Authors: Kimberly,Kayla Woodhouse
He took a slow, deep breath and pulled his knees up. “That’s a valid point. And in my quest to leave the past behind, I’ve forgotten that important piece. Thank you for reminding me.”
“You’re welcome.”
Now zip it. Don’t say anything else.
“What are
your
dreams, Anesia?”
Too late. It was like she’d taken some evil truth serum. She couldn’t stop the words from oozing out if she tried. “That’s an easy question. I want to be the very best mom on the planet. I want to see Zoya grow up into a strong, God-loving, God-fearing woman. And of course I want to be known around the globe for the very best racing dogs. And it wouldn’t hurt if I could win the championship every year.”
He nodded. The lines in his forehead portraying that he took her words to heart, mulled them over. “Those are all awesome things. But it sounds a little lonely. What about love?”
SEAN
4:13 a.m.
He did
not
just ask that.
Idiot. Just tell her she’s pathetic next time.
The most spectacular woman he’d ever known, and he had to open his big mouth.
Then insert his foot.
It would probably take surgery to undo the damage.
Brain transplant surgery.
She’d fire him for sure. But he loved his job. Working at the dog kennel made him feel alive. He needed to beg her for forgiveness.
His horror must’ve been visible on his face, because Anesia just stared at him. Then she laughed. “Don’t look so upset, Sean. You’re right.”
“I’m sorry. I had no place to say any of that. Maybe I should return to bed now.”
“Oh, stop. I’m not mad at you. Just shocked that you were bold enough to be blunt with me. To be quite honest, it’s been a sore subject for me, and poor Jenna has had to avoid it like the plague for fear I’ll bite her head off.”
“I’m still sorry. Maybe I should rephrase—”
“Nonsense. It’s an honest question.” Her gaze met his. Held it. “And it deserves an honest answer.”
COLE
January 30
Tikaani-Gray-Maddox Home
4:15 a.m.
His phone vibrated and buzzed itself toward the edge of his nightstand. Cole caught the phone just as it plunged off the side. He propped himself up on the bed with one arm and answered the call. “Maddox.”
“Cole, sorry to call so early, but I need to ask you some questions.”
He lay back. The FBI wouldn’t be calling unless it was urgent. “Go ahead.”
“How well do you know Anesia Naltsiine?”
Anesia
? What kind of harebrained idea were they following this time? “I know her well. I’d trust that woman with my life.”
“Cole, we know that you have close ties with her, but we need you to be unbiased.”
“My answer remains the same.” His jaw began to ache from clenching it.
“All right. But we’re getting some interesting info.”
“Just spit it out.”
“We’ve been tracking a guy named Rick Kon’. Turns out he’s the brother of a certain Dan Kon’. Recognize the name?”
Zoya’s dad. “You know I do.”
“He was seen speaking to Anesia yesterday after the race. Right before Zoya was injured. Then he disappeared. And not ten minutes ago, we followed him to the Naltsiine property.”
“And?”
“We think he’s the link.”
“To what?”
“The arms ring.”
“So what does that have to do with Anesia?”
“We think she’s helping him.”
His temper couldn’t be contained any longer. “
What?
”
“And hiding the program on her property. The payment she’d get would fund her kennel for a long time.”
“You can’t be serious. Anesia has worked her tail off—”
“Exactly the motivation she’d need to go along with the plan.” The agent’s voice was clipped. He’d already bought into the lie.
“There’s no way Anesia is involved in this.”
“Believe what you want, Maddox, but you need to be prepared for the possibility.”
Cole hung up the phone. No, he didn’t. Because Anesia was innocent.
And he would put everything on the line to prove it.
ANESIA
Naltsiine Kennels
4:17 a.m.
She could do this. Maybe the weight that had been sitting on her chest all these years would lift. She might even be able to acknowledge to Sean the fact that he had captured her attention. And maybe, just maybe her heart. “I had dreams of marriage a long time ago.”
One of Sean’s eyebrows shot up.
“His name was Dan. Zoya’s father. We were so in love, and we knew full well that God wanted us to wait until marriage, but . . .”
