Authors: Saylor Bliss
Chapter Sixteen
Lucas
My phone whistles at me, and my heart
immediately goes into overdrive. I pull my phone from my back pocket and see it’s
Aaron, not Charlee. I draw in a breath and laugh at myself. "Desperate
much?" I mutter under my breath.
"It’s about time you showed up,
" Aaron bellows at me as I reach the bar.
"Honestly, I would have stayed with
her all night."
"You are so whipped."
"No. I am not," I reply in what
is almost a growl.
"Easy there, Tiger. I'm only messing
with you."
"I know, man. There's just something
about her that I can't place."
"She's hot," Aaron replies,
taking another swig of his beer. I just roll my eyes.
"Well. Yes. She is, but there is so
much more. The way her eyes sparkle when she laughs. The way her hips sway when
she walks, and the way she finds the light even in the darkest of souls.”
"You have lost your mind. Do you even
hear yourself?"
"Of course I do."
"You sure? Because I don't think
you've ever said that about any women. Even Emily Barnes." Oh, Emily
Barnes from middle school. My first love. My first pretty much everything.
"Don't be a dickhead. I told you
about that in confidence, and now you’re gonna hold it against me? Not cool,
man. That was so many years ago. We were what? Like twelve?"
"Yeah. Whatever. That’s not all you
tell me when you get drunk, but that chick had you by your balls so hard, you
were even going over to her house on the weekends to help pick up dog shit. Did
you ever even kiss that girl?”
"This conversation is over." I
laugh, drinking down the last swallow of beer.
"Chicken."
"Oh, shut your face.
“I’m just saying. I know Charlee is my
sister, and I hope shit works out for you two for real, but before you take it
any farther, I think you need to ask yourself a very important question.”
“What’s that?”
“Would you clean up shit for her?”
“I already do, dumbass. Speaking of shit,
have you learned to change a diaper yet?”
“Hell no, and I don’t plan on it.”
“So what are you gonna do if we ask you to
watch Ev one night and she needs changed?”
“I’m gonna bring her to you and let you
handle business, and then me and little bit can go back home.”
“Dude, you need help. Mental help.”
“You’re right. I could just find me a
friend to come hang out that night and help me out.”
I can’t help but laugh at him. I know how
protective he is of his niece and his sister, and there is no way he would let
a complete stranger around her, but the look on his face says he’s at least
thinking about it. I slap him across the back of the head for good measure.
“No, dude. No.”
Chapter Seventeen
Charlee
The next morning, I pull myself together
and get ready for class. I can't believe I missed the first day of my
photography class yesterday afternoon because I was wallowing in self-pity.
Today is a new day, and thankfully, I woke up on time. I can handle this. I
just pray I don't run into blonde bimbo one or two today.
Ashlin is already in class
when I walk in, and thankfully, she has saved me a seat.
She’s waiting for me now. I smile a soft smile her way
and mouth
I'm sorry.
She shrugs her shoulders, telling me to not worry
about it. I have just sat down when someone else walks in the room, and I feel
like all air has been sucked from my lungs. I try to inhale, and somewhere in
my mind, I know that I am, but my brain isn't telling my lungs that they are
full, or maybe my lungs aren't telling my brain. I don't know. I suck in
another breath, trying to grasp a satisfying reaction, but it doesn't come.
Ashlin is rubbing my back soothingly while trying to remain inconspicuous. I
shrug away from her, not wanting to be touched right now, and lay my head on my
desk.
Brittney sits on the other side of the
room, digging through her bag for something. She hasn't seen me yet, thank God.
Hopefully I can just make it through this class without her noticing me and
then go straight to the office and request a transfer. I know it’s childish,
but the smug look on her face grates at me. I glance at the clock at the front
of the class. One hour and fifty-seven minutes to go.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it
out and see Lucas’s name across the lock screen. I swipe left and hit the X to
ignore. It's the fifth text I have gotten from him, if you count the sweet one
from yesterday morning. The one I got before I knew he was cheating scum. I
can't believe I thought I was falling for him.
Ha!
Thought hell . . .
I’m falling for him, and the sad part is that
those wonderful, amazing feelings don't disappear just because I found out the
truth. That he has a wife and kid. No, they remain, torturing me, mocking me
for my stupidity.
The instructor walks in and sets himself
up for class before clearing his throat and beginning roll call. There went any
chance of me escaping unnoticed. My body is sweating uncontrollably. My
heartbeat fluctuates between rapid and dead as the professor calls each name on
the list.
