Rabbit Creek Santa (10 page)

Lindy slipped from the bed and quietly padded to the door. She
winced and looked back as the turning knob clicked loudly in the stillness of the night, but Travis, sprawled across the double bed and taking up much more than his share of the space, didn't stir. Not sure where her pajamas landed after they were tossed from the bed along with the pillow she kept them under, she grabbed Travis' shirt from the floor and slipped it over her head.

The house was chilly. She'd forgotten to add wood to the stove. She'd forgotten about a lot of things tonight. Things she shouldn't have
forgotten, but she wasn't sorry. The thought of their bedroom romp had her tightening her muscles down below.

After Travis had tossed her onto the bed, they
'd made love together and he'd been slow and gentle. He took his time, making sure she enjoyed him 'getting his' as much as he did. They'd fallen asleep in each other's arms after that, but not for long. Less than two hours later, he was kissing her awake and when she feebly protested, he ducked under the covers to blow raspberries on her belly. He was playful and silly and made her feel playful and silly, too and by the time they were done, they were shushing each other in fear of waking Joey.

They needn't have bothered. Peeking in at him now with the soft glow of the car shaped nightlight
for illumination, the pup was sound asleep, his arms flung out and his legs spread much like the wolver across the hall. Placing a kiss on her finger and touching the kiss to his forehead, Lindy tiptoed from the room and down the stairs.

A
fter adding wood to the stove, she wrapped her arms across her chest and stood staring out the window into the starless night. That woman upstairs wasn't her. She'd let her wolf get the best of her and while it was wonderful, gloriously wonderful, she couldn't let it happen again. There was too much at stake. Joey was fine. She was fine. They were fine. Alone.

Her wolf snapped at her and she snapped back. "What do you know
about it? You went to sleep."

Travis smiled. He was only half awake, but the feeling of being with Lindy was still clear in his mind. He'd never known he could feel this way about a woman before. People didn't talk much about how finding your true mate made you feel, maybe because it was such a private, inexplicable phenomenon or maybe because if you found it, you didn't want to brag to those that hadn't. Or maybe it was just too hard to explain this feeling of completion as if the part of you you'd been missing your whole life now was found. Lindy truly was his other half.

He rolled to his side
and reached out to touch her and was surprised when she wasn't there. He listened for a minute to see if he heard her with Joey across the hall and waited a minute more in case she'd only stepped out to use the bathroom. Before the third minute was past, he was out of bed and drawing on his jeans from the heap he'd left them in at the side of the bed. His boots were right beneath them. No sign of his socks or shirt.

It was 3AM and
Lindy's absence worried him. He took the stairs quietly and tried to appear casual, not wanting to look too much like a panicked jackass only to find out his woman needed to pee. Nevertheless, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her standing at the window.

"What's the matter, baby?" He slid his hands along her waist intending to pull her to him, but she took a step toward the window and then to the side, evading his embrace.

"I can't do this," she whispered.

"What? What can't you do?"

Lindy waved her hand in a circle over her head and continued to stare out the window. "This. Everything. The tree, the pack, going over the moon, you," she said bleakly, "Everything."

"You've been lost a long time, Lindy. It's understandable if it's too much, all at once. Maybe I shouldn't have… I'm sorry." He reached out to touch her and then let his hand drop.

"No, Travis. Please." She turned to him, her eyes pleading. "Don't be sorry. What you did, what we did," she corrected, "was wonderful, beautiful." She sighed and turned back to the window. "But it reminded me why I can't do this."

"I don't understand, sweetheart. Why would you turn your back on something beautiful?"

"Because it isn't fair, Travis. It isn't right. It's like I'm betraying the last thing Joe still has. How could God be so cruel? How could He take everything away from Joe and then turn around and give everything to me? I can't accept it. I don't deserve it."

"
God didn't kill him, Lindy, and neither did you. Some drunk driver did and for Joey's sake I wish Joe was still here. A cub should have a father and if Joey had one, I wouldn't be here. Your wolf would have held her peace and I would have held mine.

"
But Joe isn't here. I am. Don't ask me to be sorry for falling in love with you. I won't do it. Don't ask me to feel like I'm betraying a man who's dead and buried, because I'm not." He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"And neither are you. You keep telling me Joe was a good man. A good man wouldn't want his woman to live alone
, holed up in a little house, keeping herself away from living and loving. A good man would want his woman to find another mate and be happy in her home and with her pack. He'd want his son to have a father."

"
Joey has a father," she whispered, trying to convince herself it was true.

"No," Travis said gently, "He'll have memories
of a father and they'll be your memories, not his. Joey has a right to know about the man who sired him, but Joe can never be a father to him. I can."

"You don't understand
…" she started to say and then stopped. How could she ask him to understand when she didn't understand it herself? She knew what Travis said was true, just as what he said about Joe was true, but she wasn't ready to let go. She couldn't let go. Lindy shook her head sadly.

"I do understand
," Travis told her. "I think it's you who doesn't. It's not Joe who's standing in our way, Lindy. It's you. We were meant for each other, sweetheart. I know it, my wolf knows it, and so does yours. Even little Joey can feel it. If you're looking for a sign, sweetheart, I can't think of anything better than that."

Travis tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes
, so she could see the truth in his. "I promise you, I'm in this for the long run, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere but down the road to my own cold bed. I'll give you time to think and figure things out. When you've done that, you give me a call." He gave her a brotherly kiss on the forehead.

