Paper Dolls (17 page)

“Tenielle is her carer,” I realised.

He nodded. “She takes the day shift. Usually she’ll call or text me if Mum is having a good day and I’ll come out here to spend some time with her while she’s coherent.”

That explained the random calls or texts that he sometimes got. And why he was so eager to drop me off the other morning.

“She was having a good day, but…I can’t guarantee how she’ll react to you.” Clay turned and he pushed at the handle. Then paused. “You don’t have to meet her.”

“I want to.”

He stared at me for a long time before saying, “Okay, then.” He pushed open the door, took my hand and pulled me into the living room behind him.

It was a bright, airy room encased in windows letting in lots of light. The carpet was dark and several armchairs were placed around. The radio was on low.

It was only when we moved around one of the armchairs that I even realised there was another person in here. A woman sat sunken into the armchair, so skinny and weathered that her skin sagged around her. If I calculated right, Clay’s mother would be in her mid-forties but she looked much older.

“Tony,” her voice warbled and she lifted up her face to squint at Clay as if he were too bright, as bright as the sun, “is that you?”

“Tony is my father,” he mouthed to me. “No, Mum, it’s me, Clay.” He kneeled beside her and took one of her leathered hands in his.

Clay’s mother frowned as she stared at him. But the flash of recognition never came across her face. His mother didn’t recognise him. I couldn’t imagine how that must feel. My heart ached for him. I squeezed Clay’s shoulder, just to remind him that I was there and that I was here for him.

“Mum, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.”

Her eyes swung at me. Then widened. “Olivia.” The name dropped from her lips with a shudder.

Who was Olivia?

“No. This is Aria. Not Olivia. You haven’t met Aria before.”

I lifted up my hand to her. “Pleased to meet you, Mrs Jagger.”

She stared at my hand as if it were a foreign thing. She frowned, then looked back up to stare into my eyes. She had Clay’s eyes and they sparkled with a brewing anger. “How dare you come back here after what you’ve done.”

Clay pushed my outstretched hand down as if he were afraid of his mother. “Mum, it’s okay. This is Aria, my girlfriend.”

“Get away from my son.” Her gaze remained fixed on me even as her hands started to flutter around her face as if she was trying to bat away invisible flies. “Do you know how much he’s suffered because of you?”

“I think I should go,” I whispered to Clay, my chest hurting from where her words had stabbed me. Clay stared at his mother, a hollowness to his eyes. I slipped my hand into his and tugged him. “Let’s go, Clay. Please.”

“Get out!” she screamed, her voice going hoarse. “Get out. Get out!”

Tenielle raced into the room to Mrs Jagger’s side, murmuring calming things. She was holding a syringe. She shot an apologetic look to Clay and me.

“Sorry, Tenielle.” Clay finally snapped out of it and began to turn. “We’ll leave.”

Clay stormed out of the front door and down the steps with me trailing after him.

“Can you slow down, please? Clay?” I grabbed his arm just as he reached the sidewalk. “Clay−”

“Don’t touch me.” He yanked his arm from me. “Crazy is contagious, don’t you know?” he said, bitterness dripping from his lips.

“Don’t talk about yourself that way.”

His shoulders dropped and he pressed one hand to his face. “That’s why I didn’t want you to know about her. That’s why…”

At that moment I hated myself for ever getting out of the car and confronting him. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.” He sighed and finally lifted his eyes towards me. “I’m sorry she reacted that way to you.”

“Who’s Olivia?”

He flinched and closed his eyes. “Olivia,” he breathed around her name. Then he opened them and shrugged. “She’s no one.”

He was lying. Why was he lying? “She can’t be no one.”

He shrugged. “She’s just an ex of mine.”

“Did you−?”

“Let’s not talk about her right now, okay? One day, but not today. I don’t know why my mother brought her up. It doesn’t mean anything. You saw how she is. Sometimes she thinks that I’m my father.” He turned his face away, a flush creeping up his neck. He was embarrassed.

I stepped to stand in front of him. “It’s okay, Clay.”

He winced and I knew he didn’t believe me. I tried again to hold his arm but he pulled away.

I grabbed onto his shirt, forcing him to look at me. “Do you hear me? It’s okay.”

