Place Of Her Own (19 page)

She pushed things around until she found the little blue tin. She positioned the kettle on the stove and added some wood to the cooling embers, found a tea rag, and measured out a rounded teaspoon. She placed the spoonful of leaves in the center of the tea-stained cloth and tied a thin cotton string around it. Then she set it in the china teapot that Grandma Mac claimed came from England as a gift from her grandmother, who had received it from her mother as a wedding present.

Katherine put a tray together and rummaged through the room for things to decorate the tray for the festive holiday. She placed the tip of a pine branch in the corner with a hand-painted red glass ball that Grandma Mac said had been a gift from Grandpa Mac on their fifth Christmas together.

With the tray set, she carried it to Grandma Mac’s bedroom. When she pressed the door open, she saw Grandma Mac sleeping comfortably. Her breathing was even, less labored.

A loud rattle at the front door echoed through the house. Katherine set the tray on a table and went to the front door. When she opened it, Hiram Greene’s eyes locked with hers. Katherine shrank back against the wall.

“Merry Christmas, Katherine,” Shelton said as he worked his way around his father. Her stance reminded him of a frightened filly plastered against the back wall of a corral. “Honey, what’s the matter?”

She looked at the floor. “Grandma Mac isn’t feeling well.” She slowly lifted her head. “If you stay with her, I’ll get Pam and Mac.”

He laid a reassuring hand on her forearm. “I’ll go. You stay here and take care of her.”

She glanced at his father. Her shoulders squared off as if bracing herself against some unseen horror. Shelton’s mind flicked back across the stories Katherine had revealed about her past. Had his father abused her? No. Katherine had been clear on that. Then what had he done or said that made her so leery of him?

“I’ll go.” Hiram stepped out of the doorway and back onto the front porch.

Katherine visibly relaxed.

As his father climbed into the wagon, Shelton inched closer to Katherine. “Hi.” He lightly brushed his lips against her satin cheek. “Merry Christmas.”

“It hasn’t been merry so far,” she mumbled.

“Katherine, we have to talk.”

“Not now,” she protested, and slipped past him into the living room.

“When?” He reached for her. She flinched from his touch. He debated removing his hand, then waited a moment longer, hoping she would relax under his grip. Thankfully, she did. “Shelton, I can’t marry you.” “Pardon?”

“Your father will never accept our relationship. I won’t put myself in a position of wondering every day of my life if you will begin resenting me because of your father’s disdain for me and who I was.”

“I don’t care what my father thinks.”

“Yes, you do.” She cupped his cheek. “Your entire existence revolves around making certain everything is all right with them. They are your top priority.”

He opened his mouth to protest. Her fingers on his lips stopped him.

“You should see the anger in your father’s eyes whenever he looks at me. It’s just like that time …” She cut off her words and walked away from him.

Shelton came up behind her and held her in a loving embrace. “What did he do to you?”

“Nothing.”

Shelton spun her around to face him. “I don’t believe that.”

Tears welled in her eyes. She looked at her feet. He bent his knees and lifted her chin. “Katherine, look at me.”

The tears fell and streamed down her face. “In your father’s eyes, I will always be a servant. Think about how your family has treated servants in the past. We were possessions, cattle. We were not people with our own thoughts and desires. You’re a part of that. You’ve treated your servants like that too—even me.”

“You were never …” He let his words trail off. She was right. He had treated her like a servant. He had ordered her about the way he did all the others. Until he fell in love with her. “I can’t accept that it’s not possible for us to marry, Katherine. I admit there will be hardship at times, but God is the Lord of our lives. He’ll help us.”

“Perhaps. But Hiram Greene will always stand in the way,” she said with a boldness he’d never heard from her.

Shelton’s heart pounded. How could this be, after all this time of being patient, gently coaxing her like a skittish mare? “I love you, Katherine. Nothing should stand in opposition to that. Except God. And I believe He brought us together.”

“I’m sorry, Shelton. I just can’t.”

He wanted to argue, but what would that accomplish? Instead, he gave her a passionate kiss. “If you ever change your mind, you know how to find me.” With all the strength he could muster, he left.

God
, he prayed as he climbed up on Kehoe,
move in Katherine’s heart. There’s nothing more I can do.

Three long days had passed since she’d pushed Shelton out of her life. Katherine craved his touch and affection.

She’d burned a lot of wood since Christmas, trying to keep the house warm for Grandma Mac. The wood boxes by the fireplace were nearly empty. She grabbed her winter coat and braced for the damp chill that had blown in from the north last night.

Arriving at the woodshed, she noticed there were only two cords under the protection of the shelter. She loaded the canvas carrier and brought it into the house. She repeated the process three more times until the wood boxes in the house were full.

Rubbing her hands together for warmth, she ventured back outside and moved a cord of wood from the elements to the protection of the woodshed. “Oh, how I miss Shelton,” she moaned.
Father, I don’t understand. Why did I let myself fall in love with a man I could never be with?

“Good morning, Katherine.” Urias stepped up beside her.

“Let me take care of that.”

She gratefully stood back to let him handle the heavy bundle.

“So tell me,” he said, putting on his leather work gloves, “what’s happened between you and Shelton?”

“There’s nothing to tell. We’ve simply agreed we aren’t right for each other.”

Urias peered at her. “Interesting. He said you broke off the engagement.”

