Radiance (4 page)

Unwilling to question the warmth and physical contact her best friends had inspired her to crave, she pressed her body more firmly against his. 

Harper’s kiss made her wonder what else he could show her.  She stopped the train of thought and broke the kiss. 

Gray eyes that seemed darker with his passion stared into hers.  “Ten months, Gabriella.  Then
nothing
will stop me from discovering if the rest of you is as addictive.” 

Planting kisses along her jaw, he whispered at her ear, “Get better quickly.  Let me know if there’s anything you need.” 

Returning to her lips, he kissed her again roughly.  With a final hug, he lowered her gently into her chair and held her face in his palms. 

For a long time, they stared at one another in silence.  “I understand Winters’ protectiveness toward you.” 

“Okay.”  Her mind was in chaos.

“Rest, Gabriella.”  It was no less than an order.

Harper left and she caught a glimpse of Elijah in the hallway before the door closed and locked behind them. 

To her empty apartment, she muttered, “Oh shit.” 

* * *

Elijah felt as if he’d stumbled from a dark cave into full sunlight.  Brie was spectacular. 

As Harper exited her apartment, he saw the shell-shocked expression on her face and knew he’d kissed her. 

“She agreed to an arrangement when she’s released from medical care,” he said smugly as they stepped into the elevator.

Frowning, Elijah stared at him.  “After all she said to us, you seek nothing more than
sex
from her?” 

It made his blood boil.

“What
else
would I seek, Elijah?”  He shook his head.  “She makes you behave like a lovesick teenager.”  Their eyes met as he stilled.  “I…didn’t mean that.” 

“Yes.  You did.”  He faced forward.  “I seek more than sex from Brie.  You’re fixated on keeping score with Winters.” 

“I want to know
why
he guards her so fiercely.” 

Once inside Harper’s apartment, he answered, “It’s because she’s kind and giving.  She set a chain of events in motion that made him see Natalia as he was meant to see her.” 

At the door to his room, he added, “He guards her because she does not guard
herself
and he knows the world is harsh and unforgiving of gentleness.” 

Alone, he removed the sketch Brie did and smiled. 

There was no doubt he wanted her sexually…but she offered so much more. 

When Hudson entered her apartment several hours later, Brie sat staring at the sculpture. 

“You’re alright?”  His tone told her he’d waited as long as he could to check on her.

She nodded but didn’t meet his eyes.  “Off balance but okay.”  Over the hours she’d been staring at the whale, she’d found so many lovely little details she hadn’t noticed.  “Hudson?”

“Yes, Brie?” 

“I don’t think I’m strong enough.” 

He lowered to the couch beside her and lifted her hand.  “You were strong enough for me.” 

Meeting his eyes, she whispered, “You’re just
different
.  I know you don’t believe it when I tell you but…you’re gentle.  Once I got past the sharp exterior, it was so easy to see.  You would
never
hurt me.” 

“I hurt you, Brie.” 

“Never intentionally, never to be mean.” 

For a long moment, he stared into her eyes.  “You’re afraid?” 

“Terrified.” 

“Tell me why.” 

Swallowing hard, she said, “It would have been so easy for someone like me to fall in love with both of you, Hudson.  I knew early not to get attached romantically.  I was careful because I knew I
had
to be.  No two people belong together like you and Natalia.” 

She closed her eyes.  “I don’t know why it seems harder
already
to maintain the same detachment in this.  Harper seems to barely
like
me but Elijah…good lord.” 

“Darling, he’s Hudson without
me
.”  Natalia closed the door quietly and walked across the room to sit on the coffee table.  She held Brie’s other hand.  “Hudson is everything you need in your life and you admire him,
love him
, deeply.”

She nodded.  “It sounds bad, I know.” 

Her best friend’s fiancée stroked her face.  “Not even a little.  You think I don’t understand?” 

“It’s hard for
me
to understand.  I don’t know how
you
do.” 

