Past Lives (3 page)

Chapter Five

A Ride in the Woods

I met Jacqueline and Bastien at the stables just as a few clouds drifted over the sun. Both of them seemed in high spirits, excited to be out in the woods. I tried to ignore the meaningful glance Bastien gave my patched up face, concern etched in his downcast brows. Still, I was nothing if not able to distract and pull out new conversation.

“Do you ride often, Bastien?” I asked after being handed onto my horse and taking the reins. He nodded, taking up his own and falling in next to me.

“I am well accustomed to riding, as part of my military training,” he said, glancing down affectionately at his steed and stroking the beast’s mane. A spike of jealously ran through me, directed at the animal, and I laughed inwardly at myself for being so absurd.

“You miss it, don’t you?” I asked, redirecting his attention to me.

“I do,” he confessed. “I find that when men are stationed together in situations of life or death, they treat each other as equals, and the veil of propriety falls away.”

“You speak of propriety as though it is one of the seven sins,” I teased, though he did not look amused.

“And what if I do? Have you had the pleasure of reading the works of Rousseau, J?”

I searched my brain, knowing that I had no recollection of that name. Without anything to go on, I had to admit my ignorance.

“I’ve not had the pleasure, no,” I said, embarrassed at my lack of knowledge. That was new. He nodded, as though this was a common answer among women.

“He has published his philosophy that humans should go back to their natural roots—that all the clothing we constrict ourselves with and the manners that cloak our true intentions are in fact the chains that keep us from the happiness we seek as part of the human condition.”

The man was making me think. Like, actually
think
. Trying to rise to his challenge, and wanting to impress him, I decided to give it a shot.

“So you would have us all walking around in the nude as our statues are wont to do?” I asked playfully. I was rewarded with a smirk.

“I wouldn’t disagree with it, though there are many gentlemen and women that I would prefer not to observe in their altogether.”

“I quite agree with you,” I said.

“That would be a first,” he replied.

“I think it would be quite funny to see everyone walking around naked,” Jacqueline announced, breaking the little bubble Bastien and I had sunk into. She giggled at her declaration, and Bastien and I shared an indulgent smile. If anything, we shared an affection for Jacqueline’s innocent and honest manner.

“I did not know you were a family of philosophers,” I said, gazing out at the lush greenery of the forest as we left behind the manmade world of Versailles.

“I wouldn’t say that, Mademoiselle J, though we were raised to value our minds over that which others consider to be more important.”

I flushed, instantly aware that those were the things I had been taught to value: wealth, possessions, beauty. Never once had anyone told me that I should value my ability to learn and think. I frowned. I could feel Bastien watching me from the corner of my eye. We rode on in silence for a stretch, until we came upon a small patch of grass near a gurgling stream. Purple flowers dotted the surrounding forest, and I found that I instantly loved this secret little place. Bastien seemed to agree.

“I think this looks like a good spot for a picnic, don’t you ladies?”

“Oh yes!” Jacqueline exclaimed. “I couldn’t agree more. Quick—let’s set up and have our meal. I’m famished!”

I tried not to think about how much food she had already eaten when breaking her fast earlier, as it seemed mean-spirited. Bastien helped Jacqueline off of her horse before coming over to me, his hand held out.

“My lady?” he asked, waiting with his hand out as I stared at it. I should have known better, but instead I removed my riding gloves first and placed them in a saddle pouch. I saw his eyes widen for just an instant before I slid my bare hand into his, allowing our skin to touch. We paused, a frozen tableau, this forbidden gesture a cruelty on my part for I knew deep down that I would never pursue it. My father would kill me if I told him I went to Versailles and fell in love with a soldier who was barely an aristo. Still, I couldn’t help myself. To make things worse, he slid me slowly off of my horse, our bodies meeting fully for just a moment as my feet found purchase on the ground.

He didn’t let go of my hand. I allowed the electricity and heat to flow through it, addicted. I wanted to feel these things. I wanted to understand what they meant, even knowing that I would at some point have to give them up. Then I realized that we were gaping at each other while Jacqueline was setting up our picnic.

