I was about to start the eighth grade when I realized just how hot Jace was. I guess I always knew that Jace was attractive, because really, girls had crushes on him all the way back to kindergarten. But it wasn’t until the last day of
the summer before Jace started high school that my general acknowledgment of Jace’s hotness turned into acute awareness. And I didn’t like it one bit.
I was lying on a beach recliner by Wesley Jamison’s pool reading the sixth Harry Potter book. Wes and Jace had just gotten out of the pool and were walking in my direction, threatening to soak me. It’d been a mellow day so far. The boys had had their first day off from football preseason after two weeks of practices. Gran had dropped me and Jace off at Wes’s place that morning, and I’d been engrossed in my book and catching some rays for the past hour and a half.
“Better get your book out of the way, Pepper!” Wes called as he charged towards me. I threw my book to the side just as he scooped me up. It wasn’t as amazing a feat as it might seem -- at thirteen years old, I probably didn’t even hit 100 pounds soaking wet.
“Wesley Jamison!” I pounded my fists on his chest. “Put me down!”
“But you looked like you were getting a little warm in the sun. Don’t you want to cool off?” Wes’s blue eyes glinted and he grinned at me.
I felt Jace reach around and pluck off my sunglasses just before Wes tossed me in the pool. My arms and legs flailed as I hit the water. “You!” I
pointed my finger at Wes while treading water. “And you!” I pointed at Jace.
“Me?” Jace asked, all false innocence. “What did I do?”
I glared at him. “You didn’t stop him!” The boys laughed as I swam to the edge to hop out. It did feel good to cool off but now I’d have to be careful not to get my book wet.
They joined me in the recliners, talking about the players on their teams, and joking about how weird it would be to play against each other. Wes would be attending the local private school, Lincoln Academy, and Jace was headed to Brockton Public. They had both made varsity as freshmen, but it was a bigger deal to be on varsity at Brockton. I was pretty sure only one other freshman had made the team.
“Will you guys even play each other? Isn’t Lincoln in a different division?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s 4A, not quite big enough to be 5A. I think there’s like a thousand kids at Lincoln,” Wes replied.
“5A is the sports division for the biggest schools right? And 4A is second biggest?” I asked. I didn’t pay much attention to sports, but with all the time I spent with Jace and Wes, it was impossible to remain totally ignorant.
“Yup,” Wes confirmed. “I think you need five hundred a class or something to be 5A.”
“Brockton’s one of the biggest high school’s in Colorado,” Jace added. “That’s why we kick everyone’s asses in sports. We’ve got about 4000 students this year.”
“You have so many hot chicks to choose from, man, I’m jealous,” Wes said.
“Yeah, but you get Madeline Brescoll. She’s smokin’.” Even back then I’d heard of Madeline. Everyone in Brockton knew the Brescoll family.
“Speaking of hotties, didn’t those cheerleaders want to hang out? Do you have their numbers?” Wes asked Jace.
“That’s right.” Jace scrolled through his cell phone and pressed ‘send’. He got up to walk while he chatted with someone on the other end. I watched him laugh and raise his arm to run a hand through his jet black hair. It was still wet, and it dripped down his muscular back and tan chest. He’d filled out over the past year, and had probably grown half a foot since last summer.
He was usually training for football or meeting up with a girl, and I’d seen a lot less of him than I usually did over the summers. I watched his tight bum as he walked slowly down the edge of the pool. He must do a million squats. Jace turned around when he got to the other side of the pool and ended the call. As he walked towards us
, I admired his firm chest, hairless except for a light dusting from his belly button to the edge of his swim trunks. I wanted to trace the V that led invitingly beneath his shorts.
My eyes darted back to my book and I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. My heart beat rapidly in my chest. I was completely alarmed by the direction of my thoughts. I had never wanted to do anything like that before and I feared that he would somehow know, be able to hear my thoughts or read it on my face. Maybe not seeing him every day like
I usually did had changed my perception. Or maybe I’d gotten too much sun. My desire to touch my best friend felt very wrong and I hoped it was temporary.
I continued staring at my book, scanning the pages but not processing anything. I was incredibly thankful I had sunglasses on to help hide my expression. I couldn’t look up when Jace settled into the chair next to me.
“They’re coming over,” he said.
“Sweet. I’ll let my mom know.” Wes headed inside and I was alone with Jace. For the first time ever, I fe
lt awkward with him.
“I can’t believe we’re
gonna be in different schools this year,” he said. “It’s gonna suck.”
I didn’t know if he was
talking about me, or Wes, or all three of us. “Yeah. Eighth grade’s supposed to be awesome, ruling junior high and all that, but I’m not going to have any friends.”
“What do you mean?” I look
ed at Jace; he was frowning. “What about Tina and Dana? Aren’t they in your grade?”
I shrug
ged. “Yeah, they’re okay I guess.” I didn’t like Tina and Dana. They were obsessed with boys and clothes and gossip, and -- “They’re kind of mean,” I told Jace.
“They’re mean to you?” Jace s
at up and clenched his fists. He’s always had a quick temper.
“Not to me. They trash
-talk everyone else though. It’s stupid. They really aren’t all that great but everyone thinks they’re
so
cool. I don’t know why they want to be friends with me. But they always talk to me and invite me to do stuff with them. I bet they think they’ll get to know you if they know me.” Jace raised his eyebrows. “Because you’re sooooo hot,” I said sarcastically, mimicking the way other girls sounded when they talked about him. “Or Wes,” I quickly added, remembering that I now knew exactly what Tina and Dana had been talking about. “He’s sooooo dreamy.”
