PODs (26 page)

I woke the next morning, the sun shining brightly through the window blinds. I didn’t remember getting home or crawling into bed. I was still dressed in my clothes from the night before, shoes and all. Thorns from the weeds were stuck in my pant legs; dried leaves hung from my shirt and littered my bed.

I crawled out of bed and peeled the dirty clothes off before showering and dressing in clean clothes. I swiped at the leaves in my bed, but they clung to the fabric. Giving up, I pulled the sheets off the bed and balled them and my dirty clothes up, carrying them all to the laundry room and dumping them on the floor.

I walked to the kitchen table and slowly sat in a chair. Tears built behind my eyes, and a huge knot lodged in my throat.

I should’ve known. He didn’t touch me. He didn’t reach for my hand through the fence or lean in for a kiss. I don’t even remember him smiling. I should’ve seen the signs, but I didn’t. He blindsided me
.

The tears were coming quickly now—I let them.

I reached for a notepad and pencil and made a list. My tears dripped on the paper, turning each spot gray, the blue ink smearing.

David,

You know most of this already, but this is what you should know about me:

I like chocolate with peanut butter or caramel, but plain chocolate is great, too.

I don’t like liver or Brussels sprouts—my mom made me eat both.

I love Mexican food and seafood.

I had a dog named Alex when I was a kid.

I was an only child. I’d like to have two or three kids one day.

I hate being separated from you.

I love how you taste when you kiss me.

I miss you. And I love you.

I folded the sheet of paper and stuffed it in an envelope. I’d ask George to give it to David. Or not. I wasn’t sure if I cared.

That night I sat on the couch, watching the clock. I’d dreaded it all day. The time I would’ve been with David was going to be empty. As the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight, the more anxious I became. What if he were there waiting for me? What if he’d changed his mind?

I grabbed my tennis shoes and the letter I’d written him and ran out the door. I didn’t look to see if anyone was watching me. I just ran. I didn’t stop until I reached the fence. It was one minute after twelve.

He wasn’t there.

I
moved through my monotonous days on autopilot. At work, I sat alone at lunch. George was working his month at the clinic and Nona’s lunch break was different than mine. To fill the time, I wrote letters to David. Some were short:

I hope you’re well. I’ve been thinking about you. I miss you
.

Others were long. Some were lists of things I thought he should know about me, and questions I had about him. Other times I’d tell him about my day, my thoughts on life, love, politics, religion—whatever came to mind. If I ever had the chance to give them to him, he wouldn’t be able to say he didn’t know me. I was there, in black and white—an open book written just for him.

I spent every day telling myself I wouldn’t go to the fence. But I went to the fence every night, anyway. I’d sit on the cold ground in the prickly weeds and wait. Sometimes I’d cry until my throat burned and my eyes were swollen—and then I’d cry some more. Other times I’d get angry. I’d bang my fist on the ground and dig my nails into the soil, throwing clumps at the fence I hated. I’d curse it, kick it, grab hold of the wire and jerk it back and forth, only to lay my forehead against it and cry more tears when it didn’t budge. But most nights, I stared at the stars and thought of him and what he might be doing. I prayed he was safe, had enough to eat, and was happy.

Two weeks went by. I visited our meadow every night.

Every night I was alone.

It’d been four weeks since I’d last seen David, and as much as I didn’t believe I would, I had started to move on. I didn’t forget, but I didn’t let David’s leaving consume every minute of every day.

“Dinner?”

“Yup, it’s my night to cook,” Nona answered as we walked on the sidewalk leading to our houses. Sugar maples lined the path, their leaves brilliant with spectacular fall colors.

Nona and I had started having dinner together twice a week. One night she’d cook, and the second night I would. I started meeting my other neighbors, going out of my way to say
hi
in the mornings and make small talk when we’d see each other on the street. Nona went out of her way to meet our neighbors, too. She met a guy three houses down from her, and they’d been seeing each other for three weeks. I was jealous. His name was—cruelly—David.

In addition to her new boyfriend, Nona met everyone else in our neighborhood and knew every sordid detail of their lives. We’d sit on the wraparound porch drinking lemonade and she’d tell me stories of our scandalous neighbors.

“Jenny is pregnant—”

“Wait. Who’s Jenny again?”

“Eva, keep up! She’s my neighbor on the right. She’s been dating Todd. You know him. He teaches math down the hall from your classroom.”

“Oh, him. He’s such a complainer.
‘My back hurts…my irritable bowel is acting up…lunch was gross.’
He whines about everything.”

“Well, it seems Jenny got tired of listening to him, at least for one night. Evidently, even though she and Todd are supposed to be engaged, the baby isn’t his.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Big time uh-oh.”

