Persona - A Disturbing Psychological Thriller (25 page)

‘Don’t you dare imply friendship,’ Ryan hissed. ‘You go there and I’ll fucking lose it. You let me down, Dave, and you know it. Twice, too.’

‘But Ryan,’ Stacey protested, ‘you would have killed me if he hadn’t.’

‘Get a fucking grip, Stacey. You’re here now.’

She gasped. ‘You don’t mean that, Ryan. I know you have feelings for me. Don’t feel embarrassed to show them in front of others. It takes more of a man to do that.’

‘Shut the fuck up, will you? You’re like a clinging pain in my head.’

‘You don’t mean that, Ryan.’

‘I do! When will you get that into your thick skull?’

‘I
can
forgive you for this, Ryan.’

Ryan looked at her and shook his head. ‘We can get over this?’

‘Yes,’ Stacey snivelled.

‘Really?’ Ryan nodded, wearing a warped grin. ‘Can we get over
this
?’ He pulled Fay towards him and kissed her. Fay leant into him and tasted him.

A broken man, Dave watched, finding solace in his self-pity.

‘Ryan!’ Stacey bawled. ‘You won’t do this. You won’t hurt me like this. I
know
I’m right about you.’

Ryan stood up and stripped his clothes off. As she watched his penis grow hugely erect, Fay’s fingers reached for her crotch. Ryan knew he wouldn’t have to ask, and smiled when she wrapped her lips around his helmet. She sighed and took in more until just his balls were exposed.

‘Oh yeah!’ he roared. ‘That’s how to do it, Stacey. You need lessons from Fay!’

Stacey wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them up to her face.

Ryan heard her crying, enjoyed the blowjob for a while, and then said, ‘Get your cunt out.’

Instantly, Fay withdrew from him. Dumbstruck, Stacey watched Fay hectically undress, seemingly oblivious to her and Dave’s presence. Once naked, Fay threw herself on the floor, rolled onto her back, raised her vagina and then writhed wildly. Ryan slid his penis inside her. She was wet and took him in without difficulty - a bonus for him - and he responded to her screams by pumping harder.

‘Oh fuck me, Ryan!’ she begged. ‘Keep fucking me!’

‘Ryan, you don’t want to do this.’ Stacey pleaded weakly with him.

He pumped Fay harder and harder and then stopped and looked up at Dave. ‘Fuck Stacey.’

Dave stared emptily at him and whispered, ‘I can’t.’

‘Yes you can. You couldn’t fuck
her
-’ he glanced at Fay ‘–because you were too desperate to satisfy her. You won’t feel that pressure with Stacey, so do it.’

‘You don’t want that, Ryan,’ Stacey said. ‘You wouldn’t let that happen!’

‘Yeah I would. It’ll be good for you – he can break you in for me.’ Frustrated that he’d stopped pumping her, Fay rocked her hips back and forth. Taking the hint, Ryan continued to ride her. ‘Go on, Dave. I’m shagging your bird!’

Dave sat still, tempted by the opportunity to prove to himself and others that he could satisfy a woman. His inability to do that had been the sole reason that his relationship with Fay had failed. If Ryan was right and Dave could perform, he wanted to. It didn’t matter that it was wrong, because everything was wrong. He felt nothing.

‘Encourage him, Stacey!’ Ryan urged her.

‘It’s not what you want, Ryan-’

‘Yes it is. Dave, whip your dick out and fuck her in the mouth.’

Dave stood up and undid his jeans. For the first time in the company of other people, he felt no shame in taking out his penis. He felt detached. He moved up to Stacey and let his flaccid penis hang in front of her.

‘Stacey, go on,’ Ryan instructed. ‘Play the game!’

Studying Ryan intensely, Stacey moved her face closer to Dave’s crotch. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she whispered, ‘You won’t let this happen…’

‘Hurry up!’ Ryan responded.

Stacey lifted her hand, and with a trembling finger and thumb took hold of Dave’s shrivelled member. Her eyes never leaving Ryan’s, she positioned it towards her mouth. As Ryan’s smile persisted, she moved her lips closer, closed her eyes and pursed her lips around the tiny penis. She looked back at Ryan.

