Pushing the Limits (28 page)

Mom had said Aires and I were a game to him. That he used us to hurt her. “You mean you regret having me. You regret that I found out that you will pick Ashley over everything and everyone else.” I screamed so loudly my throat became raw. Every part of me shook and heat flushed my cheeks and the back of my neck. Had he ever loved me? Had he? “How could you abandon me?”

The anger drained out of my father’s face, leaving him pale and old. “I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

I sniffed and fought to keep the tears from falling. I would not cry in front of him. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d ripped me into a thousand pieces. But I needed rest. I needed all the voices and nightmares to go away. I had no one now. No one. And damn them for making me beg for the one thing that could grant me a few hours’ peace. “I want
my sleeping pills. I’m tired and I need to sleep. For one night, I just need to sleep.”

Ashley slid by my father’s side, placing a hand on his shoulder. She never once looked at me. “I’ll get them. The doctor said you can move up to ten mg.”

“I’ll be in my room.” I left, not caring if I ever spoke to my father again.

NOAH

Last night, Echo called while I was at work. She left a message telling me that she was taking sleeping pills and wouldn’t answer her phone until morning. She’d sounded … destroyed.

On edge, I waited by her locker before school, but she never showed, leaving me sitting there in business technology losing my damn mind. Three messages. I left the girl three messages. Hell, I didn’t leave messages, yet I’d left this girl three. Where was she?

I stared at her empty seat in the front, willing her to magically appear. Mr. Foster droned on and on. Each second on the clock took three times longer than normal to tick away. My right pocket vibrated and I dropped my pencil in order to retrieve it. Both Isaiah and Rico shot me a glance the moment they heard the vibration.

When I checked the caller ID, my heart leapt. Echo.

“Mr. Hutchins?” asked Mr. Foster.

Damn. “Yes, sir.” My phone stopped vibrating as Echo went to voice mail.

“Is that a cell phone I hear?”

“Yes,” Isaiah piped up. “Sorry, sir. I forgot to turn mine off this morning.”

Mr. Foster looked back and forth between me and Isaiah, obviously not buying it, but he held his hand out to Isaiah. “You know the rules. You can collect it at the end of the day.”

Isaiah handed over his phone without another word, giving me a sly smile when he returned to his seat. I nodded my thanks. What did I do to deserve a brother like him?

He leaned over to me once Mr. Foster resumed his boring lecture. “Tell her I said hi.”

I TORE OUT OF CLASS, HITTING the speed dial in record time. My heart stuttered with every ring.
Dammit. Pick up
. Her beautiful voice filled the line. “It’s me. You know what to do.”

“You’re killing me, baby.” I hung up.

I reached my locker, threw my books in and checked voice mail. Isaiah sauntered to the other side of the hallway and leaned against the wall. Beth joined him seconds later, unlit cigarette in hand. “What’s going on?”

“Echo called last period and he missed it. Now he’s pissed,” Isaiah answered.

“No, I’m not,” I snapped. Yes, I was.

Isaiah shrugged while suppressing a smile.

Echo had left a short, lifeless message, “Hey, I guess I’ll try you later. Love you.”

Dammit, Echo. You gotta give me more than that
. Lunch and three more periods. I wasn’t going to survive. “I’m going to grab some food. I’ll see you guys in the cafeteria.”

“Wait. We’ll come,” Beth called out. “I’ll smoke later.”

I took nothing with me to the cafeteria, so instead of heading to my table, I went straight for the line. Echo’s little gal pals gathered at their table, oblivious to the fact that somewhere on the other side of the school walls, she was suffering. I did a double take when blue eyes met mine.

Lila typed furiously into her phone before calling out to me, “Noah!” Her entire table froze and stared at her.

“Lila?” Grace asked meekly.

Lila sent Grace a death glare and walked over to me. My opinion of her grew. “Have you talked to Echo?”

“Messages only. What’s going on?”

Lila glanced over my shoulder. I followed her gaze to see Luke staring at us intently. She continued, “I don’t know. She called me last night, but I was out with Stephen.”

At that exact moment both of our phones chirped to notify us of a text message. We simultaneously pulled them out and I sucked in a breath as I read the message from Echo: I’m across the street.

