Authors: K.M. Shea
I shook myself out of my thoughts in order to answer the purple dragon. He was starting to look increasingly worried.
“Yes, I’m all done with the kitchen, and I was wondering if
there was anything else to do,”
I said.
“Well…The floor was just cleaned last week, and my r
oom a little over two years ago. No, I guess everything is running smoothly!
Perhaps one
day
, if you feel up to it, we could organize this library. But that is a task better done in the winter when there is not much to do outside,” he supposed
.
“So what am I supposed to do?” I dumbly asked.
“
I don’t know. And to be honest, I don’t really care provided you do not destroy my home. Why don’t you go off and do princess-y things?”
That got a reaction
out of me.
“
I don’t
like
to
do
princess-y things.”
“
I assure you, that was apparent from the moment you first opened your mouth.
Whi
ch reminds me!” h
e said
,
getting to his feet which had been neatl
y folded under him like a cat.
“Climb on,” h
e instructed, moving his giant head so I could
clamor
on
to his long nose and forehead.
I
hiked up his face, clinging
to
his
sharp scales
. When I found a suitable position Azmaveth started walking. In mere seconds we were out of the library and moving down the north tunnel.
“This room is the
treasury,” h
e said
as we stemmed off the hallway into a smaller corridor.
“
It’s quite h
umble, almost embarrassingly so. B
ut
it
doubles as a laboratory as well,” he narrated
as we ente
red the room and I hopped off.
There were lots of tables filled with barrels and sacks
of strange objects and plants.
A few gross looking liquids were boiling over a fire, and towards the back of
the room were about 50 chests. All of them were wooden and plated with gold.
“
Let’s
see, which one is it?” Azmaveth murmured
as he rummaged around the che
sts. He opened one and a wave of
gold
coins spilled over the edges.
“Nope
.” h
e said, carelessly slamming it shut and pushi
ng it away as my eyes grew wide.
I had never
before seen so much wealth! He opened four more chests filled with crowns, jewels, and more gold.
“Ah-ha!”
Azmaveth
crowed
when he came to a
rusty trunk. He opened it up and snatched something out as I coughed
in the thick dust that hovered in the air.
We stumbled back over to the lab area, knocking
over
several
chests
as we made our retreat
. “Here,”
Azmaveth said
dropping several
objects on my head. “My book
,
All About Princesses: Everything You Need to Know t
o Keep Your Pet Happy and Clean
,
says
I should give you gifts
to make you feel welcome and appreciated,” he explained, ever the scholar, as
I looked over my new presents.
The first
object was a beautiful dagger, w
hich really would do me zero good because for all of my cutting lessons and skipping out on lectures
, I never pulled a cliché fairy
tale move and tried to learn cool things like how to use a sword or
dagger
. Oh no, instead I hid in kitchens where I was forced to wash a million dishes, or I hid in the church where I was kicked by bratty little choir boys. Don’t get me wrong, I
tried
escaping to the
armory
, but I
never managed to get very far
while
Mother’s
spies floated about.
The second
gift
was a silvery flute that appeared to be made out of a long, pearly unicorn horn.
Again, this present I would be even
less
likely to use. Long before I started skipping my music classes it became apparent that I was not musically gifted. After awhile even my mother gave up making me attend them.
The third
and last present was a silver charm bracelet.
The bracele
t had five little
charms:
a unicorn, a dragon, a
sword, a crown, and a slipper. It was my favorite gift, it seemed to be a better match for me than the previous two.
Still, I cast a confused look upon the dagger and flute.
Azmaveth cleared his throat to explain.
“The dagger is to protect
you
from any
physical
harm. The u
nicorn flute you can use to protect yourself from any
mental
harm, and I do
n’t know what the bracelet does. I
found it lying around last week.
I
believe
my cousin gave it to me when were kids.
”
I was strangely touched by his flippant words. “Thank you Azm
aveth,”
I said with my first real smile since my kidnapping.
I tucked the dagger into a pocket in my dress and attached the
flute to my side via my apron.
As I moved Azmaveth became distracted with one of his many foul smelling experiments, so I tiptoed out the door and returned to the kitchen to sweep the floor.
Some time later the quietness was shattered by the tolling of a bell.
“Ahira, could you get that!” Azmaveth bellowed from the library.
He had moved back to his previous reading spot after tinkering in his lab.
“What on earth is it?”
I yelled back.
“The door
bell, it means some one is at the door!”
he yelled.