“There have been times over the past twenty years, periods when Hudson was otherwise occupied, when I
felt
his draw, Gabriella.”  Shocked, she processed the information.  “He’s the
only
other man who ever could have tempted me.” 

Staring at Hudson, Brie realized the confession came as no surprise to him.  His black eyes held hers resolutely. 

Tilting her head, she considered before looking back at one of the smartest women she’d ever known. 

Gathering her courage, she said, “I want my
own
Hudson.” 

“Naturally, darling.  Who wouldn’t?” 

Frowning, she asked, “That…doesn’t make me seem like an awful person?” 

“You know
exactly
what you want.  You allowed yourself to gain the knowledge that will keep you from settling for less than you deserve.  You’re well ahead of the majority of the female population.”  She winked.  “I’ve always found Hudson to be an outstanding example of the male species.  I never understood why he wasn’t tackled in the street.” 

The imagery made Brie laugh.  “He’s so good with women.  Can you imagine his conflicting reaction?”  One side of his mouth lifted in a smile.  “Hudson?” 

“Yes, Gabriella?” 

“You set the bar
really
high in regards to men.  If he doesn’t meet your level of awesome, I’m going to fuck him up.” 

Standing, Hudson bent to kiss the top of her head.  “You’re not the only one.”  Straightening, he announced, “You need to eat.  We’ll talk more at dinner.” 

* * *

An hour later, they were settled in a quiet corner of one of her favorite little bistros. 

When their drinks were delivered, she murmured, “He kissed me.”  Glancing up, she inhaled carefully.  “Harper kissed me.”

Natalia sat back with a smile.  “To be honest, I’d be surprised if he hadn’t.  You have incredible lips and he’s not a man to allow such an opportunity to pass him by.”  Brie giggled nervously.  “How did you feel after?” 

“Like a demolition site.” 

“Hmm.  That’s promising.”  Folding her hands in her lap, Natalia asked carefully, “What about Elijah?” 

“He’s more
dangerous
but the gentler of the two men, I think.  That doesn’t seem exactly right but…I feel as if he’s been instructed to
manage
me somehow.” 

Thinking back, she added, “Kind of like the way you soothed me after my first Christmas here in New York.” 

Glancing away from the table at a painting across the way, she let her mind play over her interaction with the two men.  “Elijah said h-he’d…wait for me.  It made me feel amazing.”

Hudson met her eyes.  “He wants you badly.” 

She nodded.  “Harper told me he couldn’t love me.”

“Such an unmitigated
ass
,” Natalia murmured.

“Elijah admitted that he
could
and I believe him.  I’m drawn to him in an almost agitated way.  I can’t figure out what it is.”  Frowning, she mused, “The love of one wouldn’t be enough and it would cause a rift between them.  I’m
sure
of it.” 

“Women have never received the love of either man.  Perhaps they think to compromise.”  Natalia sipped her wine. 

“I want it all.  I think…there’s
something
.  It has to be both.”

Her friends were quiet for a long moment.  “Did you make your position clear, darling?” 

“I thought I did but…then I didn’t stick to it.” 

Natalia’s eyes widened.  “What
exactly
did you agree to?” 

Taking a deep breath, she explained, “That I would entertain a sexual relationship with them and guard my heart, as I did during my time with you.” 

“Oh, shit,” Natalia breathed.

“Yeah, I realized the error after the kiss and everything.  To be honest, if I’d gotten the kiss
first
, I probably wouldn’t have had enough functioning brain cells to make a different choice.” 

Hudson leaned his arm on the table.  “You
cannot
be a sexual arrangement for them, Gabriella.  You lack the mercenary gene.  Your heart will end up shredded.” 

“I thought I could remain distant, like I did before.”  She shrugged.  “Then he kissed me and I knew I’d messed up.” 

Looking down at the table, she admitted, “I appear to have something of a weak spot for people who scare me a little bit.” 

Hudson laughed.  “Gabriella.”  She looked up with a sigh.  “It will be alright.  I’ll make sure of it.” 

