Radiance (38 page)

Brie stumbled beside Tawny through the emergency room doors and the nurse at the desk rolled her eyes. 

The redhead barked, “She’s not a hooker, you cunt.  Do your fucking job or call the police to save your old ass.” 

Over the next hour, the doctor on call managed to stop the nosebleed that raged completely out of control due to eighteen months of blood thinners.  He confirmed her vitals were stable and put her on an IV. 

At one point, security handcuffed Tawny to the chair beside her bed.  The moment the pissed off guard left the room, the redhead slipped them and stuck them in her back pocket. 

Quietly, her friend asked, “How do you feel, bitch?” 

“Weak but alright.” 

“We’re leaving.  Where do you want to go?” 

“Anywhere that isn’t
here
.” 

Carefully detaching the IV like a fucking nurse, she helped Brie sit up and get her bearings. 

When she nodded, she supported her as they made their way from the hospital.  A block away, the redhead hailed a cab. 

The sun was lighting the sky when a woman Brie would have sworn was familiar the day before climbed into the pilot seat of a small plane and took off. 

Drifting to sleep several times, she came to as Tawny set the plane down on a private airstrip in the middle of nowhere.  She cut the engine and took a deep breath. 

“Welcome to my bolt hole, Brie.  You’re the only person in the real world to ever see it.” 

“Where are we?”  The entire situation was surreal and more than a little fascinating. 

“Not far from the Canadian border.  Vermont specifically.”  Tawny climbed down and helped Brie to the ground.  “Come on, bitch.  Let’s get you out of the BDSM Barbie getup.”

Learning the day after he returned from penance that Brie would be going to a BDSM club filled Elijah with dread. 

Elijah had no intention of interacting with her.  In the weeks since he’d left her, there hadn’t been a single photo of her from any source.  He needed to confirm with his own eyes that she was alright. 

Harper insisted on joining him.

Brie was
not
alright.  Despite the stunning way her friends had turned her out to help her blend in for her meeting with KiKi, the woman he loved was clearly wrecked. 

She wore no collar.  Elijah knew Chadwick would have tried to convince her.  He understood her refusal, it made him love her more, even as he worried.

In the time it had taken Elijah to circle the stage for a closer look at her face, he lost her. 

Panicked after her earlier run-in with the sort of man he despised in their circles, he knew he needed to find her quickly.  Seeing her leather portfolio on the chair, he knew she hadn’t left with KiKi. 

The ladies’ room.  Avoiding being sighted by her friends, he made his way there quickly. 

The vision he walked into made his entire mind go red. 

A man held her against the wall by her throat, her feet just off the floor, as he worked at the closure of his pants. 

She was choking and her nose was bleeding. 

“Catch her,” he said coldly to Harper. 

Then he whipped the man away from her and drove him hard to the marble floor.  His plan was to beat the man to death with his bare hands and watch the last breath gurgle out of him. 

“Elijah, stop…stop.”  She’d crawled to him.  Hearing the way her voice scraped from scum
choking
her, he went back to hitting him.  “I love you.  Don’t kill for me, Elijah.” 

He blinked and realized the lower half of her face was now covered in her own blood.  Harper lifted her and Elijah pressed his shirt to her nose as she lost consciousness. 

Through the club, her friends panicked questions, his lack of response as they climbed in the back of the limo. 

Hollow’s top lieutenant insisted on taking her in and he agreed she was the best choice.  She was also capable of keeping her safe in ways others in the vehicle could not.

Unlike Harper, he knew it was likely he would be arrested and Elijah couldn’t leave him unprotected. 

Watching Brie disappear through the doors of the emergency room caused him to punch a hole through the glass of the bar. 

Everyone in the car was silent as Harper wrapped his bleeding hand.  “Drop everyone off.  I need to change.” 

Harper gave the driver instructions and an hour later, they were finally on their way back to the hospital. 

“Elijah…” 

“I need to confirm.  I won’t talk to her.” 

“Elijah, you
need
…” 

“What I need is
irrelevant
, Harper.” 

“Gabriella…” 

Closing his eyes, he said quietly, “Don’t say her name.  Don’t.” 

Harper sat back slowly and rested his head against the seat.  “I lost you anyway.  What difference did
any
of it make?”  His voice was filled with sadness but Elijah closed his heart to it. 

“As soon as I can fucking
breathe again
, I will readapt to the lifestyle you prefer, that is so
fulfilling
to us both, Harper.  I’m unable to simply forget Brie a mere
month
after breaking her heart when I
swore
I wouldn’t hurt her.” 

“I’m the one who hurt her, Elijah.” 

“You did…and I delivered the killing blow by
walking away
from everything she offered despite her love for me and knowing it would break her.” 

