Playing Patience (17 page)

He stuffed the boxers I was wearing into my hand.

“Put these back on and be very quiet,” he whispered into the room.

I pulled his boxers on over my panties and sat back down. I assumed the reason he wanted me quiet was so his dad didn’t know he had a girl in his room. Zeke was older, but maybe it was one of his dad’s rules or something. Either way, I silently said a thank you to Zeke’s dad for interrupting what was about to be a very uncomfortable moment. I didn’t want to answer any questions. I didn’t want to explain my sudden mood change. There really was only one explanation for it and there was no way I could’ve made up a lie that quick.

We sat in dark silence as his dad moved around. We heard water running and cabinets closing until finally the front door opened and closed. Zeke remained silent until his dad’s loud truck cranked up outside and pulled away.

Once his dad was gone, we sat in silence next to each other on the bed for another minute before he stood up. He looked down at me, a streetlight from outside his window cutting a path across his face. His expression was stern and he looked angry. I felt bad for leading him on, but it wasn’t like I did it on purpose.

“Goodnight,” he said as he turned away and got on the floor.

I peeled back the covers on his bed and climbed in.

“Goodnight,” I responded.

I was the queen of silent crying and I cried myself to sleep.

Thirteen

Zeke

With wide eyes, I listened to her quietly cry above me on my bed. I didn’t know what happened, but it scared the shit out me. I didn’t mean for it to go that far. I hadn’t meant to do more than look at her when I lied and told her she’d wake my dad if she changed in the bathroom. I couldn’t even believe she fell for that and I was really shocked when she turned and started to undress. She seemed too shy even for that.

I watched from beneath my arm as she peeled off her clothes and I was done. Her white, lacey bra and panties had nearly done me in. I’m not sure what possessed me to stand and go to her, but it was a force I couldn’t fight. As I stood behind her and she adjusted her clothes, her scent filled my room. Except this time it wasn’t the scent of freshly cut grass. This time it was a soft feminine smell, a light baby powder mixed with her natural scent.

When she pulled her hair out of the collar of the shirt, I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through it. I’d never seen a female look so sexy in my entire life. She looked amazing in my clothes and it gave me an odd satisfaction, as if my clothes being against her skin made her mine in some way. She could never be mine, and even if that’s what I wanted her to be, I’d never do that to her. I’d run until I couldn’t run anymore before I tarnished her life by making myself a part of it. She deserved better than I could ever be for her.

When she turned and looked at me, I felt myself give in to her completely. No one’s ever had that kind of control over me and while I should’ve fucking hated it, it felt right. For the first time in my life, being with a woman didn’t feel like a dirty, erotic sin. It felt real. The way she felt against my skin, the way her body felt beneath my fingers, it was right.

It was more than just trying to get laid. It was more than seeing a hot chick naked. For the most part, I hadn’t even cared about making myself feel good. Just touching her and pulling those natural reactions from her was enough for me. I’d never looked down at a woman and thought about her beauty, but Patience was so beautiful. The way she moved, the sounds that came from her perfect mouth, they were too much for me. Kissing wasn’t my thing. In fact, I never kissed girls, but I’d almost kissed her. As it was, I’d already done more with her than any other girl in the kissing department. I wasn’t the kind of guy who planted soft kisses on a female, but I couldn’t keep my mouth away from her. It was like I was a completely different guy when it came to her.

When she froze beneath me and I saw that look of pure fear on her face, it had been like a shock from an electrical outlet. It looked like she was crying, but I wasn’t positive until I ran my thumb beneath her eye and felt the moisture.

Why had she let me go that far if it wasn’t what she wanted? Why had she been so responsive to my touches if it made her sad? It was the most confusing moment of my entire life and in that brief moment of reflection, I let old Zeke take center stage again. I was about to say something hurtful and rude when I heard my dad getting up for work. Then the real fear set in.

The chances of him coming in my room before work were slim, but it would’ve been my luck that he would. I didn’t want Patience to see that side of my life. I didn’t want anyone to know the embarrassing details of me getting my ass kicked. I didn’t feel relief until I heard his truck pull away.

