“Agnes
used
to write letters to government officials,” I explained calmly. “Nobody listened to her. In her view, now people at least pay attention. That seems pretty sane to me.”
Okay, sort of sane. Ish.
“Well, I guess it’s all relative,” he replied. “Nevertheless, she needs to understand that she can’t keep baring her octogenarian backside in public.”
“I’m sure that you’re not implying that it would be just fine if she were a hot cheerleader in her twenties, Counselor. Thus, I’m not sure what her age has to do with it. I’ll have a word with her though. I’m certain she can find some other way to be heard.”
“I understand there’s a free tree in front of Independence Hall,” he shot back with a smirk. I felt a prick of annoyance and suddenly I didn’t care who was standing next to him. I was about to unloose a snarky retort when Sachs intervened.
“I don’t have all day Branson,” he said addressing his colleague, “If you want me to consider filing on that case, brief the issue for me.”
“I was just going to explain ...” The judge returned from her chambers and Sachs grabbed some papers and walked toward the bench.
“A brief will do,” he shot back over shoulder dismissively and the other prosecutor grumbled and sighed.
Thus, I gained a moment of satisfaction without even having to unsheathe my razor sharp tongue. A small smile played at my lips and as I got ready to go. I glanced up and felt warm wave crash over me when I saw Sachs look my way. I couldn’t help but notice that he had the hint of a smile on his lips too. And mighty fine lips they were.
T
he next morning when I got into the office, prepared to face the day armed only with a rapidly cooling extra grande half-caff, I encountered Rosalie waiting two inches inside the door. She was suddenly
right there
as soon as I turned around.
“You won’t believe this!”
“Oh my God!” I cried, jumping back and putting a hand over my now racing heart. “You scared the hell out of me! Why are you
lurking
?”
“I’m not lurking. I’m alerting. Guess where Dana is!”
“The Emergency Room recovering from a coronary?” I asked, catching my breath and throwing a baleful look Rosalie’s way.
“She was summoned to come speak to that hotshot prosecutor in the U.S. Attorney’s office. You know, the one from the news who your brother’s wife slept with.”
“They dated back in law school! Long before Adam and Lily got together.”
“Whatever! He’s a big deal down there now and he wanted to talk to Dana about that Troglodyte person who the feds were after.”
“Oh really?” I wished that I knew what was really going on with Trog. It was obviously bigger than Agnes’s ass. Okay, that didn’t come out right.
“What did he do, anyway?” Rosalie asked, eyes shining like a terrier with a juicy ankle in sight. “OH! Was he behind that Ashley Madison thing?”
“No! And don’t you worry about it.”
“Too bad,” Rosalie said, sounding deeply disappointed. “Anyway, Lena knows. She’s in her office.” With that, she shuffled petulantly back to her station to do whatever it is that Rosalie actually does.
I popped my head into Lena’s office as I passed by. “Hey, I guess you heard?”
“Yeah, Rosalie leaped out at me first thing this morning. I almost peed my pants. What is
wrong
with her?”
“Too much to list, but she ...”
“Works for free. Yeah, I know,” Lena finished for me, shaking her head.
“So, I guess when Dana gets back we’ll finally find out what our little Trog has gotten himself into.” It turned out that I had been a bit optimistic though.
Dana returned an hour later and asked Lena and I to join her in the conference room. We invited Jaya in to join us as well. She was a very big help to us, and she also seemed to get a real kick out of everything we did. Jaya smiled more than any human being I had ever encountered. I had the feeling that perhaps Mumbai had been kind of boring for her. At least she was entertained, if not paid.
We took seats around the conference table and waited expectantly. I wondered if there was any way to subtly ask Dana to describe what Sachs had been wearing, but I had a feeling it wasn’t the right moment. Dana had a look on her face that was exceedingly rare for her, confusion.
“They know that Trog hacked DocuKeep,” she began, “but they don’t buy that it was just a political statement. They think he’s also into something bigger.”
“Bigger? Like what? World conquest?” Lena asked dubiously.
“That’s just it. I don’t think they know. But they want to find out and they’re willing to pressure him by using this stupid twenty dollar document theft if necessary.”