A few minutes later, he discovered Tawny had removed Brie from the hospital after they managed to stop the bleeding caused by her medication. 

The redhead didn’t answer her phone.  Brie’s was still at the club.  The two of them simply disappeared. 

His phone rang.  “Eklund.” 

“Hollow.”  The man cleared his throat.  “She’s going off-grid.” 

“Why?” 

“She said she was tired of seeing a gentle woman fucked over by men and the poor thing needs time to breathe before she slits her goddamn wrists.”

Elijah let the words sink in.  “She’s safe?” 

“You know better than to ask.”  There was a long silence.  “She needs to heal.  I’ve…known someone like her before.  Pushed much further, she could break in a way that ends in her death.”

“Protect her.”  He pressed the bridge of his nose.  “When she’s back on grid, I’ll assign security.  Harper’s public display with her will keep her on the radar for a long time.  She can’t pay the price for our callous treatment of her.” 

“Understood.” 

“Keep me updated.” 

“I will.”  Hollow sighed.  “Elijah…I’m sorry.” 

“So am I.”

Hanging up the phone, he walked back to the car with Harper a step behind him.  As they pulled away, he asked, “Where do you want to go, Elijah?” 

“Washington.  When she returns to New York, she’ll be stronger.  Tawny will make sure of it.”  He could see the questions but he slid shades in place and ignored everything.

When they boarded the plane and took off, he sat opposite Harper as he always had.  The man stared at him. 

“I shouldn’t have appeared with her.” 

Without looking at him, Elijah replied, “No, you shouldn’t.  It made things far more difficult for her.  She had enough obstacles before your public display.”  He shook his head.  “She fucking warned you.” 

“I thought…I don’t want her in danger.” 

Well at least there’s that.
  “I’ll keep her safe but I’ll have no contact with her.” 

“Maybe with time, I could…” 

“For a
year
, she’s been on the receiving end of our needs and our lust.  Every absence, no matter how extended, was borne with understanding.  Every hurt, every mixed signal,
every fucking thing
we did…she continued to give.  She has given until she has nothing,
absolutely nothing
, left.  I will take no more from a woman whose only sin is loving two men who are too broken to appreciate her.  Neither of us deserve her.” 

“You deserve her, Elijah.” 

“No.  A
good
man would have left her alone.  A
good
man does not break something he loves.”  He looked out the window.  “I will never touch another woman.  Enjoy them at your risk and at your leisure.  I won’t be involved.” 

Harper frowned.  “Elijah…you made a vow to her?” 

“It’s a vow to
myself
.”  He met gray eyes.  “Equal to the vow I made for
you
, Harper.  As you said, I’m
better
at self-denial.”  Returning his gaze to the passing landscape, he added, “The thought of touching another woman makes me ill.” 

“It…isn’t the same without you.” 

“Then find a man to play the game with you.”  Harper gasped.  “In our first conversation, Brie defined us clearly.  I ask for nothing, expect nothing, and am not surprised when that’s exactly what I receive.  You’ve made no vow to me.” 

“Do you hate me?” 

“I don’t hate you, Harper.  I love you as I’ve loved you for most of my life.  I’m hurting, I’m angry, and I’m painfully tired.  Allow me time to adjust and our days will get back to the way they have
always
been.” 

Harper moved to sit beside him and he stiffened. 

He wrapped his arms around him and whispered, “I’m sorry, Elijah.  I’m sorry you’re hurting.  I know how much you love her.  I don’t know what to do.  Tell me what to do.” 

“Let me grieve.  If she must be dead to me, let me grieve.” 

“She doesn’t have to be, Elijah.  She loves you so much.” 

“She told me you’ve loved me longer and you need me more, that you were honorable, and she understood why you couldn’t accept her.”  He struggled for air and pressed his hand to his heart.  “Even as she
broke
, she thought of us.  After everything that’s happened, I can’t even ask her to be my friend.”

Elijah hadn’t shed a tear since he was two years old.  That Brie reactivated the ability did not surprise him.  As they slid down his face, he stared at Harper. 

“Let me grieve.” 

Silver eyes wide, a shaking hand lifted to touch his cheek.  Then he slowly wrapped him in a hug and held him close. 

There was nothing else to say.

Brie’s Birthday - End-October 2015

After six weeks at Tawny’s hideaway, Brie accepted that while she might have many things in her life, a love of her own was not to be one of them. 

As a child, she’d dreamed happily about
true love
.  As a teenager, she hoped for someone to at least be
nice
to her.  As a grown woman, she realized that love was far more
brutal
in reality than it was in fairy tales. 

She reached the conclusion that she was likeable, she was many positive things to wonderful people.  She was
not
loveable. 

