Pointe of Breaking (18 page)

“Meet me at Cuppa’s at ten. Tonight.”

I ended the call.

I knew I shouldn’t have even picked up the phone and dialed Leo’s number after he made it abundantly clear we weren’t an item. I just didn’t believe it was over, whatever our short-lived relationship had been. However, it wasn’t until I’d gotten that pic-text from Blake a few days ago that I finally put it all together. It was really over. Leo was
not interested
. I didn’t know how many times I had checked my phone before I figured that out. Honestly, I wished that I hadn’t left him that last voicemail… I wished I’d gotten the pic-text of him and Sasha before. It would have saved me the humiliation knowing that he knew just how hard I’d fallen for him. Nevertheless, I couldn’t lie to myself, not anymore. Leo had meant what he said: We were done.

Blake arrived early at Cuppa’s that night. He shook rain off of his jacket. I glanced outside. Gray clouds were rolling in.

“I’m not done for another twenty,” I told him.

“I’m in no rush.” He gave me the once over.

My skin crawled. I couldn’t stand the way he stared at me, with a possessive hunger in his eyes. I wiped my clammy hands on my apron and made up an excuse to get back to work even though no other patrons were here.

I could feel his eyes on me as I cleaned the coffee filters. He always enjoyed watching me hustle around in my barista outfit. After finishing up, I sat down across from Blake and handed him a coffee with extra cream, just the way he liked it. He tilted it to the side where I usually personalized my brew.

He said, “Cupp-A…but no heart?”

I said nothing. I wasn’t here to chit-chat about my heart or lack thereof. I reached for a handful of sugar packets, ripped them open, and dumped them into my coffee.

“You look like you’ve been living off Splenda and caffeine,” Blake said, eyeing the empty packets. “I take it you’ve decided against going to food pantries like your sister had.”

“Leave Zoey out of this.” I wished that I’d never mentioned her when we were together. Even so, I didn’t deny it, but I wasn’t going to admit it either, not out loud anyways. I needed help. Bad. My stomach growled. I pretended not to hear it, but the acknowledgement was obvious in Blake’s eyes. He knew I was desperate. He knew I was hurting. And he
knew that I couldn’t keep this up if I was going to keep wearing my pointe shoes.

Besides, he had offered me a way out…

“Is your offer still on the table? The one you gave me before I started at Focal Pointe?” I asked and felt like a whore the moment I mentioned it.

Blake eyed me. “Yes.”

I dug into my apron pocket, pulled out my engagement ring from a ziplock bag, and slid it across the table. My stomach churned. I hated myself for making any pact with Blake, but I just couldn’t do this anymore, not physically or mentally.

“Then you have a deal, Blake.”

He picked it up and examined it. “It was crap that you didn’t give this back to me a year ago. You knew it was my grandmother’s.”

I’d known. I’d accepted the fact that I was a horrible person for keeping it in the first place. Honestly, he could have been giving me the line that it was hers all along just so he wouldn’t lose out on the stone’s value. That and I didn’t know what to believe from him.

“Why’d you do it, Blake?” I asked.

He tucked the ring into his breast pocket. “Why’d I do what?”

“Why did you call off our engagement? You can tell me now. Now you have your picture-perfect wife, a dream job, and all the happiness money can buy.”

“Money can’t buy happiness,” he said with a sadistic grin.

“You just bought me.” At least I knew what I was worth. A costly tuition bill from Joffrey’s, few months back rent, grocery money, and new bathroom floor boards. “That should bring immeasurable happiness knowing that even after all the shit we endured, you still came out on top, smelling like a rose.”

“Marrying you was simply a bad business deal, but I did love you, Adeline. I still do.”

“Blake, don’t use words you don’t understand.”

“Oh? Are you going to give me a lesson in love, because from where I’m sitting, you don’t know shit about that four-letter word either.”

Sighing, I rubbed my temples. He was right. I hated that he was right. I didn’t know love from hate. The two seemed to be so closely intertwined. I thought I loved Blake, yet it was replaced with unrelenting heartache.

“So get off your fucking pedestal. Because the truth is sweet-cheeks,
you’re
blackmailing me.”

“
You
offered me the deal, not the other way around!”

“Tell me, if you hate me so much, then why hold onto the ring in the first place?” Blake smiled smugly and crossed his arms. “We both knew that you’d use it someday when you were in dire need.”

I slammed my fist down on the table. “Because I did love you, you bastard!”

I bit my lip, wishing that I’d never admitted that. The ring was many things to me—a sentiment of what we had together, even if it was a lie. Because the truth of the matter was, Blake had been a big part of my life, and our time together profoundly changed me.

“You
still
love me.”

