Penalty Clause (12 page)

Andrew finished his Friday meeting just after lunch and picked Jill up at the hotel. He had insisted on first class tickets for the flight and had set up appointments for Jill at the spa to keep her entertained Friday morning. After the spa, Jill spent the rest of the time during Andrew’s meetings walking the trail at Lady Bird Lake in Austin
enjoying the sixty-degree weather that was such a change from the New England cold.

The trail was just off the hotel grounds and Jill caught several shots of eight or more turtles at a time baking in the sun on logs out on the water. The turtles were the size of
basketballs, layered one over the other in a long row as they sunbathed. With the sun sparkling on the water behind them, they created beautiful pictures. Jill was glad she’d grabbed her telephoto lenses when she decided to head out for her walk. She thought she’d only need the lenses for catching shots of larger animals at Big Bend, but the turtles would be great for her notecard line.

Andrew collected Jill in the rental car in the afternoon and they headed out across Texas to Big Bend National Park. During the drive Andrew filled the time with stories of Jack’s and his escapades during school. He also gave Jill a more detailed version of Jack and Kelly’s story, a story Jill had only heard an overview of before.

Several hours into the drive, Jill gasped at the vision of the sun beating down on a landscape of red rocks with blue sky behind and cacti in the foreground. Without even asking if Jill wanted him to, Andrew simply pulled the car over so that she could get out and take pictures. He waited patiently while she changed lenses, checked lighting and switched apertures to achieve different effects that she could play with in the darkroom later.

When Jill was finished, she turned back around to find Andrew leaning on the hood of the car. His long legs were out in front of him, ankles crossed, eyes on her as she walked toward him.

Jill leaned in and kissed Andrew, feeling the sparks start to fly as she pressed the full length of her body to his. He brought his arms slowly up her back, pulling her even closer until Jill was anchored between his legs. She was pressed as close as Andrew could manage.

“What was that for?” Andrew asked when
they broke the heated kiss.

“For being patient,” Jill said, but she knew in her heart it was for so much more.

“I like watching you work,” Andrew said. They climbed back into the car and Jill’s heart did a little flip when Andrew used the word ‘work’ to describe her photography. “You’re so intense and focused and you bite your bottom lip when you find something you really want to capture. Makes me want to bite your bottom lip...and other parts of you.” Andrew threw a grin her way that had Jill blushing.

She
studied him as he pulled the car back out onto the road and continued toward their destination.

“What?” Andrew asked in response to Jill’s scrutiny.

“I’m just not used to it, that’s all.”

“To someone caring about you and your work? Respecting what you do?” Andrew asked, knowing the answer.

Jill nodded. Andrew bit out his usually refrain about her ex. “Jackass.”

Jill laughed. For the first time, she felt glad that Jake had left her. She may not have a future with Andrew, but she was content. And even though Andrew had helped bring her to that new state of happiness, she didn’t feel like she relied on Andrew for the peace she was feeling. She was beginning to feel more comfortable with herself. She was confident and satisfied with herself lately. That made enjoying her time with Andrew
that much easier to do.

Jill settled back for the rest of the trip, leaning back in her seat and watching the road in front of them. They drove in silence for a while; the kind of comfortable silence that neither felt driven to break or fill simply for the sake of it. When Andrew spoke, his tone was serious for the first time in the trip.

“Do you still want it? Family? Love? Kids?” Andrew asked Jill.

Jill
felt a kick in her gut at the question and measured her response. “I do. The only problem is that I no longer believe that love can be lasting and I can’t figure out a way around that. And, I know that Jake was an ass, at best.” Jill stopped and grinned at Andrew, acknowledging the reference to Jake’s ass-ness once again.

“But...” She took a shaky breath and continued
. “When we got married, we were in love. It just died somewhere along the way. I honestly don’t know how I would trust in love again or trust that my husband wouldn’t leave again. I think I’d walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time.”

Jill was quiet for a minute before she continued. “With Jake, I was so sure, so confident of our love and our marriage until
the day I was completely blindsided. I don’t want to be blindsided like that again. I don’t think I could handle that.”

“Why didn’t you guys have kids?” Andrew asked.

“We almost did. We waited a few years before trying so we could just enjoy being married to one another for a while. Three years in, I got pregnant but I lost the baby in my tenth week.” Jill’s voice broke slightly as she said the words. She hadn’t spoken of her baby in a long time. Hadn’t told very many people about it.

“I’m sorry, hone
y.” Andrew reached over and threaded her fingers in his. Jill smiled at him.

“It’s okay. It was hard at the time, but I guess I just think it must have been meant to be. Now that things worked out the way they did with Jake, it’s a relief not to have kids involved,” Jill said.

