Rag Doll (5 page)

“Why are you helping me?”

“I’m helping me. I want to get back on top.”

“She doesn’t want to be saved.” Her voice was barely audible. “I keep trying.”

“Then we’ll try again.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “You’ve touched something in here.” He tapped his finger to his heart. “I haven’t felt much lately. It’s nice to feel things again.”

She recognized that feeling. Her heart had been empty for too long.

If he knew the truth…if he knew she was a common hooker before she worked at the truck stop…no, don’t panic. He didn’t reel when he found out about Cree. He said he wanted to help
.

Trust. She wasn’t sure if she trusted him. Was it pity? She didn’t need his pity. Was he trying to be her friend, her mentor, or would he use her? What did he want?

“Why don’t we finish up and get something to eat?” Graham turned and walked back to the room set up as a studio. “Is your sister okay?”

“He hurt her. I went to see her before I came here.” She couldn’t talk. The words got stuck in her throat.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s an ugly life. There’s pain and heartache. You’re numb, and there’s nobody to trust.” She wasn’t even talking to him anymore. He could tell she was lost in her thoughts. Her eyes were vacant. “I never wanted this. I just wanted to get out. I didn’t think it would happen like this. I didn’t know what else to do. We needed food, money, a place to sleep.” She snapped out of the daze she’d fallen into. Rubbing her face with her forearm, she dried the isolated tears that fell.

“Get out of what?” He asked gently, not wanting to frighten her.

“I need to use the bathroom.” She left, not answering his questions. If he thought he’d soften her, he was mistaken. She couldn’t afford to get soft. Not until she got her sister out. When she returned, ice was back in her eyes. She’d shut down. He knew she was different. The hurt in her eyes was gone. All that was left was vacancy.

“Why don’t you change? We’ll go get a bite to eat.”

She shook her head a little. “I’m not hungry. In fact, I think I’m going to go home. I can come back tomorrow.”

“Stick around and have some food with me.” It was more a statement than a request. “You need to eat.”

Kendle shrugged. Going behind the screen, she changed back into her own clothes. As she turned around, he was standing there, too close. Kendle gasped, not expecting him to be there. “How long were you there?”

Graham reached up to stroke her cheek. “You’re beautiful.”

Kendle turned her cheek away. “I should go.”

Graham sighed. “Very well.”

She didn’t know what she expected, but that wasn’t it. “You’re not going to stop me?”

“Do you want me to?”

“That’s a loaded question.”

“Is it?”

She didn’t know what to say. She obviously wasn’t a prisoner here. It was a comfortable place. He wanted to feed her, said he’d help save her sister. What did he really want in return? A lover? A model? A pet? She couldn’t read him. One minute he was about climbing to the top, and talking about the past. The next, he was tender and wanting to touch her.

She didn’t like to be touched. Not anymore. Not after her father, not after paying customers, and certainly not now. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want to make you a star.”

“Is that all?”

He looked into her eyes. “I don’t know. There’s something about you that draws me in.”

Kendle felt uncomfortable. “This isn’t what I bargained for.”

“And yet, you haven’t left.”

“You said you’d help me. I need to save my sister.”

Graham smiled. “Then stay and have dinner with me, and we’ll talk. Tell me more about her situation.”

“Only for her, nothing more.”

“Understood.”

They found themselves in the kitchen. “I’m not much of a cook, though I’ve got an extensive stash of take-out menus.”

Kendle got up. “May I?” She stood before the fridge and opened it. “It’s full. If you don’t cook, who does?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes I hire somebody to cook for me.”

“Only sometimes?”

“I like my privacy, what can I say?”

Kendle scanned the fridge and freezer. “How about steak and asparagus?”

“Sounds delightful.”

Kendle pulled out the ingredients she needed and got to work. She poked around finding where everything was located. “I used to cook when my mom had to work late,” she explained.

“Where is she now?” he asked, wanting to learn more about her.

“Who?”

“Your mom.”

