Portraits (69 page)

“You’re saying you don’t think there’s a chance…” Sara was chilled by the thought, and blamed herself for being so damned impetuous…well, what else was new…

“Nothing is impossible. Let’s go see Jacob tonight. He’s home, and I’ll try anything to get the two of you back together—”

“Do you think there’s a chance?”

“We’ll try.” …

When they arrived at the mansion in Woodside Jacob was sitting in the library. Shlomo suggested that Sara go up to her bedroom and wait while he’d had a chance to speak to his brother.

“Jacob,” he began, “look, brother, I know the kind of hell you’ve been through, and I also know that Sara isn’t exactly the easiest or calmest person in the world…But still, you’ve been together for a long time. This is no kind of life for you…”

Jacob got up agitatedly from his chair, but Shlomo persisted. “Now keep calm and listen. Sara realizes she’s made a very bad mistake, but you’ve got to realize her life with you
has
been difficult. There are two sides to every story, you know. She was lonely the first day she met you and she still is. But more now than ever. She’d like to come back…”

Jacob was pacing the floor. “Oh, would she? She’d really like me back? Do you know what this damned mess has cost me? Attorney’s fee, twenty-five thousand dollars, to start with. You want me to take her back? If I did, how long do you think if would last?”

“Look, Jacob, shocks can change a person. I think Sara has begun to realize her life wasn’t as bad as she thought it was. Being separated has given her a chance to take stock…She misses her home…Let’s be realistic about this. Sara’s not going to become a saint and neither are
you
. But if you go through with this divorce, it’s going to cost you one hell of a lot more than twenty-five thousand dollars. And forgetting money…what are you going to do? Live alone for the rest of your life? Get a new wife? You’ve got five grandchildren. My God, you’re both middle-aged people. You’ve lived through so much in your lives together and shared so much…What are you going to do, break up this beautiful home?”

“All right, everything you say is
right
, but how in hell could a woman have gone to such lengths, airing all our differences in public? How do you forgive a woman who does a thing like that?”

“The first thing I’d suggest is sitting down and talking together. Sara’s upstairs—”

Jacob stopped in his tracks. He thought of the years…he thought too of having to give her half of what he’d worked so desperately hard for…weighed the losses, the gains…And Gloria? He felt great affection for her and gratitude for her love, but he knew he wouldn’t marry her even if he did divorce Sara. He wouldn’t marry anyone. Still, how did he go back to a wife who’d stopped being a wife so long ago and try to start fresh? Who knew? What were the wonderful alternatives…?

“All right, have her come down.”

While Shlomo went to get Sara, Jacob opened the double doors to the bar and poured himself a full tumbler of bourbon, took a long swallow and sat down in his leather chair. When she came into the room, red-eyed and contrite, he felt more anger than sympathy, but still…

Finally Sara said quietly, “Jacob, I know you’ll never believe how much I regret having done what I did, but I wasn’t entirely to blame. The pressures put on me were greater than you can imagine…”

Jacob took another swallow of whiskey. “What pressures, Sara? I can’t be in two places at one time. If I was home you’d be complaining you were living like Gittel—you’d be living in the back of a store. You have this mansion and money means as much to you as it does to me. So when you talk about pressures, what do you think you’ve been deprived of? And
how
could you have gone so far as to serve me with papers for a divorce? How am I supposed to forget that?” He was working himself up now…“And how the hell did you get hold of an attorney like Brandon?”

“I was advised…what do I know about divorces or attorneys?”

“You were advised? Who advised you to go to Brandon?”

“Jacob, I’d rather not tell you.”

“Damn it, Sara, I want to know the whole story.”

