  I had hoped I could wish him luck with his dad tomorrow but it just didn’t happen.

              *******

Mom was at home and had a snack ready for me when I hit the door.  “Hey kiddo, how was school?”

“It was school Mom, nothing new.”

“How are you feeling?  Any better?”  I nodded while I swallowed my bite of yogurt.  “Good, I was thinking you and I could take a walk and talk about Jay.  It’s pretty warm out.”

“Okay.”  I was anxious to understand his disorder but afraid too. I was afraid I would look at him differently or hear something I couldn’t bear to hear.  I threw my trash away and drank a glass of water while Mom got ready.  She lead us toward the community park.  It had several play areas, a baseball field, a gazebo, and a walking trail that followed the river that ran through town.  The leaves hadn’t grown in on the branches but the days were growing warmer.  It had been a snowless winter and people grew tired at looking at the dead landscape.  At least if there had been snow, people would have been excited about the change in landscape and the kids would fill our town with snowmen of various shapes and sizes.  But this year brought none of that - just a lifeless landscape, brown grass, stark trees, and not a flower in sight.

“So, I guess I thought we’d be sitting in front of a computer while talking about this,”  I stated.

“Life lesson number one...Google can be overwhelming.  It also can paint the rosiest and the darkest picture.  I researched it after Jay came to me, and I decided that I want to be the one to tell you...not Google.  Google can help you with information AFTER I talk to you.”  I Googled everything I ever needed help on, but I knew she was right.  There was so much information on Google - both good and bad, you had to know how to sift through it.  “First, tell me what Jay has told you or what you already know.”

“Umm, not much.  I know he had a blood test. He wears a medic alert bracelet that says he’s fragile and is to be treated as a trauma patient.  Umm, he loved swimming but had to quit the swim team.  He had a hard time healing from the dog attack.  But, he looks like a healthy kid.”  Mom nodded.  She was glad to get my puzzle pieces so she knew how to present the info to complete the picture.  We walked for minutes or hours, the sky grew dimmer.  Mom talked about body parts and functions and all other medical mumbo jumbo.  It was hard for me to imagine Jay having these issues.

“So his mom probably had it since she died at a young age of an aneurysm,”  Mom concluded.

“God, now he has to tell his dad all of this?  His dad lost his wife to this, now his son has the same thing?  No wonder Jay is nervous about talking to him.  Is there a cure for it?  Or a pill to make it better?”

Mom gently shook her head.  “No cure, not yet.  Maybe not even in his lifetime.  But he has the gift of knowledge.  Now that he knows what’s going on with his body, he can make smarter choices and do things the doctors think might help prevent issues VEDS patients often face.”  I felt my heart beating faster.  “Breathe Brogen.”

“I’m not sure learning you have a potential fatal disorder is a gift.”

“Seems strange, I agree.  But you’ll see for yourself in time.”

“I don’t even know what to do with all this information Mom.  Does he know all of this?”

“Yes.  I’m impressed at his level-headedness and drive to want to live the longest and fullest life.   If he can keep his head - he’ll live life a little fuller and make more memories because he won’t take life for granted.  I take life for granted all the time.  I get caught up in the day to day routine and forget to make time to create new memories with you.”  Mom side hugged me. “If I was hit by a bus tomorrow, I would have missed so many chances to live life fuller because I took it for granted.” She had an interesting point.  I was so used to grumbling about the high school dramas, which didn’t seem to matter now, and I had stopped taking a moment to smell the roses -  instead I stomped past them dwelling on the petty things. 

“So how do you feel about it all?”

I raised my eyebrows and let out a long breath.  “It sucks.  I mean, REALLY sucks.  I feel so bad for him.  His life is like a soap opera, almost too unreal.”

“I know.  No kid should have to go through all that he has.  But he doesn’t want pity, just to live a happy life for as long as he can.  But listen, please don’t share this with anyone  - no one.”  I nodded in agreement.  “We better head back.  I need to do a few things before tomorrow.”  We walked back on the tree-lined path back toward the house.  Squirrels chased each other in a nearby tree, frolicking about without a care in the world.  Mom unlocked the back door and we washed up before starting dinner. 

We ate dinner in silence, both lost in our own thoughts and didn’t say much more before parting ways at bedtime.  I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed.  I noticed my message light was blinking on my phone.

