Power in the Blood (14 page)

“No,” I said. “You never should, but you should be careful. And let’s talk some more about that this afternoon.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“I do.”

“Just call.”

“I will,” I said. “If for no other reason than to get you to do that thing with your hair again.”

When I got back to the chapel, my phone was ringing. Fumbling with the keys, I rushed in just as it stopped ringing. I sat down at my desk and less than a minute later it started ringing again.

“Chaplain Jordan,” I said as I pulled the receiver to my mouth.

“Chaplain, this is Molly Thomas,” she said in a soft voice.

Molly Thomas was the devoted wife of an inmate here at PCI named Anthony Thomas. She was devoted enough to her husband and their relationship to move up here from south Florida when he was transferred here. She rented a small trailer in a trailer park not very far from mine. She moved all the way up here so that she could be with her husband for six hours every Saturday and Sunday each week. She was either very devoted or very controlled. The romantic inside me said that it was the former. The cynic in me said the latter. Both sides of me longed for someone to love me like that.

“Hello, Molly. How are you?” I asked.

“Not very good right now. I was wondering if I might talk with you?” she asked hesitantly.

“Of course, you know that,” I said.

“I can’t do it over the phone,” she said abruptly.

“Why don’t you come to the institution this afternoon? We can meet in the administration building.”

The administration building is the only building that is not behind the fence.

“I can’t meet you there either. I’m in a real bind, and I feel as if I need to be very careful. I’m scared. Can we meet somewhere in town?”

“I don’t see why not,” I said, though I really saw a lot of whynots. “There’s a conference room I use sometimes at the sheriff ’s station. We can meet there if you like.”

She hesitated. “I can’t really meet you there either.”

“How about the Methodist Church on Main Street at one o’clock?”

“That would be great. Thank you, Chaplain.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you at one.”

After we hung up, Mr. Smith swaggered in with some inmate requests and passes for me. I took them from him and looked through them. Nothing urgent.

“Have a seat,” I said. “I’ve got a few more questions for you, if you don’t mind?”

“Nosuh, I don’t mind,” which is what he would have said even if he did.

“I need to know who supplies the most drugs on the compound.”

“Probably the biggest supplier that is a inmate is Jasper Evans.”

I sat there stunned, unable to speak or move. Mr. Smith sat quietly with no expression on his face.

“But he is our choir director and the most faithful member of the church,” I said at long last, unable to conceal my shock.

“Yesuh, he is. He a good singer, but he a dope pusher, too.”

Weekly church attendance across America was higher than it had been since 1962. This was not true of Pottersville. In most small towns, church attendance, like the population, rarely varies. People go to church in small towns for different reasons than they do in large cities. Attending church in a small town is as much social as it is spiritual— and often more so. It is also about family tradition and social acceptability. And, to be honest, there is less to do in a small town. Another reason for going to church—the reason in fact, that brought Molly and me to church today, and one that occurs more often in larger cities than in small towns—is having a genuine need or personal crisis. Molly had both.

When I reached the First United Methodist Church of Pottersville, Molly Thomas was waiting on me. The church was red brick with white trim and, like most Protestant churches, looked like an old schoolhouse. Recently, however, like many Protestant churches, it had undergone cosmetic surgery to make it look more churchy: stained glass, a statue of Jesus holding a lamb in the front yard, and a bell tower on the roof. These changes created a confusing look: part school, part church, and part brick home.

Molly sat in her car, an older dark brown Ford Taurus, with her window rolled down. Her auburn hair was moist, and sweat trickled down the sides of her cheeks. Her green eyes, aided by colored contact lenses, looked like the Gulf after a summer rain. She glanced around nervously and then got out of the car.

I got out, too, but without the nervous glances. Later, I realized I should have been glancing.

“Molly, how are you?” I asked when we were both out.

“I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t know what to do. I need your help,” she said frantically.

Her eyes moved rapidly around in their sockets like flies too hyped up on speed to light. She blinked often and jerked her head occasionally. I wondered if she were high or just needed to be.

