Paranormalcy (18 page)

L
end
and I were out in the woods again, kissing. It was nighttime, but I could see perfectly.

“Wow,” Vivian said, and I looked at her, then back at Lend and me. Seeing us kiss from farther away made me sad for some reason, like it wasn't me anymore. Like it never was to begin with. “Look at you two go.”

I shrugged, uncomfortable standing there watching myself make out with Lend. “I really like him.”

“Obviously.” She frowned. “What
is
he?”

“None of your business, that's what he is.”

“No, seriously, he's different.”

“Yup. And mine.”

Vivian laughed. “Oh, chill out. I won't try to steal your little boyfriend. I won't have to.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” I glared at her.

“Do you really think he's going to stay with you when he finds out what you are?” She didn't say it cruelly. In fact, she looked sorry for me.

“He likes me,” I said, realizing how pathetic it sounded.

“You're not what he thinks you are. You're not one of them. You can pretend—pretend to be normal, pretend to be paranormal, but it never matters in the end. We aren't anything.” Her face was empty.

“Why do you do it?” I asked softly. “Why do you kill them?”

“I'm not killing them! I'm letting them go.”

“You don't have to kill them.”

She looked at me, her pale eyes deep with sorrow. “It's what we are, Evie. It's what we're supposed to do. Let them go, release them. They don't belong here. And if I didn't take their souls, I'd die.”

“You're really pulling out their souls?”

She shrugged. “Souls, spirits, life energy, whatever. It takes a huge amount of energy to sustain life, and paranormals live a long, long time. That's what I take. I figure it's a win-win situation. They finally get a ticket out of this miserable, cold world, and I get what I need to keep going.”

“But I don't do that, and I'm not dead or dying.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You're brighter again today. Either that faerie's been visiting, or you've been getting it somewhere else. We don't have our own souls, Evie.”

“I have a soul,” I said, desperate.

“We're both Empty Ones—like little, hollow china dolls. We can't keep going on our own. When we were made, they only gave us a little bit. Such a very little bit. Even humans have brighter souls than we do, and they have such a pathetic amount it's not even worth noticing. Didn't you wonder why you're always so cold? Why you always feel alone?”

I looked down at the ground, unwilling to meet her eyes. “I really don't have a soul?”

“Not your own. And I don't know how long you can last unless you start doing what you were made to. But, Evie, listen to me.” She reached out and took my hand in her equally cold one. I looked up at her. Her eyes were shining, bright, intense. “It's amazing. It really is. That flood, that fire as it rushes in—you've never felt anything so wonderful in your whole life. It's like you're finally alive, and you're not alone. You've got all those spirits inside you, and you're not alone! And I keep them. I treasure each and every soul I've been given. They're mine, and I love them, and they keep me warm.”

For the first time I noticed the golden flames behind her. Now I understood what they were. It should have made me
sad, but I wanted them more than ever before. I didn't want to be empty.

“I'm supposed to kill you.” Her voice was low and serious. “All their stupid prophecies, they want me to get rid of you before you figure out what you can do. And I could. Kill you, I mean. You don't understand anything. You don't even know how to take the souls, and I've got so much power now.” She looked thoughtful. I wanted to run, but she was so still and had my hand in hers. “But I don't want to. The stupid fey, they think they know everything, they think they can control me. I'm tired of them and I'm tired of being alone. We're family. We should be together, you know?”

I didn't know what to say. How do you respond when someone tells you how easy it would be to kill you, then says she wants to be best friends, family?

“I can't find you.” Her gaze intensified. “Even the faeries that are helping me can't find you. Tell me where you are.”

The souls moved closer, dazzling me with their blinding beauty. She could teach me how to get my own. I opened my mouth, and then I heard Lend laugh. Looking over, I watched us. His arms were around me, his mouth close to my ear. “I'm with him,” I whispered, pulling away from Vivian.

She looked hurt, then her mouth curled into a cruel smile. “Sure. Tell him what you are and let me know if
you're still with him. You'll see. I'm the only one you have. The only one.”

She drew the flames into herself again, so bright and terribly beautiful I started crying.

When I woke up I was still crying. It was just turning light outside, but I'd never get back to sleep. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. She was right. I was empty. I was alone and cold, and I'd always known it. I pulled out the neck of my T-shirt and looked down. My wrist hadn't changed since Reth burned me, but my heart had definitely gotten a little brighter.

And then I had a thought. A horrible, horrible thought. What if I had been sucking life and energy from Lend? What if I was killing him? I finally got a boyfriend, I was pretty sure I loved him, and here I was, stealing his soul.

I had to leave, run away to somewhere where I couldn't hurt anyone, especially not Lend. But after how he opened up to me, how much he trusted me, I owed him more than that. Trying not to cry, I padded across the hall to the room he was staying in. Lend was asleep, almost invisible, sprawled out and tangled in the blankets. He looked adorable. It broke my heart. Next to him on the bedside table was his open sketchbook.