Kendle responded without hesitation. “She’s dead. So is my father.”

Graham’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. When did they die? Were you and your sister orphans? Is that why…”

Kendle choked on her words. “They aren’t really dead. They’re just dead to me.”

“Oh, I see.”

“We’ve been on our own for a few years,” she explained.

“Do you want to tell me more?”

She shook her head slightly. “Not especially.”

“What about your sister?” Graham asked. He couldn’t help her if he didn’t know what was going on.

“She says she’s not ready to leave the lifestyle. I don’t know how to convince her.”

Graham frowned. “Why does she stay? Is she afraid of that man?”

“No. He doesn’t frighten her, he only hurts her.”

“I don’t understand.”

Kendle tried to explain in a way he would understand. “She doesn’t want to stop, because it helps her stay numb. Being numb is her escape.”

Graham wanted to know more, wanted to pry, but knew to let Kendle drip the words out a bit at a time. When she wasn’t facing him, as she cooked, she opened up and talked more. Facing him, being confronted, she froze up.

“What is she escaping from?”

“The past.” She wasn’t ready to tell him more.

“I see. Do you need help over there
?”

“No.”

“How can I help your sister?”

“I don’t know if you can. I want to get her in therapy. I’m only doing this to make enough money to help my sister. Or at least get her inside. She won’t move inside.”

“What? What do you mean, inside?” It was a foreign language to him. 

“I’ve said too much.” She turned her attention back to her cooking.

“Don’t stop now. I want to help.”

“Can you help? I don’t know if you can.” There was sadness in the realization. She turned around and faced Graham. “Can we change the topic?”

“Sure.” Her eyes, her beautiful eyes... He wanted to kiss her cheeks, tenderly stroke her hair, and tell her it would be okay. He’d make things right. How could he be falling for her so quickly? It wasn’t his intention, and yet every time he looked into her face he wanted to save her.

This was insane. He barely knew the girl, but he certainly knew himself and the patterns he could never escape. He had some weird rescue syndrome going on, a woman in distress, and he could come to the rescue looking like a hero. But when everything was better, he’d lose interest. This wasn’t about the girl. They’d barely spoken. This was about his need to rescue her. Graham forced himself to put things in perspective.
Don’t fall for someone for the wrong reasons. She’s much too young, and she’s got tons of baggage. She’s the stepping stone you need to get to the top. Don’t lose sight of the top.

Kendle set the food on the table, and they sat to eat. “I’m not sure I can stay for the full week. I feel out of place. I’d like to go home.”

Graham nodded. “Give it another day. If you still feel uncomfortable, we’ll drop you off and pick you up. We have a lot of work to do, though. I’ll be sending your shots out to a couple of contacts, and we’ll need to teach you a few ways to move. How do you feel about cosmetic procedures?”

She raised her brows in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Chemical peels, teeth whitening, laser hair removal…”

“Is it necessary?”

Graham shrugged. “Not at this point, but it could be helpful.”

“I’d prefer not to do anything like that for now.” She looked down, not sure how she’d pay for it. She figured he’d pick up the expense, but she didn’t want to owe him. Was she really ready to be displayed on a print ad or a billboard somewhere? Would she wear clothes for a catalog? The idea of modeling felt alien to her. He was saying it was real, it could happen, she had something special, but were they just words? She didn’t feel special.

“I think you should be open to it.”

“I think you’re pushy.” She glared at him.

He said nothing, and met her stare. “You’re a tad ungrateful for this opportunity. I pluck you out of nowhere, and am offering you the moon and stars. You could at least be a little more grateful and willing to help yourself.”

She stared at the man, and then stood. “I think I should go.” She hated confrontation.

“Kendle, sit down.” His voice was firm.

“You don’t own me,” she snapped.

He shook his head. “You’re cagey and untamed. Go on and live your drab little life. One day you’ll look back on this and realize you threw away the best thing that would have ever happened to you.”

She didn’t know what to say. A deep sigh pushed out. Kendle dropped back into her chair.

