Stop right there. What if he found the wrong foot? The thought brought him out in a sweat.
The table was certainly impressive: large faux pearls glowed on old white linen, silverware â clean silverware â winked in the candlelight; long-bodied silver animals were placed beside each plate. Michael had a dog, Vanessa a mermaid, the Commander a big fish, Mrs Clifford a peacock with folded tail. The fifth place â there had been no mention of another guest â was a bear on all fours. Vanessa rested the tip of her knife-blade on the back of her mermaid, as if she did so absentmindedly, then looked at him and smiled. He smiled back to reassure her; of course he knew what to do!
While Vanessa asked her mother about the arrangements for the harvest supper in the village, Michael and the Commander eyed each other. Michael thought he saw a hint of loathing swim in and out of the other man's eyes. A salty fire spat and crackled; piles of driftwood steamed upon the hearth, giving off a faint odour of sewage.
The Commander shifted irritably in his seat and said, âWhere's Mrs Brightwell with the fish?' and moved as if to get up.
âDon't fuss, darling. She'll bring it when she's ready.'
âAre we expecting someone else?' asked Michael, nodding at the unoccupied chair.
âWell, there's Mrs Brightwell of course!' said Vanessa's mother.
Michael went red and was opening his mouth to apologise, when the door was thrust open and in came Mrs Brightwell with the fish.
âThere you are, Mrs Brightwell,' said Vanessa's father. âWe were beginning to think you'd been eaten by sharks.'
âStove's playing up, Commander. And I see the fire in here's not chucking out too much warmth either.' She looked balefully at the hearth, before uncovering the platter to reveal a large whole sea bass on a bed of tough-looking greens.
âChampagne, Mrs Brightwell?' said Vanessa, casting Michael a look.
Michael hastened to fill the housekeeper's glass.
Mrs Brightwell received the glass and raised it. âHere's to the birthday girl,' she said, and took a swig.
They all raised their glasses and drank.
âHow kind you all are,' said Mrs Clifford. âShall we admire the fish?'
âIt's a fine fish,' said Mrs Brightwell.
âA magnificent fish,' Michael put in quickly.
âA fish fit for a queen,' said Vanessa.
âWhat sort of fish is it?' asked Michael.
âA big one,' said the Commander, picking up his knife and fork. âNow, will you be doing the dishing, Mrs Brightwell?'
While Mrs Brightwell was leaning forward to work on the fish, her rump obscured Michael's view of the Commander. So he turned to Vanessa and her mother.
âWas it caught round here?' said Michael.
Mrs Clifford smiled, but it was busy Mrs Brightwell who answered. âThe Commander caught it yesterday. Bit of luck eh, Commander?'
The Commander said, âMrs Brightwell likes to tease; don't you, Mrs Brightwell? Fish like this don't swim past every day.'
âA bit like our Vanessa,' said Mrs Brightwell, lifting some fish-meat clear of the bone. When she handed a plate to Michael, he thanked her and put it down in front of him. She handed him another and said in a low voice, âPass this along, would you, Michael? There's a dear.'
When they were all served, Vanessa said, âMichael's all set to lend a hand with the harvest, Daddy. He's bought himself a nice new Barbour and a shiny pair of wellies.'
They laughed and Michael joined in.
âThe fish is superb,' he said.
âAnd how do you like your sea kale?' asked Vanessa.
âInteresting texture,' said Michael. âI've never had it before.'
âGrows on the shore,' said the Commander. âI'll show you when we go fishing.'
After dinner they sat for a spell in the drawing room, which was chintzy and stoic. The walls were lined with bookshelves and a stack of hardbacks held up one end of a chaise longue. Michael sat next to Vanessa (not holding her hand) and asked things about the area, and about the house, all the time braced and ready for a return volley of questions; questions which did not come.
At last the Commander stood up.
âEarly start tomorrow then, Michael,' said the Commander. âWake you at six?'
Michael laughed politely.
âHe thinks you're joking, Daddy,' said Vanessa.
Michael couldn't sleep. He sat on the edge of his bed and stirred the fluff on the worn carpet with his bare big toe. Through the silence in the house, he could make out the flump and drag of waves on the shore.
He got up and cautiously opened his door. He hadn't even had a chance to find out where Vanessa was sleeping; so now he was just listening, hoping to be able to hear her voice and home in on it.
He could hear faint sounds of activity coming from below. Michael put on his new slippers, wrapped his new dressing gown over his new pyjamas, tied the belt firmly and crept downstairs.
First he went back into the drawing room and looked for something to read, something mildly entertaining. There were books on gardening and the gathering of edible wild plants, back to back with novels by Jack London and Iris Murdoch, mostly old hardbacks with tatty dust jackets. The book he really needed â
Getting on with the Cliffords: an Instruction Manual
â being absent, he passed over
The Call of the Wild
and picked up a copy of
The Sea, The Sea
. Then he went along the passage to the kitchen, knocked and pushed open the door.
Mrs Brightwell and the Commander were sitting opposite each other at the table. Between them was a white saucer holding some purple sludge. Their heads were close together and they both looked round as he came in. The smell in the kitchen was both tart and sweet. A big saucepan sitting on the stove was making gentle plopping sounds.
âJust wanted a drink of water. Got myself a book. Hope that's OK,' Michael said, moving quickly to the sink. He looked around for a glass but all the work-surfaces were clear.
Mrs Brightwell pressed her hands down on the table as if about to push herself up.
But the Commander placed one of his hands over one of hers and said, âSit down, Vera. There are glasses in the cupboard to your right, Michael. Help yourself. Mrs Brightwell's had a long day.'
âThe jam won't set,' sighed Mrs Brightwell.