Tiptoeing over, I saw in the pale dawn light what he had been working on. It was a portrait of me, probably one he had started in art class. I was in this sassy pose, holding
Tasey and giving this awesome
I rock!
look to all the world. Lend drew me the way he saw me, and I was beautiful.

I totally started bawling. Lend sat up, startled awake, and color flooded into him. “Evie? What's wrong?”

I shook my head; I could barely see him through my tears. “I think I'm killing you.”

L
end
looked confused. “You think you're killing me?”

“I just—Vivian said—And I'm getting brighter, and—”

“Calm down.” Lend scooted over and patted the bed next to him. Sniffling, I sat down, careful not to touch him. “What are you talking about?”

“I know who's doing this. Her name is Vivian and she's my sister—sort of, I guess? She said we're not really sisters, but we're the same thing.”

“When did you talk to her?” He sounded surprised and nervous.

“Last night. And a couple of other nights. While I was
sleeping, in my dreams.”

He tried not to smile. “So you've been dreaming that this thing is your sister?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I thought they were just dreams, thought I was going crazy because I was worried, but then she told me she'd send me a message and she did, on my communicator. It's downstairs in the kitchen in a drawer. I found it, I'm sorry.”

Lend frowned. “Seriously?”

I nodded, wishing it weren't true.

“Wow. So what has she been telling you?”

“It's kind of confusing. But she says we're the same thing, that we weren't born, we were made. That we're empty, and she said—” I started crying again “—I don't have a soul. I'm just empty and cold like her, and that's why she takes the souls. To fill herself up. But she thinks she's doing a good thing, setting the paranormals free from this world. Her souls are always there, glowing and beautiful, and she said the faeries want her to kill me, but she wants us to be a family.”

Lend was quiet; so quiet. I waited for him to shout for his dad, to back away in terror.

“She says that if I don't start taking these souls, the energy, that I'll die, since I don't have a soul of my own. But I don't want to! And, Lend, I'm so sorry, but I've been getting brighter, my heart, and—what if I'm taking
your
soul? When we touch, kiss?” I could barely talk I was crying so hard
now. “I don't want to hurt you. I'm so, so sorry.”

He sat motionless for a long time. Then, to my shock, he reached out and took my hand. I tried to pull back. “No! I don't want to hurt you!”

“Evie,” he said, his voice tender and serious. He held my hand tighter. “Do you really think that's true? Even if this Vivian is who you think she is, why would she tell you the truth?”

I shook my head. “I don't know. It makes sense. Why else would we look the same? And the glowing? And I've always felt cold and empty.”

He reached out and put his hand on my chin, forcing me to look at him. “You have a soul. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. No one as bright and happy and caring as you could not have a soul.”

“But what about the glowing? It's getting stronger.”

“Do you feel yourself pulling anything out of me? Does it feel like what Reth did to you?”

I frowned, thinking about it. Lend made me warm and happy, but it wasn't the same. Reth's always felt foreign, like something new was being put in. With Lend, it was like he was warming what was already inside me. I shook my head. “But you don't feel weaker?”

He laughed. “Not at all. If anything, I have more energy than ever. And I'm definitely happier than I've ever been.”

I couldn't believe it. Here I'd just told him I was a monster, that I was designed to suck souls out of paranormals,
and he was okay with it. “But I know I'm the same thing Vivian is. I talked to your mom. She said it was true.”

“She talked to you? Wow. She doesn't show up for anyone except me and my dad. Did she think you were going to do anything bad?”

“No. She said that I could make my choices, but she didn't know what would happen.”

“Well, there you have it. I don't care if you're the same thing as this Vivian. She's a lunatic. You're not. And, besides, if she's working with the faeries and they want her to kill you, who's to say that anything she's telling you is true? Even if she thinks it is, she could be totally wrong. Or she could be lying, trying to trick you into meeting her so that she can kill you.”

“Maybe. I think she was raised by faeries. She knows a bunch of their prophecies and stuff, but she doesn't like them very much.” I frowned. “She seems pretty lonely and sad.” I couldn't imagine what being raised by faeries would have been like. As weird as my life was, at least I had people who cared about me. I looked at Lend. “You're really not scared of me now?”

He shook his head, letting go of my hand and putting his arm around me to pull me in closer. “Not even a little bit. Just because you don't know what you are doesn't make you scary. I'm pretty familiar with that.” He smiled. “Besides, how could I ever be afraid of someone who wears so much pink?”

I laughed, wiping away the last of the tears from my face. I couldn't believe it. Lend was probably the only person in the world who would have reacted this way. “Do you think we should tell your dad?”

He was quiet for a while. “I don't know. You already talked to my mom and she knows way more than my dad about stuff like this. Besides, it's not like it makes any difference. We still don't know where Vivian is or how to stop her. You're safe here—she can't find you. That's what's important. I think if my dad and some of the others knew it would…make them nervous. So there's not really a reason to tell them, is there?”

