“We could go back to my parents’ house,” she told him.
He curled his lip and wrinkled his nose at her suggestion, as though he’d caught a whiff of something that smelled unpleasant.
“Yeah, but your sister is there,” he reminded her, letting her know exactly what he found so distasteful about her suggested location. Well aware of Zoe’s temper and what she could be like when she got a pebble in her shoe, Juliet almost chuckled.
“We can enter through the back and go straight up to my rooms. No one even needs to know we’re there.”
He didn’t look completely convinced, but finally gave an unenthusiastic nod. Leaning around her, he opened her car door and held on to the frame as she slid in behind the steering wheel.
“I’ll follow you back,” he said while she fastened her seat belt and pressed the ignition button that started the engine with a purr.
“Drive carefully. And no taking any wrong turns—you know I’ll just track you down again,” he added before closing the door and crossing the street to the driver’s side of his Mercedes.
Thirteen
H
is care and concern surprised her after the way he’d first approached her. But if there was anything she knew for certain about Reid, it was that he hid his true solicitous nature beneath a hard, surly shell.
With Reid sticking close to her rear bumper, she led them out of Paul’s neighborhood and back to the even more upscale area that housed a number of multimillion-dollar estates, her family’s being one of them. She drove up the long, curved drive but bypassed the house entirely, coming to a stop on the far side of the extended garage where her father kept his prized 1967 Corvette coupe and 1962 Shelby Cobra under lock and key. There was no chance of anyone discovering her or Reid’s car parked in the rear.
Cutting the engine and stepping out of the BMW, she waited for Reid to do the same. As he approached, she turned and walked up the short path that led to the back of the house. They entered and climbed a set of rear stairs to the long, empty hallway that led to the suite of rooms that had been hers all while she was growing up.
Through the first doorway was a sitting room that at one time had been decorated in bright pinks and purples, with posters of her favorite heartthrobs on the walls. It still amused her that her parents had been all right with their three daughters doing pretty much whatever they liked with their rooms, as long as the rest of the house remained
Better Homes and Gardens
picture-perfect. And that included Zoe’s less-than-charming décor from her goth and emo phases.
Lily’s and Juliet’s teen preoccupations had thankfully been a bit more mainstream and less difficult to cover over later with fresh paint and wallpaper. The room they were in now was painted a lovely, much more mature peach with elements of cream. The sitting area also contained a love seat that faced a television and entertainment center, and an armchair surrounded by bookshelves.
Through the second, inside door was her bedroom, which still contained a canopy bed and a walk-in closet that held clothing choices that ranged from her preteens to some of last year’s best Zaccaro designs. She just hadn’t gotten the chance to go through and weed things out for donation yet. And frankly, there were some items that held childhood memories she wasn’t ready to dispose of at all.
But Reid didn’t need to see that portion of the suite in order to say whatever it was he felt still needed to be said between them. Setting her handbag on the seat of the armchair, she turned back to face him just as he closed the door behind them with a click.
“Is this private enough?” she asked.
He took a minute to look around before his gaze returned to focus on her.
“This will do,” he remarked. “It’s a nice room. And you’re pretty good at sneaking in without anyone noticing. Did you used to slip out a lot when you were a kid?”
Juliet’s mouth curled in a quick half smile. “I wasn’t nearly as bad as Zoe was. She was the incorrigible one, to be sure.”
Almost as though their minds were running on a similar track, her smile disappeared and they both grew serious at the same time.
Reid cleared his throat.
“Here’s the thing,” he said, picking up the conversation where they’d left off in front of Paul’s house. “I didn’t trust you.”
Oh, my.
So that was what it felt like to be sucker punched.
She wondered why people were so caught up on the idea of honesty, and why she’d been so all-fired eager to ask for it from him. Sure, it sounded good in theory, but damn it, sometimes the bald, unadulterated truth just plain
hurt.
Swallowing back the painful emotions that threatened to swamp her, she braced herself, waiting for whatever else he had to say—that she might or might not want to hear—or for him to say nothing more at all.
Maybe this was it. Maybe it was just “I don’t trust you,” end of story, have a nice day and he would turn around and walk away. Part of her hoped he would do exactly that. It would be so much less excruciating than to pick, pick, pick at the scab like they were doing now.
