Open Skies (20 page)

“Ship? How long am I staying out there?”

“A while, Tammy.”

“Do I get a say in this?”

“Sure.” Julie sat down. “If you really don’t want to go, I’ll stay here. I’ll stay as long as you need me and want me. You just say the word.”

“I – I don’t know what I want.”

“I understand that.”

“No, that’s not true. I
do
know what I want. I want my life back. The way it was before. I want before.”

Julie came to her now, held her while she cried. It seemed to Tammy that all she did now was cry, and it pissed her off. She’d been more or less in tears since she had fully come to six days ago. She hated her weakness, despised feeling like a victim. But she still kept crying at the drop of a hat.

Julie rocked Tammy back and forth, murmuring in to her hair. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

After a few minutes, Tammy pulled back, swiped her hand angrily over her face. “It can’t be before, can it? Ever again.”

“Maybe in some ways, it can’t. But you need to see if
you
can be like you were before. And I’m just not sure that you can find that out here, where it happened. I think you need space and sky, Tammy. Quiet and safety and time. The ranch can give you all of that, I promise you. And I’ll be there – we all will.”

Tammy sat quiet, still in Julie’s arms. “OK.”

“OK?”

“OK. I’ll go to Colorado. I’ll trust you.”

**
Julie glanced at her list. Twenty-six items on it, only nine crossed off. Jesus, packing was hard work.

She stood in her living room, surrounded by boxes and bags and suitcases. She had been through all of her clothes and Tammy’s clothes, and shoes and handbags, and had decided that there just wasn’t that much to actually take. Four months on the ranch had taught her what kind of clothes and shoes were worth carrying back. And – like her own wardrobe six months ago – Tammy’s wardrobe was full of pretty useless stuff. This meant that most of it would have to be packed up and shoved back in to her closets. Julie hadn’t even bothered looking for a sub-letter this time. All she wanted to do was get Tammy to the ranch; she’d deal with everything else later.

She sighed and picked up a pair of Tammy’s black leather pants.
Uh, no. Not going to Colorado.
She threw them in to the ‘to store’ pile which was already overflowing with tight blouses, short skirts, glitzy high heels and halter tops.

There was a knock at the door and she practically sprinted across the room to answer it. She’d ordered a pizza an hour ago, and she was starving. She opened the door.

Jake was standing there. Tall and strong, his chiselled cheekbones and square jaw covered in stubble. He looked tired, and that made him look rough and dangerous. His eyes, ringed by dark shadows, burned down at her.

She gasped and took a step back. “Jake? What – how –”

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you. Can I come in?”

Julie looked exhausted, Jake saw. Well, no wonder. She’d been through hell for the past ten days. But she was still beautiful, still tough and strong. She was wearing jeans and a yellow t-shirt and her hair was pulled up in a messy topknot and she was the most stunning thing he’d ever seen in his life. He wanted to hold her, but he knew she’d never allow it.

“How did you find me?”

“I went to the lawyer’s office in Denver, got the name and address for the firm in New York. I went there this morning and waited until a man named Lyle Hawkins saw me. I explained who I was, and he gave me your home address.”

“He what?”

“Yeah.”

I will fucking kill him
. “He shouldn’t have done that. You may have been a stalker or something, for all he knew.”

“Yeah, well, he called Mattie. She vouched for me.”

I’ll kill her too
. “So you’re all in on it. Excellent. So what do you want?”

“Like I said, to talk.”

“You came all the way to New York to talk?”

“Well, you weren’t answering your phone.”

“I’m kind of busy right at this moment.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. It’ll just take a few minutes, then I’ll go, Julie. I promise.”

She stared at him, those mint-green eyes cold. “Two minutes.”

“Thanks.”

She was about to shut the door when she saw the pizza delivery guy coming off the elevator. She paid him, shut the door, and took the pizza to the kitchen.

Jake stood in the middle of her living room, feeling awkward. It was a disaster area: clothes and toiletries and stuff everywhere. She’d obviously been getting ready for her and Tammy to go back to the ranch the day after tomorrow.

“Sit down, Jake. I’ll be there in a minute.”