“I’m glad you’ve changed your mind.”

“I’m here for my sister.”

“Don’t you want this?”

“I want to crawl into a crack in the wall and fade away. I want to be invisible, not splashed in the pages of a magazine. I don’t want people looking at me, and you want me to be vibrant and be seen. It goes against everything inside of me. And yet, the chance for a better life, the chance to have enough money to hire a lawyer, the chance to help my sister…” Kendle stood and walked to the counter, turning her back to Graham. “I don’t know who I am anymore, but I don’t want to be who I used to be either.”

Graham stood and went to her side. Hesitantly he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Let me help you.”

She turned to look at him, and gave a small nod.

Graham risked placing his hand under her chin, lifting her face toward him. “It’s going to be okay.” He’d save her. He’d step in and rescue her from her demons. He had to. He wanted to. He needed her to be okay. It broke him up inside seeing the pain in her eyes.

She didn’t want to remember. Every time a memory cropped up, it pulled her under the dark waters of fear and loathing. Drowning, aching to breathe, she longed for air. Sleeping in the new environment, a spare bedroom at Graham’s house, felt different. She tossed and turned, but after a few hours she finally fell into a troubled, fitful sleep.

Thrashing under the sheets, she kicked and struggled. He was back on her, and then her sister. The visions were real, the pain unbearable. She woke and quickly scanned her surroundings. Where was she? Finally coming out of the spiral, she recognized the room and remembered she was at Graham’s penthouse.

Getting up, she padded to the kitchen to get a drink. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t want to be alone. She wasn’t going to wake her host, that much was certain. She paced the long hallway, and curled up on a chair in the living room. Unsettled, she got up and paced some more, and drawn to not be alone, she curled up in a ball in front of his door. Pulling her knees to her chest, she rested her head on the hardwood floor. She could hear him snoring softly from beneath the door. She drifted back into a light sleep.

Opening the door, he almost tripped over the girl in the morning. She woke, startled and embarrassed to have been found.

“What are you doing here?” He was surprised to see her there.

Kendle sat and pressed her back to the wall. Graham slid down the wall and sat beside her. He said nothing for a f
ew moments, hoping she’d start, and then finally asked. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize, but I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“A bad dream. It’s nothing, really. I guess I just didn’t want to be alone.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

She looked away. “I don’t know. I’m not used to leaning on people. I don’t share my feelings well these days.”

“I’ve noticed. I’d like to be your friend, if you’ll let me.” His visions of her modeling and taking him to the top were fading, and images of holding her and keeping her safe were growing. They could do both, but he knew his feelings would get in the way. All he’d ever wanted was to be back at the top…and yet those visions were clouded at the moment, seeing the fragile woman beside him.

Graham cautiously raised his arm and placed it over her shoulder, leaning her toward him. She was stiff under his touch, but let him guide her to his shoulder. Resting her head, she closed her eyes again. His empathy was comforting, his reassurance helped, but Kendle knew she would fight herself tooth and nail before she’d let him in.

She didn’t have the words to tell him what happened. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Words wouldn’t change the past. The only thing she could change was the future. If should could help pull her sister from her misery, maybe she’d redeem herself. Maybe then she could forgive herself for not acting sooner, for not stopping him before he could touch her.

“Do you drink coffee? Why don’t we make some breakfast.” He saw how she relaxed in the kitchen the night before. Maybe she would tell him more about what was going on.

She nodded and followed him.

“Will you let me help you?”

“I don’t know how.” She paused. “You just met me, why do you want to help?”

He shrugged. “Because I can, and I like you.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond. He barely knew her.

“I’d like to get to know you better,” he added.

“Why?”

“We’ll be working together…” He knew it was more than that. He wanted to know her in the biblical sense. He wanted to move with her body, within her, connect to her, and he didn’t have any idea why the urge was so strong. It took him off guard when he realized it. He wasn’t looking for a relationship; he was looking for a stepping stone. Could she be both?

“How did your sister get involved in that lifestyle?”

