Perfect Regret ( BOOK 2) (12 page)

I sat there for a long time, staring at the door. And for once, I didn’t have a way to justify my actions. Not when they had been completely and totally wrong. And wrong was not a good color on me.

“S
o Garrett came back to the apartment last night,” Vivian was saying, causing me to choke on my bagel. Maysie leaned over and thumped me on the back, dislodging the bread from my windpipe. No sense in throwing up all over the table, even if my friend’s out of the blue statement had me wanting to spew chunks Exorcist style.

The name
Garrett Bellows
had given my upchuck reflex a serious workout the last few weeks. I hadn’t seen him since sex disaster number two. Generation Rejects had played at Barton’s a few times, but thankfully my shifts hadn’t coincided with any of their gigs.

Maysie had invited me to the dozens of parties that had been thrown but I turned down each and every one. My need to walk on the wild side was definitely over.

The morning after Garrett’s dramatic exit I had woken up pissed. At Garrett of course. Because it was easy to find fault in his behavior and much harder to place blame on myself. Why did he have to make it into something that it wasn’t? Hadn’t I made my intentions perfectly clear? What was the problem? When had we ever pretended to be good for each other? When had we decided to make sex into something more than lust?

Because I missed
that
meeting. Last I had checked, Garrett was still a boy who barely tolerated me. Who couldn’t function on the same level as the rest of us. This was the guy who didn’t give a toss about anything unless it was a pair of boobs or a bowl pack of weed.

So when did he become the whiny girl in this scenario? I didn’t like feeling guilty. It irritated me. So I refused to feel that way.

Ah hell, I still felt guilty. Even if it was laced with a healthy dose of mortified anger at having been rejected with such finality.

Who cares about Garrett Bellows? I sure didn’t. Nope, not Riley Walker.

Riley Walker had bigger and better things to worry about. Like my internship. I was finally shadowing a reporter and was being allowed my very own byline.

That
was cause for celebration.

Right?

So why wasn’t I happier about it?

“Really? Did you guys all hang out or something?” Maysie asked, shoving a cream puff in her mouth. My best friend had a serious addiction to the Cup and Crumb’s cream puffs. I think half of the coffee shop’s profit margin lay in Maysie Ardin’s frequent purchase of those chocolate covered pastries.

Vivian shook her head. “No, you’re missing my point here. Garrett came back to the apartment,” she paused for dramatic affect, making sure we were paying attention. I rolled my eyes.

“With Gracie! Can you believe it? Miss ‘I will never hook up with a townie,’” Vivian giggled and bile tickled the back of my throat.

Maysie gasped. “Did they hook up?” she asked. Vivian waggled her eyebrows.

“Well, why else would he accompany a very drunk Gracie home and then disappear into her bedroom. He was still there this morning, his van was out front when I left!” Vivian exclaimed excitedly.

Shit, it had happened. Gracie and I had now both been biblically acquainted with the same penis. The thought was utterly horrible.

“He sure has a thing for drunk girls,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Huh?” Vivian asked, looking at me with confusion. Maysie’s eyes were sympathetic as she watched me hurry through my breakfast so I could get far away from this conversation.

“I’ve got to get to class,” I said in a rush, finishing off my coffee. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Wait, Riley,” Maysie called out, hurrying after me. I slowed down but didn’t stop. We had been tiptoeing around the Garrett shaped elephant in the room for a while now but I knew that my effective evasiveness was at an end.

“Are we ever going to talk about what happened? With you and Garrett I mean. Jordan has tried to find out but Garrett is pretty tight lipped about the whole thing. I had hoped for a bit more information from my best friend. When did we stop telling each other everything?” she asked and I knew my refusal to confide hurt her. I was doing a bang up job of making the people around me feel like crap lately.

I let out a deep sigh. “What’s there to talk about? We hooked up. It was a huge mistake. I feel like an idiot about it. Let’s just chalk it up to very bad decision making and leave it at that,” I said tiredly. Maysie looked unconvinced.

“That’s it? Really?” she asked incredulously.

“Yep, really,” I said firmly, thankful to see the English building in front of me that promised my sweet escape from this discussion.