He sat.

She came over now and sat down stiffly, leaving quite a lot of space on the sofa between them. He looked at her, took her in. She looked small and hurt and scared.

“How’s Tammy?”

“She’s better.”

“You spent Christmas in the hospital with her?”

“Of course.”

“And how are you doing, baby?”

Her mind went to all those times he’d used that endearment, back when she thought that it had meant something. He’d whispered it in her ear when he held her after sex, her body still shaking from pleasure.

“Don’t call me that.”

“No, you’re right. Sorry.”

“OK, so. What do you want to say, Jake? As you can see, I’m busy.”

Jake didn’t know where to begin. He was just so, so
bad
at saying what was on his mind, and what he felt. He wanted to tell her that he’d made a big mistake by sticking to his guns and not asking her to rip up his letter of resignation. He wanted to say that he’d come to care about her – a lot, in fact – and that he wanted to come back to Colorado and be with her for as long as she wanted to be with him.

He wanted to tell her that this past week without her had been hard – far harder than he’d thought it would be when Rob told him that Julie would be in New York long after Jake left for his new job. He’d been worried sick about her, here all alone, dealing with what had happened to Tammy, a woman who was like her sister. He wanted to be there for her, to hold her and kiss her. He wanted to offer her comfort and strength and see her through this.

He wanted to tell her what Mattie had told him four days ago, when he said how much he wanted to stay, but he didn’t think Julie would agree to it.

“I want to stay, Mattie. I do. But I just don’t know if what we have is enough.”

“Enough for what?” Mattie asked.

He shrugged. “Enough to last. I mean, enough to keep us together for the long-haul.”

Mattie had looked up at him with those gentle silver eyes and smiled. “Jake, honey. You’ve known each four months, and you’ve been together for only one. That is not nearly long enough to know that it’s going to last. But it’s also not nearly long enough to know that it’s
not
going to last.”

He thought about that.

“You want an old woman’s advice?”

“I do.”

“You go to that girl. You talk to her, you show her what she means to you. You get your job back, you bring her back here. And you give it a shot. Maybe it’ll work out, maybe not. But you give it a shot.”

So that’s what he was doing: giving it a shot. But now that he was here, sitting next to that amazing body that he knew so well, looking in to those eyes that had been clouded with lust as he had plunged inside of her, he just didn’t know what to say.

He knew that if she just let him, he’d be able to
show
her what she meant to him. He’d pull her close and hold her. He’d make her feel safe. He’d make love to her until she was shaking and sobbing in his arms, coming so hard that she set him off.

He’d show her in more ways than that, though. He’d show her by making her coffee in the morning, and holding her sleeping body through the night. He’d call her in the middle of the work day, for no reason other than to ask her how things were going. He’d handle things down at the stables so she wouldn’t have to worry about that part of her business; he’d take that burden off her mind. He’d support her and listen to her and be her biggest fan and cheerleader. He’d have her back and be in her corner, no matter what. He’d be there.

But in order to convince her that he could and would do all of those things, for as long as she’d let him, first he had to open his mouth.
Jesus Christ, Weston. Just spit it out, would you?

“God, Julie. I’m lousy with words. But – I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I thought a hundred times about asking for you to let me stay on, but I just chickened out. I was sure you’d say no, and so I just didn’t think there was any point in bringing it up. Then when things started up with you, I thought you wanted me ‘cause it was on a clock. I didn’t think for one second that you’d want anything long-term with someone like me.”

“What does that mean – someone like you?”

“A guy who can’t do anything except work with horses. I’m – I’m not like you. I didn’t fight my way through college and build up a career and get all kinds of business smarts. I did well in high school, but college was just never in the cards for me. No way me and Mom could afford it. I started working with horses when I was fourteen, and that’s all I’ve ever done. I’m never going to be rich, or be able to buy you nice things. I’ll just – just be what I am.”

Oh, Jake. There’s so much more to you than that… and what I thought you were offering me was so much more important to me than presents you can buy in a store. You don’t see that, though, do you?

“I lied to you, last time we talked,” Jake said. “When I said that you were just fun for me, that it was just good sex. It wasn’t. It wasn’t, right from the start.”

