Outside (5 page)

‘
Oh, d’you know what? Sod it. Let
’
s give it a go.
’
He stops walking and turns to face me.

‘What?
Really? You mean ...
’

‘
Yeah, let
’
s try and find him, if that
’
s what you really want. We can only try can
’
t we? Then at least we can say
…’

But I don
’
t let him finish his sentence.

‘
Do you really mean it? You
’
ll help me?’ Maybe he’s just
humouring
me. Does he think we can actually do this? But when I look into his eyes, I realise he’s one hundred percent serious.

*

We spend the next five days in a frenzy of activity. It’s August, just over a month since we lost Skye and finally I can do something positive. I really feel hopeful that we might find her killer.

Pa must know I spend all my time with Luc, but if he does know he doesn’t say anything. Ma is still half mad with grief and I’ve tuned her out of my day-to-day existence in order to cope with it. When I’m away from her, I don
’
t let myself think about her and what it means for my family
’
s long-term relationship. If I give it more than a few seconds thought, I start to panic and feel sick, so I focus on Luc and on our secret plan. We’ve arranged to leave the Perimeter on September 7
^th
- exactly two months after Skye
’
s death.

Chapter Six

Eleanor

*

When we were sixteen and studying for our mock
‘
A
’
Levels, my school
’
s Sixth Form organised one of those American-style prom nights as an end of year bash. Abi and I loved to laugh at the cheesiness of it all, but at the same time we were excited by its possibilities.

It was to be held in three weeks’ time, at the end of June. The theme was Sixties Psychedelia and we’d already notched up several hours experimenting with hair straighteners, false eyelashes and powdery pale pink lipstick.

I didn’t have my eye on anybody special to go with, but Abi was besotted with a boy called Samuel who lived in the village. We
’
d first met him and his best friend, Johnny, in a local pub garden.

Nobody made a big deal of the fact we were all under-age. We weren’t getting drunk, just hanging out with our friends, drinking half pints of lager and eating salt and vinegar crisps. Taking time out from tedious end-of-year exam revision, we
’
d taken over two long trestle tables and were planning our forthcoming prom night and our far-off summer holidays.

On the next table sat two eye-catching blokes, one of whom I recognised as the blond tousled-haired, good-looking-but-knew-it, Samuel Bletchley. My parents vaguely knew his family, but I didn
’
t know him to talk to. His friend was less obviously handsome, but had a cool self-assurance, with broad shoulders and dark cropped hair.

I kept catching his eye and looking away. They were smiling and laughing together and I knew they were discussing me and my friends. Abi sat opposite me and I told her about the nice view over to my right.

‘
Don
’
t look over,
’
I hissed. Of course she leaned right back in her seat and stared directly across at them. I shouldn’t have been surprised as this was typical Abi behaviour. I was mortified and pleased all at once.

Samuel got up and walked over to Abi. He cast his eyes over her and asked if she would mind if he and his friend joined us. Abi smiled and gave him the cliché that it’s a free country. So they lifted up their table and joined it onto the end of ours, spilling their pints in the process.

*

‘So, you have to say
yes
, when Johnny asks you to the prom,’ Abi said, tossing the magazine down onto my bedroom floor. She lay on her stomach on the bed, with her feet on my pillow.

‘Ask me to the prom? He’s not going to ask me to the prom.’

‘Course he is. Sam’s going to ask
me
, so
his
best mate will ask
my
best mate.’ She gave me one of her cyanide smiles.

Samuel was a player and I guessed it would take more than sixteen-year-old Abigail Robbins to tame him, but she was determined to give it a go. Johnny came from the south coast but was living with Samuel while he studied at university in Bath. Their families went way back, apparently.

‘So don’t let me down, Ellie. It’ll be a laugh anyway,’ Abi said.

‘I suppose so,’ I replied. ‘It’s not like there’s anyone else I really like at the moment.’

‘Cool. So that’s sorted then.’

Things being what they were, two weeks before the event, Johnny and Samuel asked us if we would like to accompany them to the Prom. Abi was ecstatic. I’d never seen her so completely smitten and it was the first time she’d been flustered by anything or anyone.

My parents were far from happy with Johnny’s interest in me. If I’m truthful, neither was I. He was five years older than me and I thought he would expect more than I wanted to give. He was very rich, very intelligent and had just finished his third year at Uni, studying Chemical Engineering. He was handsome, but not in a heart-stopping way, and he seemed nice, but something harder glinted behind his smile.

The only reason my parents didn
’
t forbid me from seeing him, was because he came round to see them, to charm them and reassure them I would be safe in his company. Also, my wise mother knew that if she imposed a ban, it would only make him more attractive to me.

Samuel worked for his father, who owned Bletchley
’
s, a long-established Prestige Car Showroom on the A38. Consequently, Abi and Samuel arrived at the Prom in style, with Samuel behind the wheel of a jaw-droppingly cool Maybach Exelero. Johnny
’
s ride was far from shabby. He called round to my house in his own Aston Martin - a silver V8 Vantage. Despite my indifference to cars in general, I couldn’t help but be seduced by this low-slung beauty.

