Authors: Mari Carr
She’d run away again.
Fuck.
Chapter Eight
“Why are you in such a bad mood tonight?” Jordan asked when
Stephanie let loose with another string of curses. No matter how hard she
tried, nothing was going right. She’d screwed up three orders, broken two
glasses and cut her finger while slicing a lime.
“I’m just tired,” she lied.
Jordan perched on the stool at the end of the bar and rested
her head on her hand. It was a quiet night, a few patrons sitting at tables
around the large room. Jordan was the only person to take a seat at the bar in
the past hour. Unfortunately, the slow night had given Stephanie too much time
to think.
“Nope. I don’t think you’re tired at all. Did you have a
fight with Jarod?”
Stephanie shook her head. “Not exactly.”
Jordan’s eyes narrowed. “Oh no. What did you do to sabotage
this
relationship, Steph?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jordan sighed loudly. “You sort of have an established
pattern in relationships. When things get to be too much, you freak out and try
to fuck things up.”
“No, I don’t.”
Jordan reached for a bowl of pretzels. “Of course you do.
You’ve done it for years.”
“And you’re only just now finding the time to point this out
to me?”
Jordan shrugged. “Honestly, you’ve never dated anyone worth
holding on to until Jarod. You’ve been pretty successful at picking out one loser
after another.”
“And Jarod’s not a loser?”
Jordan’s look was pure exasperation. Jarod had won her
friends over hook, line and sinker over the past month, often hanging out after
closing time to help them clean up, bringing by sandwiches on his lunch hour
for all of them. He’d gone out of his way to get to know her friends because he
knew they were important to her. It was yet another fucking nice thing about
him.
“You know Jarod’s not a loser. Not even close.”
Stephanie wanted to throw her friend’s words in her face,
deny them. She couldn’t. She’d spent the entire day taking a long, hard look at
herself and she hadn’t been happy with what she’d seen. Jordan was right. In
the past, Stephanie had chosen to date men she knew she’d never lose her heart
to. She’d known from practically the first moment, Jarod was different. He was
a threat to her safety because he’d touched her mind, her soul, and now…God
help her, her heart. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry.
Jordan’s soft voice nearly did her in. “You may as well
admit it. You want to be his girlfriend. Hell, I think you already are.”
She opened her eyes and looked at her friend, fully prepared
to lie. Instead, she merely nodded.
Jordan gave her a kind, comforting smile and Stephanie knew
she had chosen the right friend to confess to. Jayne, Miss Romance, would have
taken her confession as a green light to start planning some fairy-tale fucking
wedding, while Sophie would have hooted and hollered and high-fived the place
down.
Jordan simply looked at her with complete understanding.
“It’s not the end of the world, you know. Dating someone. Making a commitment.
There are worse things out there.”
She grinned, the damn tears she didn’t want creeping into
her eyes anyway. “I know. I’m just not ready to be someone’s girlfriend.”
“What does that mean?”
Stephanie gestured at the bar. “We’re still working on
making the bar a success. We all promised to give this place three years of our
undivided attention and commitment.”
“Jarod understands that. He’s been hanging out here over a
month, helping you live up to that obligation. He’s not demanding you stop
working, stop caring about this bar. That’s a weak excuse to stop seeing him.”
Stephanie nodded. It
was
an excuse. She knew that.
Unfortunately the lump in her throat and the ache in her chest wouldn’t abate.
She squeezed her eyes closed. She wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t.
“So what happened? It’s obvious you’re upset for a reason. I
don’t think these tears are a result of realizing you’ve actually opened yourself
up to a real relationship.”
“My mother called today.”
Jordan gave her a quizzical look. “So?”
“So, she launched into her usual ‘you’re wasting your life’
speech and I realized something.”
“What?”
“I’m just like her.”
Jordan shook her head. “Jesus, Steph. You’re nothing like
Bev.”
“Maybe not completely, but I’m sure as hell laying the
groundwork. Working my ass off in this bar, jumping from one failed
relationship to another, closing myself off to love.”