-Hey, you still awake?

It was Jay.

Yeah, what’s up?

I replied back.

-Just listening to some music.  Did you talk to your mom yet?

I wasn’t sure how to best answer that.

Yes.

There was a long pause before he wrote more.

-Do you wish you never met me?

I couldn’t believe he was asking me that?

What??!!!  No!!!!!  Why would you think that?

Why would he think that?

-Just wondered if you got scared off..  I’m kinda used to people running when things get tough.  Listen, I could use a distraction tomorrow evening, a reward for facing my dad.  Are you available for a movie?

I quickly replied.

Yes of course.  Just tell me when and who’s driving.

Jay agreed and promised to text me tomorrow when the meeting finished.  I then wished him luck and said goodnight.  I grabbed my sketch journal and drew until I felt sleepy.  I filled 3 pages, the most I had ever completed in one night.  I turned out my light, left my room, and climbed into bed with Mom. She normally stayed up later to watch the news, but she was heading to see Jay’s dad with Jay, his Aunt and Uncle in the morning.

“Are you still awake?”  I asked as I cuddled against my mom’s back.

“Yes.  You ok?”  She turned to face me, probably to read my emotions which would be hard to do in the dark.

“Just...nauseous.  I’ve been doing great with others’ emotions.   In fact, I almost thought I wasn’t empathic anymore.”  Mom reached over and brushed a hair back on my head.  “But this stuff with Jay is so heavy.  It’s...”

“I know baby.”

“I’m worried about tomorrow.  He asked me to see a movie with him afterward.”

“Don’t forget I will be there supporting him.  I’ll make sure tomorrow is not a total mess.  And I’m proud of him for thinking of a nice reward to end the day,”  she remarked.

“Why aren’t you trying to shelter me and keep me from interacting with him?  Aren’t you afraid something will happen to him and I’ll be lost forever?”  I felt tears pour down my face. “Even I’m scared of that.  And you act like we are so good for each other - I don’t get it.”

“Because you are.”  She said very matter of factly.  “He is not dying.  He is very much alive.  He can run, jump, talk, think, laugh, cry.  He’s an amazing young man.  And you’re an amazing young woman,”  she argued.

“But what if he gets in a car crash and is so hurt he dies?”

“Really?”  She asked in a ‘I can’t believe you just said that’ tone. “What if he does?  Or better yet, what if YOU get really injured from a piano falling on you?”

“Mom!  You know what I mean.”  I rolled my eyes out of habit but she couldn’t see it in the dark.

“Listen Brogen, thinking and living as if a piano is going to fall from the sky and kill you every second is no way to live.  Jay has to be a little more careful, take medicine, and get checked more often - but there is no guarantee of life for any of us.  You and I could die in a car crash tomorrow and Jay would outlive both of us.” She stopped, waited for me to respond but I didn’t.  I just soaked it in.  “And what if he beats the odds and lives way past 48?”

“What odds?” I asked.  I didn’t recall any odds in our initial conversation.  Mom did not answer right away.  I felt a new fear and anger brewing but needed to be clear I understood what she was saying.

“I guess I forgot to mention that.”  She muttered as if she wished she could take it back.  “The average life expectancy is 48.”  I gasped. 

“But some live longer,”  she added quickly.

“And some don’t,”  I yelled.  “Right?  Like his mom.”  I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought about life expectancy.  This VEDS stuff seemed so much worse when you put an expiration date on it.  “Jeez, could you imagine what it felt like for Jay when they told him he’d be dead by 48?”  I was mostly talking outloud to myself.

Tears rolled down my cheeks again.  My heart broke for Jay.  How unfair life was to put this amazing guy here, beautiful, charismatic, kind...and give him a terrible disorder that would take him out quicker than most rapists, robbers, and other felons who didn’t deserve to live a long life.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that Mom.”  She could hear the tears in my voice.  She wrapped her arms around me and held me.  I lay there in her embrace thinking about Jay, letting the tears fall quietly.  How nice it was to have my mom comfort me. Jay’s mom died, and Jay couldn’t get a hug from her now when he needed one.  I wondered if he got dressed each morning and pondered whether this would be the day he died?  Was it the last time he’d tie his shoes, ride a bus, see a movie?  Was he afraid to die?  I fell asleep with my mom holding me and endless questions filling my subconscious.