Authors: Sara Craven
last night was utterly mutual, and you know it. Shall I show you the marks
you left on me to prove it?' He began to push the sheet away, and Natalie
shrank.
'No, just leave me alone. You're vile! You got me drunk—you know you
did. You made me drink too much champagne, and then you—you..
'Now you're being ridiculous.' His tone altered, became almost curt. 'All in
all, I doubt whether you drank more than half a bottle during the entire
twenty-four hours. Quite within your capacity, I'd have said, but enough to
relax you sufficiently to forget a few of your damned inhibitions.' His gaze
held hers. 'It wasn't just alcohol running through your bloodstream,
sweetheart, but a healthy dose of sexual frustration. An equally potent
additive, or didn't you know?'
'I don't want to know,' she said on a little anguished sob. 'I don't believe you.
I—I've never behaved like this in my life before. Oh God, I've got to get out
of here! I must have been crazy to trust you—to let you come anywhere near
me. And now I'm going to feel dirty for the rest of my life!'
There was tension in him now, swift and dangerous.
'Why, thank you,' he said too courteously. 'Perhaps you should have
considered that last night before falling into my arms quite so willingly.'
'I—I didn't!'
'Oh, yes, you did.' He smiled at her in insolent reminiscence. 'I always
sensed, my lovely Natalie, that once the ice cracked, the spring floods would
come roaring free, and how right I was! You were begging to be
kissed—touched, but if you'd decided to call a halt at any point, I wouldn't
have argued. It was you making the pace, lady, not me.'
'That isn't true!'
'Ah, but it is. And anyway, what's the problem?' He shrugged a shoulder.
'We were consenting adults, in private, and we wanted each other. It's not
exactly a new situation.'
'Not for you.' Natalie's voice shook. 'Oh God, I wish I never had to see you
again, you—you swine!'
'And you, my sweet, are a hypocrite—if we're calling names,' he retorted
tersely. 'Why, even now...' He let his thumb brush slowly and insinuatingly
across the quivering peak of her breast, bring the tender nipple to taut life.
'You see?'
Natalie bit on the inside of her lower lip until she could taste blood. 'I
thought—I told you to let me go.'
'But I don't take orders from you, darling, either professionally or
personally, remember?' He paused. 'Besides, your unflattering eagerness to
leave suggests this may the only opportunity I'll ever have to enjoy you, so I
may as well make the most of it.'
He moved, the lean body sliding over hers in explicit demand.
'You're disgusting!' Shock held her rigid beneath him.
'If you say so.' He sounded almost casual. 'In which case, I can dispense with
the—er—usual preliminaries. Why don't you close your eyes, sweetheart,
and think of something else—or someone else, if you prefer. Keep
reminding yourself that Terence Strang is still sending us his
horses—although I suppose you could blame that for your—downfall.' His
breathing quickened. 'Ah, God, you feel so good- Why don't you relax that
iron will of yours, and join me?'
She said, 'I'll see you in hell...' and stopped with a gasp, her body reacting
swiftly and urgently to his invasion of her. Horrified and ashamed, she
fought for control, for rejection, closing her heart, mind and senses to a
possession which threatened to overwhelm her. And she won.
When, at last, his body shuddered violently into hers, she had not betrayed
by a word or a movement the agony of need he had engendered within her.
'Thank you,' he said eventually, politely. 'It didn't compare with last night's
performance, of course, but beggars can't be choosers.'
She said huskily, terrified that the savage, burning ache of desire inside her
would become apparent in her face, 'May I go now? Have you—finished
with me?'
Eliot lifted himself away from her. 'Yes—damn you!' There was a controlled
violence in his voice which made her flinch.
She looked round the room. 'Where—where are my clothes, please?'
He shrugged shortly. 'In the other room, with mine. You have a convenient
memory for details you prefer to forget.'
She swallowed. 'Well, would you mind—looking the other way?'
He sent her an incredulous glance, then started to laugh. 'Yes, I would mind,'
he mocked. 'You've got a beautiful body, darling. I'm going to enjoy every
last glimpse of it.'
Natalie's instinct was to run for the door, covering herself as best she could
with her hands, but she knew that would only make her look and feel
ridiculous.
She pushed back the covers and stood up, not even glancing at him, moving
proudly, gracefully and unhurriedly, closing the bedroom door behind her.
But once she was safe from Eliot's appraising stare, she abandoned all
pretence of dignity, almost flying to the sitting-room, wincing at the scatter
of garments all over the carpet.
Her memory wasn't convenient at all. It was far too vivid, she thought,
flinching from the sight of Eliot's elegant shirt with half the buttons torn
from it, as she huddled into her own clothes. And the far from empty
champagne bottle gave her no comfort either. His contradiction of her claim
that she'd been drunk had a certain justice, she recognised wretchedly. She
hadn't had that much, but it had gone straight to her head.
She shook her head, as she forced her feet into her boots. It wasn't the wine,
she thought miserably. It was Eliot who'd gone to her head. She'd
thought—all her previous experience suggested—that she was immune
from sexual attraction. But now she knew very differently, and the
realisation would haunt her for a long time.
She managed to leave the flat without anyone seeing her, and went straight
to the office, where she typed her resignation and left it on Eliot's desk.
Then she went back to the house, and up to her room. She stripped, letting
her clothes fall into an untidy pile. Presently, after she'd had a bath, she
would fetch a plastic sack and bundle them into it. She never wanted to see
any of them again—not even her boots, which were brand-new.She soaked
herself, immersed in hot water up to her chin, for nearly half an hour, then
washed her hair, digging her fingers into her scalp.