Instead of sleeping, I lay there and forced myself to stay put until I heard her breathing even out. It was getting ridiculous. All the back and forth with Patience was making my head spin, and to top it off, I felt like my balls were about to explode.

I got up, grabbed something to eat, and then took a hot shower. I was sure to soap up and use my hand to get some relief. Hopefully getting off one good time would help with my crazed Patience hormones. I had to find a girl from my world to have sex with. That’s all it boiled down to.

When I got out of the shower, I dried off, threw on some clothes, and then went back into my room to check on Patience. She was still sleeping peacefully, and had I not heard her crying the night before, I still would’ve known from the puffiness around her eyes. She turned onto her back and the covers shifted and revealed a soft leg and my gray boxers. They were big on her and had shifted throughout the night so her white panties were showing.

I reached over to pull the cover back over and her eyes popped open. She leaned up on her elbows, looked around the room, and then seemed to remember the night before.

“Good morning, sunshine,” I said blandly, as I searched through my sock drawer. “It’s about time you woke up. You want to grab a shower before I take you home?”

She sat up with sleepy eyes and disheveled hair. She looked amazing and all I wanted to do was climb under the warm covers with her.

“I’ll just grab one when I get home. Let me get my clothes on and rinse my mouth out.”

She went into the bathroom and came out minutes later wearing her clothes from the night before. I grabbed my guitar and we left. The ride to her house was a quiet one and when I stopped a few houses down from hers, she opened the door and got out. Before I could pull away, she leaned down into the window.

“Thanks,” she said with a tiny smile.

It was a single word, but it sounded so final that my stomach ached.

“No worries.”

I watched as she walked away from my car, and then I pulled off and didn’t look back.

I spent the entire day Sunday at Finn’s house, but when a joint was passed my way, I turned it down. The appeal of getting high just wasn’t there. Every now and again, I’d think to myself that weed could never get me as high as Patience did in my bed, but as soon as the thought would enter my mind, I’d squash it.

“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Finn asked after I played the wrong chord for the tenth time. “We’ve been playing for years and I’ve never heard you screw up like this. You did it the other night at The Icehouse, too. You’re not snorting that shit, are you?”

“Nah, man, I want to slow down, not speed up. I just have a lot on my mind I guess.”

Thankfully, the guys let it drop, but I was seriously having a hard time concentrating since Chet decided to bring Megan to practice. Every time she lifted her phone to text, I wondered if it was my snowflake on the other end.

I stumbled into my house at close to midnight, drunk out of my mind. My old man was waiting at the door when I got there. I was too drunk to remember most of the beating, but the next morning when I woke up for school, my lip was swollen and there was blood smeared all over my face. Apparently, I didn’t block too well when wasted.

Patience didn’t come to community service for the entire week, and though I swore it had nothing to do with the fact that she wasn’t there, the week was the worst I’d had in a while. When Friday night practice rolled around, I gave in and asked Megan about her. I tried to play it off like I was glad she wasn’t around aggravating me, but really I was worried. It didn’t seem like her to disappear from the face of the Earth.

“Where’s your girl Patience? Why isn’t she around getting in the way?” I asked Megan as I tuned my guitar.

“What’s wrong, Zeke? You pissed you didn’t get in them panties?” Tiny laughed.

I glared over at him. “She’s not my type.”

“Whatever, dude. Your type is female and she was
all
female,” Chet said, earning a pissed-off look from Megan.

“She’s been sick. The flu I think. She missed school all week too. I haven’t seen her since that night at The Icehouse and she’s hasn’t really texted me either.” She shrugged. “It’s weird. Patience never gets sick, but I think she’s okay.”

None of it sat well with me. Patience missing school and Boy’s Club didn’t seem like her. Maybe she really was sick, but my gut instinct that came around at the wrong times told me she wasn’t. I tried to push it out of my mind.

I didn’t go home that night. Instead, I crashed on Finn’s couch.