“Maybe you can make some new friends in your grade this year,” Jace offer
ed.
“Yeah, maybe.” Jace
would have no problem making new friends, and I was terrified he’d forget all about me.
“Are we gonna stay friends?” I ask
ed quietly.
“Hell yes.” He s
at on the edge of his chair with his hands on his knees and gave me his serious look, which made his green eyes darken. “Pep, you’re my best friend. Even more than Wes. You’re like family, you know?”
“Yeah. Gran sure thinks of you like a grandson.”
“Tell Buns I’m still comin’ over all the time for dinner. My dad’s cooking is shit and I gotta eat good if I wanna be starting quarterback.”
“You think you can? I mean, I know you’re really good and you’re pretty big for a freshman, but isn’t the starter that dude, Reese something? He’s a senior now, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, he’s good. But you’ll see. I trained my ass off this summer. Coach is fair. If I’m good enough, I’ll get to play.”
Wes came back outside
, followed by three girls. One of them giggled like an idiot when she saw Jace. I rolled my eyes under my sunglasses. Jace stood up and hugged each girl like he knew them really well. “This is Pepper.” Jace gestured to me and I waved from my chair.
“Hi.” I noticed Jace didn’t introduce the girls and he looked relieved when they told me their names.
I wondered if he had them listed on his phone as “the blonde,” “big boobs” and “too much make-up.” I tucked it away as some good teasing material for later.
“So, how do you guys know each other?” I asked.
“Oh! We’ve been practicing cheer all week and Jace has been at football so we met at school the other day,” the girl named Stacy told me. “I live down the street so when Jace called, we just walked on over!”
I nodded. I was slightly alarmed by the energy bubbling from these girls and I really didn’t like the way that Jace was looking at them.
“So, you guys bring your suits? We have hoops for pool basketball,” Wes suggested.
The girls eagerly took
off their clothes to reveal their bikini-clad bodies. I was wearing a bikini too, but I didn’t fill it out like they did. The boys eyed them appreciatively and I felt very small and plain. I wondered if my body would ever fill out. I wondered if Jace would ever look at me like he was looking at those girls.
“Do you wanna play, Pep?” Jace asked, spinning the basketball on the tip of his finger.
“Nah, I want to keep reading. I’m at a really good part,” I lied. I had no idea what was happening in the book I was so engrossed in moments ago.
I watched discreetly from the protection of my sunglasses as the boys played basketball against the girls. They touched each other frequently and unnecessarily. My chest felt tight and my entire body was tense. My physical reaction startled me and it took a few minutes before I realized it was a manifestation of my feelings. I was angry.
And jealous. These girls didn’t know Jace, yet he was letting them touch him.
When Jace took one of the girls to the pool shed I felt like crying.
Wrapping a towel around myself, I walked inside the house while Wes continued flirting with the other two girls in the pool. Without my own cell phone, I had to ask Mrs. Jamison if I could use their land line to call Gran. Jace would be annoyed when I left without telling him, but I didn’t care.
I waited outside for Gran. When she saw me, she didn’t ask any questions
-- she could see that I was upset. After dinner, she made my favorite dessert – banana bread pudding - and we watched Titanic for the hundredth time. And when Jace called after dinner asking for me, she didn’t need to say anything. She knew.
“She’s not feeling good
,” Gran said gruffly.
Jace said something on the other
end and Gran replied, “It’s woman stuff, Jace.”
I figured that would shut him up, but apparently not
. Jace must’ve kept asking, because Gran said, “She’s fine. Cramps.”
I couldn’t help but smile.
Anyone else might be embarrassed by her but I love her like crazy.
“Mmmhmm
,” she responded, and mmmhmmmed a few more times. “Okay, young man, we’ll see ya for dinner then. Don’t cause too much trouble on your first day, ya hear?” She laughed at something he said before hanging up.
“Jace’s gonna keep comin’ for dinner after his practices like usual.” Gran sat next to me on the couch and patted my knee. “It ain’t all gonna change, baby girl.”
But it already had.
***
After Jace leaves, I push play on my iPod and lie down on my bed. I let my body melt into my comforter and close my eyes.
I can’t deny my body’s response to Jace. He’s hot as all hell. And we like each other.
As friends. So what’s the problem, right? Why not try being more than friends? Or at least friends with benefits, as so many like to term their non-relationships?
The problem is that Jace thinks of me like his little sister. Last year I was coming out of the girl’s locker room after track practice and I stopped at the water fountain. Jace was in the locker room talking to his best guy friend, Remy Laroche.
They play baseball in the spring. I’d heard that guys didn’t give me much attention because Jace warned them away. I wanted to believe he did this because he wanted me for himself, but, based on the way he acted around me, I feared it was something else. Turns out I was right. Worse than being friend-zoned… I was
like family
.
Yup
, that’s what he said. Remy asked Jace why he didn’t like other guys showing an interest in me, and if he wasn’t going to let other guys hook up with me, why didn’t he get with me himself?
I was still holding on to the water fountain, but I wasn’t drinking. I stayed leaning forward though, letting the stream of water brush my lips. Then I heard Jace’s voice.
“Man, that’s not gonna happen. Pepper’s my family. She’s like my sister.”
His
sister
.
Okay, so he could have just been
saying
that, right? Maybe he didn’t really mean it. Doubtful.
There’s no question Jace
really
likes girls. I’m a girl, and we’ve been alone in his room, or mine, tons of times and he’s never made a pass. So, the only other explanation is that he doesn’t want me because I’m just not hot enough.