He laughed. ‘Suck it then, before it disappears!’

She sucked Dave’s penis, but it didn’t grow, just flopped on her tongue. She tried harder but it was futile – the penis was lifeless. She withdrew and slumped against the seat. Dave stared ahead indifferently.

‘Fuck me, Dave, you are beyond hope,’ Ryan said.

‘He’s a fucking waste of space!’ Fay screamed from beneath him.

Dave looked at both of them and then turned and headed for the toilet.

Ryan watched him leave and then re-focused on Fay. When Dave hadn’t returned a couple of minutes later, he withdrew from her.

‘What’re you doing?’ Fay whispered, trying to pull him back down.

He broke away from her grip and stood up. ‘I’m checking on Dave.’

‘
What
?’ she screamed. ‘You haven’t finished! I’m nearly there!’

‘I couldn’t give a fuck.’ He walked away.

‘You arsehole!’

Ryan climbed the stairs, and then, seeing the toilet door was ajar, panicked, rushed up to it and pushed it open. Relief warmed him when he saw Dave sitting on the toilet seat lid. He stood in front of him. Dave stared at his erection.

‘You pissed me off, that’s why I did it,’ Ryan explained. ‘You let me down so I had to punish you.’

‘Well you did,’ Dave mumbled.

‘Anyway, it’s for the best. She’s a piece of shit.’

‘Yeah…you showed me that.’

‘You think I was unfair?’

Dave looked up sadly. ‘You had it planned, so don’t pretend that me telling Fay about the voyeurism provoked you.’

‘You’re right, that didn’t provoke me, but I told you you’d let me down twice. You told Fay about my past, my childhood, and that’s why I planned it.’ Dave’s head dropped between his legs. Ryan continued, ‘If I thought she was right for you I wouldn’t have done it – she wouldn’t have
let
me. But that was the first time you’d ever turned against me, Dave, and it fucking hurt me and I had to hurt you back.’

Dave wept into his hands. ‘I loved her… I had to tell her. I didn’t want to hide something that might threaten the relationship.’

‘Fucking hell, Dave! What is this all about? Why the obsession?’

‘I wanted a fucking
girlfriend!’ Dave screamed, his fists clenched. Then he paused for a few seconds, opened his fingers and took a couple of deep breaths. ‘I need a companion. I need to love. It’s natural, Ryan,
natural
. I can’t just lay girl after girl like you, even if I had your sex appeal. I need emotion. I need
love
!’ Shaking his head at Ryan, he whispered, ‘I can’t get that from
you,
can I?’ Lifting his hands from the tiled floor, he cupped them around Ryan’s calves. ‘I can’t get it from
you,
can I?’ Sobbing, he lowered his head and pulled Ryan closer to him. ‘I know you won’t give that to me, but I need it, I
want
it…’

Incredulously, Ryan watched as Dave began to kiss his penis. Suddenly disorientated, he struggled to keep his balance, which Dave construed as enjoyment and responded by working faster. Millions of thoughts in a frenzied rush screamed at Ryan and he felt paralysed, unable to move a muscle…

Dave’s
gay
!

How could he have kept it secret for so long? Had he been
masturbating
over him? Did he really believe they could be lovers? Did Dave think Ryan was a closet too? Had he shagged other blokes, or was this his first homosexual experience? Noticing Dave’s penis poking at his jeans, Ryan laughed nervously, thinking how ironic it was that he ended up being the one who gave Dave wood. His laughter didn’t distract Dave, who was engrossed.

Ryan knew it was a significant moment for both of them. Though it felt unpleasant, he had to appreciate that Dave could be satisfied and he, himself, had inadvertently located a mine. Two in one evening – Ginger would be proud of him. Remembering Dave’s questions about his need to try homosexuality, Ryan screwed his face up in disgust. Dave had extracted the necessary information from him and then found the courage to make a move. In fact, little courage had been needed – Ryan had waved a stiffy in Dave’s face.

Dave’s head bobbing up and down on him was turning Ryan soft, so he moved backwards until he was free, turned around, and then got down on all fours.

‘Fuck me then,’ Ryan said, stretching his buttocks apart, his head almost pressed against the sink so that Dave would have enough room.