Kendle froze. She didn’t want to answer, couldn’t. It was too close to her. “I don’t think I can talk about this stuff. Look, it was just a bad dream. I’m okay now.”

“Right… why don’t we finish up here and clean up? I’ve got some things lined up for us today. I have some contacts and want to network a bit. But before I do that, I want a couple more shots to add to your portfolio. An old friend owes me a favor, and I might be able to get you started sooner than you realize.”

“I have to go back to work in a few days,” she reminded him.

“If this catches, you won’t be working there anymore.”

“But Stavros…he took me in.” How could she just abandon him after all the help he’d given her? How could Graham not understand that?

“You’ll have a new life, a better one. If the man cares about you, he’ll want you to succeed. I’ve got a connection that may move things quickly. It can be a whirlwind. Once you’re in the business, it’s easy to get swept up. You’ll be busier than you know, or you’ll drop like a lead balloon. Destiny will carry you along, but with the right set up, you’ll have a good shot at catching. Clarisse has a good eye for these things, and she agreed with me, you have that something special that stands out.”

“I don’t know if I can handle a busy lifestyle. I’m a waitress. I live in a motel. My life…my history…” She trailed off.

“Will you tell me?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think I can.”

“Will you try?”

She looked away.

“You came to me last night, looking for comfort. I found you sleeping in front of my bedroom door. You obviously need to feel safe.”

“The words are hard to get out,” she explained.

“One word at a time, it’s all it takes. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you’re struggling with.”

“My sister,” she closed her eyes. “We used to work together.”

“With Stavros? Did he do something?”

“No. On the street.” The shiver started in her arms and then shook her body. Wrapping her arms across her chest, she spit the truth out.

“Oh.”

“See? You’re judging me already,” she said defensively.

“I’m not judging.”

“You didn’t expect it.”

“Did you know I was once a drug addict?” He said the words without thinking. “I threw my entire career away. Trust me, I’m not judging. We all make choices, some good, some not so great.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

He looked at her.

Kendle’s voice got quieter. “It wasn’t a choice, it was survival.”

“Tell me more.” His words were soft, soothing.

“We had nowhere to go. We had no money. We would have starved.”

He frowned. “Why didn’t you go to a shelter?”

“We didn’t trust anyone, either.”

“Why?”

“When you can’t trust your own family, who can you trust?” The words stung coming out, like metal jagged edges scratching at her throat. “Anyway, I don’t want to do this. I can’t.”

“We’ll try again later, okay?”

She shrugged. “We’ll see.”

“Why don’t you clean up, and I’ll meet you in the studio in a bit. I’ve got a few contacts I want to take care of.”

A piece of him wanted to ride into town, to scoop up her sister, and bring her here. Would bringing her here be a mistake? Or would it help? He’d think on it some more, and maybe broach the topic with Kendle.

But then what would he do? He couldn’t be responsible for these girls forever. It wasn’t his job. He wasn’t a hero, and there would be more trouble than he wanted. And this weird Franco character she spoke of…who knows what he was capable of. Maybe all of this was a mistake, more complicated that it needed to be.

He wanted to force himself back toward his goal of stepping up, being at the top, but Kendle was slowly creeping into his mind, clouding everything else. Now it was Kendle he wanted.

The way to Kendle’s heart was obviously through her sister. He was pretty sure of it. He’d have to save her to capture the woman that was slowly capturing him. Why? Why did he have to get involved? Why did he want to know more? Why couldn’t he focus on the drive to the top?

What he thought he wanted more than anything was his fame back, but what he was finding was something terribly different. He wanted somebody to believe in him, even if that meant only one person.

Graham found his way to his office and turned on his laptop. He wanted to drop a line to Ultimate Magazine. Their annual fresh, new faces edition would be coming to print soon enough. If he could squeeze Kendle in there, it would break open a world of opportunity. It’s just that people weren’t really chosen based on some fabulous criteria. You had to buy and bribe your way in. Everyone in the loop knew the deal. Sure, one or two would be pulled from popularity, but the rest were agents fighting to get their clients in, favors passed on, and money changing hands.