It was a futile gesture, and she knew it, but she needed to do something
which would make her feel like her own person again, instead of Eliot's
possession—his plaything.
She was on edge for the rest of the day, watching the path that led to the front
door, half expecting his arrival, his invasion of her privacy.
But she was left severely alone. At lunch time, she cooked and forced down
some leathery scrambled eggs, and, when evening came, she hunted through
the freezer for a single portion of one of Beattie's delicious casseroles,
although she did it less than justice.
She tried to catch up on some reading, and when that palled, to watch
television, but she couldn't relax, or prevent her mind turning relentlessly
back to the events of the past twenty-four hours. She kept finding the image
of them being slowly and relentlessly re-created across her aching mind.
It was so totally out of character, she wailed inwardly. Her brief experience
of married life had taught her quite unequivocally that sexual matters left her
cold. Her wedding night had been painful, both physically and emotionally,
and matters between Tony and herself had never improved. She'd been
alarmed and revolted by his insistence on enforcing his rights, in spite of her
shrinking. She'd believed she was incapable of the response he'd demanded,
in some way incomplete as a woman.
'It's like making love to a bloody waxwork!' Tony's voice, bitter with
disillusion, came back to her over the years, and she shivered, wrapping her
arms defensively round her body.
So how could she possibly have wanted—have encouraged Eliot to do those
things to her?
She must have been mad, she thought, and now she had to live with the
humiliation of it.
She tried to make some plans. She had a few savings} so she could afford to
support herself while she looked round for work. But not locally, she
thought. She would get as far away from Wintersgarth as it was possible to
go without falling off the edge of the world.
And she would have to find some convincing story to reconcile Grantham to
what he would undoubtedly see as her defection, she thought, biting her lip.
A clash of personalities? Or irreconcilable differences, as they said in
divorce cases. But would her father accept that—and would Beattie's shrewd
eyes see through it?
She groaned to herself. Why hadn't she listened to the warning voice in her
head last night and come back here, decorously and alone? She would have
been spared all this—dissimulation.
And she would also, she realised, as the dark hours wore on, have been
spared the misery of physical frustration which, for the first time in her life,
kept her tossing and turning in heated restlessness for most of the night.
She put on a black skirt and a matching sweater, shapeless and elderly, with
the sole merit of buttoning high to the throat, the following morning, and
scraped her hair back into an elastic band at the nape of her neck before
going down to the office.
She was early, but Eliot was there before her, waiting for her, his dark brows
drawn together, his mouth set in an uncompromising line.
'I got your letter.' He held it up between finge' and thumb as if it was
distasteful, then tore it across and dripped the pieces into the waste-basket.
'That's an empty gesture.' Natalie faced him, keeping her voice steady with
an effort. 'I'm leaving anyway, at the end of the week.'
He shook his head. 'You're paid a salary. I think that entitles us to a month's
notice, and I'm sure that will be your father's view as well.' He paused. 'As a
matter of interest, how do you intend to justify your departure?'
She said tautly, 'I'll think of something.'
'Why not try the truth?' The hazel eyes bored relentlessly into her pale face.
'That having enjoyed yourself with me all night, you started hating yourself
in the morning.'
'Isn't it bad enough for me to know what I did?' she asked wearily. 'Do you
really think I'd hurt Grantham by letting him know I'd behaved like a slut?'
'Is that how you regard yourself?' There was an odd note in his voice. 'It's a
hard judgement for letting yourself be human for once.'
'You make it sound so simple!'
'Because it isn't that complicated.' Eliot took a step towards her, halting, his
frown deepening incredulously as Natalie backed away. 'My God!' He flung
up a hand. 'All right, I'll keep my distance. But I want you to know, Natalie,
that I don't regret a thing that happened the other night, and you shouldn't
either.' His mouth twisted. 'The aftermath wasn't particularly admirable,
perhaps, but your hysterical assertions that I'd made you drunk and forced
myself on you got under my skin. Anyway, running away—either from me,
or from yourself—won't solve anything.'
'You can't stop me,' Natalie averred unevenly.
'No, but when Grantham asks me why you're leaving, as he assuredly will, I
can tell him.' He paused. 'I don't think he'd be as shocked or as upset as you
think. He might even see it as a way of cementing our partnership for good
and all.'
It was like a nightmare repeating itself.
She said hoarsely, 'No. You've made your contract with Grantham—and I'm
not part of the deal.' Dear God, not again. Not this time.
What the hell do you think I'm suggesting?' he asked harshly. 'Some bloody
dotted line, with you on it?'
She shrugged. 'It's been done before.' And to me, she wanted to scream.
And
to me.
Eliot was silent for a time, then he said, 'OK, forget I ever mentioned it. The
deal is this—you stay here in return for my silence. Because while it
wouldn't cause Grantham any great grief to know I'd seduced you, it would
hurt him deeply to see you walk away.' He paused. 'And I'll play my part,
Natalie. I'll make a conscious effort not to touch you, or—intrude upon your
personal space in any way. Will that satisfy you? The other night is—closed,
finished, forgotten. A temporary aberration on both sides.' He looked at her
watchfully. 'Well, shall we declare a truce—for Grantham's sake?'
Natalie said in a muffled voice, 'I don't seem to have a great deal of choice.'
She moved behind her desk and sat down. 'Do you have anything else to say,
because I have work to do—and I'd rather like to be alone.'
His glance was cynical. 'What you'd really like is for me to vanish from the