‘Not that young?’ exploded Cass. ‘You haven’t even … done Australia yet! You’ve never been with a boy for longer than three months, you haven’t even decided whether you believe in God yet, you don’t even know what job you want to do. You’re a baby yourself. You know
nothing
.’
How dare she! Annie was suddenly livid. Cass had absolutely no idea how she felt. There was only one thing for it. It was a new tactic for her, but she’d seen others use it and she felt up to it. She would have to go off on a Tangent, into Attack.
‘If this had happened last year,’ she said, with a firmness that belied her feelings, ‘with a “suitable” boy, you, your mother and my father would have had me married off in no time.’
Her chest heaved uncomfortably as she hid her hands beneath the table to hide their shaking.
‘But that’s different, Annie!’
Cass’s pained look gave Annie a taste for victory that was totally new to her.
‘Oh! I’d have been older a year ago, would I?’
Sarcasm!
Was this really her? She felt giddy with the ease of it.
‘You know what I mean,’ said Cass.
Hah! A pathetic counter, thought Annie. Truculent in defeat. And it gave her the perfect entry to another Attack.
‘Yes, I know exactly what you mean. You mean that if a boy gets me in the
club
then it’s OK if he and my father are in the same club too.’
A Pun to Prove A Point! She could give lessons! And now for the Finale … Hit Home with a Home Truth …
‘You’re just a plain old snob, Cass.’
Cass took in so much air, her lungs went blue. She was beside herself with shock and affront.
‘Who are you calling plain?
Old?
I’m only two years older than you!’
‘Three school years,’ shot Annie.
Wow! Irrelevant and personal, but a good comeback none the less. Annie hardly knew herself.
‘Well, we’re not at school any more,’ retorted Cass.
‘So stop trying to talk to me as if I am.’
Annie could almost hear the crowds cheering.
‘And what about him? He’s only my age – he’s a
boy
.’
‘Jake’s mature for his age.’
Downright lie, but Cass wouldn’t know that.
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous. If there’s one thing boys do slowly it’s mature.’
Bugger. Impossible To Lie To Cass. Mental note.
They sat in mutual, silent fury, both surprised and pained by their first ever row. Cass turned her attention to the rugby players, determined for Annie not to see her eyes watering.
The two rugby players were now staring hard at Cass and Annie, picturing them wearing their rugby shirts girl-style – pearl necklaces inside their upturned collars. Yep, it worked. They were foxes, all right. They barely noticed some other girls join the rest of their crowd, resulting in some obligatory guttural spitting from their friends, the mating call of modern man. Cass looked away, disgusted.
‘I bet they’re all gay,’ she muttered conspiratorially. ‘So far in the bloody closet you can smell the mothballs from here.’
Oh no you don’t, thought Annie, her bitterness emboldened by Cass’s pax attempt.
‘Just because these men weren’t born with privilege’ – she said haughtily – ‘it doesn’t make them sub-human, you know.’
A rugby player set fire to his fart.
Cass raised her perfect eyebrows into perfect arcs.
‘No,’ she agreed. ‘I see they’re still working their way up the evolutionary ladder to that level.’
Oh great, thought Annie. Now we’re just being bitchy. She felt several strands of her argument start to tangle slowly in her mind. Maybe she’d stop now. Quit while she was ahead.
They sat for a long time, both looking anywhere else but at each other. Eventually, Cass tried again.
‘For goodness’ sake, Annie,’ she implored softly. ‘You’ve only been with this … Jock—’
‘
JAKE
.’
‘Sorry, Jake – for two months. You don’t even know if you love him.’
Annie shook her head. Why did people always assume her emotions ranged only as far as theirs? She took a deep breath.
‘Well, there you’re wrong,’ she whispered dramatically. ‘That’s the one thing I do know.’
Cass’s spirit plummeted and then swooped sharply up into anger.
‘Oh well, whoopdeedoo,’ she retorted. ‘Have you heard? You can use love tokens at Kwiksave now?’
Annie looked away, her mind so muddled she couldn’t even work out what point Cass was making, only that she’d had the last line and it was full of bile.
She wanted Cass to go. She hated arguing. She wanted to be with Jake. She had to be with Jake.
He’d understand everything.
* * * * *
‘
PREGNANT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
PREGNANT
?’
She never knew Jake’s voice could go so high.
