Only Mr. Darcy Will Do (21 page)

Elizabeth wakened early, even more distressed than the previous day. The passing of one night did nothing to ease her misery, fears, and pain. She hoped that Lydia had already been found and perhaps Jane had sent off another missive alerting her to a respectable resolution. She hoped whatever the outcome, it would somehow appease Mr. Darcy as far as Wickham was concerned. The pain within, however, reaffirmed to her that no resolution would suffice.

She crawled out of bed and walked to her window. As she peered out, she saw the bright colours of the eastern sky announcing the sun’s arrival. Her heart skipped a beat as she considered that she ought to be out watching the sunrise with Mr. Darcy. She wondered if he had indeed taken a walk and what he was thinking as he watched the myriad of colours paint the sky.

Tears filled her eyes as she felt her heart truly breaking. How she wished that she had not received such encouragement from Mr. Darcy this past week. How much better it would have been if she had received his censure for the way she had refused him. How much easier it would have been to leave Pemberley if she had not come to love him and feel within the depths of her heart that he was the only man she could ever conceive of marrying.

Her breath caught as she recalled her words to him that fateful day,
that he was the last man in the world she could ever be prevailed upon to marry
. Her eyes filled with tears.

Elizabeth remained in her room until she heard the sounds of others moving about the household. Once she was assured people in the household were stirring, she dressed and walked out. She found Mrs. Ketterling in the sitting room drinking tea.

“Good morning, Miss Bennet,” she said. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” she lied. “I was most comfortable.”

“Good. Would you like some tea?”

“I would like that very much.”

Mrs. Ketterling had her maid bring out a cup of tea for Elizabeth. She took it from her, wrapped her fingers about the warm cup, took a sip, and closed her eyes for a brief moment. Behind her closed lids, she saw Darcy’s eyes flash at her again. She opened her eyes quickly, looking away from Mrs. Ketterling, fearing she might see the distress etched on her face.

Fortunately for Elizabeth, Mrs. Ketterling was looking down at a sampler she was embroidering. Elizabeth breathed in slowly as she sipped the calming tea, hoping it would still her heart and diminish her anguish.

Breakfast was served shortly after Mr. Ketterling joined them. Elizabeth was fairly certain they perceived her lingering grief, for they ate in relative silence. She was grateful that they did not press her with unwanted conversation.

Once they had finished, Mr. Ketterling announced that he would be leaving shortly to see what he could find to ensure a prompt, safe passage to London. He apologized for not having the means himself to provide for her journey.

Once he left, Elizabeth found it difficult to sit calmly. She was eager to be gone, to return to her family. She walked several times to the window and gazed out, wishing to fill her mind with anything but that which pressed heavily upon her.

Mrs. Ketterling studied her furtively, raising her eyes occasionally from her needlework. At length, she lifted her face to her and smiled. “It appears to be a very pleasant morning, Miss Bennet. Would you care to join me in a walk about the neighbourhood?”

Elizabeth turned and her face lit up. “I would enjoy that very much,” she said.

They each took a light shawl with them as the cool morning air had not yet fully yielded to the warmth of the rising sun. They walked in silence for a while, greeting the occasional neighbour they met, and Mrs. Ketterling only speaking when Elizabeth spoke to her first.

Once Elizabeth appeared to be more inclined to talk, Mrs. Ketterling asked her about Pemberley… and Mr. Darcy.

“Miss Bennet, I know your visit to Pemberley was cut short, but did you enjoy the time spent there? Was Mr. Darcy as accommodating to everyone as he was to us that day we came to fetch you?”

Elizabeth swallowed, her mouth going dry at merely the mention of his name. Now, as she contemplated how to answer Mrs. Ketterling’s questions, all her feelings—which she had been trying to bury—rose and threatened to overwhelm her.

She blinked her eyes several times to clear her eyes from the moisture that filled them. “He is… he was always very kind,” she assured her new friend.

Mrs. Ketterling beamed a smile of satisfaction. “I always believed he was. He is so admired here, but people know so little about him. It is good to know he is truly a gentleman.”