The evening exuded glamour and sophistication. We’d persuaded the teacher in charge that holding it in the school sports hall would be just too sad, and so they’d hired out a local nightclub for the event.

The four of us sat upstairs on the balcony above the heaving dance floor. Abi and I wore psychedelic mini dresses and zip up boots. And we had poker-straight sixties-style hair. We knew we looked good, but that still didn’t help me to relax, as most of the time I felt completely out of my depth conversation-wise.

Samuel shouted above the noise of the music. ‘Yeah man, I was completely wasted and I told her to ...’ He held his hand in front of his face and mouthed something to Johnny.’

‘Sam,’ Johnny shook his head, ‘you are one sick little puppy.’

Abigail ran her hands up and down Samuel’s thigh, while she kissed his neck and nibbled his ear. He virtually ignored her and carried on bragging to Johnny about this girl and that girl, this car and that car. I wouldn’t have put up with it, but Abi didn’t seem to care. She seemed relaxed and happy, gazing adoringly at him all evening.

I think Johnny sensed they weren’t quite hitting my wavelength, and he nudged Sam.

‘Hey, Sammy, tone it down a bit. I don’t think Eleanor and Abi are interested in your list of conquests.’

‘Whatever, mate, whatever.’

By this time, I
’
d already decided I would much rather have spent the evening having a laugh with my friends, than trying to act grown-up around someone I wasn
’
t even really attracted to. As soon as I realised I didn
’
t actually fancy him, I relaxed. And then Johnny just seemed more of a temporary inconvenience than the scary grown man I
’
d been trying to impress all night.

Before the end of the evening, Sam and Abi disappeared off somewhere. She
’
d hinted earlier she might sleep with him that night. She
’
d said you were duty bound to sleep with someone on Prom Night, stressing this in a fake American accent. She said she liked the clichéd kitschness of it.

She
’
d already lost her virginity a year earlier and, at the time, I had assumed that would be the end of our friendship. We were at different stages. I didn
’
t feel anywhere near ready or inclined to sleep with any of the boys I knew and felt sure she would ditch me for a worldlier friend, or we
’
d just drift apart, having so much less in common. But she liked this shift in our relationship and enjoyed being the one to tell me what I was missing.

One thing I will say for Johnny - he acted like an absolute gentleman all night. He didn
’
t try to grope me once. Just leaned in for a goodnight kiss when the taxi reached my house. I felt obliged to kiss him back and was surprised to find I enjoyed it. A lot. He pulled away first, which took me aback.

‘
Goodnight,
’ I stammered.

He smiled and touched my cheek briefly.
‘
Night, I
’
ll call you.
’

Chapter Seven

Riley

*

I sit in the kitchen and eat my cereal absent-mindedly, thinking about our plan. I’m nervous and excited as I mentally run through the supplies we’re taking with us. Ma comes into the kitchen and it takes me a few seconds to work out why she looks different. She’s dressed, made-up and, strangest of all, sober.

‘
Darling, come here and give me a hug.
’

I slide off the stool and walk towards her. She smells clean and fresh. She must have had a bath. Relief overtakes me. I kiss her cheek - the first time in a while that I’m actually happy to do so. We hug, but she doesn’t cling to me or cry. She holds the backs of my hands and pushes me away from her so she can study me better.

‘
You look gorgeous!
’
she exclaims.
‘
When did you get so grown up? Is that my lip gloss you
’
re wearing? Never mind, it suits you.
’

‘
Hi, Ma, you look good too. We've been worried about you.
’

‘
You
’
re such a good girl, Riley. Strong, like your father.
’
She sniffs and blinks rapidly.
‘
Now, darling, I
’
ve got something to tell you.
’
She pauses.

I’m intrigued and wonder what’s caused the turnaround in her behaviour. Surely she must have some good news.

‘
I
’
m going to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a while.
’ She stares at me, waiting for my reaction.

My first thought is, I can
’
t go. I can
’
t leave Luc. We’ve got important plans. My second thought is, she used the word
'
I
'
and not
'
we'.

‘
What? You’re going by yourself?
’
I ask.

During the last month, I would have absolutely preferred it if she had been at my Grandparents
’
place. I hated to see her in such a bad way and would rather she be grief-stricken anywhere else but here. But now, seeing her restored to her old self, I don
’
t want her to go. I want her to take care of me. To stay. I want us to try to heal ourselves together.

I hadn't realised how much I’ve been missing the company of my mother. I haven’t just been grieving for Skye, I’ve been adrift without the reliable everyday closeness of Ma. At this moment I almost want to forget my mission with Luc and try to get back to being a family of sorts.

‘
Just for a bit, sweetheart. The helicopter
’
s picking me up this afternoon. Pa has arranged it all.
’

‘
This afternoon? But how long will you be away for?
’
Hurt pricks at me and the word ‘abandoned’ pops into my head. I feel sick. Although she’s been as good as useless to me over the past few weeks, I don
’
t want her to go. The thought terrifies me. I feel like a little child, out of my depth and overwhelmed. I feel hot tears welling behind my eyes, but I also feel a creeping, burning anger that mothers aren’t supposed to behave like this. She should be here for me. I need her. But I’m not going to beg.