“I have strong feelings for you, but love isn’t one of them.” How could I ever explain that to him? I couldn’t. So I ignored his arrogant expression. Talking about
us
wasn’t worth my breath.
We
needed to focus on the real reason why we were meeting. “When will you do it?”

“In the morning.”

He reached for my hand. I clenched my teeth and wished my hand would go numb. I didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t want to see him. But even if I wasn’t married to him, I would be forever in his debt now…forever tied to him.

“You can never be with Leo.” He tightened his grasp around my hand. “
Never
, got it?”

“Got it.” I jerked my hand out from under his. It was a feeble request and an easy one to comply with since the man in question didn’t even have the decency to return my calls.

The sky opened up just as we cemented our agreement. Thunder rocked the roof. I would probably catch pneumonia walking home in the downpour, and bus tickets were out of my price range…well, until the morning anyways. Right now, I didn’t even have room on my credit cards for a measly ticket home.

“Let me give you a ride home.”

I’d just sold my soul to the devil. What was one more favor? I grabbed my coat from the back and then followed him outside.

Blake opened his umbrella and hailed down a cab. He ominously stood behind me. His shadow over me would forever be daunting. He edged closer as the rain spattered back up onto my legs. My insides were as chilled as I was on the outside. My trembling had less to do with the sudden cold in the air and more to do with Blake’s hand slipping down my neck. Thank God a taxi pulled up, giving me an excuse to step out into the rain and away from my possessive ex.

Heavy drops spattered all around us, making it hard to see. Even so, a shadowy figure caught my eye. Soaked and alone, Leo stood in the middle of the street staring at me like I’d betrayed him. My stomach twisted into knots as Blake stepped behind me and whispered in my ear. “Do I need to remind you so soon?” He took a deep breath of my hair. “You can
never
be with him.”

I couldn’t imagine what Leo was thinking as I climbed into the car—alone at night—with a married man. It didn’t matter. Even as much as I wanted to run to Leo, I pressed my lips together and slipped into the vehicle. What I felt toward him didn’t matter.

He’d made his choice.

I wasn’t it.

Minimizing my feelings for Adeline these past few days was such a joke. The more I acted like I didn’t care for her—that I wasn’t falling for her—the more depressed I became. Telling my father that she was nothing was venom on my tongue. It burned and it ached, and I was a fucking moron.

I was falling for Adeline Parker. There was no getting around it. And it sure as fuck wasn’t going away.

And now, knowing that my father was supportive, despite all of the pressures from the Gold, made everything else a lot less scary. If my grandfather was able to resist the Gold, then surely I could too. Perhaps we were more alike than I ever knew. That thought was exciting as hell. Maybe I could use their success for good instead of greed.

Right now, all I cared about was getting Adeline back. I had fooled myself into thinking she would be better off without me. That was a fucking lie. No one was better for her than me. The idea of anyone trying to love her like I could made my chest contract. I would get down on my knees and beg if I had to. She was worth it.

Coming up out of the New York City subway in pouring rain was the city’s way of laughing at me and my melancholy state. I would have much rather hopped on the Ducati to get to Adeline faster, but the rain and my motorcycle do not mix.

It thundered loudly and the energy of the storm fueled the passion and fire burning inside of me. I ran the entire five blocks towards Cuppa, where I hoped she was working since I couldn’t get an answer at her apartment. The fact that I’d never stopped by her place of work before pained me. When it came to Adeline Parker, I knew nothing about the little things, and everything about the big things. The fact that I was falling for her made me want know it all. Every damn bit of it. My heart hammered in my chest with anxiety. It had been three days since she last called me, and I hoped and prayed that didn’t mean that she had moved on. Rounding the corner, I zipped up my leather jacket further, soaked and desperate in a sudden burst of a heavy downpour.

I then stopped dead in my tracks.

Across the street, inside the cozy and warm doorway of Cuppa, was Adeline.
My
Adeline.

Standing with Blake Rossi.

Anger wasn’t my first emotion. Rage wasn’t my first emotion. Pure, undiluted pain sliced through my chest as Blake and Adeline hovered beneath an umbrella as his hand moved from her neck to the small of her back. He ushered her quickly towards a yellow cab that had just pulled up.

Right before she got in, her eyes locked with mine, and my heart plummeted to the core of the Earth. Her clear gaze was unwavering as she took in my presence. Her jaw dropped as I stood there, frozen in time and space, waiting for the gods to come down and explain how the fuck Adeline Parker would let that evil bastard back into her life. Blake’s lips moved in close to her ear, murmuring something that she seemed to register profoundly. Before she could speak, before she could even blink, Blake shoved her into the cab. She slid quickly over to the window and watched me as they drove right past me, throwing a puddle of dirty NYC street water onto my boots.

