Rapturous (35 page)

“You don’t understand him. He’s had it rough—”

“Are you serious right now? Are you honestly
telling me that Hayden Roth, who was born with a silver fucking spoon in his mouth, has had it
rough
?
Rough
is losing your mother at twelve.
Rough
is having your wife drop dead in front of you when there’s not a fucking thing you can do to help her.
Rough
is trying to raise a daughter on your own when you don’t know the first goddamned thing about what makes a teenage girl tick.
He has not had
it rough!
”

“His parents ignored him. They forgot about his birthday, left him alone with the housekeeper on holidays. His mother has OD’d four times, and he’s had to clean up the mess every time.” I know most of these things because Flynn told me, not because Hayden ever has. “You don’t know everything there is to know about him.”

“Do you? Do you know how he needs to tie women up to get off?
Has he told you about that?”

I’m shocked speechless. “How… How do you know that?”

“People talk in this town, and that’s what they say about him. You think you know him so well, but you didn’t know that.”

“Yes, I did. I know.” I can’t believe I’m actually having this conversation with my father of all people. I want to die of embarrassment, and I’m sick with fear over what Hayden must be thinking
and feeling if Dad confronted him with this information.

“And that’s okay with you?”

“It’s… I… It’s complicated.” I can’t very well tell my dad that I’ve done it and I love it, can I? No, I absolutely cannot.

He snorts with disbelief. “Can you even
hear
how you’re justifying him, or are you so far gone that actually makes sense to you?”

Actually, all I can hear is the roaring in my own ears.
The need to get to Hayden immediately, to fix the damage, trumps everything else. “I have to go, Dad.”

“Addison, listen to me—”

“I heard you. I heard everything you said, and now I have to go. I’ll call you soon.” I hit the end button before he can reply, before he can say something else that can’t be unsaid or unheard. I run for the stairwell and take the stairs to the sixth floor two at a
time, the residual aches and pains from the other night forgotten in the midst of panic.

I burst into the editing suite, expecting to find Hayden surrounded by people the way he usually is at this stage in postproduction, but he’s alone, staring at one of the big screens as the same cut of
Insidious
we watched the other night plays. Like all his work—and Flynn’s—it’s breathtaking, mesmerizing
and sure to be another monster hit. But I can tell by the vacant look in his eyes that work doesn’t have his usual razor focus today.
 

“Hayden.”

He blinks several times, as if to clear his thoughts, before he looks up at me.

I stifle a gasp at the despair I see in his eyes, in his expression, in the rigid set of his jaw.
No, no, no!
Please, no. Not after how far we’ve come. Though I have no
idea if I’ll be welcome or not, I crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck, kissing his face and then his lips. “No matter what he said, it doesn’t change anything. I love you. I
know
you love me. That’s
all
that matters, Hayden.”

“No, it isn’t. He matters to you. Please don’t pretend his opinion has no bearing on us. It does.”

“Only if we let it.” I force him to look at me. I’ve
never felt more desperate in my life than I am right now as I try to find the words to salvage us, if there’s still an us to salvage. “I choose you. I’ll
always
choose you.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t ask that of you. Someday you’d hate me for it.”

“Never. I could never hate you, not when I love you so much it hurts to breathe when I think of losing you.”

“And how do you feel about losing
him?”

“I’ll never lose him. I’m all he has.”

“If he hates your husband, Addie, it’ll never be the same between the two of you.”

“So that’s it? You’re willing to abandon all our plans, our hopes, our dreams, because he doesn’t approve?”

“That’s not why.”

The confirmation that he’s abandoning me and us breaks my heart into thousands of pieces that’ll never again be put back together. I’ll never
be the same after him. That much I know for certain.

“Why, then? If you’re going to give up on us, at least have the decency to tell me why.”

“He’s right that you can do so much better than a guy who can’t even bring himself to tell you how he feels about you.”

“You
have
told me. You’ve told me you care about me more than you’ve ever cared about anyone. What else do you think I need to hear?”

He remains stubbornly silent.

I slide off his lap and drop to my knees before him. “Do I get any say in how my life unfolds, Hayden? Do I get a vote about what
I
want, or do you get to decide that for me?”

“I’m not deciding for you.”

“If you tell me we’re through because my father went off on you, then you
are
deciding. You’re deciding for both of us, and I’m right here, looking you dead in
your gorgeous blue eyes and swearing on my life that
you
are what I want. You are what I’ve
always
wanted.
We
are what I want. After having what we’ve had, I can’t imagine seeing you with someone else or letting any other man touch me—”

A low growl erupts from his chest as he hauls me up and into his arms, his lips crashing into mine in a savage kiss that’s all about possession and dominance
and love. There’s so much love here. He cups my ass and pulls me in tight against his erection as my heart soars with hope and more love than I knew was possible to feel.

His hands are under my skirt while his lips continue to devour me in deep, bruising kisses that I’ll feel for days.

A quick knock sounds on the door before it opens. “Hey, Hayden—”

He rips his lips free of mine. “Get the fuck
out and stay out. The next person who comes in here is a dead man.”

“Gotcha.” The door clicks shut again.

“That wasn’t very nice,” I mutter against his lips.

“Fuck being nice. I’d much rather fuck you than be fucking nice.”