The strong façade that he wore cracked, his eyes misting over. He grabbed me, his arms going around me, crushing me until I almost couldn’t breathe, and he pushed his face into my neck like he wanted to disappear. In that moment I knew I was the only thing holding him up.

* * *

“So did you dump him?” Salem stood in my living room that evening as if she had been waiting for me.

I paused for a second in the doorway before I shut it and locked it behind me. I turned to study her. She was wearing the same clothes from earlier but her shoes were off, kicked across the living room carpet. “How did you get home? You left the car with me.”

“Who cares how I got home. Did you end things with Clay?”

“No.”

“What?” Her voice rang out, shrill in my ears. “But he’s−”

“He’s not cheating one me.”

“He is. I saw that woman−”

“You don’t know what you saw.” I strode through the living room towards the bathroom. I had to get away from her before I said something I’d regret.

Salem leapt up from the couch and grabbed my arm. “Don’t walk away from me.”

I yanked my arm from her grasp and turned to glare at her. “I met her. Her name is Tenielle. She’s not his other girlfriend.”

“And you believed him.”

“She’s his mother’s carer.”

That made Salem flinch. “Carer?”

“His mother’s not well. She needs twenty-four-hour care. Tenielle is her carer.”

She shrank back, her face paling. “I didn’t know.”

“No, you didn’t. And I would appreciate if you kept your nose out from where it doesn’t belong.” I shoved past her towards the bathroom so I could lock her out.

* * *

“Okay, Aria. That’s it. What the hell is up with you today?”

I jolted. I had been so lost in my own world I hadn’t noticed Flick sidling up to me as I stood by the back counter. It was the after-lunch lull on my next day of work. No one had come in for a few minutes, giving me too much room to get lost in my thoughts.

“Nothing.”

She raised a stern eyebrow. “Don’t give me that. Firstly, you came in late and totally flustered. You haven’t been late ever since you started here.”

“Sorry.”

She waved off my apology. “I don’t care that you were late. Secondly, you’ve been somewhere else all day.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Puh-lease, you put the anal beads back with the vibrating eggs. I know you’re inexperienced but I know you know which hole is which.”

Oops. “Sorry, I’ll fix it up now.”

She grabbed my arm to stop me from running off. “I’ve already fixed it up. What I need you to do now is to spill it. Now.”

I glanced around. For the moment there were no customers in the store. Where did I even start with what was bothering me? I wasn’t ready to talk to Flick about Salem yet so... “It’s Clay.”

Flick frowned. She grabbed a huge rubber dildo from the nearest shelf and slapped it against her open palm like she was holding a bat. “Do you need me to break his legs?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Firstly, I doubt
that
would be enough to break anyone’s legs.”

“You don’t know how deadly I can be with a dick.”

“Flick…I don’t wanna know. Besides, no leg breaking required.”
Not yet
, a cynical voice inside me said. It sounded too much like Salem.

Flick placed the rubber appendage back on the shelf. “So, what’s the man doing?”

“It’s more what
we’re
doing…or not doing…yet. But that I want to…and he wants to…I think.”

“Could you possibly repeat that, in English?”

I took a deep breath and recapped the last few times that Clay and I spent together. Every time things got hot and heavy, he pulled away. And he refused to take me back to his place. “I don’t think…” God, this was embarrassing.

Flick just waited patiently for me to garner the courage to spit it out.

“I don’t think he wants to have sex with me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” she said, flinging her arms into the air. “How could he
not
want to have sex with you? You’re hot. Like super-hot.
I
want to have sex with you and I’m not even gay.”

I smiled, despite my worry. “Thanks, Flick.”

She frowned. “Talk to me, babe.”

“I think he’s worried because I’m a virgin. Like he might break me if he…”

“Fucks you.”

I made a face. “I hate that word.”

“And your disdain for cursing might not be helping.”

“What’s wrong with not liking to curse?”

“Honey, you can’t even say the word, how are you expected to ask him to do it to you?”

I gulped. The woman had a point. “What do I do?”

“You need to make him look at you
that
way. You need to make it so he forgets all his hesitation.”

“How?”