âOh dear,' said Michael.
Silence.
âWell, goodnight.' Michael took the water and went back up the stairs. In the corridor he looked at all the doors and listened as he walked past. Nothing.
Back in his room, he read, until the sound of the waves dragged him down, at last, into sleep.
The Commander woke him at dawn with a cup of tea.
Michael went down to the kitchen to find Mrs Brightwell stirring the contents of her vat with a purple-stained wooden spoon.
âHelp yourself to porridge, Michael,' she said, nodding at another pan. âAnd have a dollop of this.' She held up her spoon and the dark preserve ran off it. âI still can't get it to set.'
The Commander came in and rested a shotgun against the wall. âRabbits first, I think, Michael.'
âI've never handled a gun,' he said.
âThe main thing,' said Mrs Brightwell, âis not to get in front of the wrong end.'
âIt's better with two of us,' said the Commander. âI usually have to make do with you, don't I, Vera?' They both laughed.
Michael wondered if he would have to shoot. Could the Commander's fingers pull the trigger?
âYes,' said Mrs Brightwell. âWe used to have a dog; but then, rather carelessly, it died.'
The Commander's arthritic fingers had no trouble managing a shotgun. He was fairly silent at first, letting the gun speak for him. When enough beasts had been killed and collected and Michael was festooned with game, the Commander began to speak about Brandy, the foolish gun dog who'd got in the line of fire. âTerrible waste. And you'd think she'd have had it in the blood. Worst of it is we shan't get the chance of a puppy for a good six months.'
On their return they found the kitchen empty. Michael stood while the Commander unhooked the rabbits and pigeons from his shoulders.
âCoffee for the hunters,' said the Commander. He made it himself then left Michael alone in the kitchen, while he took a tray upstairs to his wife.
The stove hissed. Moments passed before a door banged and Vanessa came in carrying a basket of mushrooms. He got up to take it from her; it wasn't heavy.
âLook,' she said, âa parasol. And there was the most enormous puff-ball I've ever seen, but it had gone spongy.'
âVanessa,' said Michael.
She took the basket from him and set it on the table. âDon't worry,' she said. âYou're doing fine; just be yourself.'
Just then Mrs Brightwell busied in with an armful of wood, slammed it down next to the stove, said, âNow then, you two,' and bustled out again.
Michael's voice dropped to a whisper. âActually, I think your father's getting used to me; he was telling me all about Brandy.'
That afternoon, the Commander set Michael to work in the garden. Michael had to be shown how to lift potatoes from the soil, a task the Commander clearly regarded as something every schoolboy should know.
Michael filled the sacks, working the garden from side to side. But he always seemed to be at the wrong end of a row whenever Vanessa went past. His back ached and he wanted to hear her say a few words of encouragement. The fourth time she went out with her basket she waved and smiled. He stood as upright as he could and waved back, grimacing.
He went on lifting potatoes from the soil with the fork, and bending to gather them, for what seemed a very long time. But he had to admit that it felt good to be outdoors on this quiet, white-skied autumn day.
Mrs Brightwell came past with a plastic box full of red and blue-black berries, followed by the Commander wiping on his trousers the soil from some carrots he had pulled.
Mrs Clifford, like an afternoon ghost, appeared at her bedroom window, wrapped in the same
peignoir
as yesterday. She waved at Michael, smiled and moved out of sight.
The Commander hauled away the full sacks of potatoes. His ancient trousers were smeared with soil and dried blood, to which clung wisps of rabbit fur.
Late in the afternoon Michael and the Commander went down to the sea.
They walked down across the fields in silence. Michael had put on his new wellies and Barbour. The Commander, dressed in an old jacket and sea boots, had looked him up and down and grunted.
Both men carried a rod and a bucket. Michael was expecting that now would come the questions â about his job, his background and his prospects â and he had his answers racked like sardines ready for the grilling. When they got to the shingle bank the Commander pointed out the source of the sea kale they had eaten the night before. âBlanch the stems,' he said. âSee the way we heap the shingle up around them?'
A wooden bridge took them across some reed beds through which brackish water seeped. A short distance away was the car park at West Bexington and they crossed a track smothered by large pebbles, only suitable for horse or tractor, or going on foot. The Cliffords' old rowing boat lay behind a clump of bushes growing out of the shingle. Michael helped the Commander to turn it over and then they lifted it together and began to carry it between them, up the pebble bank.
As they topped the rise Michael felt the sea-wind and saw the whole curve of the Bay. Nearer the car park, the sea's edge was dotted with fishermen standing at the shoreline or seated behind rods perched on stands. Some had made encampments: tents, foldout stools, windbreaks, fires or portable barbecues. A few children were fishing with their fathers, and there were one or two women; mostly the females were well wrapped up, and reading, sitting on rugs with their legs stuck straight out in front of them, looking up now and then at the view. Michael and the Commander marched down to the water's edge, their feet flicking up pebbles.
At the lip of the sea the beach dived under the water, which was, on that day, deep and clear from the very edge. Here they set the boat down and, while the Commander held onto the stern, Michael climbed in and took up the oars. Then the Commander stepped on board, pushing with his foot to set them going. âEasy today,' said the Commander. âHardly any swell and the tide's just right. Just row straight out until I tell you to stop.'
Michael rowed. The Commander rubbed his gnarled hands together. After a bit he said, âThat'll do. Don't want to end up in France.'
The Commander showed Michael how to bait his hook and cast his lines. They settled down to fish. Michael faced the shore; the Commander had his back to him. Again there was silence between them. Perhaps it was another hangover from the war, thought Michael, a case of âcareless talk costs lives'. But that was nonsense, if you worked it out. Vanessa's father would have been a boy still in 1945.