And then he let her go. He pulled on his boots and picked up his coat
, tugging it on over his bare torso. "I love you, Lindy, and I love that pup. I'd do anything for you, but I can't fight Joe's ghost. You have to figure out a way to do that yourself."

Lindy watched him walk out the door and through the window, watched him climb into his truck.
He was already turning the truck around when her hands began to shake and her wolf began to whine. She was suddenly more afraid of his leaving than she was of him staying. In her bare feet and wearing only his oxford shirt, she was out the door and running before the decision was made.

She followed him down the drive waving her arms over her head.

"Don't go, Travis, please don't go!"

There was no way he could hear her and no reason he should look in his rearview mirror
and yet the brake lights flared and the truck backed up. Lindy ran to meet it. The door flew open.

"Are you crazy, woman?" he shouted for the second time that day.
"What the hell's the matter with you?"

She was fully dressed the first time. She was barely covered now. What would she be wearing if she did it again? The thought made him smile
. At least this time she wasn't crying. He scooped her up, sat her in the passenger seat and laughed when she shivered as the cold leather hit her bare bottom.

"You are crazy, aren't you?" He
shook his head and put the truck in reverse.

"No. Yes.
I don't know. I wasn't crazy before I met you!" Shivering again, she rubbed her arms with her hands and stamped her feet. "Can we go back to the house and talk?"

Travis
stopped the truck and thought about it. Then he threw the shift into park. "No. Not until you tell me how I made you crazy and why you're running through the snow half naked in the middle of the night, 'cause sweetheart, you're driving me a little crazy, too."

"You were right. It's not Joe. It's me.
I don't know. Maybe I am a little crazy." Lindy tried to laugh at her confession, but her teeth were chattering too badly. "Or maybe you were right about the other thing, too. Too much is happening too fast. Yesterday morning… Was it only yesterday? Yeah," she nodded answering herself, "I knew where I was headed, what my life would be like."

"
Were you happy with that?"

"Yes," she started to say, but then opted for the truth, "No, but I wasn't crazy either."

"That's probably debatable. I'll have to ask around," he said in an attempt to make her smile and wipe the worried and confused look off her face.

"It's not funny, Travis. I've never been this way before.
I don't know what to think. I don't understand what I feel. I don't know whether I'm coming or going or which end is up. The moon is coming full. My wolf is going wild. I don't trust myself in most things." Lindy sucked in her breath and bit her lower lip. She straightened her shoulders and let out her breath. "At this very minute there are only two things I'm sure of. I love my son," she said and her voice hitched, "and I don't want you to go."

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere but my cold and lonely bed."

"I know what you said, but when you left, it felt like…"

"I was leaving
you for good."

Lindy nodded her head, unable to admit her weakness aloud. The truck's heater was kicking in and
turning the cab into a toasty oven. That didn't stop her body from trembling.

Travis
closed his eyes and thought that he finally understood what was standing in his way. It wasn't Joe. It was fear.

"He didn't leave you, sweetheart,"
he said quietly, and when she raised her eyes to his, he knew he'd hit the nail on the head.

"No," she whispered softly, "but he still didn't come back."

Travis reached across the console and wrapped his hand around the back of her neck. He pulled her to him, so he could kiss the top of her head. "I want to tell you that I'll never leave you, that I'll always come back, but I can't make that promise. No one can. I can only promise that I'll love you until the day I die and I'll do my best to make sure that day is a long way off. The rest is up to you. Are you willing to take this chance at happiness? Do you think I'm worth the risk?"

"I
want to and you are worth it," she answered his questions, but then went on, "When Joe died, my world fell apart. The pain seemed unbearable at first, but I made it through. With you it's different; how I feel, how my wolf feels. The bond between us will be stronger and if that bond is broken, I'm afraid I won't survive. That's my fear, Travis. I won't be able to survive the loss of you. That fear isn't something I can erase like chalk on a blackboard. I don't want to be clingy. I don't want to live in fear, but it's going to take time."

"We've got a whole lifetime to work on that."

Travis put the truck in reverse and parked behind the compact whatever-it-was. "Stay there," he ordered when he opened his door. Slamming it behind him, he ran around and opened hers.

While she waited
for him to make his way around the truck, Lindy tapped the little wooden tree that hung from his rear view mirror, sending it spinning on its hanger. It wasn't very good if judged against the standards set by the carvers who worked for Rabbit Creek Mill and Woodworks, but there was something sweet about it. Full below and sparse above, the branches were unevenly spaced and two near the top stuck out like miniature wings; an angel and tree combined. In her flight of fancy she could imagine the tiny nicks left behind by the inexpert use of the tools looked almost like icicles dripping from the branches. She liked its imperfection. She tapped the tree again as Travis opened the door.

"
Come on, Looney Lindy," he said as he slid one arm around her shoulders, and the other under her knees. He lifted her from the truck. "I've got another tree you can play with once I get you warm."

"Tree!
" she giggled, "You have no modesty Travis Pike."

"Don't throw stones, little lady
," he teased her, relieved at the sound of her laughter, "I'm not the one running around with a bare bottom. Let's get you in those flannel pajamas and get us back to bed."

Lindy put her arms around hi
m and buried her nose in the crook of his neck. "I kind of like sleeping in your shirt."

"It has its advantages, "Travis laughed
and thought of her bare bottom now exposed to the cold, "But those plaid pajamas of yours really turn me on."

"You like my plaid pajamas?" she asked incredulously.