“Then who’s the father?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wait! Nona—the woman who knows more about people than they know about themselves—doesn’t know?”

She laughed. “I’m working on it.”

I’d learned very quickly that, if I wanted something to stay a secret, I’d better make sure Nona didn’t find out about it.

I didn’t go to the fence every night anymore. I only went twice a week, just in case. But David never showed up.

The first restaurant opened in town. Although it was nothing more than a greasy burger joint, it was the talk of the town. Everyone wanted to go.

Somehow, Nona got reservations for opening night. She and David—his name still made me cringe with longing every time she said it—were going.

“You’re coming with us,” she told me.

I was sitting on the edge of her bed, watching her hold up outfits, scrutinizing them in the mirror.

“No. I don’t want to be a third wheel. Thanks for inviting me, though.”

“You won’t be a third wheel. A bunch of people are coming from work.” She rattled off some names. I was vaguely familiar with some of the people she mentioned.

“I don’t know any of them, Nona. I’d feel out of place. They’re people from your department.”

“Nah, you’re going. End of discussion. Eva…” She saw me open my mouth to argue and shook her head. “We’ve been here for a couple of months already and you don’t know anyone except a handful of neighbors and teachers. You need to get out and make some friends.”

“You’re tired of me already?” I teased.

“Pssh, no, but I know people need more than one friend in their lives. So come on. Let’s find you something cute to wear. This is the big grand opening. You have to look the part.”

We walked into the small diner. It was surprisingly upscale. Linen cloths covered the tables and matching napkins were crisply folded under the silver utensils. Small vases of fresh flowers sat in the middle of the tables with candles. It was understated, but classy. I was surprised. I’d expected paper napkins and red-and-white checkered placemats.

Nona’s friends were nice, but there was just one problem. They were all couples—five in all, including Nona and her David. And there was one other person who was dateless…or so it seemed. To his credit, Craig, my would-be date, seemed just as surprised at Nona’s fix-up as I was…either that, or he was a really good actor.

I was ready to stab Nona with a fork.

Even so, I spent most of the time laughing at Craig’s jokes, and it sure beat the heck out of sitting next to a cold, steel fence waiting for a man who’d made it clear he didn’t want me in his life.

“I guess you weren’t expecting me tonight,” Craig said as he walked me home after dinner.

“No. I was definitely not expecting you,” I agreed with a smile.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t expecting you, either.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“But I’m glad Nona went behind our backs and fixed us up.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just smiled at him. I wasn’t sure if I was glad Nona had fixed us up or not. Even though I’d had a great time with him, I wasn’t over David and I didn’t know if I was ready to start dating.

“I hope your silence doesn’t mean you don’t feel the same, because I’d like to see you again, Eva.”

“I…ah…no, I mean, that sounds great. There’s just one problem. There’s kind of someone else.”

“Ah.”

“No, it’s not like that. I think we’re through. I just need to make sure before I do…anything…”

“Okay. I’ll see you around school. We can talk later in the week?”

I let out the breath I was holding. “That’d be great.”

The next morning, I didn’t wait for Nona. She came by my classroom just before the first bell rang.

“Pissed at me, huh?” she asked.

“You know I am.”

“Why? Craig’s a nice guy. You two would be great together.”

“Nona, did you think to ask me first?” I asked through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to see Craig. You’re right, he is a nice guy, but there’s someone else.”

“Really? But I’ve never seen you with anyone. Wait, is it that George guy?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It
is
him! Well, he seems nice enough, but he lives in a different district. You never get to see each other.”

“It’s not George.”

“Then who?” she asked, her brow furrowed over her eyes.

I tapped my pen against my scarred wooden desk, glaring at her. “He’s someone from my POD. And, no, he doesn’t live in this district. He doesn’t even live in this compound. But I’m not ready to give up on the chance we might be able to be together again when this virus thing is under control. I’m not ready to date. And if you would’ve asked me, I could have told you this. Now I have to tell Craig and risk hurting a really nice guy’s feelings.”

“I’m sorry, Eva. I didn’t think to ask. I thought I was helping.”

I looked over her shoulder at the white wall.

She should’ve asked. But she seems genuinely sorry. I can’t stay mad forever—not when the only other people I know in the world are in other compounds…or God knows where
.

“Don’t do it again. Next time, at least ask.”

“Deal. Do you want me to talk to Craig for you?”

“Nona! Didn’t we just decide you were going to butt out? I’ll talk with him. You stay out of things. From now on, no more secret blind dates.”

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Gotcha. I’ll see you after work.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get out of here. My class is about to start.”