“So what’s stopping you?”

Again, that low growl thing he does sets me on fire for him, and our hands collide as we pull at clothes to free the important parts. He lifts
me up and onto his hard cock, and I bite my lip to keep from screaming from the burning ache of his entry.
 

“So tight, so hot, so wet and all mine.”

I cling to him, one arm around his neck, the other hand fisting his hair. “Yes, Hayden, I’m yours. I’m all yours. Always.”

He squeezes my ass cheeks as he lifts me up and drops me back down, forcing me to take all of him.

My head falls back and
my mouth opens on a silent scream as I come instantly. I’m still in the throes of it when my dress clears my head and my bra is released, freeing my breasts to his ravenous mouth. That anyone could walk in here and catch us going at it doesn’t faze me in the least. That’s nothing when stacked up to how close I came to losing him today. I don’t care about anything other than the tight squeeze of
his cock inside me, the rough tug of his mouth on my nipple or the second orgasm that’s about to boil over.

I ride him shamelessly. I want him to feel this every bit as intensely as I do. Judging by his groans and fierce, desperate kisses, he’s feeling it. How could he not? And then I’m coming again, harder than before, and I can’t stop the cry that’s torn from my soul. He covers my mouth with
his, and I’m glad that one of us is concerned about the scandal that’s probably ripping through the Quantum building.
 

I don’t care. I have him, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Nothing, not even my beloved dad, is going to come between us. Not if I have anything to say about it.

I follow Addie up
the stairs to the private plane Flynn chartered to take the Quantum crew to Mexico. We’re all in need of a break after the last few insane months. As of midnight, when I turned in the final cut of
Insidious
, I’m on vacation. The gang is in high spirits as we buckle into our seats for takeoff and order drinks from the poor steward who drew the short straw for this trip. I hope Flynn is taking good
care of him. He’s going to more than earn anything he makes.

In addition to Flynn, Natalie, and myself and Addie, Jasper, Kristian, Sebastian, Marlowe, Leah, Ellie and Emmett have joined the party. It’s like a freaking miracle that all of us could break free at the same time, but for once, the gods of schedules smiled down upon us, and we’ve got a whole week to spend together at Flynn’s awesome
house in Cabo San Lucas, one of my favorite places to unwind.

I’ve been tightly wound since the day Simon York handed me my ass and Addie refused to let me go like she probably should have. Though I’m deeply thankful that she’s made up her mind that her father’s disapproval isn’t going to derail us, I wish I could be so certain.
 

Tucked into a secret compartment in my suitcase is the stunning
ring Hugh and his team created for Addie. The three-carat emerald-cut diamond is flawless, and the platinum setting is one of a kind, just like the woman I love. I debated about the size of the stone, but I wanted her to be able to wear it every day, not just on special occasions. My Addie is endlessly efficient and productive, and she’d hate a big clunky ring that gets in her way. So I settled
for a smaller but still gorgeous stone that I think she’ll love if I can work up the courage to actually ask her.

I hope that’ll happen in Mexico. I’ve had the ring for six days now, and there’s been plenty of opportunity in that time, but something always stops me when I think the moment has come. All my insecurities where she’s concerned come roaring to the surface any time I try to say what
needs to be said to make her mine forever.
 

As the others laugh and talk and guzzle their drinks, I relive those painful moments in Simon’s studio. His words have cut me deep, and the wounds are still open and festering despite Addie’s best efforts to put her special kind of balm on them. I can’t stop thinking about the things he said and the abject hatred that came through in every word. I keep
telling myself all that matters is that
she
loves me. The whole rest of the world can hate my fucking guts for all I care as long as
she
loves me.

If only it were that simple.
 

The plane taxis to the runway, and the ground rushes by as we hurtle lift off into the heavens. Addie’s hand covers mine, and I turn my palm faceup to rub against hers, looking over in time to see her smile at me. Everyone
who works in the Quantum building knows we had wild sex in the editing room last week, but my partners have wisely refrained from comment. Perhaps they can sense how fragile our relationship really is. And it is fragile, despite the $200,000 ring I had made for her, despite the nights we’ve spent together, the love we’ve made. Underneath it all is a fragile foundation that could crumble at any
second.

If I thought the ring could shore up that foundation, I would’ve put it on her finger the night I picked it up from Hugh. But it’s going to take far more than a piece of jewelry or a lifetime commitment to fix this. I heard everything she said that day in the editing room. I heard her say she chooses me over her father, over anyone, and that’s not going to change. I heard what she said,
but I know her. I know how important her father is to her, how essential they’ve been to each other since they lost her mom. I remember their tight bond from the first time I met her, when she came on location with us and tended to Simon like a mother duck while he worked long, grueling hours.
 

A rift between them will lead to a rift between us. I’m as sure of that as I am that the sun will set
tonight in spectacular fashion in Cabo. And therein lies the crux of my dilemma. How do I give her what she says she wants most without costing her a relationship she cherishes?

I can’t get my head around it, no matter how hard I try to see it from all angles.
 

“I thought Aileen was coming with us,” Kristian says when we reach cruising altitude and the steward returns with more drinks.

“She
couldn’t swing it with the kids in school,” Natalie says of her friend in New York who has been battling breast cancer.