‘Well …’ she started, trying to keep calm, ‘when a man loves a woman, he puts his—’
‘PREGNANT?’ he squealed again, so loudly that a passing mongrel stopped its forage for sticks in the river and looked at him eagerly, ears pricked, tongue lolling, bright eyes keen. Only when Jake joined him in panting rather heavily, did the dog scurry away.
‘I said
I think
I might be preg—’
‘Oh my God I’m going to be sick.’
How
dare
he, thought Annie as she watched Jake bend over the edge of the river, his hair flopping into his face. That’s
my
line.
After a moment though, Jake stood up slowly, wiped his loose curls out of his dark eyes and simply stared at Annie with an unfathomable expression. She took him in; cheekbones that seemed too strong for his soft skin; trousers
that were too baggy for his long legs; and a defensive way of holding himself that made him look like he was plucking up the courage to ask for his ball back please. Poor boy, she thought.
‘Sorry,’ he muttered, half a smile starting at the corners of his mouth. ‘I … I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m not going to be sick.’
Then, in one swift, sudden movement, he knelt down on one knee in front of her, steadying himself with one hand, all the time keeping his eyes fixed firmly on her face. Annie held her breath. The autumn sun broke through the naked trees, suddenly warming her to the very bone.
A fine line of sweat formed on Jake’s upper lip.
‘Annie,’ he murmured. ‘I think I’m going to faint.’
And then he collapsed in the wet mud at her feet.
* * * * *
‘So we’re friends again?’ repeated Annie into the phone.
‘Of course we’re friends again,’ repeated Cass back. ‘You can’t get rid of me that easily.’
‘Thank God. I’d have felt so crap leaving on a bad note.’
Whoops!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God …
Bag open, cat out and frolicking gaily in the wild, Annie brainless moron.
Jake would kill her.
‘Leaving?’ asked Cass.
‘Pardon? I think the line’s going funny.’
‘Annie? What’s going on?’
OK, quick thinking, quick thinking. Should she lie?
‘Annie – what’s going on?’
OK, even quicker thinking, even quicker thinking. Yes she should.
‘I didn’t say
leaving
, I said
heaving
.’
Annie shook her head in disgust. Pathetic.
‘Oh I see. As in the well-known phrase “
heaving
on a bad note”?’
Annie couldn’t answer. She was too busy wincing.
Silence. Was Cass going to be big about this and just let it drop?
‘I’m waiting.’
Nope.
She was cornered. But wild horses would never drag the truth from her.
‘All right. I’m going on holiday.’
Phew – genius!
‘Don’t lie to me Annie, it only humiliates you.’
Bugger. Impossible to Lie to Cass, Even Over Phone. Mental note Two.
Should she get self-pious?
‘I can’t tell you. If you love me you won’t make me.’
‘I don’t love you.’
Damn. Wrong-footed again. How does Cass do that?
‘Annie, of course I love you. I just want to know—’
OK, go passive – blame someone else.
‘Look, he’ll kill me, I just can’t tell you.’
‘Who’ll kill you?’
Damn! She was so fast.
‘Never mind. Just forget I said anything.’
Cass would never guess who. And wild horses couldn’t drag Jake’s name out of her mouth.
‘It’s Jake isn’t it?’
Jesus Christ – she was a bloody witch.
‘Have you ever thought of becoming a spy, Cass?’
‘To summarise: you’re leaving with Jake. In secret.’
‘Not exactly.’
‘How not exactly, exactly?’
‘Well. Define secret.’
‘How long are you leaving for?’
Aha! Wild horses couldn’t drag that one out of her. Lying hadn’t worked, so she’d just keep it vague.
‘As long as it lasts.’
‘Oh my God! You’re marrying him! Just because of the baby?’
No! Wild horses couldn’t, etc.
‘Not just because of the baby – because we love each other!’
Annie made a drowning noise. Was her mouth actually attached to her brain? It would explain so much about her life.
Right. It was time to take control back again.
‘You tell your mother,’ rushed Annie, ‘and I’ll never talk to you again.’
‘Why the hell would I tell mother? Please, Annie. Credit me with some loyalty.’
‘This is our secret. It’s got nothing to do with Susannah. It’s between you and me.’
‘And Jake.’
‘Yes, of course. You, me and Jake.’
