Perfectly Broken (36 page)

* * *

She tiptoed past Reed, having fallen back asleep, and slipped into the shower. She turned her back to the water and closed her eyes as the water cascaded down her back and hips. When she opened them, he was standing before her.
I should’ve showered downstairs.

He lathered his hands with soap and began to wash her body. Then he kissed her neck. “The calendar says we’re good now,” he said. “Three days is too long.” Peyton pursed her lips and reached for her locket. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m late,” she said.

Reed moved towards her breast. “Your store’s closed today, remember?” He grabbed her ass with both hands, feeling himself harden against her.

“No.” She wiggled away and put her hands on his cheeks to focus him. “I haven’t started my period.”

Oh shit.
Reed tried to speak, but nothing came out. He looked down and watched himself go limp and the water pour down the drain. Suddenly his issues with his father didn’t seem so important.

“Why did I even get the damn shot?” she wondered. “I can’t be pregnant, right?”

Reed looked into her eyes. She looked like she could be sick. Reed wondered if morning sickness could come so quickly — or if it was just fear and confusion. He felt sick, too. “I doubt it,” he said and put on a brave face. “We’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want a baby right now,” Peyton said, a few tears mixing with the water. “Does that make me horrible?”

“Of course not.” Reed kissed her forehead. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. How late are you?”

“Three days — well, four if you count this morning.”

He ran his hand across her flat stomach. “That doesn’t sound like much.”

“But I’m never late. Never.”

Reed gripped the back of his neck, racking his brain to settle her — and his own nervous stomach. “The birth control is probably just messing things up,” he said, proudly landing on what was hopefully true. “But you should probably take a test to be sure.”

“Can’t we wait to do that for a few days?” she asked quietly.

Wait?
Reed turned off the shower. “I don’t think it does any good to wait.” He needed her to take the test today even if he had to catch the pee himself. He stepped out and wrapped Peyton in a towel. “I’ll go to the drugstore and get a couple tests.”

He threw on some clothes and grabbed his keys. Before heading out the door, he gave her a kiss, his lips lingering on hers an extra few seconds. “Always remember that I love you,” he said then left.

* * *

Reed couldn’t get out fast enough. It was like a tornado had descended on her house, attacking it, tearing it apart, leaving no air inside, making it impossible to breathe. But the air wasn’t much better on the female aisle of the drugstore, either — tampons, pads, yeast infection creams, and a bunch of other shit alongside boxes and boxes of pregnancy tests. He picked up a blue box and turned it over in his hands, knowing the little stick inside, once pissed on, could change his life. He pulled at the collar of his shirt and gasped for air.

A middle-aged man with thinning hair approached. He calmly grabbed a couple of pregnancy test boxes. “First timer, huh?” Reed stared at him. “This will be number four for us — unless it’s twins again.”

“Twins?”

The man smiled. “We had a girl, then twin girls, and now we’re hoping for a boy.”

“Girls?”

“Yes,” the man replied with a laugh, “the opposite of boys.” He patted Reed firmly on the back before leaving. “Good luck, man.”

Reed’s phone dinged. He threw the box back on the shelf and pulled out his phone.
Everything OK?
He almost forgot Peyton was waiting, and now she seemed in a hurry to know. But he wasn’t ready. He hurried out of the store.

* * *

Peyton set her phone down on the edge of the sink, willing a text back from Reed. But it didn’t come. She looked at the time and told herself he’d be back soon. The drugstore was less than a mile away. She filled up a glass with some water, knowing she needed a full bladder when he came back with the test. She’d take the test, and everything would be fine.
Then I’ll get on with life.
She drew a deep breath, remembering how calm Reed had been, and his parting words that he loved her. She looked down at her phone. He’d been gone 18 minutes.

* * *

Reed leaned against his Range Rover, trying to slow his breathing, the drugstore sign haunting him from behind. He knew he should respond to Peyton’s text but was just too overwhelmed, too frozen in fear, to punch letters on his phone. And if she wanted to hear that everything was OK, it wasn’t. He felt like he’d gone twelve rounds, and after the final bell, was sucker-punched in the gut. He figured she didn’t want to hear that. He got inside his truck.

