Authors: Kristina Royer
Chapter 2
It’s been three hours since Gary and I went got home. But all the memories were in this house—when I first found out that a life was forming inside me was in this very bed, when the three of us were figuring out baby names was in the living room, that moment when Gary painted the room Yellow, and that very moment I lost them. It’s just so hard.
“Babe, you’re sad again.” Gary noticed.
“Please don’t mind me. I just need to deal with this.” I told him.
“I know, but you don’t have to deal with this on your own. I’m here. I will listen to whatever you want to say, you know that.”
I let go a sigh, and it only made my chest grew even way heavier.
“We can do this together.” He added. “That’s what Gareth Aurora or Orlando would’ve wanted for us.”
“Do you think so?” I asked.
“Babe, I know so.”
And just like a miracle, accepting that my child would’ve wanted me to live happily just take off a few loads from my chest. It has given me a bit chance for hope. Maybe it will all get better pretty soon, but I didn’t want it to be easy because the pain was my only reminder that my child has happened.
Feeling that depressed was a healthy sign for me that I didn’t just imagine my baby growing inside my belly. He or she or they were here, and that thought gives me pain and joy at the same time. We didn’t meet, but I loved them the moment I knew about them. I should be able to transform this pain into hundred percent of joy with the help of their memory. I will always try to imagine how they would’ve looked like or were they able to get more genes from me or from their dad.
But regardless of the pain, I promised my child that I would live happily with their father as what they would’ve wanted for me. I’ve decided to take it one step at a time.
“Babe, I’m hungry. Do you want to visit dad at the hotel? We can have dinner there.” Gary asked.
I knew that he was expecting for me to maybe decline or just be sad, so I wanted to surprise him with the idea of me giving my all to be back to the normal me.
“That’d be nice.” I answered him with a weak smile.
His eyes grew bigger, and it was obvious that I’ve caught him off guard, well, through my answer. I wanted to laugh, but I thought it’s too much effort for today. I thought to give it sometime and do it one step at a time.
“Are you sure?” He asked with a smile on his face.
I knew that he was hurting as well, so I wanted to show him some appreciation and gratitude for being strong for me, for putting my own recovery before his feeling. I was going to jump right onto his efforts, and probably make them work as soon as possible, without really rushing things. Yes, it was a weird thought.
“Yeah, dad will be stoked.” I said.
He smiled. “Do you want to get dress now? We can go after an hour.” He suggested
“Okay!” I said, and I stood up at my feet, and I started to make my way to the bathroom. Normal times, he would come up to me inside the bathroom, and he would start something sexy and steamy. But I knew that he knew it wasn’t a good idea for now. I really appreciated his sensitivity to my needs and emotions.
I got myself ready within an hour, and I saw him ready to go as well. I grabbed my pink purse because it matched my light makeup, and I headed towards the direction of the door where he was patiently waiting for me with my coat in his hands.
“Thank you.” I said.
He smiled at me. “Ready?” He asked.
“Yes.”
We headed out of our apartment, and we walked through the hall. For some reason, it felt like this particular step where I fell down as if it has this very strong gravitational force pulling me in. It won’t let me take another step.
It took Gary few seconds to notice it, and his face saddened. He hugged me tightly in the very spot where I lost my child. I felt weaker and weaker as I stayed on it.
“Come on, baby.” He said.
Tears were threatening to fall down from my eyes.
Oh no, not again…
I fought the force, and I took another step. I knew that Gary noticed how hard it was for me, and so he suggested something.
“Babe, I think it’s best if we go back to the hotel. We can just live there.” He suggested.
What?
“What?” I asked him.
He stared down at me, eyeing my reaction to his suggestion.
But I thought he couldn’t handle the—?
“It’ll be fun. Dad’s there. And he won’t have to come over to see us. We’ll be a floor away from him.” He reasoned.
Right… but what about you? Do you want to go back there?
“But you said you’re not comfortable living—”
“Baby, that was months ago…” He said with a smile. “I like having dad around. You know I grew up without a father.”
Right! I had to think about it first. I knew exactly the reason why he’s suggesting it…
Well, maybe he knew that every corner of the whole place was reminding me of our loss.
It’s very sweet and sensitive of him to sacrifice his own happiness and comfort for my fast, but I can’t do that to him.
