Place Of Her Own (9 page)

All the energy in Katherine’s face disappeared. “I’m happy for you.”

If that was happy, what would describe her earlier reaction? “Katherine, Father’s changed. He’s a humbled man.”

She gave a weak smile and a nod. “Dinner is ready whenever you are.”

Shelton watched her walk off toward the house. He kicked the pump with his foot. His toe throbbed. That would teach him to take out his anger on an immoveable object.

“Father God,” he prayed, “am I so blinded by love for Katherine that I’m ignoring the problems our union would create for my parents? And for her?” Shelton sighed. “Your will, Father, not mine.” He hoped he meant his prayer, because he knew his heart would be destroyed if he and Katherine would never be together.

Katherine sat numbly through dinner. Shelton’s news flooded the conversation. Urias spoke of some farms in the area that might be available for a good price. Shelton mentioned one where a woman was recently widowed. Having lived with Grandma Mac for a short time, Katherine realized how hard it would be for an elderly woman to live alone and maintain a farm, even a small one such as Grandma Mac now owned. Rather than a farm, Shelton wanted a ranch, where he could breed horses.

The conversation moved on to other news from the area, but the lively chatter didn’t engage her. She wondered how big a ranch he would have. And whether he would feel so compelled to provide for his parents that they would live on the property with him.

Urias’s voice broke through her jumbled thoughts. “I read somewhere they moved Daniel Boone and his wife’s bones to Frankfort on September thirteenth. The town had a parade and everything.”

“Seems odd to move a man’s bones after he’s been laid to rest,” Prudence said. “But I imagine the state is happy to have the man who blazed the trail to Kentucky back home.”

Prudence peered at Katherine. “You’re awfully quiet tonight.”

“I suppose I don’t have much to offer in a discussion about local affairs.”

“I’d be interested in anything you had to say.” Shelton set his fork on the table. “What were you thinking about while we were discussing Daniel Boone?”

She’d done it this time. She should have known Shelton would be able to tell she was distracted by her own thoughts.

Everyone at the table stared at her, waiting for her response.
All right
, she thought.
If he really wants to know …

“I just find it hard to understand why you feel the need to provide for your parents. I suppose not having my own parents any longer, I don’t understand your loyalty to them.”

Shelton wiped his lips with his napkin. “It’s a question of honor. I don’t approve of my father’s actions, but I am duty bound by God’s Word and my conscience to honor my parents.”

Urias reached for his glass of water. “I have to agree. Hiram Greene isn’t one of my favorite people in the world, but he is Prudence’s father, and I choose to respect him because he raised my beautiful wife.” He looked at Prudence, who smiled lovingly at him. Then he returned his attention to Katherine. “What would you do if our mother showed up one day? Would you curse her and throw her out, or would you forgive her and provide her with a place to stay?”

“Seeing as how I don’t own my own home, I couldn’t make such an offer.”
And I probably never will be able to anyway.
“I honestly don’t know what I’d do if Mother were to show up.”

“I’d have a problem with that as well,” Shelton acknowledged.

“I think we all would,” Prudence offered. “While my parents had their problems, they did love us and raise us well.”

Katherine sat back in her chair and thought on that for a moment. The Greens did love their children. And that was more than she could say about her mother.

Prudence reached for Urias’s hand. He wrapped his fingers around hers. “Father knows he tricked us and used us. I don’t think he will ever ask for forgiveness, even though we gave it to him long ago.”

Katherine forked a piece of meat but couldn’t raise it to her mouth. “Forgiveness is one thing. But taking care of them? Hiram Greene is not so old that he can’t take care of himself.”

“Father’s gambling is like a sickness. He can’t seem to stop. And Mother shouldn’t suffer for his transgressions. So I will provide for them. In my mind it isn’t an option; it is an obligation I must fulfill to be an honorable man to God.”

Katherine nibbled her lower lip. “I guess it’s my own bitterness that can’t allow me to see why you feel so strongly about this. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over being owned by others.”

“If Hiram Greene hadn’t acquired your bond,” Urias interjected, “I wouldn’t have found you. I wouldn’t have found my beautiful wife either. And I wouldn’t have three of the most adorable children on the face of the earth. I wish things had been different for you, Katherine, but they weren’t. Even though you lived through harsh times, you need to accept the facts and move on with the blessings God has given you.”

“I guess,” she added with a sigh, “if it wasn’t for Hiram Greene, I wouldn’t have my freedom and a cherished family.”

Shelton smiled.

And I wouldn’t have Shelton in my life
, she added silently. Was Grandma Mac right? Could she have a future with him? Katherine picked up her fork and ate the now-cold chunk of meat. “Forgive me for being so rude, Shelton.”

“You’re always free to speak your mind around me.”

She appreciated the freedom he gave her. But to live under the same roof as Hiram Greene again? That would take a double portion of God’s grace.

The conversation shifted to Grandma Mac. Prudence served a delicious apple pie for dessert.

Stuffed, Katherine pushed back from the table. “I’d better help you with these dishes and get on my way or Grandma Mac might wonder why I was gone so long.”

“Nonsense. Urias promised to help me in the kitchen.”

Urias’s eyebrows shot up. “Shelton, would you be so kind as to escort Katherine back to Grandma Mac’s?”

“Be my pleasure.” Shelton wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin and placed it neatly next to his dish.