His phone rang in his pocket, and he reached to answer. “I’m fine, baby. I’ll be back in a ....”

“Baby?” Bret cried. “Where the hell are you?”

“What?”

“It’s Monday morning. Everyone is onsite waiting for you. The suits are pissed. Get your ass down here!”

Reed scratched his head and slumped down inside his truck. “I need you to cover for me.”

“What? Why?” Bret barked. “What the hell is going on?”

“Peyton’s period is late.”

“Holy shit! Didn’t you wear a condom?”

“No,” Reed said, thinking if he wanted a lecture, he’d call his mother. “She got a shot.”

“Are you
sure
?”

Reed sat up in the seat, thinking back to Peyton telling him she got the shot after they’d broken up. At the time, he was thrilled, but now it seemed odd.
While we were broken up?
He brushed aside his doubts. “Peyton wouldn’t do something like that.”

“I’m just saying ....”

“You don’t need to say shit! She doesn’t need to trap me.”

“Then what’s the problem? Go get one of those pee tests and find out!”

“I tried, but there were just so many different types of tests, and then there was this weird guy on the aisle talking to me. I don’t think guys should be talking to each other on the female aisle.”

“Slow down, dude.”

“I just can’t do this. My father sucked balls. What do I know about babies, kids, being a dad? I can’t be anyone’s dad!”

“You’re good with that Jeremiah kid.”

“That’s different.”

“Because he’s black? I think you’d be good with white kids, too.”

Reed cracked a smile. “No, because he’s older and I get to take him home after.”

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have any experience with this shit. Just go get the damn test, then get your ass into work!”

* * *

Another 10 minutes passed. She’d just showered, but Peyton decided a warm bath might help her relax. She lowered herself into the tub and ran her hands across her belly, telling herself there was no way she was pregnant. Her body already had been through enough unexpected surprises. Surely there can’t be another. It didn’t seem possible. But it also didn’t seem possible Reed still hadn’t responded to her text. She had no idea why – he normally wasn’t like that – or what could possibly be taking so long.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told him?

She rubbed a bar of soap between her hands, as her mind began to betray her. If she were pregnant, she wondered whether he’d want her to keep the baby. She’d told him she wasn’t ready, but she didn’t ask if he was. And he didn’t volunteer one way or the other. It was probably for the best she didn’t ask and he didn’t tell. Maybe she didn’t want to hear the answer. Then she reminded herself there was no way she could be pregnant. She was probably just late, a byproduct of the birth control, just as Reed suspected. But she needed confirmation – and also needed to know where the hell he was. She decided to call him. He’d now been gone 36 minutes.

* * *

Reed sat in the parking lot, too afraid to go back into the drugstore and in no condition to go to work. And he was still unsure how to respond to Peyton’s text. If he said he was OK, which he wasn’t, she’d then just ask what was taking so long. He didn’t have a good answer for that. He thought about possibly saying the drugstore was all out of pregnancy tests, and oddly enough, so were the second and third ones he’d gone to. It was the strangest thing. And he unfortunately couldn’t keep her updated because it’s not safe to text and drive. He groaned, knowing the bullshit story didn’t stand a chance.

He grabbed his phone and dialed. “Are you staying out of trouble this summer?”

“You know me,” Jeremiah replied, kicking a soccer ball with some friends.

“Good. I need to talk to you.”

“You need to talk to
me
? You hear I did something wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I need some advice.”

“From
me
?” Jeremiah motioned to his friends he needed a minute. “Nobody’s asked me for advice before.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Reed said. “I’ve been learning that a lot lately.”

“Lay it on me.”

Reed received another call.
Peyton
. “Shit!”

“What’d you say, Reed?”

He declined the call then turned his attention back to Jeremiah. “Sorry, dude. I dropped the phone. You know you should never curse, right?”

“Right.” Jeremiah rolled his eyes. “So what’s going on.”

Reed took a deep breath. “Do you think I’d be a good father?”

Jeremiah laughed. “You get some girl knocked up?”

“What? Who told you that?”