We found out Saturday morning that The Pit was open again and by Saturday afternoon, we were booked to play there that night. I’d never been so happy to see those concrete walls. All the graffiti had been painted over, but there were some guys with spray paint working on something new on a far wall. We set up and started playing once the room began to fill.

Two hours later, I was drenched in sweat and had a hell of a buzz. I played my ass off and the crowd seemed to be feeding off our energy. A redhead that I’d seen before kept giving me flirty eyes from the front row and I decided halfway through the set I was taking her back to Finn’s and getting some. A couple times I leaned down while I was playing and took in her overflowing cleavage.

After the set was over, we packed up our stuff and headed to the cars. The inside of the club was still jumping and we could’ve stayed and partied the rest of the night away, but I had a willing redhead named Stephanie on my arm and hard-on that was aching against my jeans.

“Hey, Chet, we’ll catch y’all at Finn’s place later,” I called over my shoulder as I grabbed the redhead around the waist and pulled her to me.

I knew her name, but it wasn’t necessary. Redhead was a good enough name for me. I’d been upfront and honest about what the night was about and she seemed perfectly fine with being a quick one-night fuck.

When I turned back around to leave, I almost walked into Patience. Her blue eyes met mine and then landed on my hand, which was holding Stephanie close to me. She took in the girl next to me and her eyes drifted up and then down. Her face was expressionless when she looked back at me, but I saw the tiny crack in her armor when a brief second of pain filled her eyes.

“Hey, stranger! Long time no see,” I slurred.

Her lips bent into a fake smile.

“Yeah, I’ve been kind of busy this week.” She shrugged.

I couldn’t tell if she was lying or not, but I wanted to know what was so important that she missed Boy’s Club and school.

“I’ll be right back, baby. I’m going to run to the bathroom before we leave,” Stephanie said as she tilted her head up and kissed me on the neck.

It was obvious she was marking her territory for the night, but Patience didn’t seem to catch on. Once Stephanie was gone, the room disappeared around me and my attention honed in on Patience. She was wearing another pair of tight jeans and a light-blue top that made her hair and eyes pop.

“What’s that about?” she said as she motioned to Stephanie, who was easing her way through the crowd toward the bathroom.

“A man has needs, snowflake.” I grinned down at her.

Her throat worked up and down as she swallowed hard.

“The same needs I couldn’t fulfill.” Her eyes flicked down as if she were ashamed of herself.

The pain in her eyes made the pressure on my chest feel heavier. I wanted to tell her she had nothing to be ashamed of. I wanted to tell her that being with her, even without the sex, had been wonderful, but I didn’t respond. I just shrugged my shoulders and shook my head like I was aggravated by her. Really, I was aggravated with myself because I wanted Patience to fulfill my needs. I wanted to take her somewhere quiet and do anything she wanted. I’d even cuddle if it meant being close to her, but it would never happen because I’d never let it happen.

“It is what it is,” I finally said.

She didn’t respond. Instead, her eyes filled with tears that never fell and she nodded her head like she understood. Damn her for always being so understanding. Damn her for not bursting out of her skin the way I would’ve had I seen her with another guy. I was pissed that she’d just step aside so easily. We weren’t in a relationship or anything and we never would be, but I’d never give up on her that easy. Though, technically, wasn’t that what I was doing? I was giving up on her, but I was doing it
for
her. I could never be what she needed in her life and she could never be what I needed in mine. Whatever it was we had going on needed to end. It was already practically nonexistent anyway.

It was then that Stephanie returned from the bathroom. She put her arm around mine and shot Patience an evil grin. Patience smiled sweetly at her, then looked at me. Something in her eyes burned me. Maybe it was the resolution I saw in them, the fact that she was perfectly okay with just walking away and letting me leave with Stephanie. For some reason it hurt in my chest and stomach, and that hurt did nothing but piss me off even more.

“Have fun tonight,” she said with a big fake smile.

“I will.” The minute the words came out of my mouth I wanted to shove them back in and swallow them down.

She looked down and took a deep breath, and then she turned and walked away. I stood there stuck to my spot until I felt Stephanie tug my arm.