I stared at my apartment door. I wanted to laugh at the irony, of “my” apartment. It wasn’t mine. Granted, it would have my name on the deed, but really it belonged to Blake. I belonged to Blake. I sold my soul for my dreams, and now I didn’t want any of it. I didn’t want to put on another fucking pointe shoe. I didn’t want to live anywhere anyone knew what a pirouette was. I was so disgusted at myself that I couldn’t even go inside.

So instead, I pulled out my key to Ivan’s apartment and let myself in his place. He was sprawled out on the couch, watching a reality show about being married at first sight.
Love at first sight—
ugh, I wished there wasn’t such a thing.

Ivan flipped the channel when he saw me and turned it to some swamp show about hicks making it big by catching fish. I managed a smile. At least he was kind enough to turn the station. I flopped down beside him. Maybe watching TV would drum out my conscience.

“You’re staying up?” Ivan asked when I curled up next to him. He put his arm over my shoulder. “Don’t you have the early shift in the morning?”

I cringed. I would have to tell Ivan about my deal with Blake. He’d notice when I was no longer pulling double shifts at Cuppa to make ends meet. “I’m putting in my notice. My salary from Focal Pointe should be sufficient for my bills now.”

He pulled away from me. “How?”

“Remember when Blake showed up at my doorstep after you dragged…
him
out of Joffrey’s studio?”
I couldn’t even bring myself to say Leo’s name.

“What I remember was you holding me back so I didn’t kick Blake’s ass out the door, just like I did to
Leo
at the studio because he was disrespecting you!”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. This was going about as smoothly as I thought it would. “You’re my partner. You want to still be my partner, right?” If he said no, I’d call Blake up in two seconds and tell him to keep the ring but our deal was null and void.

His face fell. “Of course I want to be your partner.”

“Then I have to stay in New York. And I can’t do that if I have nowhere to stay. I got an eviction notice today.” I left out all of the other debts I had.

Without batting an eye, he stood up. “You can tell me to fuck off all you want, but we’re moving your stuff across the hall.”

“No we’re not.” I patted the couch so he’d cool his jets. “I took care of it.”

“What did you do, Addy girl?”

And so I told him that Blake had agreed to get me out of the red if he got his grandmother’s ring back. Ivan’s mouth hung open after I finished telling him.

“So he paid off all your debts for a fucking ring?”

“And a promise.”

“To what? Sleep with him whenever he calls.”

I hadn’t promised that! I had a gut-wrenching suspicion that Blake thought it entailed more as well… “I promised to stay out of Leo’s life.”

“You’re going to regret this.”

I already did.

***

“Get your head on right,” Ivan sneered.

The final dress rehearsal was a fucking disaster. I was missing steps. I couldn’t keep a count. My body refused the demands I requested of it. My attention was all over the place. Focal Pointe had taken a chance and coordinated this entire arrangement for us. Mr. Scott backed us. Everything in this dance arrangement was created specifically for
us.

And I was blowing it all to hell.

What was worse was that after everything, I saw the look in Ivan’s eyes that I’d been dreading since the second he told me that if I quit Joffrey, he was coming with me. He regretted coming. He regretted being my partner. I felt it in his touch, our movements, his passing glances…in everything.

“Adeline,” he said, using my full name for the first time since I could remember. “Think whatever you need to fucking think about to get this dance scene right. If you need me to be Leo—”

“Stop.” My heart ached. Just hearing his name hurt too much to endure.

“No, you need to hear this. Leonardo fucking Richards is your goddamn muse. So if you have to pretend I’m him to get through this arrangement, then do it.
We
dance better when he’s in your head so I don’t care what you have to do, just do it.”

For better or worse, I performed better when I thought about Leo. Ivan was right. I needed to get my head on straight. To be in love with someone and not be able to be with them was the worst kind of torture. So after practice, I went to the last place I had him all to myself.

The park.

I found the bench we’d fallen asleep on and sat down. I closed my eyes and gave myself permission to love him again without reprimand. I fell into the moment of waking up to his heartbeat. To him playing with my hair when he thought I was sleeping. To the warmth of his body next to mine. I smiled, loving that the entire time he couldn’t
not
touch me in some way. It was in that moment I let myself go; to really be with him. I imagined waking up next to him like that every day.

I wanted that so badly. However, it was all one sided. Even so, it didn’t make
my
feelings any less real.

It didn’t mean I hadn’t given him everything. It was just the other, darker side of the bitch called love. And so, I used that as fuel to bring myself up to the level that my partner requested of me. Instead of dancing for love, I forced myself to feel the tormented side of that emotion because without knowing how deep it cut, one could not fully experience it. I remembered the night Ivan pulled me from the bathroom tub. Even then I couldn’t bear it. I’d been numb. Numbness was a blessing compared to the hell of a tortured heart.