Psion Alpha (4 page)

“Gregor
was at Alpha, too,” Parley added. “Our mom probably thinks the same thing.”

“I—I
have thought about it as well,” Hefani admitted. “I am my parents’ only child.”

Sammy
glanced at Jeffie, but did not catch her eye.

“We’re
needed here, I tell you,” Brickert said. “The resistance can use us. And rather
than risking our lives to cross the ocean into a warzone, we should stick it
out and help where we’re most needed. I mean, guys, come on, it’s crazy to try
and go back!”

“I
agree,” Natalia commented, brushing her jet black hair behind her ear.

Parley
sighed loudly. “I appreciate your opinion, Brickert, but I feel differently.”

“Our
families need us,” Rosa said. “The NWG needs us. My loyalty is to them, not the
CAG resistance.”

Sammy
watched as a few more of his friends began to nod along with Rosa. Brickert,
meanwhile, was ready to disagree further. Sammy chose to remain quiet and let
his friend be the dissenting voice.

“Look
around,” Brickert said, cheeks only slightly pink. “The resistance is just as
against the CAG as we are. What can we accomplish by going home? Hugging family
members would be nice, but the resistance needs us.”

“They
don’t need us,” Miguel told Brickert. “There’s thirteen of us. Hundreds—thousands
of them. We don’t make a difference.”

Jeffie
let go of Sammy’s hand and leaned forward. “That’s baloney, Miguel! We’re all
trained to fly cruisers. Ludwig, you’re one of our best pilots. You flew
brilliantly in Orlando. We are hands down the best soldiers and fighters the
resistance has got. The thirteen of us are worth a hundred regular soldiers. No
one can do the kind of clandestine work we can.”

“Marie
is dead,” Miguel whispered hoarsely. “Domingo, too. My brother was barely
thirteen. He’d only been at headquarters a few weeks! Do you remember who told
him to stay back instead of coming with us to Orlando?”

No
one answered Miguel because they’d all been there when Domingo had asked his
siblings if he could come along. The answer had been a firm
no
due to
the high risks involved. Sammy knew the guilt Miguel felt. Nothing they’d heard
from the news reports on either CAG or NWG stations suggested that survivors
had been found after the assaults on Beta and Alpha headquarters, which meant
Miguel, Rosa, and Parley had no reason to suppose their siblings were alive.
And Sammy had no reason to suppose that Al and Commander Byron, his only real
family, were alive, either. The notion that only thirteen Psions remained in
all the world filled Sammy with bitterness.

“I
don’t mean to be rude, Miguel.” Brickert’s tone softened. “Really, I don’t. But
how could you possibly get back to your families safely? The resistance is not
going to waste resources on helping you leave, I’ll tell you. We can do so much
good here. There will be time for reuniting with families later.”

“Maybe
that works for you,” Ludwig said, “but not me.”

“You
think you four are the only ones who don’t miss family?” Jeffie asked. “I’m my
parents’ only girl. Kawai’s younger sisters don’t know if she’s alive. Brickert
is the only boy in his family. His father probably thinks he has no son to
carry on his name!”

“My
parents think they lost all four kids in one day!” Miguel shouted.

Jeffie
stood up and got in his face, screaming. “What about Kobe and Kaden’s parents?
Their sons are dead! At least you will be able to see your parents when this is
over!”

Kawai
and Natalia pulled Jeffie back from Miguel before the argument escalated.

“I
didn’t sign on for this!” Rosa cried. “I don’t want to be part of any
resistance.”

Sammy
pointed a finger at her. “You’re wrong, Rosa. You did sign up for this. You
took an oath. You said you would give your mind, your strength, and your heart
to the service of the government so long as the government serves the interest
of the people. Are you saying that the NWG no longer serves your interest?”

“No.”

Sammy
could barely hear her hushed answer. “Do you intend to keep your oath?”

“Yes.”
This time she answered a little louder.

“If
so, the best way to serve your country is to stay here and fight.”