‘And the baby.’
‘Yes of course. You, me, Jake and the baby.’
‘Thank you for sharing.’
‘Oh SHUT UP.’
Perhaps if Annie hadn’t chosen that moment to change the habit of a lifetime and shouted at Cass, at least one of them would have heard the extension click off.
One Week Later
Annie hummed loudly as she packed her rucksack. The sound of gravel hitting the window of her halls room stopped her mid-hum, making it as much of a blessed relief to the student next door as it was to Annie’s clothes. She rushed to the window. It was pitch black out there. She opened it wide.
‘Hellooooo,’ she whispered.
There was movement on the gravel below. She could just make out Jake’s form. Even in those ridiculously baggy jeans, even from this angle, the tilt of his head, the line of his shoulders, his unconsciously boyish stance made her stomach squirm. Or was that the kilo of liquorice she’d just eaten?
‘Are you ready?’ he whispered hoarsely.
‘Yes – how was your final final?’
‘They’re over! I’m a free man. I’m all yours.’
‘I’ll be there as soon as I’m ready.’
‘Packed your passport?’
‘Of course! Give me ten minutes.’
Jake looked at his watch.
‘OK. One minute later and I’ll call it off,’ he grinned up at her. ‘I’m more vulnerable than I look.’
Impossible, thought Annie.
‘Well go away and let me pack then.’
And with that, she was gone.
A minute later, a knock at the door made Annie jump from behind the bed, where she was searching frantically for her passport.
She stared at the door, as if by determination alone, she would be able to see right through it. Another knock. It must be Jake. No one else would be so stupid as to disturb her now. Maybe he knew where her passport was. Maybe
he had it with him. Another knock, louder now. She rushed to the door.
And there in the doorway, heralded by an aroma of expensive perfume, stood Cass’s mother, Annie’s godmother.
Susannah Brooke was paying a friendly call.
* * * * *
Annie trembled as Susannah came in. She glanced covertly at the clock beside her bed. She had nine minutes to get to Jake so that they could get the train to Dover and from there to Paris.
Susannah stepped towards Annie and started to take off her soft leather gloves. She looked round the dusty room and, after a moment’s thought, slowly started putting her gloves back on.
‘Aren’t you going to ask me if I’d like a coffee?’ she asked eventually.
Annie was baffled. Surely Susannah wasn’t here merely for a social call? Unless it was just a case of chronic bad timing. Yes, that must be it. Just bad timing. Cass would never have betrayed her and told Susannah. Just act normal and Susannah would leave soon.
‘Would you like a coffee?’ she asked feebly.
‘No, I would
not
like a coffee!’ shouted Susannah, making Annie jump. ‘I’d like to know why my favourite, intelligent, beautiful, talented – baby god-daughter with a life full of blossoming potential is acting like a dog on heat?’
Annie shrank on to her bed, her hand lying limply on her open rucksack. So Cass had betrayed her. Well, what had she expected? Susannah surpassed even her daughter in spy tactics. She could hardly blame Cass for this turn of events – the only person she could truly blame was herself. Meanwhile, she
now had to witness her godmother’s disappointment in her. She remembered why she’d hoped to be in a secret hideaway when Susannah found out the truth. No one could induce a sense of shame more successfully than her.
Susannah sighed and came over. She moved the rucksack gingerly on to the floor, sat beside Annie and put her arm around her.
‘My poor Annie,’ she whispered and kissed her forehead. The years flew away and Annie was a child once more.
‘It’s been confusing, hasn’t it?’ continued Susannah. Annie nodded, breathing in the nostalgic smell of her godmother.
‘Have you been scared?’
Another nod.
‘My poor baby.’
Annie glanced surreptitiously at the clock. Eight minutes.
Susannah took off her coat and laid it beside them on the bed. Susannah tilted Annie’s chin up to look at her.
‘I remember when I discovered I was pregnant,’ she smiled, her eyes warm. ‘It was the most wonderful day of my life.’
Annie smiled.
‘I was married to the man I loved and I knew that he hadn’t married me for my money or the baby,’ she continued. ‘He had married me because he loved me. For better or worse. In sickness and health.’
Annie froze.
‘Jake is marrying me because he loves me,’ she ventured. She’d never so much as crossed Susannah before, so she kept her voice soft and light. Through sheer terror.