He is such a gentleman
, Katherine thought wistfully. “I can go by myself.”

“Indulge me,” Urias said. “I saw some bear tracks earlier this morning.”

“All right.” Katherine knew about Urias’s encounters with bears. His first had occurred when he was thirteen. A smile edged her lips as she remembered the tale of her frightened brother sitting backward on the horse while the bear made itself at home in Mac and Pamela’s wagon. Her smile disappeared when she remembered another occasion. Mac had barely survived the attack from the bear that killed his first wife.

“Should we secure the livestock?” Shelton asked.

“You might want to close up the hen house and bring Grandma Mac’s pig into the barn for the night,” Urias suggested.

“Absolutely. What about Mac and Pam’s place?”

“I secured it before dinner.” Urias got up and carried some dinnerware to the kitchen. “Good night, Katherine. It was nice having you at our table again.”

Katherine smiled. “It was good to be here.” They said their good-byes and Shelton escorted Katherine out the front door.

Shelton placed his hand in the small of Katherine’s back as they walked down the porch stairs together. He felt a slight flinch from her, but she relaxed a moment later. It had been a forward move, but it felt right.

“Look at all those stars,” she declared with awe and wonder, gazing at the sky.

“God sure knows how to paint a pretty canvas, doesn’t He?”

“It’s magnificent.” Katherine tightened her coat a notch. “I’m sorry if I offended you tonight.”

“I love your straightforward honesty.”

They continued to walk in the direction of Grandma Mac’s house. “Shelton, there are things you don’t know about me.”

He weighed whether or not to ask, but decided to wait on her. “There are things you don’t know about me, too, Katherine.”
Like how much I love you. How much I want to wrap you in my arms and protect you. And what happened when I was sent away from you.

“Name one thing,” she challenged.

He decided to change the mood. “When I was seven, I ran away from home.”

“How far did you get?”

“The neighbors’ house. I didn’t know how to get anywhere else.”

Katherine laughed. “What did your parents do?”

“My father tanned my hide. My mother hugged me until I thought I’d break in two. Personally, I preferred my father’s response. It was quick, and over in a minute. My mother kept hugging me for the next three days. At seven a boy doesn’t want to be hugged a lot.”
Unlike the man now standing beside you.

“I have seen that same reaction in Mac and Pamela’s boys. Didn’t you appreciate the affection?”

“Of course. But I couldn’t let Mother see that.”

“Did you ever consider running away from home again?”

“No, not really.” He slowed the pace. “Remember when I was sent away, right before Urias found you?”

“Yes.” She stiffened. He kept his hand in the small of her back.

“If Father hadn’t sent me away, I might have run off then. I was so angry with him. He was being totally unreasonable. But looking back, I think I was being unreasonable as well. I was only sixteen at the time. That was pretty young to …”

“To what?”

“I told him I loved you and that I would marry you the next time the parson came around.”

Katherine stopped in her tracks. “You did what?”

He gazed at her face, bathed in the moonlight. The sight made his heart pound and his palms sweat. “You’re even more beautiful now than when you were seventeen.”

“Shelton, please don’t.”

“Don’t what? Tell you that I love you? That I’ve always loved you, from the first moment you came to my home?”

Tears ran down her cheeks. She trembled.

He stepped toward her, opening his arms, willing her to come to him. Katherine eased forward and leaned into his chest.

“My dear, sweet Katherine.” He held her gently in his arms. He inhaled the wonderful scent that was hers alone.
Lord, give me strength.

“I’m damaged,” she sobbed.

He held her tighter.
Lord, I wish I could take away her pain.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” She shook her head.

“That’s all right, sweetheart. Whenever you’re ready.” Shelton closed his eyes and held the woman he loved. For the first time, she’d come to him, willingly, openly. He would cherish this moment for as long as he lived. He kissed her gently on top of her red curls.

“I thought I was nearly free from the past,” she choked out. “But since you came back I’ve been having nightmares. I never completely stopped having them, but they’ve been more frequent since you arrived.”

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I feel dirty for liking you,” she confessed.

He cradled her head in his hands and encouraged her to look at him. “My dear, sweet Katherine, I love you. What happened in the past couldn’t be your fault.”

Katherine pulled away. “You don’t understand.”

“Tell me so I will,” he pleaded.

“I can’t,” she cried, and bolted toward Grandma Mac’s farmhouse.

He ran after her.
I pushed too hard.
“Katherine, stop. Please!”

She stumbled. He caught her. He held her gently, fighting the desire to kiss her and hold on to her until she saw and felt how much he loved her. “Whenever you’re ready, you can come to me. I will not force you. I respect you too much to make you do something you don’t want to do.”

“You have no idea,” she mumbled.

Katherine kept to herself for the next three days. Spending time with Shelton was dangerous to her soul. She desired to be in his arms. She ached to kiss him. But she couldn’t give in to such temptations, even if Grandma Mac did say God gave those desires for the holy purposes of marriage. She knew in her mind that was the truth. But she had no way to know whether she would respond positively to his kiss or if the ugly past would come back and taint the love she felt for Shelton. She didn’t want to soil something as precious as his love for her and hers for him.

Not that she’d confessed her feelings for him yet.

She sat in her bedroom, working on her sewing. She’d sold several shirts to the mercantile and had an order for a dozen more.