“You can’t.  The two of you are combative on good days.  You have to let me stumble through this one on my own.  Just, you know, don’t be surprised at some of my questions or weird ramblings as I work some shit out.”

“Do you have any questions right now?” 

Something about the way Natalia asked made the hair stand up on the back of her neck. 

“I can’t ask you specifics.  No matter how curious I am or how much I want to know, it wouldn’t be right.  All of you have history and I’m not going to fuck that up.” 

The server set her plate in front of her and Brie met Hudson’s eyes.  “I’d like to keep my excellent record.” 

“I suggest you see how it unfolds.  You’re stronger than you think, Gabriella.” 

“I hope so.”  Picking up her fork, she stabbed a piece of lobster ravioli.  “Enough about me.  Fill me in on
your
day.” 

“Hudson suspended me from the ceiling and whipped my ass.” 

She laughed so hard she almost choked.  “Your day was
way
more interesting.”  Waving her hand, she said, “Continue.”

“We bought dinnerware.” 

Stunned to complete silence, Brie stared back and forth between them.  “Stop it.  Seriously?” 

“True story.” 

“Can I
see
it?” 

Hudson stated, “You’ll be our first dinner guest.” 

Taking a sip of her wine, Natalia winked.  “It’s so refreshing that talk of fine china gets more of a response than flogging.  I can’t explain how much I adore you for that.” 

Grinning, Brie quipped, “You get spanked on the daily but
dinnerware
is a once in a
lifetime
kind of thing.” 

For two hours, they talked and laughed together.  Any evening in their company was time well spent. 

When they escorted her home, she hugged them hard.  “Thank you for dinner and always being honest with me.”  Hudson kissed her forehead and Natalia gave her a smacking kiss on the mouth.  “See you tomorrow.” 

Only when the door closed behind them did she let her smile drop from her face. 

Nights were always harder.

It was close to midnight when someone knocked softly on Brie’s door.  Using her walker, she opened it, stunned to see Elijah on the other side.  Harper was nowhere in sight. 

“Are you okay?” 

“What an interesting question.  You’re a kind person, Brie.”

“Thank you.”  Her confusion grew.

“I thought if you were asleep, knocking quietly wouldn’t wake you.  I’m always up late.  I don’t sleep much.  I thought I’d play for you.”  He held out the violin case he’d partially concealed behind his body. 

A huge smile broke over her face.  “I’d
love
that.  Please come in.”  She led the way to her kitchen and he closed her door.  “Did you eat?”

“Earlier.” 

“Are you hungry?” 

He frowned.  “Isn’t that the same question?” 

Stopping, she turned to look at him.  “No, Elijah.  Just because you ate earlier doesn’t mean you might not be hungry
now
.  I have tamales I made yesterday and apple bread.” 

The way he seemed to ponder her words told her much about how he’d been raised without him saying anything about it. 

“Have a seat.  I’ll make coffee and heat you a little snack.” 

Walking to one of the barstools, he placed his violin on the counter and sat.  He watched her as she placed the walker where she could get it and used the counter for balance. 

“I’m happy to help you.” 

“I’m okay.  Sometimes, I’m afraid not to have the walker when I’m in the apartment alone.”  She gave him a bright smile.  “With you here, I’m more confident.” 

“I would never allow you to be hurt.” 

Brie didn’t answer as she made him a plate.  When it was hot, she put it in front of him and started coffee. 

“Are you tired?” he asked.

“Rarely.  I feel like I sleep all the time.  It makes me angry.” 

“Why?”  He took a bite of the tamales and closed his eyes.  “These are delicious.”  His smile was careful.  “I didn’t know I was hungry.” 

“I cook all the time.  I always have leftovers.” 

“Why does sleeping make you angry?”

“I was active before the accident.  I walked everywhere.  I got a good night’s sleep but I accomplished a lot during the day.”  She shrugged.  “I don’t feel as if I really
do
anything.  Being tired feels ridiculous.” 

“You’re healing.  It’s okay to be tired.”

Smiling, she replied, “I’ll try not to be so hard on myself.” 