“Nobody.”

“It’s nothing like that.” Reed grabbed the back of his neck. “I’m just asking if you think I’d be a good father.”

“Hmm,” Jeremiah said.

“You need to think about it?”

“I guess I don’t know,” Jeremiah said flatly.

“You don’t know if I’d be a good father?”

“No, it’s not that.”

“What is it then?”

“I guess I don’t really know what a good father is.”

“I know what you mean.”

“But you do some cool stuff with me. So I guess you’d probably be good at it.”

Reed smiled. “I appreciate you saying that.”

“You’ve been good to me.”

“You’ve been good to me, too.”

Jeremiah shrugged. “What’s this all about anyway?”

“Nothing,” Reed said, staring at Peyton’s text. He promised his father’s poison wouldn’t infect his life, but the past several days, it had consumed him, sickened him. It was time for it to stop — if not for himself, for Peyton, for their life together.
Enough is enough.
“Sometimes even old guys like me need some help.”

“That reminds me. I need some help, too. This kid in summer camp last week was telling some other kids about different ways to masturbate.”

Reed lowered his head and rubbed his temples.
For the love of God
.

“I was just listening, Reed. I swear, I wasn’t saying anything. And the kid wasn’t doing anything. But what he was saying didn’t sound quite right. I mean, he was ....”

“Dude, we’re going to have to talk about this later.”

“Sure thing,” Jeremiah said, walking back towards his friends. “And you got to hook me up with some more pie from your girl’s shop.”

* * *

Peyton didn’t know what else to do. She’d tried to text and to call, each without a response. She wondered whether Reed really was upset and in no condition to drive. Maybe he accidentally drove off the side of the road, his Range Rover now twisted into a terrible ball, resting precariously on the side of a canal. Her heart raced at the thought.

She gently lay down on her bed, placing a pillow near her stomach to comfort the child who may be there, worrying she’d one day have to explain that his or her father died while getting a pregnancy test.

Then her heart raced faster. If Reed wasn’t dead, perhaps he’d just left altogether. His parting words, as earnest and sincere as ever, the kiss lingering a little more than usual, were perhaps his way of saying “goodbye.”
He doesn’t want a baby and is leaving me — alone
. She grabbed her phone, seeing Reed had now been gone 61 minutes. After a final stare, she hurled it across her bedroom, shattering it into a million pieces.

* * *

On his way back, Reed tried to call several times but got some robot saying her phone was out of service. He tried to text, too, but the message would never go through. It was terrible timing for her phone — or the service provider — not to work. He should’ve answered when she first called; he should’ve responded to her text immediately.

He stepped up on her porch, a sack around his wrist, preparing for Peyton to yell. He drew a deep breath before opening the front door then entered the foyer slowly, nervously, his legs weak and heart ready to burst — his future held in a box.

“You were gone a long time,” she said from the top of the stairs. “I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” he said, as she walked down to him, seeing her cheeks red and eyes swollen. He took her hand in his. “I tried calling you back.”

“My phone broke a little while ago.”

“Damn, that sucks. I just needed to do a little thinking.”

“What did you need to think about?”

“I just needed to clear my head.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me? I told you how scared I am.”

“I want to be strong for you, so I just took a little time to decide....”

“You want me to have an abortion, don’t you?”

“What?” Reed cried, underestimating how much his absence could affect her, the devilish tricks her mind could play. “No, I’d never want that.”

“Good, because I’d never kill my family when I don’t even have one.”

“Of course, baby. I don’t know why you’d even think such a thing. My mind was just racing about where we’d live. I assumed you want to raise our baby here, so then I’d need to sell my place,” he said, the words spilling out quickly. “And the store, I’d want you to stay with our baby, not work all the time, so we’d need to sell the store or close it down. And don’t get me started on that tiny car you drive. It’s way too small for a little baby, and I’m not sure how safe it is. Does that thing even have airbags? So we need to get you a new one right away. And I don’t think you should run anymore, either. That can’t be good for pregnant women, and we definitely need to talk to the doctor about sex. I think maybe that can’t be good for the baby, either, and then there’s ....”