I looked hesitant because I was indeed hesitating to do that to him, so he went on and cleared all my thoughts and fears away. “I also want us to live with dad. I know complete family is what you need now. There’s Alma’s chocolate cake, and your bed. Remember that bed?” He was indeed trying so hard.
But in a way, I was glad that he genuinely wanted to move back to my pent and live with dad. I felt very lucky despite of my loss. Still, I had things to be thankful for, but my loss with my child will always eat up too much space of my heart… even after I got fully recovered.
“Are you sure?” I asked him.
He nodded with so much excitement in his face. “Yeah, I’ll be the one to break the news to him. I’m excited to his reaction.” He sounded so fond of my father, which was the best thing, well, second to my pregnancy and being with Gary.
“Okay…” I said.
“Okay?” He asked with a grin.
“Okay!”
*****
Couple of minutes later, we’re breaking the news to dad during the dessert. Yes, we had Alma’s chocolate cake, and it was good. I felt like I haven’t eaten in days.
As expected, dad was so thrilled to have us back. And to be honest, I thought Gary’s reaction and all were very genuine. So maybe it was supposed to be a good idea.
“Baby, do you want to pursue Paris?” Out of the nowhere, I blurted out the idea.
My dad and Gary were both looking at me as if I just told Gary to break up.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
“I’m sorry. I’m fine. I just thought maybe you want to continue our plans from where we left off.” I said.
All I wanted was two things. One, I want to lessen their worries about me. And two, I want Gary to heal as well. And I thought Paris would make him busy. Besides, I think weekends in Paris with him might somehow make things meaningful. I mean, why else was it happening to us if the Highest Providence doesn’t have a plan for us?
“What? I just suggested that? I also want to spend weekends somewhere else.” I explained myself with a sweet smile on my face. Was it a fake one? Yes, it was.
“Are you sure, hija?” Dad asked.
I nodded. Few more nods and maybe I could convince them, so I kept nodding.
“Easy.” Gary said. “Your face might fall off, baby.”
I frowned. “Yes, I’m sure.” I answered them.
“Well, you can still make it to this semester.” Dad said.
Gary stared at me, trying to gauge if I was lying to him or what. “How about you, can you be alone?” He asked.
Awww… He’s always thinking of my welfare above everything…
I felt that he also wanted to go. Maybe he thought it’s the best for the both of us as I will always so be busy at work here. I figured if I make myself so busy at work would fulfill what my child would’ve wanted for me.
“Honey, I’ll be working here, besides, I have dad and Alma. Come weekends, I’ll be with you.” I said. “Actually Friday, right, dad?”
Dad nodded. “You can leave as early as Friday, and then go home by Monday.” He said. “Practically, you’ll be working from Tuesdays to Thursdays only.”
Wow! I’m just so lucky.
But I knew it was only during the time being while Gary is away for his schooling.
It’s only going to be just for a year…
What could possibly go wrong?
“It’s settled then. I’ll have everything ready for your departure, hijo.” He said. “Kristina, you might want to spend the first two weeks with Gary there. Come back here after for work. You two go have a vacation.” Dad generously said.
Best idea ever!
“Yeah, I agree, dad.” I said. “What do you think, babe?” I asked Gary.
“Yeah, okay.” He answered with a grin. “Thanks, dad…”
Dad smiled to us, and he made sure we’ll see that he’s happy for the both of us. He held his champagne glass. “But first, I want to give a toast for Gareth Aurora/Orlando. Even as quick as 27 weeks, they gave us overflowing joy.” He said.
I smiled weakly at him, held my glass and offered our child a toast. I knew it’s not supposed to be a celebration, but they deserve our appreciation and love, so what the heck. We celebrated their existence even just for a short while.
Chapter 3
We’ve decided to spend the night at the pent. Besides, we could move out of that apartment as soon as we can, we can just hire movers to go get our stuff for us. So we figured, ‘why not move now?’
I’ve missed the pent. It’s more familiar here, although I will always cherish our own little apartment. It will always have a special place in my heart. I just couldn’t bear live there at the moment.
“Baby…” Gary called out my attention.
It has interrupted my daydreaming/constant check of happiness.
“Yes?”
“Are you really serious about sending to me Paris this soon?” He asked.
I smiled at him. “Yes, I am.” I validated his thoughts. “I need a vacation, and we both need to go own with our together.” I told him.
He smiled back at me. “Okay, as you say so.”
“You should be ready because dad can fix everything in no time.” I said.
And before he could even say a word, my in-house telephone rang.