“You were young.”
She nodded. “Too young. I got pregnant with Zoya.” Suck it up. Spit it out. “The wedding was planned for after the birth of our baby. Everyone knew, and even though we messed up in the order of things, we wanted to do things right. So we went to premarital counseling, made a promise to be abstinent until our wedding night, and anticipated the arrival of our little bundle of joy.
“Dan loved racing as much as I did. We had the plans for this kennel and purchased the property, saving each and every penny we could—” The last words choked her.
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.”
“No, it’s okay. I need to talk about it.” Another deep breath. “Anyway, Dan was killed a few months before Zoya was born. It’s one of my deepest regrets, that she never knew him. And there are certain people who won’t let her—or me—forget that her dad and I weren’t married.”
“What happened? To Dan, I mean.”
His eyes were so kind, so concerned. “A training accident. He fell through the ice.”
“I’m sorry.”
“The grief almost won, but Jenna was there for me.” She allowed a small smile as the memories came back for the second time that night. “Talk about a mother hen. She protected me and challenged me to break through. But I still allowed the guilt to hover.
“Zoya was born, and then Jenna and Marc had Andie a couple months later. By this time, I was so smitten with my daughter that I decided then and there that I would prove to everyone what a blessing she was. Beauty from ashes, you know? So I put on my little armor of independence and determined to never allow another man close.”
It felt good to let it all spill out, but Sean was so quiet. What was he thinking? Was he disappointed in her? Did he think she was—
“Anesia, I had no idea of the journey you’ve faced. It gives me a better perspective on your drive and tenacity.”
Well. Wasn’t that nice and . . . formal. “Thanks. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. As you can tell, we’ve done very well by ourselves.” She hated the edge that tinged her voice. Where did this anger come from? It didn’t roll in like a tsunami but erupted in an instant. Did she want to prove to him and everyone else that they’d done just fine, in fact,
incredibly
fine all on her own? That she and Zoya didn’t need anyone? That
she
didn’t need a man?
He leaned forward and placed a gentle hand on her knee. The heat radiated up to her shoulders and helped her relax. If one touch could do that, how could she guard her heart from this man?
“I don’t feel sorry for you at all. In fact, to be quite honest, you amaze me. And scare me. All at the same time.” He removed his hand.
She wanted it back. “I scare you?”
His smile broke through the dimness of the room. “Not in the way you’re thinking.”
“Well, by all means, please explain.” There went her anger again.
“I don’t think you really want to know that.”
Like a volcano. “And just how are you supposed to know
what
I want, Mr. Connolly?”
He chuckled.
How dare he laugh at her?
His hands shot up, signaling surrender, as though he could read her mind. “I’m just saying that it is intimidating for a man to be attracted to a beautiful woman, for that same woman to be his boss, and again for that same woman to be so strong and independent and in no need of anyone to come alongside her on the journey of life.”
Oh.
Her heart raced.
He sat. Waiting for a response.
But she couldn’t make her brain or her mouth work.
The silence stretched.
“I’m sorry. I went too far. Forgive me, please.” He hopped to his feet. “It’s the middle of the night. I think I’ll head back to bed. Let me know if you need anything.”
He was attracted to her? A door clicked, shaking her from her thoughts. Wait!
But he was already gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SEAN
January 30
Naltsiine Kennels
9:12 a.m.
The cold penetrated his bones this morning. Unlike all the other days when the excitement and love for the job, for this place, for its people, warmed him from the inside out. How could he have been so stupid?
Anesia didn’t speak to him—didn’t even look him in the eye—when she awoke and disabled the alarm. She headed to her bedroom and waved at him when he said he’d water the dogs. Not a word. Not a glance. Just a complete dismissal.
Of his words. Of him.
Sean went from dog to dog. Maybe the work would help him forget his stupidity.
“Hi.” Zoya’s small, bundled-up form stood at the gate.
“Hi, yourself.” He forced a smile. “How does your head feel?”
“I’ve got a headache, but it’s not so bad.” She walked around petting dogs.
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Yeah. Mom says we’ll go to the late service at church and if I’m up to it, we’ll eat at the Café for lunch.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Will you come with us?”