He nodded and she watched him eat with her chin in her hand.  He had the best manners of any man she’d ever seen.  He ate rapidly but without a single wasted movement. 

When he was done, he walked to the sink and washed his dish and fork.  “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.”

“Things that seem small to you are big to others.” 

“I guess that’s true sometimes.  I feel that way about things my friends do for me.” 

“Hudson and Natalia?”

“Yes and my other friends.”  She turned and poured herself a cup of coffee, adding sugar and cream.  Taking down another cup, she asked, “How do you take your coffee?” 

“May I taste yours?”  Surprised, she held out her cup.  He took a sip and she saw the pleasure on his face.  “I’d like it that way.” 

“How do you normally drink it?” 

“Black.” 

Such a small piece of information that spoke volumes. 

“Would you mind taking our coffee to the living room?  It’s hard with the walker.” 

He quickly placed them on her coffee table and returned for his violin.  He stayed with her as she made her way to the sofa. 

“You have many friends.” 

“I do now.  I’m grateful so I try to be a good one.  I feel kind of inoperable right now, not good for much.” 

“I’m certain time in your presence is sufficient to make your friends feel glad to call you one.” 

“What a
lovely
thing to say.  Thank you.” 

She lowered to the sofa and he sat beside her.  “What did you do after we left, Brie?” 

“I sketched, did some thinking, and then went to dinner with Hudson and Natalia.” 

“Did you talk about us?” 

“Yes.”  She inhaled carefully and admitted, “I explained how much I truly liked you but told them I was nervous.”  After a small pause, she added, “Hudson said to go with it.” 

“I respect him more than most.” 

“I respect you for saying that, Elijah.”  She reached out and took his hand.  He gripped her back firmly and her mind wandered.  “I’m not sure I’m the right choice.” 

“I think you’re the perfect choice.” 

“Why?

“A couple of years ago, my cousin Eira talked about you when she returned to school after her summer internship.  She suggested I ask you to dinner.  I didn’t make the connection when I heard your full name.  She always called you Brie.”  She nodded.  “Would you have said yes if I asked you to dinner?” 

“Honestly, I don’t know.  I was self-conscious.”  He tilted his head.  “I looked…different then, Elijah.  I felt bad about myself.  I still do but the reasons are different now.” 

He stood up and removed his t-shirt.  Her eyes widened at the scars all over him but she was amazed at the unbelievable fitness level of his body. 

“Do my scars bother you?”  She shook her head and he turned to show her his back.  “Mine are very old.” 

Reaching out, she placed her palm flat on his skin.  His back was covered in overlapping marks that she recognized from her night spent with her best friends.  Hudson had barely reddened her skin. 

The lashes delivered to Elijah had broken skin repeatedly. 

She couldn’t imagine the pain he’d been in and didn’t realize she was crying until he knelt at her feet. 

“Don’t cry, Brie.  It was a long time ago.” 

Pulling him close, she wrapped him in a hug.  He was careful about how hard he hugged her back. 

“I hate that someone put you through such pain.  I hate it.” 

“I showed you because you shouldn’t be self-conscious about your body, Brie.  You’re beautiful.”

His skin was warm and she rested her cheek on his shoulder, happy when he rested his large palm on the back of her head.  Taking her with him, he continued to hug her as he sat on the couch and settled her on his lap. 

Sitting back, Elijah held her firmly.  “I imagine a gentle person like you needs regular hugs.  Do you get lonely?” 

“More than I like to admit.”

“Me, too.  Let’s stay like this and be less lonely together.” 

The words made her tighten her arms.  He kissed the top of her head and she listened to the slow beat of his heart. 

It lulled her to sleep. 

* * *

Opening her eyes to sunlight, Brie was immediately confused.  She was in her bed, covered in her blanket, the walker nearby. 

She wondered if she dreamed Elijah’s visit but then noticed a piece of paper on her bedside table. 

Thank you, Brie.  I’ll play for you next time.  E

To the quiet room, she murmured, “It’s your innocent heart that will trap me in the end.”