It’s dad.
“Hola, dad…” I greeted my old man.
“Oh, okay... I knew it.” I said after few seconds. “I’ll tell him…” I smiled. “Okay, I love you. Have a good night, dad!”
I turned to face Gary. “See? I told you he can get us there quick. We’ll leave the day after tomorrow so we better start packing, most especially, you.” I informed him.
Gary’s eyes grew wider in shock. His jaws were nearly on the floor.
I know, right?
“That’s crazy fast!”
“I know.” I said with a stupid grin. “Start packing up.” I suggested to him.
We’ve spent the last three hours packing up his stuff, and then mine. For some reasons, I have packed twice as he did, and I was only going there for two weeks and he’s supposed to be there for a year!
How did that even happen?
Things have changed, plans have been changed and we’re both growing together and as individuals. He made me realize that my life has finally completed with him. He’s something I can never lose, so I was set to live with him forever. A year, no, every whole weekday for a whole year is not going to change anything between the two of us. I was determined to make sure of that.
“Wow. Baby, you’re plan is a bit obvious.” Gary started teasing me.
I grinned. “What plan?”
“You’re not going to leave Paris, are you?” He asked.
What? Why? How can he tell? I meant, what was his reference for saying that?
“What do you mean?” I asked him, feeling and looking equal parts confused and amused.
“Well, you’ve packed clothes for a whole year.” He teased.
OH, that!
I laughed so hard. “Oh, no… baby, these are just for two weeks.” I corrected him.
He looked terribly surprised. It’s been fun surprising him lately, but this one was actually exceptional because my laugh was real. Not that I forgot about my loss, god no, I don’t think it’s ever going to happen anytime soon. But I was able to cope with the pain, and be thankful with the other blessing I’ve still got. I thought it’s very important to do so. In a way, I won’t lose everything.
“Go get some rest, honey.” He ordered.
“Let’s go to bed?” I asked him.
“Come on.” He flashed his sweetest smile on me.
It’s fourteen minutes past two in the morning, and we’re both exhausted.
*****
“Good morning, kids.” Dad greeted us sweetly.
I reciprocated his smile. “Morning, daddy…” I kissed his forehead.
“Good morning, dad.” Gary greeted him, and he also kissed his head.
My old man was obviously gladdened by this gesture. I swear, sometimes, Gary’s more of a child to my dad than I was.
“Come on, let’s eat!” Dad invited us to eat with him.
Gary pulled a dining chair for me, and I sat down. Once we’re both settled, we started talking about how we’re very much excited to go to Paris.
Dad sounded so excited for us as well. But no matter how hard we try to keep the conversation happy and alive, we still can’t help but bring up the topic about our loss. It’s very depressing and heartbreaking at the same time. But lucky for me, I have two men who were more than willing to help me get over. They’re my angel.
“I’m excited to check out the school.” Gary has opened up another topic.
“I’ll try to visit you within the week. By the way, you both know my assistant very well, he’ll come with you to Paris, lead you to your house, and he will give you instruction on how you can get your biweekly allowance, okay?” Dad generously asked.
I glanced up at Gary, and he was obviously overwhelmed.
“By the way, your new stuff will be waiting for you in your house. Make sure to you use everything fully well as the house belongs to the both of you. The lease was on both your name.” Dad added.
Okay, now I’m overwhelmed.
“Dad, don’t you think it’s too much?” Gary asked.
Dad smirked at Gary. “I’m investing on my future son-in-law, that’s nothing.” Dad said.
Dad! You’re making me bluish.
But I think Gary blushed more. It’s so cute.
“Thanks, dad…” He said.
I flashed my old man my ever sweetest smile. He deserved it. He’s the best dad ever. And Gary’s the best boyfriend ever. I swear, if he’ll ask me to marry him, I’ll be the perfect wife.
Although I was already acting as if I’m his wife, it’s still different being his actual wife. I’ll give him my special loving.
“Let me just give you a tip, though, hijo.” Dad started another topic.
Gary focused his attention to dad as if he was about to tell him where to find such big vault of treasure.
“She’s always right. She’s never wrong. Never disagree.” Dad teased the both of us.
“Noted, dad… I’ll always keep that in mind.” Gary answered with a grin.
“Know all these tips by heart, and you guys will be just fine.” Dad teased him more.
They both laughed, I blushed.
Okay, guys…. Change the topic, please.