“How did they know it was him? Do they actually have any evidence with which to indict him of a crime?” I asked suspiciously.
“Sachs wouldn’t tell me,” Dana replied, looking genuinely perplexed.
“Wait, he wouldn’t
tell
you? That’s ridiculous,” Lena said sitting up quickly. The hands were beginning to move. “If he actually indicts that goofball for theft, he’ll
have
to tell us. Hello? Rule 16?
Brady v. Maryland
?”
“Ah! This is the obligation of the prosecution to turn over material evidence!” Jaya spoke up excitedly. She looked so proud.
“Yes,” Dana replied with a smile, patting Jaya’s arm. She looked proud too. They shared a moment. “And I did, of course, point that out to him.”
“And you
explained
Trog to him right?” I asked a little uncertainly.
“Yes, I did,” Dana assured me. “And I even carefully considered
how
to explain Trog to him. At that press conference Mr. Sachs struck me as someone who is cool-headed, analytical and logical. Thus, I stuck to the facts. Trog is a lousy hacker. I thought Sachs would understand how illogical it is that Trog could successfully lead a major criminal enterprise.” She looked genuinely flummoxed.
“I don’t know,” Lena chimed in. “To me, at that conference he seemed like he was really worried about his buddy Randall. I think it’s a better strategy to appeal to his human side and explain that Trog is a basically just a kid, with no criminal record, and that he’s harmless. We should just sit down with Sachs and talk to him man to man. Let me have a go at him.”
“But you are not a man,” Jaya pointed out helpfully. She was on a roll.
“No, but I’m a woman who grew up with eight brothers. You leave him to me,” Lena said with a self-assured nod. “Guys feel comfortable talking to me. We’ll have a nice chat and before you know it we’ll be gumbahs.”
“What if he doesn’t want to be your gumbah?” I asked, not convinced.
“Gumbah?” Jaya asked, looking uncertain.
“It’s a common Italian-American colloquialism referring to a friend, companion, or trusted associate,” Dana explained.
“Ah, yes, gumbah,” Jaya replied with a smile, typing into her iPad Mini.
“If he doesn’t want to play nice, I’ll let him know that I’m ready to rumble. In my neighborhood we learn how to brawl before we learn how to ride a bike.” She stood up, pushed up her sleeves and strode out of the room.
“Rumble?” Jaya asked and Dana explained. She was learning so much here.
An hour later Lena was back, as Rosalie notified us with her Banshee-like shriek. I came out to the entry lobby with everyone else as Lena came storming in grumbling under her breath. One sleeve was still pushed up, but the other was back down. She had papers sticking out of her briefcase and a glare on her face that said it all.
“So, how are things with your gumbah?” I asked cheerfully. Her answer was brief, and I’ll note, anatomically impossible.
“What did that word mean?” Jaya asked.
“You shouldn’t learn that one,” Dana said solemnly.
“Okay folks, here’s what I think,” I said as my colleagues turned to face me. “Just because this guy is a big deal federal prosecutor, it doesn’t mean we need some secret strategy for approaching him. He’s just another lawyer, not Mr. Spock or Don Corlioni.”
“So, what do you suggest?” Lena asked, still looking miffed.
“He can’t ignore due process. We know that and he knows that. He’ll have to deal with us eventually. We should just wait and see what he does next,” I concluded confidently. It turned out that we didn’t have to wait very long.
“Jacob Sachs on line one for you,” Rosalie announced. I don’t know what stunned me more, the fact that Boy Wonder wanted to talk to me, or that Rosalie knew that there was more than one line.
***
I
’ll admit that my confidence wavered for a moment, but just for a moment. I pulled myself together quickly, turned and went directly to my office. There I shut the door, sat down and took a deep breath. I reminded myself sternly that this was business and I was an experienced attorney, not some high school girl with a crush. Punching the speakerphone button, so that I could take notes if necessary, I answered in my best no-nonsense professional tone.
“This is Abby Roth.”
“I wanted to know when you planned to come by,” that familiar deep voice responded, and for a moment I just sat there silently and let the sound soak through me. It did, and eventually puddled somewhere beneath the waistband of my stylish pencil skirt. It was my own fault. The image of this man being directly related to orgasm was forever burned into my psyche. B.F. Skinner would be so pleased.