“Goodness, I should have thought to bring a maid…you shouldn’t be doing that Jacqueline,” I said, removing my hand and reanimating back to the present. Bastien’s face fell briefly in disappointment before he turned to see that Jacqueline had basically set up the entire picnic on her own. He began to apologize when she put up a hand, kneeling on the red blanket while she finished spreading out our meal of cheese and cold meats and wine. The clouds overhead were beginning to look a little less friendly, but my desire to stay out with my friends was overriding common sense. Ok fine, my desire to stay out with Bastien was doing it…so what?

“Don’t be silly, you two. I love doing this sort of thing—it reminds me of playing house as a child,” she smirked, looking at us knowingly. I chided myself for now giving them both the wrong impression, but said nothing. Instead the three of us sat down, and I listened in quiet fascination at the level of conversation Jacqueline and Bastien sank into. They could discuss anything with an educated opinion on the matter, whereas I was so limited that I was scared to offer an opinion.

“But don’t you think it was wrong of the English to be so domineering? I mean, the Americans have been running on their own steam for so long, it was stupid of King George to think he could destroy them with his silly taxes,” Jacqueline said. The topic of the American Revolution had come up frequently in the past few years after the Americans had earned their independence…with generous help from France.

“How can you say that, sister?” Bastien asked. “The lifestyle you choose to live goes against everything that country believes in.”

“It does not!” she cried out, petulant. “America is founded on the principle that all people can work their way up, just like we did.”

“We did not
work
our way up, Jacqueline. We were handed wealth by the king. Wealth that is now being siphoned because France gave all our money away to the American cause,” Bastien spat. I gazed at him, bewildered.

“Are you not grateful for the change in status you were given? To be provided with a better life?” I asked, truly puzzled. Bastien cast fiery eyes at me, and I wanted to recoil under their fire. Or snuggle up to it. Whichever.

“I am grateful that my sister is safe and provided for, yes. But I don’t think that investing in the wars of others and then inspiring our own people to rise up against the king is going to end well for France, do you?”

“I…” I stalled. I didn’t know what I thought, because no one had taught me how. Bastien knew this, and, patient teacher that he was, he waited for me to come to my own answer. It would probably be the first time that had ever happened.

“The people would not dare to rise up against the king. Surely we are safe behind the walls of Versailles. It’s too far for anyone to
want
to take it down. And it’s so pretty!” I exclaimed. My values were a little…shallow. Bastien frowned.

“You really have no idea what’s happening outside these walls, do you?” he asked, incredulous. This made me defensive, yet again.

“I certainly do. I know that we do what we can to help the less fortunate, but that they cannot help themselves. It is not our fault that we were born into rank and they into servitude. I’m sure that those who work hard have a good living for themselves and that those who do not suffer, as is the nature of all things.”

“And what of those who work hard and are given nothing, because of their status, as you say?” Bastien whipped back. I was not used to someone speaking to me this way…
debating
with me. His opinions infuriated me mostly because if he was right, he would take away my essence. Everything I had ever been taught to believe would be wrong. And I didn’t want to face that possibility. I forced a bubbly laugh.

“Well now you are being silly, Bastien. Please stop with all this political nonsense, admit you are wrong, and stop giving me a frightful headache,” I crooned, pouring a small glass of crisp wine and taking a sip to calm my nerves. Having watched our exchange as though it were a tennis match, Jacqueline began to look around the woods. An awkward silence fell before she found something that excited her.

“Oh, do you see that trail of flowers? I bet it leads to my favorite ones, Bastien! Do you care if I go have a look?” she asked, all innocence. Bastien cast one sideway glance at me, the heavy realization that we would be alone in a romantic forest grove not lost on either of us, before nodding his head in approval. Scooping up her yellow dress, Jacqueline ran clumsily through the bush and was out of sight in minutes, leaving us to our general disagreements. Bastien finally leaned toward me, his expression earnest.