“I’ll give you the first two, but not the last. You don’t
close yourself off to love. You’re just more guarded, more protective of your
heart. Who could blame you, given Beverly’s constant criticism and shitty
role-modeling?”
“What if I can’t go the distance, Jordan? What if I screw up
and hurt him? I don’t want to hurt Jarod.”
Her friend gave her a comforting smile. “I don’t have a
crystal ball. I can’t look into your future and say everything will turn out
hunky-dory. I
will
say the fact you’re more worried about hurting Jarod
then risking a broken heart yourself sort of implies to me that it’s too late.
Cupid’s arrow has struck. And here we were, thinking your skin was too thick to
pierce.”
Stephanie appreciated Jordan’s attempt at humor. She took a
deep breath, fighting back the pain as she recalled Jarod’s sleeping form in
her bed this morning. His face had been so peaceful. He’d told her they would
make love and they had. He’d given her the most magical night of her life and
like a fool, she’d shoved it back down his throat come dawn. She could only
imagine how furious and hurt he’d been when he woke up and found her gone. The
fact he hadn’t called her all day sort of confirmed that anger. “I have
morning-after issues.”
Jordan’s brows furrowed. “I have no idea what that means.”
“Before Jarod, I’d never spent the entire night with a guy.
It seemed too personal, too much like a relationship.”
Jordan nodded. “But you’ve spent the night with Jarod, so I
don’t—”
“I leave before he wakes up,” Stephanie interjected.
“Every time?”
Stephanie grinned. Her friend—knowing her love of good
sex—clearly assumed she’d spent a month’s worth of nights in Jarod’s bed. How
could she tell her the queen of casual sex had only gotten laid three times
since she’d started seeing Jarod? She nodded. “There haven’t been that many
nights.”
“Why not?”
“Jarod didn’t want me to mistake our relationship for lust.”
Jordan grinned widely. “Oh man, he’s had your number right
from the start, hasn’t he?”
Stephanie refused to acknowledge the truth of that
statement. The thought of Jarod understanding her so well had poked at her like
a rock in her shoe for weeks.
“I think that’s incredibly sweet…and romantic,” Jordan said.
Stephanie paused. It was. It really was.
“What am I going to do, Jordan?”
Her friend reached out and grasped her hand, pulling her
closer. Leaning across the bar, she spoke the answer softly. “Simple. You’re
going to drive to Jarod’s house tonight after work. You’re going to knock on
his door and you’re going to tell him you want to be his girlfriend and
everything that entails. Then you’re going to spend the night. The whole
night.”
“There’s a very good chance he’s going to be pissed off at
me.”
“So apologize and maybe throw in a blowjob for good measure.
Men are simple creatures led by their cocks. If I recall correctly, you were
the one who taught me that useful tidbit.” Jordan had a wicked interior that
was often masked by her shy, quiet exterior.
“That’s not bad advice.”
“Of course it’s not. I’m practical to the extreme. It’s a
character flaw I’d love to shed.”
Stephanie squeezed her friend’s hand before releasing it.
“You don’t need to change a thing. I think you’re perfect the way you are.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a shame you and I aren’t lesbians because
apparently the male species doesn’t see me in the same light as you.”
“You just haven’t met the right guy yet.”
Jordan twirled the straw in her juice and tilted her head.
“Wow, quite a romantic sentiment coming from you.”
“Yeah. I guess it is.”
“You going to take my advice?” Jordan asked.
Stephanie nodded. It was time she stopped letting her
mother’s failures dictate her future. “Yep. I guess it’s time for me to pull on
my big-girl panties and try to do some things right for once. You know, I think
you may have missed your calling in college. You should have gone for the psych
degree.”
“No thanks. I prefer numbers to emotions. Less gray area.”
“Maybe I should have gone into accounting with you. God
knows all those damn psychology courses didn’t do me much good. I’m pretty much
a textbook basket case and I still didn’t see it.”
Jordan laughed. “It’s always easier to look at things from
the outside in. You’re stuck with the inside-out perspective in this instance.
That view is much tougher.”