Ludwig
turned to face Sammy. “You can’t possibly know that.”

Sammy
didn’t meet Ludwig’s gaze. “I do know.”

“How?”

“I
just do.” He sensed Jeffie watching him. Then he felt everyone else’s eyes on
him, too.

“That’s
it? Well, thanks, now I’m reassured.” Ludwig stood back up and brushed off his
pants. All the Betas wore civilian clothes now. It was strange at first,
getting used to them again, but the effect had worn off several days ago. “I’m
getting breakfast.”

Miguel,
Rosa, Parley, and Hefani left right behind him. Li, Strawberry, and Levu hung
back with Sammy and his four fellow recruits: Jeffie, Brickert, Natalia, and
Kawai.

“It’s
stress,” Li said. “Don’t worry about it. We all want to go home and see family.
Check in. Let them know we’re alive.”

Everyone
except Sammy nodded because everyone but him still had family.

“But
Ludwig’s right about one thing,” Li added. “It’s breakfast time.”

The
rest of the group headed for the cafeteria, leaving only Jeffie and Sammy. When
the door shut behind Strawberry, who was the last to leave, Jeffie leaned back
until her head rested on Sammy’s chest. He put his arms around her and rested
his chin on her skull so he could smell her hair. He sensed her low spirits and
held her a little tighter than normal. Even though his arm was pressed against
her stomach, he felt her heartbeat. His brain calculated that her heart rate
was sixty-one beats per minute, almost exactly at her resting average.

“Your
chin hairs are tickling me,” she stated. “You need to start shaving.”

“Guess
so,” he agreed. “What about you?”

“What
about me?”

“Aren’t
you going to start shaving, too?”

Jeffie
wiggled against him in mock anger. Then she settled back against him and let
out a long breath. “I should apologize to Miguel. I feel bad for losing my cool.”

“What
was that about anyway? You’ve been on edge all week.”

“I—I
don’t know.”

Sammy
sat up a little so he could see her face better. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve been
through it, too. Talk to me about it.”

“I
keep hoping—however delusional it is at this point—that we’re going to wake up
and everything will be back to normal. It’ll be the Silent War, not … World War
Three.” Jeffie rubbed her nose. “I’ll be in a bunk bed in a room with
Strawberry, not a sleeping bag in a room crammed with four girls. That—that—”

“Kobe
and Kaden will still be alive.”

Jeffie
nodded quickly. Her body shook slightly in his embrace as she swiped the tears
from her cheeks. Seeing her like this made his sense of guilt, always at a low
burn these days, roar to life with a fiery blaze. “Don’t feel bad, Jeffie. It’s
my fault.”

“No,
it’s not! I slipped, Sammy. A rookie mistake. I lost my footing and got shot.
If I hadn’t … they’d both be.… ”

“If
I hadn’t been dumb enough to let the fox lure me to Orlando—”

“You
knew it was probably a trap, Sammy. You played it smart. And because I followed
you, we survived. We’d all be dead if you hadn’t let us come with you.”

Sammy
closed his eyes and remembered the night a week ago. He’d had a strong feeling
that the whole situation was a setup. It hadn’t been his parents that had lured
him to Orlando, rather, his own bloodlust. His anomaly. He’d wanted a shot at
killing the Queen and Stripe in one fell swoop.

“Miguel
blames me for his brother,” Sammy said, and realized that he blamed himself,
too.

“No,
he blames himself. He told Domingo to stay back, not you.”

“Then
why is he angry at me?”

 “Maybe
it’s easier.” Her voice became shaky as she sniffed. “He did what he thought
was right. I’m the only one who deserves blame.”

“No,
you don’t.”

“I
do! I can’t get past this. I keep thinking about it. I see them dying in my
dreams. I see them dying when I’m awake. When does it get better?”