“J, if you do not believe that the world is about to come crashing down around you, then you will not survive what is to come next. With poverty comes violence…once you take food away from a hungry mouth, it has naught to do but rise up and bite. The poor are beginning to assemble, and I fear the world will not be a safe cocoon for you much longer.”

“It is your cocoon too, Bastien. I wonder why you choose to live in it if you hate it as much as you seem to,” I said. His answer was quick.

“I do it for Jacqueline. I don’t know why she strives so hard to be a part of this world…maybe because it is one that will never accept her. But no matter what my beliefs, my primary job is to protect her with all that I have. It is why we are friends, is it not? Because she likes you?”

“Are you saying that you only treat me as you do, as you might a potential love, because it benefits your sister?” Don’t ask me how I got so bold. He always brought out the worst in me…and the best. He smirked.

“Well, now who is being silly?” he teased, and I pulled back my hand to give him a playful slap, which he caught easily, pulling me in close. Our playful laughter died as soon as it had come, delicious desire immediately taking its place.

“J…” he whispered, his face so close to mine I could feel his breath skim my eager lips. My eyes melted into his, the brown so dark I became lost in their depths.

“There’s something about you I just don’t understand. I’m drawn to you…I can think of nothing else while you are gone and want nothing more than to kiss you when you’re near. I haven’t the slightest idea why, because you’re so elitist, but I do…”

Well. You can imagine how that bucket of water cooled me right off. I froze, my body tense, and gave him a hard stare.

“You call me elitist simply because I could never marry you? You choose to live in my society and yet not abide by its rules?” I challenged. Our embrace slowly pulled apart as the helplessness of our situation solidified itself in our minds, turning our desperation and want for each other into anger. His eyes turned cold as he placed distance between us once again.

“Well, as I said, my sister needs a friend, and therefore you must be tolerated. Perhaps there is little hope for you after all.”

“Perhaps even smaller hope for you, you arrogant man!” I spat, unable to repress my anger, which was doubled by the fact that I still wanted him to kiss me. Jacqueline made her way back through the trees noisily, her arms laden with purple flowers that I had never seen before.

“What in heaven’s name are those?” I asked testily. I watched her physically shrink into herself, unhappy to have made the wrong decision about anything.

“They’re just some wildflowers…I found them once before and I wanted to press them.”

“If you bring those back to the palace you will be more of a laughingstock than you already are,” I said haughtily. It did the trick. She dropped them like they were on fire, and Bastien glared at me. I brushed off my skirts.

“I think I’ve had enough nature for one day,” I declared, and, moody group that we now were, we made our way back to the stables as the sky began to rumble with thunder. As we handed off our horses to the staff, I bid the siblings adieu and stormed around in the opposite direction so as not to see that insufferable man anymore.

Suddenly the sky opened up, and I was drenched within seconds. I gasped as warm summer rain absorbed into my beautiful dress, ruining it for good, and stood frozen, unsure of what to do. Running sounded like a terrible chore, and I could slip and fall, and then what kind of rumors would spread about me? I felt a hand grasp my upper arm.

“What are you doing?” Bastien demanded, his hair soaked and falling in his face, his eyes that particular brand of fire I wanted to put out…one way or another.

“What are
you
doing?” I demanded right back, glancing down at his hand on my arm. He pulled it back as though stung.

“You are the most insufferable girl I have ever met.” I stood up to him, almost on the tips of my toes, unwilling to back down.

“And you are the biggest hypocrite, hating my rules, my life. You judge us just as harshly as we do you and yet you criticize us as at fault. I am not to blame for the way I am!” I cried, nearly screaming in his face. His expression turned predatory, and before I realized what was happening, his arms wrapped tightly around me. He swept me against the stable wall, and our mouths crashed together, desperately fighting for purchase. His hands cradled my face, ran down my neck, caressed my back… anywhere they could go they found their way. I kissed and kissed like I had never done before…because I never had. I’d seen people do it…knew what it was about, though I in no way ever expected it to be like this. The puzzle pieces of my world shifted together in perfect harmony until he quickly pulled away, his breathing labored. He held the back of my neck and placed our foreheads together.