“Charlee Cooper?” I watch as Brittney's
head jerks to the front and then sweeps across every student in the class. I
cower down, not wanting to answer.
“Charlee Cooper?” The professor calls
again. I have to answer. Otherwise, I'll be marked absent, and if you're absent
during the first three days of class, you're forcefully withdrawn. I can't be
withdrawn. I need this credit.
“Here.” I say, just loud enough for the
professor to hear me. Her eyes find me then, and I watch as she takes in my
appearance with a satisfied gleam in her eyes. My phone dings again, and I know
without looking down that it is him. I try to ignore it, but I can't. I need to
see it. I need to end this now.
Lucas
: R U Ok?
Me
: I'm fine.
Lucas
: Did I do
something wrong?
Me
: No.
Me
: Can you do me a favor?
Lucas
: Anything,
beautiful.
I know he’s a liar. Nothing about me is
beautiful right now.
Me
: Lose my number and
don’t ever speak to me again.
I hit
send
and then turn my phone
off. I feel Brittney’s piercing gaze shooting daggers through me, but I don't
look over at her again. I can't. One look, and I know I would lose the small
hold I still have on my sanity. Ashlin reaches her hand out, seeking mine, and
I grasp it tightly, needing the comfort. I take a deep breath and hold it for a
few seconds before releasing it. I still feel like a hundred-ton elephant is
sitting on my chest, but that's okay. Anything is better than the deep canyon
of heartache I was swimming through last night.
Chapter Eighteen
Lucas
I need to let it go. Let her go. Its what’s
best for both of us, but I can’t. I need to know what happened. What made her
change her mind about me? Everything is so messed up now. I don’t know my head
from my ass.
Coach is yelling at me again.
It’s the third time this inning, and I
can’t say I blame him one bit. So far, I’ve let four batters on base. The fifth
batter steps to the plate, and Aaron gives me the signal for fast ball down the
middle. It’s usually my best pitch.
Not today.
The batter swings, and then the only sound
that can be heard is the crack of the bat against the ball, then the fans in
the stands booing me and cheering him. I want to walk off the mound right now
and say forget it all, but I can’t. This is my job. My life.
In that moment, I realize I've got to push
through. I can do this, I whisper to myself. One game at a time. The haze
that's been clouding my brain begins to lift, and I'm back in the game.
Determination.
I will do this. I will also figure out how
to get her back in my life. I wind up to pitch to the next batter. I release,
and it’s perfect. The whiff of his bat tells me I'm on the right track. For
her. If not for me, for her.
"Strike one," the umpire yells,
and I smile. I close my eyes and prepare again. My driving force is no longer
myself. I’ve found my center once again, and this time, I refuse to lose her.
Chapter Nineteen
Charlee
Three weeks have passed since the last
time I spoke to Lucas Bouchard. During the first week, he still tried to talk
to me, first by passing notes under my bedroom door and then, once the team
went back out of town, he was texting nonstop, but I deleted every text before
I even read it. Somehow, I just knew that if I read his words, I wouldn’t be
able to stop myself from texting him back.
I can’t even bear to talk to Aaron about
it. I refuse to come between their friendship, even though I know he has to be
aware of what Lucas was doing. Talking to me, leading me on while he has a wife
and child at home in another city? It’s despicable.
I just don’t get it, though. Why waste all
this time and effort on someone he barely knows when he has a wife at home? A
wife who no doubt loves him deeply and has no idea what a lowlife piece of
cheating shit he really is. I can't believe I allowed myself to be played so
easily. Wait, yes I can. I don't date. I have no experience with guys and the
games they play. What I know about guys comes from watching my brother with
different girls growing up and reality TV.
The second week, he seems to get the clue.
I’m not going to reply, and I don't want to talk to him. It hurts. I can't
believe how much it hurts, but I know it’s for the best. I won't ever be the
other woman. There are three people I absolutely hate in this world. Liars.
Cheaters. And thieves.
This is this beginning of the third week,
and I think things have finally settled down into some semblance of a routine.
Every Tuesday and Thursday, I can actually walk into the class I share with
Anna and Britney without having a small panic attack. Now, when my phone dings,
I don't immediately choke on the air I’m breathing. I can pull it out and read
it without breaking into a sweat. I still lie in bed at night wondering,
why
me?
But that is nothing new.
Class ends, and the teacher lets us go
with a wave.
“I need to run to the bathroom,” I tell
Ashlin, who is walking out right behind me. Normally, after class on Tuesday,
we head to the library to get some study time in before our last class that
day.