I breathe back the tears before they can fall, and I set my mouth into a hard line. The anger lodges like a piece of stale bread in my throat. She speaks again.

‘
Riley, darling, we
’
ve all had an unbelievably dreadful time of it. I
’
ve been ill and I know I neglected you when you needed me. I
’
m still not quite right yet so Grandma and Grandpa are going to help me get better and then I can come home and we can start trying to get back to normal again. It won
’
t be for long. Please, my darling, please be strong for a little while longer.
’

She sounds like her old self but I can see in her face that these words are costing a lot of effort. She looks tired and old. Her make-up doesn
’
t enhance her features, it just sort of sits on top of them like a mask. The panic and anger leaves my body and I suddenly feel so tired I want to curl up into a ball and sleep for a year.

‘
Okay.
’
I don’t look at her when I say it.

‘
You
’
re such a good girl. I’ll be back soon, I promise. Now come and give me another hug.
’

That afternoon, Pa comes out into the garden and tries to be happy for my benefit but I can tell he’s upset by the way he keeps clenching and unclenching his fists and sticking his chin out in an almost defiant way, like a little boy.

It’s a stiflingly warm day and the wind from the copter blades does nothing to relieve my hot exhaustion. It whips my sleek, newly straightened hair all around my face and the noise irritates me. Pa speaks and I only catch a few words above the noise.

‘
Stupid idiots. They put it down too near the roses. They
’ll
be blown to bits.
’
But whereas a couple of months ago he
would
have been purple with rage. Today he just murmurs sadly. The fight seems to have escaped from Pa like air from a shrinking balloon. Before all this, I would have laid bets on him roaring and threatening throughout the Perimeter to get Skye
’
s killer recaptured, calling in favours, leaving no stone unturned. But Pa’s a broken man.

He carries Ma
’
s cases across the lawn and helps her up into the plush cabin where two guards are already seated. She blows us kisses through her tears and then, just like that, she is gone.

Pa and I watch the copter lift off into the air and bank north westwards. I want to go back into the house. I don’t want to watch it disappear into the empty blue sky. But Pa takes my hand and holds it tight. Makes me stay.

‘
Just you and me now, Riley,
’
he says, contemplating the silent garden.

*

In the months after the terror attacks, there were looters on every corner. Violent gun battles were an everyday occurrence between the police and the criminals who were previously denied the opportunity to be this bad.

Those members of the police force who survived the horror realised they were fighting a losing battle, so they threw away their badges, kept their guns and joined the remaining civilians trying to make a new life for themselves.

Vicious gangs patrolled the streets recruiting new members by force, and prostitution rings sprang up everywhere. Nobody was safe unless in the company of armed guards or privateers. The army was a presence but there weren
’
t enough troops to keep order everywhere.

Luc
’
s and my own parents set up our own Perimeter quickly and efficiently, guessing that things had gone too far for them to recover any time soon. They went from door to door in our neighbourhood, explaining what they planned to do, giving each householder a chance to contribute or move out. Not a particularly friendly approach but, as Pa said, there was no time for niceties. Only a few people left the area. Most stayed and are now indebted to Pa and Eddie Donovan.

So everyone has had to adapt to this new, harsher life. We barricade ourselves away with other decent people and those who can afford it hire professionals to protect them. The roads are rarely used anymore, but they still carry dangers from raiders, hijackers and other equally unpleasant characters. The army patrols half-heartedly, but its number has dropped as army conditions worsen and the lure of guards
’
pay becomes more enticing.

Now England is among the most shut-off countries in the world. Closed borders, no transportation - only a select few own motor vehicles, as most people can’t get hold of enough fuel to run them.

The military spasmodically maintain one main road between each major settlement but most of the old roads are overgrown and crumbling, so you need some serious transportation. Tanks are best, though any AV will usually be up to the job. People reluctantly walk or, if they
’
re lucky, ride a mountain bike or a horse. Most people stay home though, as you risk your life when you venture into public areas.

There are always food shortages and a non-existent health service. We’re so far gone we couldn’t get back if we tried. Our taken-for-granted civilisation, hard-won over hundreds of years, has crumbled back into dark-age chaos. Sixteen years is a long time; the difference between one life and another.

And it’s onto these roads we are soon to go. We need to be fully prepared for anything we might encounter. Weapons are a top priority. We’ve managed to get hold of three machine guns, a couple of revolvers, ammunition and two serious-looking hunting knives. The rest of our packing list looks like this:

4 lighters

2 large boxes of matches

2 torches

6 candles

4 blankets

A length of rope

A ball of twine

Spare clothing

Water purifying tablets

Basic medical supply kit

48 litres drinking water

Food

100 gold coins

350 silver bits

2000 cigarettes to trade

1 crate whisky to trade

30 bars Swiss chocolate (way past its sell-by-date) to trade and to eat

~

It’s been surprisingly easy to plan our journey and hide the supplies. I
’
m ashamed to say I stole most of it from Pa
’
s underground stores. But I’ve told him what I
did
in my note, so none of his workers will get into trouble for the theft.