“Did you guys try again after that?” Andrew asked. He kept his eyes on the road even though there wasn’t much to keep an eye out for in the wide-open space.

“No. Jake said he couldn’t watch me go through that again. Looking back, I think that was an excuse. I don’t think Jake wanted kids.” Jill saw everything about her marriage through a new lens now that she
was on the outside.

“Can you…I mean?” Andrew started but didn’t seem to know how to ask what he wanted to know. Jill filled in for him.

“Have kids? Yes, I think so. The doctor said he saw no reason for me to miscarry again. Some women just lose a baby for no identifiable reason but then go on to have several children without any issues. Of course, that would mean either doing it on my own or trusting someone else again.”

“Do you think you would ever have a child on your own?” Andrew asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought.” Jill frowned. “I wanted that baby so much at the time.”

Jill didn’t say anymore and Andrew stopped questioning, letting them slip comfortably back into the silence.

At sunset, they stopped again so that Jill could capture the sun setting over the horizon. They pulled off the highway for dinner at a restaurant before checking in at the resort and spa for the night. The conversation had returned to light-hearted banter and easier topics than the heaviness of marriage and the shared anguish of lost children.

Chapter Twenty-four

When it hit Andrew it hit him hard. So hard, he was sure he might have been knocked off balance if not for the large boulder he leaned on as he watched Jill photograph the stunning canvas of Big Bend National Park.

Andrew loved Jill. He almost laughed at the realization of that. Laughed at the fact that he hadn’t seen it until that moment. How could he have missed it? In such a short time, Jill had crept into his heart and laid claim to it and Andrew had been powerless to defend himself against her. The funniest part of it was that he didn’t mind at all. He wasn’t in a panic like he thought he would be. Andrew was completely calm while the emotion washed over him as he watched Jill.

Even so, he sure as hell couldn’t tell Jill he loved her. That, for damned sure, wasn’t
gonna happen. And it surprised Andrew to realize that it wasn’t his own fears that stood in the way. He wouldn’t be afraid to tell Jill he loved her because of his own baggage. No. The problem was with Jill hearing it.

He
knew Jill would run like hell if he mentioned love. She was too gun-shy after her marriage. But he did need to figure out how to convince Jill to spend the rest of her life with him without actually telling her the truth – any other result would leave him broken again. He simply couldn’t conceive of a life without Jill by his side. Without her smile and those smoky, smoldering eyes and the laughter he loved to hear. Without her sexy, sensual kisses that knocked him on his ass and without waking up to find Jill in his arms.

Jill turned to Andrew with a smile that pulled him out of his musing.

“You must be bored to tears,” she said apologetically.

If only she knew.

“Nope. Not at all. I like the surroundings and the view is…exceptional,” Andrew said as he looked straight at Jill. “Besides, I like watching you work. I can tell that you’ll pull images out of here that I wouldn’t have spotted for all the world. It’ll be incredible to see what you bring home and to know I was there and missed all the nuances you spotted. It’s like you have a different set of eyes and you’ll show me, let me in on all the secrets, when we get you home to your darkroom.”

Jill stared at him with eyes wide and her mouth
forming a small O.

“What?” Andrew asked with a laugh?

Jill shook her head. “You always say things that make me feel so special. How do you do that? You know the right thing, just the right thing, to say all the time – even if I didn’t know what I needed to hear until after it was out of your mouth.”

Andrew grinned and pulled
Jill into his arms for a long kiss then rested his forehead on hers. “What can I say? You bring it out in me,” he teased. He wanted to keep things light as his mind churned up a plan to convince Jill to overlook her fear of love and stay with him forever.

***

With all the strength she could manage, Jill was fighting to keep from falling head over heels for Andrew. The man was not making it easy on her. He went hiking through the park with her, waited patiently for over two hours while she watched for a family of black bears until they came close enough to capture photos through her telephoto lens. Then Andrew hiked higher into the hills with her to try to spot a mountain lion, based on reports of a sighting in that area the previous day.

And now, as Jill lay in Andrew’s arms in bed trying to catch her breath
and to steady herself, she could scarcely remember her name. Andrew had tormented and tortured her in the most sensual, delicious ways. He began with those hot, drug-like kisses that swept Jill under instantly, making her knees weak, her mind foggy. After bringing her almost to orgasm with his hands and tongue, he plunged into her, filling her for a few heady, perfect strokes and then pulled out only to begin his ministrations with hands and tongue all over again.

Andrew had played with her, repeatedly burying himself in her only long enough to have her begging for release over and over until she was coiled tight as a spring and ready to explode.