A long pause, then Sara began quietly. “You must understand that I was in a very emotional state when I left. I’m not blaming anybody, but things began to build up…I had spoken to Doris at one point when I was really upset and she suggested that perhaps the best thing that could happen to us was a brief separation…If you could only understand the emotional strain I was under at the time. I thought perhaps she was right. When I said I was going to divorce you, it was only a stupid threat. I had absolutely no intention of going through with anything like that. But after staying with Doris and Henry—particularly Henry…He made me begin to realize that I was a young woman, and that if I wasn’t happy with you I could still make a life of my own. You’re a very rich man, and I could have a wonderful new life, travel…Well, people can be persuasive, and it hurts me to admit that in my state of mind I wasn’t thinking for myself. I was listening to him—”

Jacob sat silently until he recovered from the full impact of what Sara had said. He realized that, of course, Henry probably thought that if she came into a great deal of money, he could feather his nest. He wasn’t excusing Sara, not for one moment, but that son of a bitch Henry had tried to coerce her. That’s how she’d found out about Brandon, the biggest damn bloodsucker in the world…“You mean to tell me that Henry was the one who persuaded you to go ahead with this divorce?”

“I hate to admit that I was weak enough not to have seen through it to Henry’s reasons…But yes, Jacob, as a matter of fact he did.”

Sara began to realize what she had done, and she could only pray that Jacob would believe she had indeed been a victim. If she lost this gamble, she would pay a double price. And if she won? She lost Doris…God, she
must
be desperate. She was almost at the point of recanting when Jacob got up and filled the glass once again. “Well, Sara, as of this moment your daughter Doris and her so-called husband are out of my life. Betrayal like this is something I’ll never forget. I disinherit them, you’re my witness…and as for you, if you ever do anything like this again, as there’s a God above me, I’ll never take you back—not if it means giving you everything. How we’re going to resolve our lives I have no idea, but we’ll try to go on…nothing is going to change…I intend to do exactly as I have, and what you do with your life is strictly for you to decide.”

Sara could almost hear the sound of thirty pieces of silver being paid to Judas. That’s what it amounted to—she had crucified Doris…The daughter she’d never wanted…For this, she was sure, there could be no forgiveness…

It was midnight when she called Doris. “Doris, papa and I have gone back together.”

“Oh, mama, I’ve been waiting on pins and needles, hoping and praying that you’d make up.”

“Yes, Doris, we did…But I did something that I regret very much, Doris…I put you in a very awkward position—”

“I don’t care, mama, as long as you’re back together.”

Sara swallowed hard. “Well, I do care, Doris. Unfortunately, papa doesn’t want to have anything to do with you as long as he lives—”

Doris was stunned. “Why?”

“He feels that you took sides against him. I tried to explain to him that that wasn’t the case, but papa has to have a reason for taking me back. The only way he seems to be able to save face is by believing that you and Henry influenced me…I mean, by allowing me to stay with you. We know the truth, Doris, but he feels that you were very disloyal to him. No matter how I try to explain it to him, he refuses to speak to you—”

Doris’ outcry was like a knife in Sara—she was paying the piper already for getting Jacob back…

“Well, mama,” Doris said, trying to compose herself, “I guess what really matters is that you and papa are together again…I just hope and pray you’ll be happy…”

B
ECAUSE OF THE BREACH
between Doris and her father, the relationship between Lillian and Doris also changed. Lillian’s and Jerry’s livelihood depended on Jerry’s job, and Jacob made it clear that their loyalties had better lie with him. As painful as it was for Lillian, she couldn’t endanger her family’s security.

But it was Doris for whom the next few years were the greatest trial, requiring the greatest emotional adjustment. It was particularly wrenching when the holidays came, when the family normally gathered together to celebrate. As dearly as she loved her husband and children, spending the holidays with just the four of them left her with an incompleteness she could not seem to overcome. She was bewildered that papa could hold her responsible for the separation from mama.

One day she got up enough courage to drive to the plant, but her father all but threw her out, called her and Henry ungrateful
gonifs
and said he would never see them again as long as he lived.

She came home in a state of total despair and called Lillian. Lillian knew that Doris was unaware of mama’s treachery, but she was too frightened to reveal the true story. To take Doris into her confidence would jeopardize her own position—and only add to Doris’ heartbreak…

The adjustments Doris had to make were more than just emotional ones. She even had to change temples. The family had always gone to Temple Emanuel and she saw them there once, but they had made a point of avoiding her.