“Come in. We can use the pastor’s office. He’s at lunch right now,” I said, walking toward the office at the rear of the church.

She followed. Actually, she walked at such a brisk pace that she passed me, which I guess means I followed her.

Pastor Clydesdale’s office was way too small, or his library was way too big. He had three rather large bookshelves that held approximately twice the amount of books that they were made to. The books standing vertically on the shelf held books lying horizontally, and the top shelf had four large stacks that reached the ceiling. The floor, or what could be seen of it, was covered with a dark green shag carpet from deep in the 1970s. A small window air conditioner, which was not in a window at all, but rather an oversized hole in the wall, pushed the sweet smell of pipe smoke around the room.

I sat in the pastor’s seat, an old swivel desk chair with wheels on its legs, and as I did I could feel two small springs—one under each cheek.

Molly sat on an old couch that occupied the wall to the right of his desk. The couch, which was beside his desk so the desk wouldn’t serve as a barrier between the shepherd and his sheep, was covered with a thin rust-colored bedspread and sloped down at the rear. This made Molly look at least six inches shorter than she really was. It seemed to me to defeat the purpose of having the couch beside the desk, something I was sure that the sensitive Dick Clydesdale had thought of before.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on, Molly.”

“I’m taking an awful risk in talking to you. I think I can trust you, but I’m not sure,” she said.

“If you have any reservations, I would encourage you to speak with someone you know better and can trust more.”

“I don’t know anyone. I am all alone down here. I’m out of options,” she said. Her auburn hair and green eyes were striking, and she looked as if she should have been beautiful, but she was not. It was as if individually her features were attractive, but taken together they were not. The total was not equal to the sum of the parts.

“Down here? I thought you were from south Florida,” I asked surprised.

“No, I’m from Michigan. We were in Miami about to leave for a two-week cruise when Tony was arrested,” she said and smiled a sad, ironic smile.

“So you moved down here from Michigan just to be with him?” I asked, envious of him for having such devotion from his wife.

“No, I never went back. I had my sister send my things and sublet our apartment. I haven’t left his side.”

“Are you sure you want to talk with me?” I asked.

“I have no one else.”

“Don’t try flattery. I’m immune to it,” I said. “But it is nice that you are confident in my abilities.”

She did not smile. We were silent a moment.

“If you want to talk with me, there are some things you should know first. I will keep confidential anything you say unless to do so would cause harm to you, someone else, or the security of the institution. Also, we are not alone here.”

She startled. Sitting up in her chair, she asked, “What do you mean?”

“No one is listening in on us. We have privacy. I just have this rule. I do not meet with young women in a pastoral role alone. It’s nothing personal; it’s just the best way to do things.”

“Who’s here?” she asked looking around the room.

“The pastor of this church, the Reverend Dick Clydesdale, is having his lunch in the other office.”

“I understand. I guess that lets me know that I picked a trustworthy man.”

I shrugged. “I try. Now, why don’t you tell me what is going on.”

“Okay,” she said and took a deep breath. “Tony’s been doing real good. This is his first time down, you know. I was worried about him at first. He’s not tough like those other men. But he’s doing good. A lot better than I ever thought he would.”

“Is that why you stayed around, to look out for him?” I asked, still wondering what her real motivation was. I wanted to believe that it was pure love, but I found it difficult to believe.

“I thought if I was here, he wouldn’t feel so alone, and that might help him make it.”

“And it has.”

“It has helped. But about a month ago, Tony started acting real sure of himself, like he didn’t need me anymore. He said that the most powerful man at the institution was looking out for him and that his last year would be cake. He was so cocky I couldn’t stand it. I hate it when he gets like that,” she said shaking her head.

“Did he say who the man was?” I asked.

“No, he never did. I would go on the weekends, and he would have all kinds of money to spend on me at the canteen. He would also give me little presents: a nice watch, earrings, a bracelet. He also began to deposit money in my account at the bank. Large deposits, especially considering I was his only source of funds and I hadn’t been able to give him any in a long time.”