The
answer to that question stumped Sammy, too. Some days, the pain of losing Toad
or Dr. Vogt or the little girl in Akureyri wasn’t there. Other times, it felt as
fresh as the moment he’d witnessed it. “It does. It will. Don’t blame yourself.
You didn’t shoot them. The Hybrids did.” Sammy closed his eyes and saw himself again
in the red and black uniform of the Thirteens. His eyes were dyed like blood,
his face scarred, twisted, and mutilated. “I did.”

“What
did you say?”

“I
said the Hybrids did it, not you.”

“No,
after that.”

Sammy
shook his head. “Nothing.”

Jeffie
faced him, her eyes red and puffy. So was the skin around her nostrils. “You’re
lying. You said something.” She placed her hand on his face. He saw the torment
in her eyes and knew it ran deeper than mourning the loss of her old boyfriend.
She had experienced the terror that comes with battle. It had affected her the
way it had affected him. She continued, “I keep thinking about how close I was
to—how easy it would be to die. One bullet in the wrong spot, and I’m dead. The
thought won’t leave me.”

“You
were strong. You survived.”

“Brickert
held himself together. He was strong; I was weak.”

Sammy
focused on the hand touching his cheek. He enjoyed the deliberate gesture and
let his eyes close partway. “You’re not weak, Jeffie.”

“Yes,
I am,” she whispered.

He
shook his head. “Remember when I told you about my first encounter with them? I
was terrified, too. And I made mistakes.”

A
tear fell from her left eye and rolled down to her jaw. “I miss my friends.”

“I
know you do.”

“It’s
my fault.”

“Stop
thinking that, Jeffie. You have to let it go.”

“I
don’t know how to do that.”

Another
tear reached her lip. Sammy brushed it off. Jeffie took his thumb and kissed
it. Then she leaned in and kissed him. It was urgent and needy. Sammy kissed
her back, a little more confident in himself after a week’s worth of practice.

“I’m
glad you’re here with me,” she said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d
be fine. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“I
don’t feel that way lately. The idea of fighting in this war scares the crap
out of me.”

Sammy
kissed her again. “Same with me.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Jeffie
stared at him and finally smiled. “I … like you. I really like you.”

Sammy
smiled. “Ditto.”

“I
mean, I really, really like you.”

“I
really, really like me, too.”

Jeffie
grinned and rolled her eyes.

Sammy
nudged her. “You know I like you back.”

“Yeah.”
The way she was looking at him told him that there was more—something he wasn’t
getting. They kissed a third time. Jeffie leaned into him and put her hands on
his chest and pushed away. She exhaled forcefully. “Oh wow. We need to go to
breakfast.”

“What?
Why?”

“Nothing.
I just need to calm down.”

Sammy
didn’t understand, but he got up and followed her to the kitchen. Every house
in Glasgow had a door installed leading into the tunnel system that connected
the resistance. The house Brickert and Sammy shared had a door in the kitchen
leading down into the dirt.

They
walked through the poorly lit tunnel shafts with their fingers intertwined. The
passageways still had a faint burnt scent from the melted resin glaze lining
the walls despite that the excavation had been done months ago. Thomas said the
glaze provided structural support. As they walked, their conversation returned
to the news report they’d watched earlier.

“You
think the NWG will even consider the armistice terms President Newberry laid
out?” Jeffie wondered.

“Doubt
it.” Still holding hands, they made a left turn. Navigating the tunnels would
have been impossible without signs posted every few meters directing people
where to go.

“What
if the rumors about secession are true?”

“No
idea. I hope not.” According to the latest broadcasts from NWG news channels, a
few Asian, Oceanic, and European territory leaders were in talks revolving
around the notion of seceding from the NWG and joining the CAG. Sammy couldn’t
fathom that. He saw no difference between secession and surrender.

They
followed the underground signs to the mess hall where breakfast was served
cafeteria-style in an old high school. Sammy grabbed two trays and got in line
with Jeffie. The number of people living in the two cities of the
resistance—Glasgow and Saint Marie—seemed to grow every day. He recognized some
of the men and women that he and the other Betas worked with in the
surveillance center for the last seven days. A few of them waved, and he
returned the gesture.