“A door-bell?” I exclaimed as I exited the kitchen, walking to the front door as I marveled at his oddities.
“I wonder what crackpot came up with that idea,” I said as I halted at the giant doors.
“Hell
o
?”
I
asked, pushing one of the great doors a crack open, allowing myself to slip outside
.
I blinke
d in the bright sunlight and blinked again when I
found
myself addressing a human. A wizard as a matter of fact. A typical, cliché looking wizard.
He had long, gray hair and an equally long and gra
y beard w
ith bushy eyebrows.
He was wearing
the
traditional blue robes
with a tall
,
pointy wizard hat. The only odd part about him was the strange bag he clutched between his hands.
For some reason he
was cowering until he saw me.
“Ah!
You mu
st be Azmaveth’s new princess! It’s a pleasure to meet you.
My name is Wizard Marlin, and boy
do I have an offer for you!” h
e said opening his sack and
pulling out some
thing
.
It was lik
e a little wooden box with inscriptions on it.
He also pu
lled out a broom, and a towel.
“Now you may think this is a
n ordinary broom!” h
e started.
“But wait! It isn’t!
It
sweeps
by itself
,
giving you more free time t
o do other important things!” h
e said as he set the broo
m on the ground to demonstrate.
Sure enough, the broom started sweeping the entrance. But it was doing a horrible job of it. It wasn’t sweeping so much as it was making lines in the dirt.
“And that’s not all!
” Wizard Marlin said, interrupting my observations. “
In addi
tion I’ll give you this towel! This is no normal towel either!
It can soak up water!”
“Any other
towel can do that,” I blankly said.
“Well…Thi
s one can soak up more water than a normal towel!” Wizard Marlin quickly corrected himself, stuttering for a moment.
“
But that’s only the beginning!
I’ll also
throw in this box for free!” h
e shout
ed as if I was standing across the road instead of two feet away
from him.
I didn’t want the wretched broom or the raggy towel, but by this point I was wondering what sort of sorry excuse he was going to come up with about the funny
,
little box.
“Wha
t does it do?” I asked.
“I-I don’t know…” he said drooping for a moment.
“But all this only for the affordable price of ten
payments of
five
gold coins! Yes, amazing!
All of these products at least have the value of thirty gold coins, but you can buy them now for only ten cheap pa
yments of
five
gold coins!” h
e told me.
“Go away,” I ordered,
turning to go back inside.
Wizard Marlin grabbed me by the shoul
der, forcing me to turn around.
I pee
vishly glared at him. “What?”
“Buy
it now, while it’s on sale!
That’s correct, normally all these wonderful products are sold for twenty
payments of ten
gold coins!
You’re saving a lot of money by buying these amazing goods now!”
“AZMAVETH!” I shouted.
“There’s some
strange
wizard
out here
and he’s
trying to sell me
worthless
stuff!”
Marlin whimpered as
the doors banged open
when
Azmaveth appeared.
Azmaveth’s giant eyes were whirling
as I scuttled out of the way. “Three,”
Azmaveth sa
id as Wizard Marlin started to sweat. “Two,”
Azmaveth counted as Marlin took off running down
the road
, leaving his stupid broom behind. “One,
”
Azmaveth finished.
Azmaveth ground his teeth together and huge orange flames
burst from his mouth, jumping
hungrily at Marlin who had all
but vanished
from sight.
Azmaveth coolly blew a smoke ring and I clapped.
“Who was that guy?”
I asked as we turned to go back in.
“Grubby Marlin.
He’s a well
known traveling
sales
w
izard. H
e tries to h
oax human ruled kingdoms and sells useless products to princesses over here.
U
sually he gets away with it too,”
Azmaveth added as the giant oak doors closed by themselves.
“
Really? He was trying to get me to buy a towel
.” I said as
we paused in the dinning room. “For roughly the price of a
pair of good horses
.”
“Yes,”
Azmaveth agreed. “
He charges a lavish price for cheaply made items.
But unfortunatel
y most princesses buy the stuff,” h
e said sounding disgusted.
“
Perhaps princess purchase the items out of spite?” I suggested.
Azmaveth
chuckled as we parted ways. I left to make a welcome mat for our front door, and Azmaveth returned to the library to read some more about my ‘species’.
A Pox on Princes
I finished the rug
on the verge of the evening hours
and convinced Azmaveth to e
nchant it so when
saleswizard
s
came to our d
oor it would bite them
.
After finishing
the rug I cooked a simple meal—chicken soup—
and served it to Azmaveth.