I shook my head, more relieved than I cared to admit.

“We'll keep this between us. And if Vivian visits you again, or you learn anything else, we'll figure it out together, okay? In the meantime, keep Tasey on you.” In spite of his reassurance that Vivian couldn't find me if she hadn't already, his eyes had a tight, worried look. No doubt they mirrored mine. No matter how safe I felt here, she was out there, somewhere, looking for me.

He must have seen it in my face. He squeezed my hand, pulling me in closer. “It's going to be okay. We're in this together.”

I was overwhelmed with how wonderful Lend was. I realized then that I didn't feel so cold and empty anymore. It wasn't anything dramatic, just a subtle sense of well-being, of wholeness. “But you'll tell me if you ever feel anything
weird when I'm touching you, right?”

“Oh, I feel a lot when you're touching me. But it's not weird.”

I grinned, hitting him lightly in the chest. “I'm serious.”

“I know. I will—I promise.” He kissed my cheek, then looked at the clock. “Umm, you'd probably better get out of my room. It wouldn't be good for my dad to wake up and find us together.”

“Oh, yeah, good point.” I jumped up so fast I practically fell over. “I'll see you downstairs.”

He smiled at me. “Can't wait.”

I shut the door to his room and I leaned back against it, closing my eyes. Vivian had been wrong. I wasn't alone.

 

The rest of the day was wonderful. David had gotten some fake papers made for me and we filled out everything I needed to enroll in school for the fall. I even got a cute new last name, Green. I couldn't remember what I had gone by in the foster system, and it wasn't like I'd needed one at the Center. Still, just seeing a first and last name together made me feel like a real person, like maybe I really could have an identity and a life away from IPCA.

David had also purchased several homeschooling courses so I could continue my studies on my own, since it was so late in the school year there was no way I could catch up in regular courses at the high school. I was kind of bummed about it. It was less time with Lend and more
time without a locker of my own. But now that I had a future to look forward to, I was a lot more eager to get good grades. I had to get into whatever college Lend went to, after all. If that meant more homework for me, well, that's what I'd do.

Besides the studying, Lend's dad needed help with the extra paranormals. Word had spread not only of his underground aid but also of the killings. Directed by David's IPCA contacts, paranormals were steadily trickling into town; he either transferred them to another location or found places to put them here.

All the paranormals I met were totally jumpy, trading whispered rumors about where the latest killings had taken place. Lend had to constantly turn into Vivian to show them what she looked like. It was more than a little creepy watching the boy I liked turn into the girl I was terrified of.

I also worried about what that many paranormals in one spot could do, but Lend told me it worked better. They policed themselves, and if anyone broke the rules—like, say, drinking human blood—the others would turn that one in. Nobody wanted to attract the attention of IPCA or Vivian.

I appreciated what David was doing and was happy to help with arranging things, but his lack of organization and records made me nervous. Here he was, setting up vampires with fake identities and sending them to new towns
to live in with no way of knowing what they were going to do there. If IPCA was too harsh, David was definitely too trusting, in my opinion.

But no one was asking my opinion.

That afternoon, after finishing the last of the day's werewolf processing, Lend mentioned to his dad that we were going to prom together. You'd think David was the one going, he was so excited. He insisted we go to the mall immediately. I didn't argue. Lend kept laughing at how giddy the rest of us were, even Arianna, who tagged along.

“Oh, come on, you know you love the mall,” I said, squeezing his hand as we sat in the backseat. “It's like teenage nirvana!”

“And here I was thinking purgatory.”

When we got there, David and Lend split off to look at rental tuxes, while Arianna and I went to check out dresses. I'll admit she wasn't my ideal shopping partner, but she was so thrilled I found myself laughing with her after a few minutes. It balanced out the fact that crowds made me nervous now. Twice I thought I saw Reth out of the corner of my eye, only to grab my new iron knuckles out of my pocket and have it be just some random guy. I wondered if I'd ever be able to relax again.

In our third store, Arianna sighed, browsing through a rack of gowns. “Man, I miss this. I was in fashion design before I, well, died, I guess. I never have figured out how that works. David doesn't know, either.” She frowned.

“Yeah, turns out I don't know anything about anything. IPCA wasn't exactly thorough in their paranormal education program.”

“It's just weird. I mean, ten years ago I was in school, looking forward to everything to come. And then, bam, suddenly I'm this—this
thing
. And what I can't figure out is, what's the point of it all? Am I really going to be stuck, just sort of existing, for the rest of time? It makes me tired thinking about it, you know?”

I frowned, trying to ignore what Vivian had said about freeing paranormals from this world. “You're doing things,” I said.

She shook her head. “Oh, well. Hey, how about this?” She held up a dress. It was floor length, with a shiny, flowing skirt and a strapless sweetheart neckline. And it was pink. Lovely, lovely pink that shined and caught the light just right. I was in love.