“Bullshit. If that’s all there is to it than explain why that chip on your shoulder has grown into a crater. You’re almost bitchier than you were post Damien. What went down between you two after Benny’s? Garrett’s been beyond weird and you’re going apocalyptic every time I leave my shoes in the living room,” she said, eyeing me closely.

“Well, shoes belong in the closet, not in the middle of the floor. It’s a safety issue, Mays,” I remarked dryly. Maysie made a clucking noise that was a clear indicator she was ready to throttle me.

“And it doesn’t bother you that he quite possibly hooked up with our friend? Because if it were me, I’d be seeing red about now,” Maysie pushed. She was being relentless and I guess I deserved it. If the tables were turned I’d chip away until I got the information I wanted. Our friendship was merciless like that.

I drew myself up and squared my shoulders. “Sex does not equal ownership, Maysie. Garrett is not a guy I want in my life. To say we are different is a massive understatement. And yes, it grosses me out that he jumped from me to her, but I can’t stop him. He’s free to do whatever and whomever he wants,” I said harshly.

“Riley,” Maysie started but closed her mouth. Her eyes grew cold as she looked over my shoulder. I felt his presence before he said a word. My body had honed into him in over a year of intimate familiarity.

“Hey girls,” Damien piped up, standing beside us. I smiled at my ex-boyfriend in a manner devoid of my former bitterness. When had I forgiven the heartache? When had he become nothing more than a memory? At some point, I had let him go and it was both freeing and startling.

Because I knew there was only one reason Damien Green had lost his hold on my heart.

“Hey,” I said back. I turned back to my roommate who seemed confused by my civil greeting to the boy I had vowed to never speak to again. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I said. Maysie nodded, looking unhappy and I could understand why.

“Thank you for looking out for me,” I told her and then I hugged her. Maysie blinked in surprise when I released her, astounded by my display of affection.

“Always, Ri,” she said sincerely. I walked toward my class feeling just a little bit better.

“Glad to see that smile again,” Damien said as we headed in the same direction. I gave him a sideways look.

“Don’t, Damien. Seriously, it’s not necessary,” I said. Damien chuckled, as if he tickled by my coldness.

“But I think it
is
necessary. Because one day, Riley, you’ll understand how sorry I am for screwing everything up. You and me, we make sense. We work. I didn’t get that until it was too late. And I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to make you see I’m genuine,” Damien grabbed my hand to stop me.

“And Jaz didn’t make sense, I guess,” I snipped, aware that I sounded like the jealous ex that I wasn’t. Because I
wasn’t
jealous of whatever he had done with Jaz. I just thought the whole thing a miserable waste of emotional energy.

Damien tensed up. “She was a mistake. I just thought…” he cleared his throat and tried again. “I thought she pretty, okay. I wanted to see if what I felt for her would be more than what I felt for you. Because you and I had gotten to that point where we were just coasting. It was too comfortable. Too routine. Weren’t you bored, Riley?” he asked me and I wanted to yell that
no
I hadn’t been bored. But I knew that would be a lie.

Because he had been right to dump me. We were boring together. Who wants a relationship based on the fact that we both liked to recycle our plastics? At one time that might have been enough, but I was starting to think that wasn’t an option anymore.

When I didn’t say anything, Damien rushed on. “But Jaz wasn’t
you,
Riley. And I knew then that I was stupid. Because comfortable isn’t a bad thing. “

Wow, someone give this guy the medal for the most un-romantic sentiment ever!

Even though he meant for his words to be sweet they just made me depressed. Not once did he say that I was beautiful and he couldn’t stay away from me. No, Damien’s idea of romance was to let me know that boring was
good enough
.

Well it wasn’t for me.

“I have to go,” I said, walking around him.

“I
have the hangover from hell! Shoot me now!” Gracie groaned, sinking into the seat beside me. She rubbed her temples and cringed at the noise level in the commons. I took a bite of my hamburger, ketchup squeezing out from the sides and plopping down on my plate. Gracie’s face went a little green.

“God, your food is going to make me puke,” she whined as I wiped my face. I shrugged, not feeling remotely sympathetic.