Katherine felt the sting of her reddened face. She knew it had nothing to do with the northern winds, but from her own shame of being slightly deceptive with her brother. “Yes, I suppose I did.”

“Do you mind if I ask why?”

Katherine took a step back. “Urias, how do you deal with Hiram Greene?”

“Like I told you before, I honor the man simply because he is Prudence’s father.”

“I tried that, but it didn’t work.”

“It isn’t just about honor. You need to forgive Hiram.”

“I did,” she said.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Did you see the way he looked at me on Christmas Eve when I walked into your house?”

Urias hauled an armful of logs to the shed. “No. How did he look?”

“Like I was the cause of all his problems.”

Urias dropped the wood onto the floor. “Fact is, you are a major part of his current situation. Thanks to you, his wife now knows the full details of his gambling habit.”

“That’s not my fault,” she defended.

He placed a loving hand on her shoulder. “Katherine, we are called to forgive those who have sinned against us. You should pray and ask God if you really have forgiven him.”

“I can’t make Shelton decide between me and his parents.”

Urias massaged her shoulder for a moment. “Katherine, you do needlepoint. What’s on the surface is pretty. The tangled mess of threads underneath is not. Being a bondservant was a horrific experience. I understand that. But God is weaving you into a new tapestry. The redemptive power of His blood is like the piece of fabric you sew on. The finished needlepoint is what you’re becoming. But that doesn’t negate the tangled mess that’s under that cloth.”

Katherine sighed.

“Forgiveness is a process. Hiram Greene must go through his own process as well. But you can’t live your life based on the changes going on in another person.”

Urias’s words grated. She knew her fears were to blame for her decision, but she couldn’t see any other choice.

“You have to decide whether or not you think Shelton is a gift the Lord is giving you. If he is, grab on to him and don’t let him go.”

She wanted that with all her heart. But it couldn’t be that simple, could it? “I’ll think about it.”

“Good. Now, why don’t you go on inside and make some coffee while I finish up here. I’m going to need something hot today. Mac says we could be in for a cold snap.”

Back inside the house she prepared Urias’s coffee, then went to check on Grandma Mac. The woman’s illness had been a blessing, in a way. In her weakened condition, Grandma Mac hadn’t been able to chastise her about calling a halt to her engagement with Shelton.

Grandma Mac sat in her rocking chair next to the window, reading her Bible.

“How are you feeling?” Katherine asked.

“Better. I don’t know what came over me. I was fit as a fiddle one moment and worn out like an old shoe the next.”

Katherine smiled. “Can I make you some breakfast?”

“A poached egg on toast would be nice.”

“Would you like to eat in your room?”

“No, dear. I think I’d better start moving or these old bones will set in place.”

“I doubt that.” Katherine chuckled, then bid a hasty retreat to the kitchen. She busied herself with the breakfast preparation, trying to ignore Urias’s words, which echoed over and over in her head.

What angered her more than Urias’s advice was that Shelton hadn’t stopped by for the past three days. She missed their times together. She missed being in his arms.

Urias and Grandma Mac took up most of the conversation around the breakfast table, giving Katherine some relief.

“Thank you for the coffee and the eggs,” Urias said as he pushed his chair back and stood. “But I must be off. I’m working on the cabin this morning.”

“Why?” Katherine asked.

Urias placed his coonskin cap on his head. “Because you want a place of your own, remember?”

“Yes, but …” She and Shelton were supposed to have moved in there after they married. But that wasn’t going to happen.

Urias gave her shoulder a loving squeeze. “Even if you and Shelton don’t marry, I want you to have your own home.”

Katherine swallowed her emotions and simply nodded.

Urias patted her shoulder and left. Grandma Mac rose from the table and took her plate to the sink.

“Let me do that,” Katherine protested.

“I’m fine. But it appears you’re not. Want to tell me about it?”

“There’s not much to tell. Shelton and I agreed it wasn’t wise for us to get married.”

Grandma Mac peered at Katherine in a way that said,
“Fess up.”

“All right. I told Shelton we couldn’t get married. I can’t live with Hiram Greene’s attitude toward me.”

“You know, I did notice Hiram’s appearance change when you entered the house on Christmas Eve. But I don’t believe he was reacting in quite the way you think. That man is a troubled soul. But from what I hear, he’s working hard to get right with his family and, I dare say, his Maker. You, on the other hand, seem to be living in fear again. Am I right?”

“How is she?” Shelton asked as Urias joined him at the log cabin.

“Miserable. Same as you. Why don’t you go talk to her?”

Shelton pounded the nail harder, sinking it with one swing. Taking another from his nail apron, he tapped then sank it deep in the wood. The cold temperatures made working this time of year hard on a person, but he needed to burn off his anger so he could wait patiently. “Katherine has to come to me. I think it’s important for her to step out in order to get past all she’s been through and know she has the right to approach me.”

“This isn’t about you. It’s about your father.”

“I’m aware of that.” Feeling the tension rise, Shelton moved over to the saw and cut the next plank. “And he knows what he’s done. He wanted to apologize to her on Christmas morning, but Katherine overreacted. Honestly, I thought she was afraid he’d beat her. Urias, if she can’t conquer these fears, our marriage really would be a mistake.”

“You’re probably right. But you’re as stubborn as she is, you know.”