“I’ll be at church.”
“That’s not what I asked.” She stood beside him now.
“I know.”
God, now would be a good time to intervene.
“I heard you and Mom talking last night.”
He looked up to the sky.
That wasn’t quite the intervention I was hoping for, Lord
.
“I’m sorry I eavesdropped, but it wasn’t like you guys didn’t know I was in the room.”
“But we thought you were asleep.” It wasn’t his place to scold her.
“I know. And I’m sorry.”
“Zoya, you’re forgiven. I should be apologizing to you. It was completely inappropriate of me to talk to your mother that way.” Heat climbed up his neck. When did he become a bumbling fool?
“She likes you.”
“I embarrassed her.”
“You need to talk to her.”
“She won’t even look me in the eye.”
Zoya sighed. One of the teenage are-you-really-that-stupid kind of sighs. “Will you come with us, please?”
He turned to face her. Studied her features. The kid was hurting. “All right.”
“Yes—”
“On one condition.”
“What?”
“You sit down right now and talk to me about what’s
really
bugging you. I won’t tell your mom and I won’t betray your confidence. But you need to talk, don’t you?”
“How did you know that?”
“That doesn’t matter. Do we have a deal?” He stuck out his hand.
She chewed on her lip. Then squinted. Then stuck out her own hand and they shook on it. “Deal.”
He couldn’t stop the smile. “Good. Now let’s get into the barn where it’s warmer.”
“Good idea.”
They walked the distance to the barn in silence. Boots crunched the snow beneath them. Tree branches swayed in the wind. Dogs yapped. Wood smoke drifted to his nose from fireplaces. Their breath turned to ice crystals in the air, tinkling like microscopic bells. Sean would never tire of this unique land.
As they entered the barn, he dove in. “Okay, Sunshine. Let’s hear it.”
She plopped down on a bale of hay, lowered her scarf, and shoved her gloved hands into her pockets. “I’m mad at God.”
“Okay.”
“What? You’re not upset with me?”
“No. Go on.”
“Well, I thought you’d get onto me and lecture me and all that.”
“Then I wouldn’t be a very good listener or friend, now would I?”
She considered that, then nodded. “Oh. Right. Well, I’m upset because of all the things He’s allowed to happen. And I keep praying, and it’s like He’s not listening.”
The inner prodding was clear.
Listen. Keep her talking
.
“I’m so . . .
angry.
My whole world is messed up. And I’m just a kid. I don’t control anything. And I don’t want anything to happen to my mom.”
What wasn’t she saying?
“Anyway, that’s it. My brain’s a jumbled mix. Trying to figure out what to do.”
His instinct told him the story didn’t end there.
God, I could use some guidance.
Listen
.
“Sean, I love my mom. She’s amazing. I want her to be happy.”
“She loves you too.”
The first hint of a smile. “I know. She’s always been there for me. Even more than Andie.” She whispered behind her hand. “But don’t tell Andie I said that.”
“My lips are sealed.”
She hugged herself, and words came pouring out. “Why do people do bad things? And why does God allow the bad junk to happen? Why did my dad have to die? Why does Andie get
two
dads, and I’ve got no one but my mom. I don’t understand why God let that murder happen. He could have stopped it. Why didn’t He? And did
I
have to see it?” She stood up and paced. “And I don’t understand why He’d let me be so mad at Him, ya know? I don’t
want
to be mad at God. I know better than that. I know He loves me. But it hurts. And I’m wondering if He’s even real any more. There’s too many voices in my head. Angry voices. The only voice that isn’t there is His. Why isn’t He talking to me? Why don’t I feel Him any more?” Tears coursing down her face, she ran over to him, burying her face in his stomach.
He hugged her back.
God, help. I have no idea what to say.
He patted her back and waited. The words would come when God wanted him to speak.
“Are you mad at me?” She sniffed and wiped her nose with her hand. At that moment she sounded more like a small child than the blossoming teen she was.
“Not at all.”
“Good. ’Cause I don’t think I could handle you being mad at me.”
He patted her back again.