“Why do you keep drinking yourself into this state? You’d think you would have learned around twenty hangovers ago,” I pointed out, purposefully taking a huge bite of my burger and chewing loudly.

“You’re sadistic, Riley. You know that?” Gracie complained, dropping her head to the table. Maysie wasn’t out of class yet so it was just me and my fellow Garrett humper. This had the makings of fabulous written all over it.

“Rough night?” I asked. Okay, I was going to dig. I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know what exactly was going on with her and Garrett. It was driving me crazy
not
knowing.

“You have no idea,” she whispered. I took pity on her and fished out two ibuprophen from my bag and handed them to her with my bottle of water.

“Take these and call me in the morning, “ I directed, nudging her arm with the bottle. Gracie uncapped the water and drank it all in one gulp. She gave me a weak smile in thanks.

“Seriously though, Gracie, I think it might be time to reevaluate your social life,” I said, putting the empty bottle on my tray. Gracie nodded in agreement.

“I think you might be right. Because I never want to drink again,” she swore and I looked at her knowingly. Because come tonight, her earlier convictions would go right out the window. My good buddy was one step away from a Lindsey Lohan level catastrophe. I had always given Maysie shit for the way she partied but she had nothing on Gracie Cook.

And Gracie was a small girl. She couldn’t weigh more than a hundred pounds soaking wet. She was wreaking havoc on her poor body. She’d have liver failure by the time she was thirty at this rate.

“Enough is enough, girl. You’re going to kill yourself if you keep it up. We’re meant to have more blood than alcohol in our system. You get that, right?” I asked caustically.

Gracie frowned. “Ha, ha. Yes, Miss Smarty-pants, I’m aware. I’m just having fun,” she said defensively.

I frowned back. “Having fun doesn’t involve frequent bouts of vomiting,” I replied sagely.

Gracie didn’t respond and instead put her head back on the table. Maybe now wasn’t the time to niggle her for details about her night with Garrett.

Whatever.

“I hear you had an overnight guest last night,” I said carefully. Gracie didn’t lift her head but her brow furrowed as though confused. And then her forehead smoothed and she smiled, looking a bit more alive.

“Oh, you mean the guitar god himself. Yeah, he helped me get home,” she said dreamily and then she looked sheepish. “He slept on my floor because he said he was afraid I’d stop breathing or something,” she admitted and I felt myself practically melt in relief.

“So no booty call?” I asked, needed the clarification.

Gracie groaned again. “No, I was too busy being a drunken idiot. I finally get the guy back to my place and I pass out. He’ll never look at me twice again!” she grumbled. I had to hide the satisfied smile that threatened to spread across my face.

“That’s okay, I’m sure there will be plenty more where he came from,” I said.

Gracie grimaced. “True, but there’s something different about Garrett, don’t you think? I mean who cares if he’s a townie who only plays music for a living? Look at him! Those abs make you forget that he’s sort of a loser.”

I felt suddenly and irrationally angry.

“
That
loser just spent the entire night making sure you didn’t Jimi Hendrix. So maybe you should be more appreciative,” I told her harshly.

Gracie frowned at me, obviously trying to figure out why I had put on the Garrett cheerleading uniform. I wish I had just bitten my tongue and kept quiet.

“There be my bitches!” Maysie said, sitting down in one of the free chairs. She looked over at Gracie whose face was now burrowed in her arms. “What’s up with her?” she asked me.

“What do you think? Possible alcohol poisoning with a side of irresponsible choices,” I laughed. Maysie laughed too, though I could tell she was just as concerned as I was about Gracie. The time was quickly approaching when laughing about it wouldn’t be an option. Something more serious would have to be done.

Maysie and I ate in silence and I was pretty sure Gracie had fallen asleep. If she started snoring I was going to have to smack her. “Do you have to work tonight?” Maysie asked me as we finished up. She reached over and shook Gracie’s shoulder.

Our friend jolted awake, her eyes bleary. “Time to head to class, Gracie,” Maysie said kindly. Gracie wiped her mouth and rubbed her eyes.