Dave panted as he ripped off his jeans and crouched down behind his friend. ‘D’you need Vaseline?’ he asked Ryan, who grimaced in response.

‘No, I’ve had fingers up it before. Get on with it.’

Dave held onto Ryan’s hips and then penetrated him. His penis was rock solid. Ryan concentrated on the feeling. He had to reject or accept it - the experience would lead him closer to his fate.

Dave moaned and began to thrust harder, forcing Ryan to head butt the sink. When Dave reached around and grabbed Ryan’s penis, Ryan slapped his hand away and cringed.

After what seemed an eternity to Ryan - but actually less than two minutes - Dave was reaching his climax. Sighing and panting, he rubbed his hands over Ryan’s back.

Feeling a warm jet of come shoot into him, Ryan’s arms gave way. Repulsed, he slumped forward onto the white tiles and threw up.

Dave pulled out and leant back against the toilet bowl.

‘That…was…amazing!’ he cried, short of breath. ‘Did you enjoy it?’

Ryan turned, and noticing Dave’s glistening helmet, vomited again.

‘No I fucking didn’t.’

Afraid of antagonising Ryan, and also so he could absorb himself in his ecstasy, Dave kept quiet.

‘Thank
fuck
that mine’s officially deactivated!’ As soon as he’d said this, Ryan felt better. It made the revolting activity bearable. It had to be done and now it was over. He’d gained
substantial
ground.

‘Well, now you know you’re gay,’ he said to Dave.

‘Yeah.’

‘How d’you feel about that?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘What d’you mean?’

With a sad expression, Dave began to put his clothes back on. ‘Well,
you’re
not.’

Ryan stared at him. ‘Surely you didn’t think we’d be
lovers
?’

Dave didn’t reply and resisted making eye contact.

‘Fucking hell! You knew I was experimenting. Wake up!’

‘So what happens now?’ Dave asked.

‘Well, I suppose you go and find yourself a faggot.’

‘No. What happens with you?’

‘I move on to the next mine.’

Dave looked at him nervously. ‘No repercussions?’

Ryan laughed. ‘I know what you’re getting at. That’s why you kept on about it. You’re worried I’m going to kill you.’

‘Maybe…’

Ryan shook his head. ‘Not you, Dave. I won’t deny that it was a disgusting event, but maybe doing it with you was a godsend. I might have killed someone else and been caught. You’re my best mate and I don’t resent you. This has helped us both out.’

‘Yeah, I’m homosexual instead of heterosexual.’

‘Now you know why you couldn’t get blood in the old boy.’

‘It’s not all about sex, Ryan. I’m still single.’

Ryan slapped his hand on his forehead and laughed. ‘I can’t believe you thought we’d be lovers.’

‘Why? You didn’t know if you’d like it. What if you had?’

‘Then I’d have found my place. But that doesn’t mean it would have been with you. It would have meant I’d be a slut with blokes instead of birds.’

Dejected, Dave sat down on the toilet seat.

‘Dave, this is fucking stupid,’ Ryan protested. ‘We’re friends, not a pair of bum boys.’

‘That’s all I am now, isn’t it? A bum boy…’

Ryan chuckled. ‘This is ridiculous. You think of all the possible outcomes of everything, so why did you do it if there was a chance you’d feel like this?’

‘Because I couldn’t live with myself any longer. I’ve known I was this way for a long time, but I denied it to myself because I didn’t want to lose your friendship.’

Ryan stared at him in disbelief. ‘I don’t give a fuck about it!’

‘Not since you wanted to “find your place” you haven’t, but before then you were always slagging off queers.’

‘Yeah, well, that was then.’

‘Don’t dismiss it like that, Ryan!’ Dave shouted. ‘It nearly fucking destroyed me! I constantly battled with my conscience and forced myself to bury away my tendencies for you and
where
has it got me? I’m a twenty-nine-year-old virgin!’

Shocked, Ryan averted his gaze. ‘Not anymore you’re not,’ he muttered.

Dave looked at him, and after a few seconds, they both started laughing.

Moments later, Ryan wiped tears from his eyes and said, ‘You told me you’d had it four years ago.’