It was a painful truth but one she could no longer keep from herself.  She was tired, isolated in a way she’d never envisioned for her future.  She floundered in some bizarre place between friend and lover, finding herself alone again and again. 

Elijah was the only man to love her,
truly
love her…but he belonged to someone else.  That she’d hoped for the outcome to be different was her own fault. 

It was time to be
alone
. 

Ménage was clearly the wrong path and the thought of touching another man or woman while Elijah lived vibrantly in every cell was physically sickening. 

It felt like every beat of her heart brought a memory, a moment with him, and so
many
of the most beautiful ones included Harper.  The other man she loved, the man she’d hoped so desperately would love her in return. 

She’d
allowed
herself to hope.

Tawny stayed with her the first two days, brought in basic things she needed, and told her to unplug her brain. 

“Everyone knows you’re fine.  Focus on getting better, stronger.  I won’t take you back until you’re ready.  Make a plan for
you
, Brie.  What it is doesn’t matter.  All that matters is that you know your own path.” 

Nodding, Brie was quiet for a long time.  “I need art supplies.” 

“Done.” 

Tawny hooked her up to a secure system so she could continue to run the winery.  Her staff believed she was still in New York.  The people in New York had no clue where she was.

On her first morning, she emailed her best friend. 

Hudson, I’m sure you’re freaking out.  I’m okay.  I promise.  Another of those bizarre things I seem to attract.  Tawny decided to help me get some breathing room.  I miss you and I’ll stay in touch so you don’t worry.  Hug Natalia for me and tell her I love her so much. 

He’d written her back immediately. 

Gabriella, don’t tell me not to worry.  When I look into your eyes, I’ll know if I should worry.  Natalia says she loves you and to please hurry back.  I love you, too. 

An email from KiKi raging about the actions of the man who’d tried to rape her scared her a little bit.  Brie immediately responded, asking her
not
to have the man killed. 

After several responses back and forth, she felt the club owner was firmly off the ledge and told her she’d contact her about business when she was back in circulation. 

On one of Tawny’s rare visits, she said, “I need you to show me how to protect myself, Red.” 

Eyes wide, at first she didn’t reply.  Then something flickered over her face and she gathered Brie close.  “I forgot the rest.  I was so worried about your physical state.  I’m sorry.” 

Suddenly, Brie was sobbing and Tawny didn’t let her go until she’d cried herself out. 

“Everyone always thinks I’m weak.  Until that night, I didn’t believe it, Tawny.” 

“You’re not
weak
.  Even trained women forget everything during a sexual assault.  As common as it unfortunately is, it’s still a shock.” 

Pulling back, she smiled and smoothed her hair away from her face.  “I’ll teach you a few basics but I want you to remember something important.  Not
everyone
is a fighter.  You’re a good and gentle woman, perfect as you are.” 

Brie used Tawny’s gym to relieve stress, exhaust herself for sleep, and drown out the almost constant memories of Elijah and Harper that seemed to haunt her. 

Every day, she slept, sketched, worked out, and considered the next step in her life.  Some days, she felt as if she was crawling out of her own skin. 

Sitting on Tawny’s deck, she stared out at forest as far as the eye could see.  She felt as if she was vibrating on the inside.

Walking inside, she changed into leggings and a t-shirt, stepped into sneakers, and went for a walk.  The physical therapy had not only healed her injuries, it had increased her cardio stamina to a level she’d
never
had before. 

She walked
alone
for
two miles
before returning to the house. 

It was the first moment of true physical freedom she’d felt since the day Scott Truing used a car to express his rage and run her down in the street. 

The first time she could envision grabbing her backpack and going for a long walk on the city streets again.

Over the next few days, she tested her body, pushed herself, and tried to figure out what she was capable of physically. 

The morning of her birthday, she woke devastated at the memory of Harper flaunting a perfect woman in front of her the year before. 

The day Elijah told her to seek comfort elsewhere. 

She’d already loved him but hadn’t yet fallen as deep as the following months would take her.

She cried for a long time. 

* * *

Beginning November 2015

Stepping back from her latest piece, Brie took a deep breath. 

After careful evaluation, she’d mentally flipped through the work she’d done over the years to determine which truly filled her up with joy.  She liked to paint when the sun was highest. 

Disconnecting from her life, stepping back from the people in it, allowed her a perspective she’d been missing.  Every choice she’d made was influenced by someone other than herself. 

It was a bad habit she needed to break. 

She went for her walk, proud of the progress she’d made over several weeks.  She was able to go almost five miles before she had to turn back toward the house. 

As she approached the deck, a man stood there and she turned to run.  He called, “I’m Tawny’s friend.  It’s okay, Gabriella.” 

Maintaining her distance, they stared at one another from two different levels. 