“I beg your pardon?” I shook my head to clear it. “Did we have an appointment?” I grabbed my scheduling book frantically as images of Rosalie tied to spit with an apple in her mouth popped into my mind.
“No, but it’s your turn.” And suddenly, I thought that I detected just a hint of teasing in his tone and my heart started beating even faster.
Steady, Abby. Professional.
“My turn?” I asked, trying not to swallow too loudly.
“First Ms. Solomon came to reason with me. Then Ms. Merino came to socialize with me. I must confess that I can’t wait to find out what you want to do with me.”
Okay, he was totally teasing me. Sexy teasing. I felt the warm sensation in my lower quarters become even warmer, and I’ll confess, there was some tingling. I crossed my legs and tried to quietly take a deep breath. Thankfully, I had a pair of emergency panties in my desk drawer. Call me an optimist.
It occurred to me that this
had
to be more than operant conditioning. Nobody had ever affected me this much and there had been plenty of “special” private moments with yearbook photos of other hot guys over the years. Was it just because I hadn’t dated in a while? Do pheromones work over the phone? Did this have something to do with yoga?
“I’m not sure I want to do anything with you, Mr. Sex, uh Sachs!” I said distractedly, and then quickly correcting myself. I rolled my eyes and cursed silently, fighting the urge to toss my phone out the window and head out to the closest bar.
“Oh no? And why is that, Ms. Roth?” I could hear the barely contained amusement in his voice and it triggered my inner snark. Just what I needed.
“It doesn’t sound like you’re much of a giver. Why should I waste my time if I’m just going to leave frustrated?”
Nice Abby. Sarcasm and sexual innuendo will help your client a lot.
I clearly had no self-control. I should probably keep that in mind when interacting with this man in the future, especially in court. That could get awkward.
“What is it you want me to give you, Ms. Roth?” he asked with a husky note that very nearly turned all of me into a puddle beneath my desk. I
so
wanted to tell him. Instead, however, by sheer force of will, I made myself imagine Trog becoming the romantic partner of an inmate named Bubba over twenty bucks.
“Information,” I said clearly, relieved to be back on safe ground.
“I see.” Was it my imagination, or did he sound slightly disappointed? “Well, then you had better be prepared to give me what I want in return,” he replied, likely having no idea how much I would be willing to give him. “Looks like I’m open this afternoon. You know where my office is.”
“Yes, two of my colleagues have already made fruitless journeys there. I think you should come here this time.” Maybe I could lock him in my office with me.
“My secretary will expect you at three,” he responded, ignoring me.
“Wait! How do you know that I’m even available then?” I asked indignantly. Even while weakened by my apparently boundless lust, I was still unwilling to be pushed around. I was nobody’s doormat, not even sexy guys whom I would happily lie down for. And welcome.
“I’m looking forward to it,” he said, the teasing note back. With that, I heard a click. That bastard had hung up. Well, the rumors about his ego were apparently true.
I got up and walked over to swing open my door. As, I suspected, Dana, Lena, Rosalie and Jaya smiled back at me.
“It sounds like he wants to be your gumbah,” Jaya said enthusiastically. “Perhaps you will rumble.”
I
sat in a waiting area at the U.S. Attorney’s office later that day, trying to quash the irritation I felt at having him call all the shots. There wasn’t time for that; I had to organize my thoughts and prepare for a very real legal discussion.
As much as I would have liked to engage in more sexy banter with Boy Wonder, there couldn’t be any more teasing like on the phone. This wasn’t a game. Federal charges were serious. There were mandatory sentencing guidelines that meant that someone could do significant time for even a minor conviction. Trog may have been a somewhat goofy person, but he wasn’t a bad person and he didn’t deserve to lose his freedom over a stolen scientific article.
Some prosecutors might have made me wait just to demonstrate their power, but Sachs didn’t seem like the type who needed to rely on such pettiness. He confirmed that impression when his secretary announced at 3:00 on the dot that I could go in. I stood up, grabbed my briefcase, smoothed my skirt and prepared myself to battle vexation, attraction, distraction and whatever else I might be facing on the other side of the door.