Another part of her, though, wanted him to say something, almost anything else, just so he would stay a few minutes more. As soon as they parted ways, she had a feeling their relationship was going to change drastically. To never see each other again or see each other only on the days of their custody agreement when they met to pick up or drop off their child.
New memories would be created to crowd out and cover over the ones from the past. Indifference or possibly even animosity would replace passion, attraction, affection.
She, for one, had been well on her way to love. She didn’t think she could have admitted that before now, but there it was. The truth, finally, staring her in the eye. Funny that she hadn’t been able to see it until it was too late.
Pulling her out of thoughts that were quickly heading in a “poor me” direction, Reid reached for her hands, taking them in his own. Her head lifted in startlement.
She’d thought they were working on their goodbyes, not something that would lead to touching. But the minute his skin touched hers, tingling started at her fingertips and moved forward until it spread throughout her entire body.
“I
didn’t
trust you, Juliet,” he said again, “but that’s because...I couldn’t. I didn’t realize until recently that I don’t trust much of anyone. Maybe that’s why I got into the private-investigation business to begin with.”
He let his arms drop, taking hers with them so that they formed a sagging bridge between them.
“I’ve never talked about this before, never told anybody else,” he began in a low voice.
His gaze was on her, but he didn’t meet her eyes, as though he were uncomfortable about the subject at hand and concentrating hard on the words that came out of his mouth. Juliet remained perfectly still and silent, surprised enough that he was opening up to her, and not wanting to do anything to cause him to stop.
“There was another woman, a very long time ago. She got pregnant, and I did the right thing—I asked her to marry me. But it wasn’t out of guilt or duty, not really. I wanted to marry her. To be a family, a father.”
He swallowed, the Adam’s apple riding up and then down again at the center of his throat, and his toffee-brown eyes were glossy with old memories and past disappointments.
“I thought that was what was going to happen,” he went on, “but instead, Valerie said she didn’t want to be a wife or a mother. She left town and I never heard from her again. It wasn’t until years later, when I started digging around, that I discovered she’d had the baby after all. And married another man. So apparently, she
wasn’t
all that opposed to the idea of being a wife and mother, she just didn’t want to be those things with me.”
Juliet’s eyes widened, her mouth going dry with shock.
Reid had another child?
Oh, she’d heard the rest, about the other woman he’d been involved with, but she didn’t particularly care about his old girlfriends. They’d both had past relationships; she’d been engaged when they met, for heaven’s sake. But as long as those relationships stayed in the past—for both of them—they didn’t concern her.
But the fact that he already had a child with a woman who had walked out on him and never bothered to tell him he was a father... That was...monumental.
She thought back to the night he’d told her they should get married after the doctor had confirmed that she was, in fact, pregnant and realized suddenly what it must have cost him to make such an offer. No, he hadn’t exactly asked or done the hearts-and-flowers, on-bended-knee proposal thing, but considering that he’d been down this road before, it must have been beyond difficult for him to discover that another woman he’d been intimate with had become pregnant with his baby and then volunteer to “do the right thing,” not knowing if she would go through with it or pick up and run just as the last woman had.
If Juliet had known, had had even a clue, she would have handled the situation so much differently.
“You...” she began, but then had to stop, shake her head in disbelief, swallow and begin again. “You have a child already? How old? A boy or a girl? What’s his or her name? Do you see him...or her?”
Once the questions started, they just sort of poured out in a jumble. It was too much to ask all at once, and surely more than he wanted to share at this moment, but she couldn’t help the rampant curiosity coursing through her veins.
“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head again. It was so much to absorb when she hadn’t expected to even
see
him again in the very near future.
“No, it’s all right,” he responded gravely. “I should have told you before.”
Taking a breath, he said, “A son. Ten years old. His name is Theo.” He paused for a moment as pain tightened the corners of his mouth. “But I don’t see him, no. Valerie doesn’t even know I looked them up. She has no idea I know she had the child and married another man.”
“Oh, but Reid...” Juliet stepped closer, squeezing his hands in her own. “You deserve to meet him, to spend time with him, to be a father to your son. And he most certainly deserves to know you. He may have a father figure in his life, but he doesn’t have his
real
father, and every child has the right to that.”