Thank you, baby, for those four beautiful words
. I turned on my heel and mumbled to Lila, “Let’s go.”

I hesitated when Lila continued to stare at her phone. “She needs me,” she said and her phone chirped again. “But she says it’s okay if I don’t come.” A war of emotions played over her face. “I have a test next period and …”

“You don’t skip.”

She smoothed her hair. “Look, she keeps telling me that you’re this great guy. Do you think you could wow me and keep my best friend together until I can take over after school?”

I could do one better. I could take care of her now
and
after school. “Yeah.”

“Tell her I love her, okay?” said Lila. “And I’ll be right there as soon as I can.”

“Yeah.” This girl really did care about Echo. “I can do that.”

WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN, ECHO sat in the driver’s side of the gray Honda Civic her father had bought her to replace the Dodge Neon. I slid my car next to hers. As I was about to cut my engine, she turned hers on. She stared at me as I rolled down my window.

“I want to go someplace,” she said, “but I don’t want to go alone. I’m sorry I asked you to skip.”

I wasn’t sorry. “I’ll drive you anywhere you want to go, baby.”

I hoped for a smile, but instead she shook her head. Whatever happened yesterday had to be big. “Will you follow me? I kinda need a few more minutes to myself.”

“Whatever you need.” Even though I craved to be breathing the same air as her.

“Noah?” she said before I rolled my window up. “Thanks for skipping for me.” And finally, she smiled. It wasn’t huge or full of joy, but still it was there.

“Anything for you.”

MOM LOVED DAYS LIKE THIS: spring warmth with those big fluffy white clouds against a royal-blue sky.

I hated this place, no matter the weather. Resthaven would always be that gray, rainy, muggy day in June, with my brothers and me standing under a half-assed thrown-together tent. Tyler strangled my neck, crying for Mom, and Jacob asked if Mom and Dad were going to get wet, explaining to me over and over again that Mom hated getting wet. She allowed no splashing in
the bathtub. Dad was in a suit and Dad would be upset if it got wet.

For the first time in my life, I’d wanted to die. I wished I had been asleep in my bed and died right alongside my parents, but then if I’d been home, it never would have happened.

My guilt was a yoke around my neck. My burden to handle. And when I graduated, I’d make it right. I’d put my family back together again.

I parked behind Echo in the east garden, under the towering oak trees. Echo had caught the traffic light entering this place and I hadn’t, giving her a head start. She sat cross-legged in the middle of the cemetery section, resting her head on her joined hands, staring at a white marble tombstone. Her red curls moved with the gentle breeze and the sun shined directly on her—an angel right in the middle of hell.

She never took her eyes off the tombstone. “Thanks for doing this, Noah. I know being here is hard for you, too.”

Hard was an understatement, but it only showed how much I cared for her. “Do you think Mrs. Collins will blame me for your sudden urge to cut school?”

Echo opened her mouth to answer, but exhaled instead. I’d said it to lighten her mood, but she was too deep to see daylight.

I sat beside her. Unable to stop myself, I raked my hand through the curls flowing down her back. Touching her in this moment was a necessity. I liked the tombstone’s simplicity: Aires Owen Emerson: son, brother, Marine.

“What did you remember?”

She rubbed her chin against her clasped hands. “He left me there. At my mother’s. I called and he didn’t answer. He … um … didn’t.” Echo lowered her head.

I continued to comb through her silky hair and listened to the
birds calling out to one another. Her shoulders never shook. No tears streamed down her face. The worst type of crying wasn’t the kind everyone could see—the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. For people like me and Echo, our souls contained more scar tissue than life.

She picked at the blades of grass. “I’m alone now. Aires is dead. Mom is God knows where. My friends … well … you know. Dad was a long shot, but I pretended I had him. I tried to become the daughter he wanted to love, but …” Echo shook her head. “It sucks to be alone.”

“Come here, baby.” And with my words, Echo leaned into me: soft, pliant, broken. “You’re not alone,” I whispered into her hair as I cradled her in my arms. “You’re not alone, because you have me.”
And I love you, more than you could ever know
.