He had the money, but with his reputation tarnished, he knew he’d have to dig deep to get them interested. They barely put his calls through anymore, but he had one final ace in the hole. He knew a very tidy bit of information about somebody on the inside. He found out at a party way back when. The drugs, things happened, and one very married man experimented with a lifestyle choice his wife knew nothing about. He hated to use this slimy bit of gossip, but if it got him back in the door, he wouldn’t hesitate. He’d waited until he was certain he’d found “the girl” that would make it worth his time.

He’d get her in, he was sure of it. But he’d lose the contact from that point on. When he sent the message, he didn’t expect it to bounce back. He thought…Graham quickly scanned the contact to make sure there wasn’t a typo. Jumping to the site, he scanned through the list of editors and top contacts. Justin’s name was gone. He no longer held the position. Damn. He didn’t know. His loophole had just closed.

What now? He certainly didn’t want to pander Mick Franklin. Shit. He was his only other in, but Mick and Graham had history. This wouldn’t go over well. What’s the point? He’d have to try another past contact. Mick still held a grudge. Who could blame him? Graham was quite destructive in his drug use, and stepped on one too many people.

He’d have to call Clarisse and see if she’d call in a favor. She believed in Kendle, right? Or was she just telling him what he wanted to hear? Graham dropped his head into his hands. He just needed a shot. He’d burned so many bridges. Damn the drugs. They ruined his life. He thought they were everything fun and wonderful, but they cost him money, friends, and his reputation.

Standing up, he headed down the hallway to meet up with Kendle. She was coming from the bathroom, her hair wet, a towel wrapped around her lithe body. He couldn’t look away. She was beautiful. She was everything he wanted at this moment. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, help her dry her body, and brush her hair behind her shoulder so he could tenderly kiss her neck. He wanted to taste her salty skin and feel his hardness deep inside of her. Instead, he turned around and offered her privacy.

“I’m sorry, bad timing.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.” She dashed into her room to put on some clothes. Kendle’s heart raced.  What was that? Why was she so anxious? She’d been naked in front of the camera the other day, but this time it was different.

Graham stood in the hallway. He wanted to knock. He wanted to touch her. He turned around instead, and went to the studio.

She’d been shut down for so long that it was hard to open up. She wasn’t sure what he wanted from her, but she was starting to see he wasn’t the enemy. Maybe she could talk to him, air out some baggage, try to heal her mind a little. It would be nice to talk to somebody. The only person she truly talked to was her sister. Even Stavros only got bits and piece. She felt like a scamp, someone he picked up on the street. Her self-worth slid down into the sewers years ago, and lingered below the city somewhere. She wasn’t sure she even had any left.

Kendle wrapped the towel from her body around her hair, squeezing out excess water. The towel was soft and plush. The towels at the motel she stayed at were scratchy and hard, smelling of too much bleach. It was such a simple luxury, a soft towel, but it was one she treasured.

Pulling on her clothes, she padded down the hallway to the studio where Graham was waiting. “Hey.” Her hair was still wet, and as she combed her fingers through, she couldn’t help but notice how he looked at her. “What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“What are we doing today?”

“I’d like to get a couple more headshots and round out your portfolio. I’d like to do stark black and white portraits.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“In fact, let’s take a few with your hair like that, wet and finger combed.”

“Like this?” She scrunched her nose, amused at the thought.

He smiled. “I find when you’re at your most basic, raw level, the camera loves you. It’s intoxicating to see you through the lens.”

Kendle blushed and looked down.

She had a little more spark today. It was as if her guard was dropping the slightest bit. She was learning to trust him. It made a difference in how she spoke to the camera. She was more engaged with it this time… or maybe with the man behind the camera.

Graham snapped some shots, and then put the camera down. He couldn’t help himself. He walked up to her, his hand cupping the side of her face, and pulling her closer, he kissed her lips.