He gave her a gentle smile.  “My name is Hollow.  I’ve heard a lot about you.”  Tilting her head, she looked into his eyes and her own went wide.  “Yes.  I see you know who I am in the real world.  I would
never
hurt you.  Not in any way.  No one knows I’m here.  You have my word.” 

Taking slow steps, she walked up the stairs and faced him with a few feet between them.  A few months after her accident, she questioned Hudson about the events following the hit and run. 

She had a hundred questions after he mentioned a man who existed on the fringe of society who took care of things no one else was able to do. 

He was truly beautiful.  He was also familiar.  Her mind spun with so much information and emotional stress. 

The
similarities
…she blinked back tears. 

“I’m sorry, Gabriella.  I don’t want to cause you pain.”

Inhaling carefully, she tried to be strong.  “I’m okay.  Tawny w-works for you.” 

He held her gaze.  “With me, yes.  I recruited her more than a decade ago.” 

“Why did you come?” 

“Gabriella, in my work, I see
many
horrible things.  I’ve experienced some of my own.  I’ve also committed my share.” 

He lowered himself into one of the deck chairs and gestured for her to sit in the other.  She did, perching on the edge. 

“Years ago, when you were still in high school, you affected a dramatic change in my life.”  She frowned and shook her head.  “To
you
, it was likely small, inconsequential.  A part of the person you are, as familiar as breathing.  To me, it changed everything.” 

“I don’t remember.  I’m sorry.” 

“I was in a dark place, darker than any other time in my life.  I was at the winery, forced to be there for a family event, hiding as I usually did from the prying eyes of others.”  His expression was sad.  “I was high.  A habit I’d been trying to break since my return from the streets.” 

She placed her fingertips over her lips and he nodded.  “You remember.  One of the staff was gossiping, speculating on my mental instability.  She suggested my family would be better off if I was dead and I should kill myself.” 

Thinking back to that day, Gabriella remembered.  The rage that filled her was uncommon but she’d embraced it, releasing it without hesitation. 

“You told the woman she didn’t know my pain, she didn’t know my story.  You told her to get out and said if it was up to you, she’d be forced to live a day in my shoes.”

Leaning forward, he took her hand.  His were long and well formed, cool to the touch.  “Thank you.  That’s something I’ve wanted to say to you for a long time.  That’s why I came.  To make sure you were alright and thank you for caring about a person you didn’t know, defending what appeared to be nothing more than a drug addict without a future.”

“You’re welcome, H…Hollow.”  She smiled. 

He returned it and the sight made her close her eyes for a moment. 
Too much, too much.  I can’t take it.
 

When she opened them, he stared at her.  “I’m so sorry.” 

She shrugged sadly as tears slipped past her control.  “It’ll get better.  I-I hope it gets better.”  Clearing her throat, she told him, “Clearly, you made a
wonderful
future for yourself.” 

“I try to do good things.  When I learn of people like you, Gabriella, I know there’s hope.”  Taking a deep breath, he added, “Perhaps not for
me
but hope in general.” 

Staring off into the distance, she whispered, “Listen to the violin.  It always makes me feel hope.” 

An expression of pain crossed his face and she asked him to tell her something interesting about his life that wasn’t sensitive.  Surprised at her understanding, he complied. 

They talked for hours. 

When Tawny appeared in the clearing at a full out run, Hollow quickly put her mind at ease.  “I’m alone, Tawny.” 

The redhead stared back and forth between them as she joined them on the upper level.  “You’re okay?”  Brie nodded.  “Wow.  Oz came out from behind the curtain.  Trust me…he doesn’t do it for just anyone.” 

Leaning up, she kissed Hollow’s cheek.  “How’ve you been?” 

“Receiving non-stop calls about your lovely friend.”  He smiled carefully.  “How long will you hide, Gabriella?” 

Lifting one shoulder, she told him, “I have many beautiful things in my life.  It’s time to accept love is one I’ll have to live without.  I’ll go back, ease the minds of my friends, and wait for my heart to heal.” 

He stared at her in silence for a long time.  “You truly think it a lost cause?” 

“Yes.”  Her voice broke on the word.  “I understood the risk and made a conscious choice to ignore the warnings.” 

Inhaling carefully to control tears she was tired of crying, she added softly, “I’m grateful for the moments.  I
hoped
but it wasn’t meant to be.  I need to heal and change direction.” 

“Hope is a funny thing, Gabriella.  Sometimes, it’s realized when you think all is lost.” 

Approaching him, she wrapped her arms around him and was surprised at the strength in his arms as he returned it. 

“You’re living proof and I’m glad to see it.  Your secret is safe with me.  I give you my word.  Thank you for your trust.” 

Turning, she pressed her cheek to Tawny’s.  “We can go back whenever you’re ready, double-oh-seven.”