Echo

Noah offered to call in to work so we could spend the evening together. A huge part of me hoped he would. I wanted to stay in his arms for the rest of my life. Because of that, it took every ounce of self-control to not jump on his offer. I knew he needed the money. Besides, Lila began texting me every two seconds the moment school let out.

“Your dad called my mom looking for you,” Lila said from my right. “She told him you were here.”

We sat on the massively wide stairs of her back deck, overlooking the field behind her house. Wind chimes tinkled with the gentle breeze and the sun kissed my bare arms. “Is he coming to get me?” He had to know I’d skipped school.

“No, but he did ask my mom to remind you that your curfew is midnight.”

The urge to laugh shook my body and the harder I tried to keep it in, the more powerful it grew. Finally, I let it out. Lila
smiled at first and then began to laugh with me. “What’s so funny?”

I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. “My father left me for dead and I’ve got a freaking curfew.”

Lila giggled. “That is kind of funny.” She sighed. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” And I didn’t. The mere idea of going home grated on my nerves like sandpaper. “You know what I do know?”

“What?”

I extended my arms. “I miss the feel of the sun on my skin. Just curious, how would you react if I wore short sleeves to school?”

Lila’s mouth twitched up. “No differently than if you wore long sleeves.”

“Grace would have a coronary.”

“Grace can go to hell.” Lila’s uncharacteristic outburst of anger surprised me. “We’ve got two months until graduation. You can live life to please everyone else or please yourself. Come next fall, I’ll be living large at the University of Florida and forgetting that I ever made friends with people like Grace. I’ve made my decision. What’s yours?”

NOAH

As soon as I finished my shower, I planned on calling Echo then heading to Antonio’s for the rest of the party. At eleven, Echo would easily still be awake. Hopefully, Lila had helped lessen the blow of her new memory. I shouldn’t have gone to work. I should have stayed with her. Man, I was a dick. I’d make it up to her tomorrow.

Three years ago, I’d imagined spending my senior year choosing where to play college ball, not negotiating my salary and benefits for becoming the day manager at the Malt and Burger. But how could I argue with a salary, insurance and steady hours? I wouldn’t break the bank though I could afford something small and decent for me and my brothers. I had a long list of things I preferred to do over flipping burgers. Flipping burgers and teaching people to flip burgers: my fucking dream come true.

The hot water washed away the grease from my shift. Apartment hunting would be next: a two-bedroom, maybe one. I could sleep on the couch and give my brothers the bedroom.
Either way, my apartment required a good showerhead and lots of scalding water to erase the flipping-burger tedium.

After ten minutes, the hot water faded, leaving only steam. The fog crept into the bathroom and into my brain. What was I doing? My mother had taken me to her office on campus at least once a month. “College is a must, even if you’re military bound. College first, then decide your future,” her smooth voice preached.

I wiped the mirror and saw my mother’s eyes staring back. “You didn’t tell me what the fuck to do if you died.”

Water droplets hung in the heavy damp air and on my body. The heater in the basement pounded several times before kicking on, sending cooler air through the vent on the floor. I stood there staring, waiting for her answer.

“Noah?”

A welcome voice—not my mother’s, but welcome all the same: Echo. A smile spread across my face. This was too good. Me in a towel, alone in the house with my nymph. I left the bathroom. “‘Sup, baby.”

Echo peeked around the corner and red curls bounced when she rapidly turned her head in the opposite direction. “Oh, my God, I am so sorry. I’ll wait outside or something until you … um … you know, get clothes on.”

I padded into the living room behind her, running my hand down her back. “What are you doing here? You and Lila run out of girl gossip?”

“I, um, made a decision. Can you put some clothes on?”

“Cutting it close to curfew, aren’t you?”

She shrugged and avoided looking in my direction.

“Come on.” I grabbed her hand and led her toward the basement.

“No, really, Noah,” she said. “I’ll wait until you’re dressed.”

So I could miss that blush creeping across her face? No way. “Turn away if you want, but I don’t mind you looking.” I let go of her hand when we reached the bottom of the stairs and walked over to my basket of clothes, picking up a pair of jeans. “Turn away now. Or not.” I glanced over my shoulder. Echo had her back to me and her eyes covered. I chuckled to myself. “What’s going on, baby? You’re not a rule-breaker.”