She joined another temple. As she sat in the strange pew during the high holy day of Yom Kippur, she wondered what papa was thinking during the part of the service that said not until we learn to forgive one another can God forgive us. How could papa read that in the
Union Prayerbook
and not realize that he was giving lip-service to his religion, which in itself was a sin against God? And what had her terrible sin been, to offend her father so? My God, hadn’t mama explained that she’d come to Doris and that they had begged her to go back? Well, it really did no good, all the thinking, the wondering…The reality was that she was going to have to accept the fact that she was no longer wanted, that the lifeline had been cut and she was left adrift.

Sara had resumed her marriage but things were as they were before. Jacob was away much of the time, and she still made no attempt to create a life of her own. More and more she clung to Lillian.

Not a day went by that Jerry didn’t come home to find Sara present at dinner, and Jacob was frequently there too.

And now Lillian and Jerry began to have their troubles. He complained that he couldn’t put up with seeing Jacob all day and come home to him at dinner too. Other changes too…Lillian had become quite heavy—which Jerry noticed—and she was under such pressure that the house was often neglected.

Jerry’s resentments became more vocal as time went on. Jacob had even begun to pick up the little girls on Saturday mornings to take them to spend the weekend with him. But if Jerry complained that he wanted the pleasure of spending the only free time he had with his own daughters, Lillian said that, after all, papa did enjoy the children so much…Jerry well understood that Jacob was using the children as an excuse for not being left alone with Sara…

At this point, Lillian was fighting a battle on both sides, but what distressed her most was the change in Jerry. He didn’t sleep nights, and if she asked him to tell her why he seemed so upset, he shook his head and told her she was reading things into his attitudes.

Then one day she no longer had to worry, or wonder. Her life came crashing down on her.

Jerry was stopped by the police and his truck was searched. A bag of money was found. Almost simultaneously, Shlomo and Smitty were picked up. All three had been under surveillance for some time for collecting black-market money, and all three were booked and held.

Jacob was frantic when the case broke. He’d made the deal with various meat markets that had approached him, telling him that rationing restrictions were actually hurting the homefront and for no good reason…there was plenty of meat for the war effort but bureaucratic redtape was making hardship totally unnecessary for the people of America who sustained the war effort from home…It was a persuasive presentation, and so was the money promised. Jacob knew it was technically wrong, but it made sense…he knew all about the bureaucrats who had never met a payroll in their lives, didn’t understand the profit and loss that made America great. So he made a deal, and to protect his brother and son-in-law and friend he had kept them in the dark as much as possible…or hoped he had. Of course, they were grown men and if something happened…well, they’d all lived off of him anyway, and life was full of risks, as he well knew, nobody put a spoon in his mouth…And now, well, in a private conference with his attorneys it was clear somebody had to take the fall. To implicate him would only destroy all of them—he was the meal ticket, after all, as his attorneys pointed out again and again. And what would the disgrace do to Sara…? It would kill her, as they well knew, and would any of them like that on their conscience? The burden of guilt fell on the three men who had collected the money—although they’d had no share in it—and a deal was made. Jacob would not be implicated, but he would use his influence to shorten the sentence and he promised that when they were released they would be well compensated for the time they’d done. In the meantime, he would provide for their wives and children.

Lillian and Nadine went to visit their husbands as often as they could. Both women were, of course, devastated. It all seemed like a nightmare they couldn’t wake up from.

After six months the men were finally released, and now they sat in Jacob’s private office as he wrote out a check for each man—five thousand dollars for six months in jail and three shattered lives.

When Shlomo was given his check he just shook his head in wonder, then looked up at his brother. “I’m having a little difficulty remembering the little boy who walked into mama’s one winter morning, looking for a home and family. What happened to you, Jacob? How did you turn out to be a man who would allow his brother, son-in-law and friend to spend six months in jail to protect himself? You wound up with thousands and thousands of dollars and you think that writing out a check will wash away your guilt. I never thought the day would ever come when I’d say this to you, Jacob, but I hope your soul burns in hell…Take your damn check. I don’t want your blood money.” And he tore the check into pieces and threw them on Jacob’s desk.