Reid’s fingers flexed around hers, and for the longest time he said nothing. From the granite set of his jaw and brightness of his gaze, she suspected he was fighting back some rather ragged, overwhelming emotions.
And as much as she wanted to know everything, wanted to help him reunite with his firstborn—if that was what he needed, and if there was anything she could actually do to facilitate such a reunion—she didn’t want to push him. Not here or now.
He’d already opened up to her so much when she hadn’t expected it at all, and he would tell her more when he was ready.
So she simply waited, letting him work through his thoughts and feelings while they remained close and connected.
Eventually, his chest trembled as he took in a deep, shaky breath, blowing it out again slowly. Then his eyes locked with hers, so full, dark and sincere that her own lungs hitched slightly.
“I’m telling you all of this because...when Valerie left, she took the future I
thought
I was going to have with her. The whole wife, kids, white picket fence, minivan part of the American dream. And without even realizing it, that caused me to stop trusting people.... Women especially. I didn’t want to get hurt again, but more than that, I didn’t want to make plans and get my heart set on something only to have it torn away from me.”
Releasing one of her hands, he brought his knuckles up to brush the line of her cheek. “That’s why I thought what we had was perfect. Intensely passionate, but casual, and with the knowledge that it was going to end. Maybe not as soon as it did, but eventually. No strings, no commitments, no expectations.”
He gave a short, humorless laugh. “It didn’t work out that way, though. From the very beginning, I was head over heels for you. I’m not sure I fully realized it at the time, and if you’d asked, I would have denied it to my dying breath. But it was there, so clear it nearly steals my breath to think of it.”
Juliet’s own breath was turning thick and heavy in her chest, her eyes growing damp.
Had he just admitted he cared for her? Maybe even...loved her? She was afraid to move, exhale, to so much as blink for fear he would stop talking or, God forbid, change his mind and start to backtrack.
So she remained perfectly still, waiting and hoping he would say more, her muscles rigid as her nerve endings popped like kernels of corn in a kettle of too-hot oil.
“Even before you told me about the baby, I wanted to be with you. It took every ounce of self-control I had to sit in my office the day of your wedding and
not
race to the church to stop it from happening. And the only reason I went into the office at all on a Saturday was because I knew if I stayed home, there’d be no chance of me staying put. If your sisters hadn’t shown up when they did to tell me you’d run off, I honestly don’t know how much longer I’d have lasted, anyway. I was about to chew through my desk, imagining you walking down the aisle into the arms of another man.”
Despite her determination not to move, she couldn’t hold back a watery chuckle.
Reid smiled in return. And then he grew serious again. “When I think about Valerie leaving, I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I’m even more sorry that I haven’t been in Theo’s life. But when I think about losing you...”
He shook his head, the tendons in his throat working as he swallowed hard. Untangling his fingers from hers, he cupped her elbows instead, tugging her just a fraction closer until only the slightest whisper of air could pass between them.
“It makes me crazy. My chest gets so tight I can barely breathe, and my heart stops beating altogether.”
Juliet inhaled sharply. The moisture that had been prickling behind her eyes for the past few minutes suddenly spilled over to roll down her cheeks.
“Baby or no baby,” he continued in a voice rough with emotion, “I’m in love with you, Juliet Zaccaro. I want to marry you, be with you forever, work on that whole home-hearth-and-family American dream I never thought I’d have. That is, if
you’ll
have
me.
”
She was crying in earnest now, giant tears running in rivulets down her face and messing up the makeup she really shouldn’t have worn today. But though she suspected she was on her way to looking like a Halloween reject, she couldn’t have cared less.
She was staring into the eyes of the man she loved, and he’d just told her he loved her, too.
“Of course I’ll have you,” she told him.
Resting her palms flat on his chest, she felt the pounding of his heart beneath the layers of fabric and flesh and muscle, and knew it matched the staccato beat of her own.
“I love you, Reid. I never could have gotten involved with you when I did, the way I did, if I hadn’t already been headed pretty strongly in that direction. It broke my heart to walk away from you—both times—but I did it because I didn’t think you felt the same about me, and I didn’t want to start down the path of yet another convenient but loveless relationship that was likely to end in disaster.”