“Okay. I’ll meet you at the yogurt stand,”
she says before we separate and head in opposite directions.
I’ve just finished using the restroom, and
I am about to flush when I hear them walk in. Normally, I wouldn't wait, but
these are the last two people I want to see right now, so I sit on the toilet
and text Ashlin.
Me:
I'll be a few minutes.
Trapped in bathroom. Bimbo 1&2 just walked in.
Ashlin
: Need help?
Me:
No. Just waiting for
them 2 leave.
“Can you believe she hasn't spoken to him
since? I mean, WOW!” I’m not sure which one of them is talking now. I can't
tell them apart. I stick my phone back in my pocket, temporarily forgotten as I
eavesdrop.
“I know, right? How gullible can you be?”
The second responds before her cackling laughter fills the air.
“So has he asked you out yet?”
“No. He just mopes around like a lost
puppy. I swear, he wasn't this pathetic when he and Kirsten split up. Now all
he does is spend his time at home or on that nasty ass field.”
“Damn. Guess the plan backfired then.”
“No. Don't give up yet. I still have
something left up my sleeve.”
I tune out the rest of the conversation
after I hear the name Kirsten. I can't believe it. Everything they said to me
that day was a fucking lie, and I bought into it like the naive idiot I am. I
never even questioned whether they were telling me the truth. In my mind, it
made perfect sense. I was nothing. I didn't deserve to be happy, and I figured
this was another one of the universe's cosmic slaps in the face. I wasn't
allowed to be happy.
Only this time, it was all a lie.
The only person who got in the way this
time was . . . me.
I should have talked to him. I should have
asked. Instead, I threw away my first real chance at happiness, all because I
believed the lies of two jealous sluts. How fucking stupid could I be?
I hear them washing their hands, and then
the door to the bathroom swings shut. I pull out my phone and text Ashlin again.
Me:
Cancel study time. Meet
me at my house.
I don't wait for her reply. She will be
there, and together, we will come up with a plan of attack. I am tired of being
used and abused. I am sick of people running all over me just because I never
fight back. I'm done. Every day, I battle with demons of my past. Demons that
I'd rather stayed where I left them, but no. They creep into my mind every day,
harassing me. Torturing me. And the one time I’m actually
happy
, some
bitches ruin it. For what?
Never again.
“Are you fucking serious?” Ashlin asks
after I fill her in about what I overheard in the bathroom.
“Yep! And I fell for it. I can't believe
it.”
“You're not the only one. I did too. Oh my
God! Poor Lucas! He has no idea what's going on.”
“I know. I was such a bitch to him, and
even after that, he still tried to talk to me, which is why the first thing I'm
going to do is make it up to him. I have to.”
“Eeep! I'm so excited. I really did like
him. So what are you gonna do?” she asks, and I tell her my plan. Her face
lights up like stars in the night sky as I go over the details.
“This is so perfect. I love it, Charlee.
What do you need me to do?”
We spend all afternoon going over the plan,
and the next morning, I get up early and take a little extra time getting
ready. My stomach is flipping over itself, wondering what his reaction will be.
I won't see him today, and that is probably for the best, but there is the
chance that he will text me, and I don't know how I’ll handle it when he does.
I know I need to apologize, and I will. I just hope I don't pass out from
sensory overload before I get the chance.
“Ready, Freddy?” Ashlin asks, entering the
kitchen. She glances up and down me with a knowing grin. “I guess so.”
I finish writing the note and pass it to her
for her inspection. She nods her approval. The plan is simple. I write a
message on each slip of paper and leave them where only Lucas will find them.
I draw one hundred tiny smiley faces on
the first slip of paper all around the one line I write. ‘
For every smile I
denied you
.’
On the second sheet of paper, I draw three
hearts around the line, ‘
For every lie I believed.’
On the third, I draw fifteen Hershey
kisses. ‘
For every text I ignored.’
On the forth, I draw a hundreds of birds
fluttering in the sky. ‘
For every moment I missed.’
On the fifth I draw a giant pair of lips,
‘
For every hurt I caused.’
And on the last, I simply write, ‘
I'm
sorry.’
This one, I plan to give to him myself, so I pin it to the back of
a stuffed camel I picked up last night and then shove it in my purse. The idea
is to leave him the five notes for him to find throughout the day, and
hopefully, if I haven't completely screwed up, then tomorrow, he will let me apologize
in person.
“Good luck.” I yell to her as she walks
out the door.
Breathe, Charlee, breathe.
After an emotional pep talk I walk out the
door too. If I believed in praying, I might actually do it right now.