Julie’s heart started to beat faster at his words.

“That very first night, when you told me about your Mom, I just wanted to be close to you. Physically, of course, but more than that. Emotionally. I wanted to – to get to know you. I just wanted to make you happy. I felt like you deserved to be happy.”

She closed her eyes.

“Julie? Hey, you OK? Are you feeling like – like it’s too much?”

She opened her eyes again, startled. Jake was the only person in the whole world who knew about the blue room, she just realized. She hadn’t even told Tammy.

“No, I’m OK.” She took a breath. “Just surprised.”

“I don’t want to upset you. I’ll go now, if you want.”

“Are you done talking?”

He looked at her. “Well, not really.”

“So, carry on. Finish. Say it all.”

“OK. Well… I came here to ask you if I can please come back with you to Open Skies. If I can – I can stay on at my job. And if we can give us a shot.”

“Us?”

“Yeah. Us. You and me. Figuring it out together, no end date in sight. We see if we can make this work. Like, work for real. Breakfast and shopping lists and fighting over the remote control and sleeping together every night at the Big House, or at my place.”

He stopped talking. That was it; that was all. He was done.

“Us,” Julie said softly. “You really think there can be an ‘us’?”

“I do.” He swallowed. “If you want there to be, of course. Do you? Want there to be?”

She felt tears welling. “Yes.”

His breath stopped. “Yes?”

“Yes. I’ve wanted that for a long time. From the beginning.”

“You have?”

She nodded.

“Come here, baby.” He held his arms open and she moved in to them. He stroked her back, felt her small and broken against him. “Now, tell me the truth. Are you really OK?”

“No.” It felt good to finally be honest about that. “No. I’m not.”

“I’ve got you. I’m here.”

At that, all the tension and worry and fear about Tammy came to the surface, and tears started to roll down her cheeks. “I’ve been so scared, Jake. I thought I was going to lose her.”

“It’s OK, Julie. She’s OK.”

“But she’s
not
. That’s the thing.” Julie pulled back a bit and looked up at him. “She’s – she’s gone. That bastard who hurt her took something from her in that alley. I just can’t see that she’s in there, and I’m so, so scared that she won’t come back. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

She cried then, hard sobs that shook her. He held on, wishing that he could take all that pain and worry in to his own body. Jake ran his hands through her hair, saying over and over again that he was there with her. She just fit in to his body so perfectly – her curves molded against him like her body has been designed with his in mind. She belonged right here, right where she was.

A little bit at a time, Julie calmed down, found she could breathe again. She kept her eyes closed and just let herself feel Jake’s body against hers. God, she loved being here. His body gave hers strength, and she drew some now, knowing that she’d need it for what was coming.

Jake leaned back to see her face. “How you doing?”

“I don’t know.”

“What can I do?” He ran one rough finger down her cheek. “Tell me.”

She gazed up at him. “You can kiss me. Make love to me. Make me feel safe and cared about. Make me feel like it’s all going to be OK.”

“I can do that,” Jake said. “I can do all of that.”

She stood up and took his hand. “Come on.”

She led him to her bedroom, and he stood for a few seconds, looking at her. She looked back, and then she smiled. “I’m waiting, cowboy.”

He moved closer, looking at her in that way that always made her weak at the knees: his eyes held her whole, seeing all of her. He looked at her like she was the only thing in the whole world that meant this much to him.

Jake kissed her now, tasting her tears. He used the tip of his tongue to tease at the edges of her lips and when she gasped, he licked inside her mouth. He tightened his fingers in her hair and the loose knot fell out; her curls, warm and lovely, fell over her shoulders and he buried his face in them, inhaling her sweet smell.

“Slow or fast, baby?” he murmured.

She pulled back, her eyes bright with lust. “Fast.”

“You sure?”

“Oh, yeah,” she said reaching for him. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

He pulled her shirt off in one motion, and spun her around so he could undo her bra. It fell to the floor and she turned around to face him. He lowered his head to her amazing breasts and she wound her fingers in his dark hair, pulling him closer as he sucked one nipple, then the other.