“Did he ever say where it came from?” I asked.

“No, he didn’t. He used to say that the skipper took care of his mates. And,” she started to cry, “that everything he was doing he was doing for me. That he knew the sacrifices I had made to be near him and he appreciated it.”

She continued to cry. The right side of her face twitched along her jawline and her bottom lip quivered. I looked around for what I knew Dick would have close by. I found it on a small table at the left side of his desk. I held out a Kleenex box. She withdrew two of them and neatly folded each one. With the first, she dabbed the corners of it in the corners of her eyes. With the second one, she blew her nose. She seemed so frail. I wanted to hug her and tell her that it was going to be all right. I knew better.

“He appreciated it,” she said with disgust, “like I worked for him or something. Anyway, I was so thrilled that he was doing okay on the inside that I didn’t really think about what he was really saying. Then, last Saturday when I was visiting him, he said that he had something very special planned for us this week and that he would call me and not to be scared. It would be all right.”

“What did you think he meant?” I asked.

“I had no idea, but, to be honest, I was excited. Anyway, I got a call from him on Tuesday night saying for me to come to the institution. He said he worked it out for us to be alone. I was horrified, but I went. I was kind of excited too, you know? When I got there, the officer at the control room said that Captain Skipper was expecting me and to come right in. They didn’t even have me sign in or take my driver’s license or anything.”

I sat in silent shock, not knowing what to say.

“When I got into the sally port, a big man in a white shirt met me and escorted me to the chapel. He wasn’t wearing a name tag. I looked.”

“The chapel?” I asked with surprise.

“Yes. No one was there. It was very dark. The officer told me to go into the sanctuary and wait for Tony. When I got in there, Tony was waiting for me.”

She began to tremble, and her twitch grew worse as she continued her story through her tears.

“He took me from behind, like he was attacking me. He grabbed me and slung me to the ground. At first I didn’t know who it was, but then he started talking, and I knew it was him. He was like an animal pawing at me. I tried to turn around, but he wouldn’t let me. He had my jeans off before I knew it.” She began to cry so hard that she was gasping for breath. “Chaplain, he was whispering the most horrible things in my ear. Words he never used before and saying things he would do to me that he had never done before.”

In every counseling session that I had ever conducted I tried to sit quietly and nod my head as I listened intently. This one had been no different until now. I felt as if I were sitting there with my chin on the floor.

“Why don’t you rest for a minute before going on,” I said as I gave her the entire tissue box this time.

“I,” she sobbed, “must,” she sniffled deeply, “go on. It felt like he put his fist . . . Oh God, this is so hard,” she said.

“Don’t rush it. It’s okay,” I said.

“It felt like he put his whole fist inside me. He was completely out of control. He grunted and cursed and called me the most awful names. It wasn’t like Tony at all. Then, he . . .” she started crying even harder, “ . . . sodomized me,” she yelled at last and continued to cry uncontrollably.

“I am so sorry,” I said. And then we sat in silence for a long time. About five minutes after she stopped crying she spoke again.

“Chaplain, I’m no saint. Tony and I have had sex in every way conceivable, but . . .”

“But, with your consent,” I said.

“He raped me,” she said matter of factly, all her earlier emotion gone.

“There are doubtless many saints who have had sexual intercourse in every conceivable way, so don’t exclude yourself quite so quickly. However, no one should have anything forced on them. I am very sorry.”

“He hurt me, not too bad physically, but real bad emotionally. But the worst thing of all was before he was through, the big officer in the white shirt and two other officers in brown shirts came in. They pulled him off of me and cuffed him. I have never been so scared or humiliated in all my life. It was all like a horrible nightmare. One of the officers jerked me up, told me to get dressed, and then led me to the gate. I heard the other officers saying that Tony would get time in the box for this and that he should be taken for a preconfinement physical.