“I have a plan. But you have to trust me. When I’m done with you, you’ll be so freaking seducible, Lord help me, I’ll sell this store if he isn’t eating out of your lap by the end of the night. Literally.”

At the image of Clay kissing me down between my legs, my body burst into flames.

Flick pointed a finger at me. “But first, you have homework.”

“Homework?”

“Don’t look so terrified. I want you to practice saying ‘fuck me’ until you can say it without blushing.”

I had to
what
?

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Don’t argue with me. You can’t even think the f-word without your cheeks going red.”

“Okay, fine,” I muttered.

“There’ll be a test next week.”

Dear God, I was almost afraid to ask. “And the other part of your great plan?”

“With that one…I’m going to need a little help from my friend, Victoria.”

“Victoria?”

“Oh yes, honey.” She grinned. “Victoria’s Secret.”

* * *

“Fuck,” I muttered. Hmmm…it didn’t seem that bad this time. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

I had managed to get to a point where my cheeks didn’t feel like I’d swallowed too much hot coffee when I said the f-word.

Okay, step one of homework done. Now for the hard bit.

I cleared my throat. “Fuck mmmm.”

Dammit.

I tried again. “Fuck mmmm.” I couldn’t do it. How could I get Clay to do it to me if I couldn’t even say it?

“What the hell are you doing?”

I jumped.

Salem was standing at the doorway to my…
our
bedroom. I hadn’t heard her come home.

“Nothing.” I hid my face as I turned back to my bed and continued folding a few clothes into a bag.

“Sounded like you were practicing how to say ‘fuck me’.” Her voice sounded amused.

I gritted my teeth. I would never hear the end of this. “So what if I was?”

“Aww, my little girl is finally growing up.”

I grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it at her. She ducked to the side and it went flying into the corridor. “Some things change but you still throw like a girl.”

I stuck my tongue out at her.

She laughed. “Real mature, Rosey. So tonight I thought you and me could stay in and watch cartoons, you know, like old times.”

Crap. I forgot to tell her about my plans tonight. “Oh, um. I’m actually going out.”

There was a flash of disappointment in her eyes but she hid it with a bright, forced smile. “Where you going?” She spotted my bag. “You’re going over to Clay’s?”

“No. To Flick’s place.”

She slumped against the frame. “For a sleepover or something? I didn’t realise you and your boss were that close.”

“I’m just going over there to get ready. Flick and I are heading out to a Latino social at a club in Noosa with Clay and Jed, a guy Flick is seeing.”

I saw her eyes darken. “You, loverboy and another couple, having fun out in a club. Well, don’t let me stop you.”

“You can come if you like,” I said without thinking, then chastised myself. I didn’t want it to sound like a last minute concession invitation. But that’s exactly what it sounded like.

Salem snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. “And be the fifth wheel. No thanks, I’d rather poke my eyes out with bamboo sticks. I’ll just sit here, home alone on a Saturday night.”

Guilt stabbed me in the gut. “Come out with us. Come on, Salem. It’ll be fun.” I tried to inject some cheer into my voice, but even to me it sounded flat. Truth was, I wasn’t a fan of nightclubs and if it weren’t for Flick’s ambushing Clay that day when he came to pick me up and Clay saying yes, I wouldn’t have gone anyway.

“You don’t really want me there.”

“I do.”

“No, you’re just asking because you feel sorry for poor little Salem. No man who loves her and no one to keep her company at night. Boo hoo.” Her voice rose. She was taking this harder than I expected.

I cringed as I zipped up my bag. “Salem, you know that’s not true. I can spend the whole of Sunday afternoon with you. We can watch as many Disney movies as we possibly can and I’ll make popcorn. Or we can even have cereal buffet for dinner, remember how you used to love doing those?”

“I’m not twelve anymore,” she snapped, causing me to turn towards her. “And you can’t just throw a pathetic cereal buffet at me as a consolation prize.” Her eyes flared with a bitterness that I couldn’t fix. Not without crumbling my world down to fit with hers.

This was the problem. We used to be the same, Salem and I. We used to share everything. Now, I had everything. And she…she still had nothing except for me. And now she had to share me.

“It’s not a consolation−”