When Andrew finally pushed her over the edge Jill had tumbled into a climax that strummed and pulsed through her whole body in a way she had never felt before and, was ashamed to admit, would beg for again and again. Jill no longer thought about her ex-husband and how unsatisfying her sex life had been with Jake. Now that Jill had a point of reference, her only thoughts were on Andrew and the places he took her when they were in bed together.

She couldn’t allow herself to fall for Andrew emotionally, but Jill would permit herself to wallow in the magic of his hands, his mouth, his body, for as long as she could. That much she could give herself.
And him.

Andrew lay holding Jill in his arms, hands idly running patt
erns up and down her the smooth, creamy skin of her torso. He had never experienced anything like the pleasure he found in Jill’s arms. And as Andrew held her, it suddenly became crystal clear. He knew how to convince Jill to marry him. How to build a life with Jill forever. Andrew had to be clinical about it. Logical and practical. Because if the topic of love came up, Andrew was confident Jill would run.

It was staggering
how perfect a fit they were for one another. Andrew who thought he would never risk saying those words again, and Jill who could never stand to hear them again. Taking a deep breath, Andrew set out to fit the pieces of their perfect puzzle together, without sending Jill into flight.

“We should get married, Jill,” Andrew said, not stopping the strumming of his hands across her body.

Jill moved in a flash. She suddenly stood completely naked at the foot of the bed looking at him as if he had two heads. She was so incredibly beautiful. So, so… Andrew couldn’t think of a word to describe Jill’s beauty. There just weren’t words for how Jill looked standing there with nothing covering her except for a look of incredulity.

He
chuckled and held out his hand to her, calling Jill back to bed. “Calm down, honey. Come listen to me. You’ll see I’m right.”

Jill
gaped at him and shook her head. She didn’t come back to bed.

“Really,
Jillie, come here. You’ll get cold standing there like that,” Andrew coaxed, with a pointed look down the length of Jill’s naked body.

Jill looked down
as if she had forgotten her naked state and yelped before jumping back onto the bed. She wrapped herself in one of the sheets, but didn’t wrap herself back in Andrew’s arms. She stayed on the other side of the bed, eyeing him suspiciously. Jill still hadn’t said a word, so Andrew plunged into his pitch.

“Think about it. We’re perfect together. We both still want a family, a good marriage, even though we can’t exactly trust in love the way most people might. But we’re great friends, we more than enjoy each other’s company,
and we’re great in bed together. Our chemistry is…well, phenomenal, to say the least,” he said with a grin.

“I…I can’t, Andrew. I can’t go through that again,” Jill protested.

Andrew held up a hand, palm out to her. “Hear me out. I’ll give you a guarantee. A penalty clause to keep you feeling safe. I’ll have my lawyers draw up a prenup that gives you everything I have, every ounce of my money and property if I leave you at any point. That’s millions, Jill. A
lot
of millions. I’d even lose Adelaide. The only way the marriage would end would be if you wanted it to end. Not me. You’ll never have to worry about being blindsided again, Jill.”

Andrew could see the temptation pulling at her, but she remained wary. She shook her head silently for a moment.

“What about you, Andrew? What guarantees would you have?” Jill asked.

“I don’t need guarantees from you, Jill. I’ve known you half my life. I know you’d never hurt me the way Blair did. I know you wouldn’t, hell, couldn’t even contemplate the kind of cruelty she displayed. It’s just not in you to do something like that.”

Andrew took a breath and then threw in the biggest lure of all. “We can try to have kids, Jill. And if you can’t, we’ll adopt, but I bet we can. And, we’d be good parents together, because we have a good friendship as our foundation. We’re good together, Jill. We’re good
for
each other.”

By now, he had coaxed Jill back to his side and Andrew’s hands began their soothing play over her back, her arms and shoulders. The
two of them lay quietly like that for a long time. Andrew barely breathing. Jill thinking so hard it was almost audible.

“Yes.”

She said it so quietly, he wasn’t sure Jill had actually spoken. Just the quietest whisper of ‘yes’ and Andrew’s heart kicked in his chest.

Andrew pulled her back and looked into her eyes. “Yes?”

Jill nodded. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Andrew.”

Andrew closed his eyes and pulled Jill close, reveling in the power of that one word.

It wasn’t traditional or romantic or any of the things that a proposal should be – and that tore at Andrew’s heart because he wanted more than anything in the world, to give Jill all of those things and more – but it was what Jill needed it to be. And from that moment on, Andrew knew that he would always put Jill’s needs above his own. He would forever do whatever it took to keep Jill happy.