Stephanie picked up a dishcloth and wiped down the bar. In
the past, the idea of entering a committed relationship with someone would have
terrified her. Now that she’d turned the corner and accepted her fate, she felt
lighter, happier than she’d ever been. Jeez, she was fucking giddy. And she
didn’t care. She smiled, continuing to clean.
Look out, Jarod Nolan, here I come.
It was nearly eleven when Stephanie dragged herself out to
her car. Jayne had left earlier in the evening due to a killer headache. Sophie
had taken off with a few friends, opting to keep the party going by barhopping
downtown. Jordan was still up in her office, working on the accounting books.
There was a twin bed there and Stephanie wondered how many nights her friend
chose to sleep above the store, rather than return home to her lonely
apartment.
Stephanie had practiced what she would say to Jarod all
night. Her stomach did nervous flip-flops as she’d considered every potential
outcome. There were too many bad ones to contemplate.
Somehow, in a few short weeks, her hot cop had shattered all
her preconceived ideas regarding relationships and romance. While she still
didn’t believe in love at first sight, Jarod had proven it was possible to feel
a spark, a connection that made a person want to learn more. That was exactly
where she was now. She wanted to know him better, wanted him in her life. She
grinned as she thought about his unfailing patience as he set out to prove
exactly what they could have together, who they could be to each other. If she
lost that…
She couldn’t finish the thought or else she’d fall apart.
For the first time in her life, she wanted to be someone’s girlfriend. God,
please let him still want her in that role.
As she approached her VW Bug, she noticed a Camaro parked
directly behind her, blocking her in. She sucked in an anxious breath as Jarod
emerged from his car.
He leaned against the driver’s side door as she walked
closer and she could see he had no intention of moving. Her heart stuttered and
she felt the smallest kernel of hope. He was here. He’d listen. She’d make him
listen.
“Excuse me,” she said, quickly clearing the lump out of her
throat. “You’re double-parked.”
He lifted his hands as if unconcerned. “Parking’s brutal in
this city. Besides, I’ll only be a minute.”
She tried not to laugh as he repeated her words to her,
playing along. That had to be a good sign. She crossed her arms. “So your
time’s more valuable than mine?”
He shrugged. “You missed a big breakfast—leftover spaghetti
and garlic toast. Raided your fridge. Hope you don’t mind.”
Her laughter at his joke unexpectedly released the tears
she’d managed to keep at bay all night. “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”
He stepped forward quickly, enveloping her in his embrace.
“I know you are.”
She pulled away, looking up into his handsome face. “I suck
at this girlfriend shit.”
“You sure that’s what you are? You know, you could get lucky
and we’ll figure out it’s only lust after all.”
She shook her head. “No. It’s too late for that. I’m sort of
into you.”
He studied her face seriously, though his eyes betrayed the
humor he was finding in the situation. “Into me. That’s good.”
“Just good?”
He grasped her hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’ve been
walking around with my heart on my sleeve for weeks, begging you to date me.
It’s your turn.”
She acknowledged the truth in his words, reveling in the way
he pulled her closer, the smile on his face. “Yeah, well, don’t expect me to
get all sappy and start reading romance novels and saying
I love you
and
all that crap.”
“So noted. You feel like putting this girlfriend thing to
the test?”
“How?”
“Leave your car here and come back to my place.”
That didn’t seem like much of a test. She quickly agreed.
“Okay.”
He narrowed his eyes at her, pointing out the obvious. “You
won’t have your own vehicle.”
“I know.”
“You try to steal mine in the morning and I’m arresting your
ass.”
She laughed. “I’m not going anywhere, Jarod.”
“Good.”
He opened the door to his Camaro and she claimed the
passenger seat. Neither of them talked as they drove to his house. Stephanie
was still reeling from how easy it had been. She’d opened herself up to a
commitment and all that it entailed—fights, jealousy, breakups. Something told
her the possibility of those things was going to be overshadowed, if not
completely obliterated, by the good stuff—laughter, sex, dating.
Strangely she’d sort of expected the ground to open up and
swallow her after she’d made her commitment to him known. Or at least a
lightning strike in the near vicinity. She hadn’t anticipated how natural all
of this would feel.