Suddenly more words from Elizabeth’s refusal assaulted her.
Had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner
…

They returned to the house, and Elizabeth had to admit that despite their one conversation that caused her unease, the walk outside had been precisely what she needed. They waited in the sitting room for the arrival of Mr. Ketterling. He returned about an hour later and came directly to them.

“It is as I expected. The carriages for hire are completely booked today and tomorrow morning. While a morning departure would be more favourable, I have arranged for you to take an early afternoon carriage tomorrow. It will have one overnight stop and will get you to London the following day. Does that sound suitable?”

Elizabeth nodded. “Yes, if you can put up with me for another day.”

Mrs. Ketterling assured her again that they would be happy to keep her as long as necessary.

They settled into easy conversation, Elizabeth grateful for all they had done. At length, Mrs. Ketterling picked up her sampler, and Elizabeth perused a few books in a small bookcase, selecting one she thought she could finish before she left, eager to set her mind on other things.

It was about an hour later that a knock was heard at the door. Shortly after, their housekeeper stepped into the room and announced that Mr. Darcy from Pemberley wished to speak to Miss Bennet.

Mr. and Mrs. Ketterling stood up immediately as Mr. Darcy stepped into the room. Initially too stunned to respond in like manner, Elizabeth felt her cheeks warm with colour. She was grateful that the Ketterlings had the presence of mind to warmly welcome their esteemed guest.

“Mr. Darcy!” exclaimed Mr. Ketterling. “It is good to see you again. Welcome to our home.”

“Thank you, sir. I hope I have not come at an inconvenient time.” He stole a look at Elizabeth, whose face overtly exhibited her astonishment at his coming.

“Not at all. Would you care for something to drink?” Mrs. Ketterling’s eyes shone with admiration.

Darcy stepped into the room, waving his hand slightly. “No thank you. I need nothing.”

Silence filled the room, and Darcy shifted from one foot to another in apparent discomfiture. His fingers wrestled with each other as he looked at Mrs. Ketterling, her husband, and then back at Elizabeth.

“Please have a seat, Mr. Darcy,” Mrs. Ketterling offered.

“Thank you.” As he walked over and sat down, the others did the same. Elizabeth sat stiffly, bringing her hands together and holding them tightly in her lap. She could not imagine what prompted him to come all this way; certainly he had been told about her sister’s actions.

Mr. and Mrs. Ketterling looked at him expectantly; Elizabeth could barely breathe. He finally spoke, looking directly at Elizabeth.

“I only discovered this morning about your departure, Miss Bennet. I returned home too late last night and, as I saw no one, went straight to my room.” His fingers began to tap lightly against the armrest of the chair. Pursing his lips tightly together, he continued in a slow, deliberate manner. “This morning when I returned from my morning walk,” he paused for a moment and searched her face, “I inquired about your absence when you did not come down for breakfast.”

Elizabeth looked down when he first mentioned his morning walk. She knew his veiled meaning. This should have given her hope that he had been eagerly expecting her to join him, but she realized that once he knew all the particulars of this scandal, his opinion of her—if it had been at all favourable—would certainly change.

He ran his fingers brusquely through his hair and then stood up. He began to walk about the room. “I understand you wish to travel to London to be with your family in this… time of crisis.”

Elizabeth mutely nodded.

Darcy took a few ragged breaths and then rubbed his jaw with his hand. “There will be no need for you to take a carriage for hire. I shall provide you with one of my carriages along with a travelling companion from my staff. I shall ensure one of my most reliable maidservants will accompany you for the full length of your journey as well as one of my most trustworthy drivers.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened as the Ketterlings looked on in high regard.

“How kind of you, sir,” Mr. Ketterling exclaimed. “I already have made arrangements for her to travel post, but this will…”

“Mr. Darcy!” Elizabeth interrupted, angst filling her voice. “You are under no obligation to go out of your way for me in this manner. I cannot allow you to do such a thing! I do not expect it of you, and it is without doubt unnecessary!”

He clasped his hands behind his back and began to pace slowly about the room. “I quite expected you to protest, Miss Bennet, but I will brook no opposition to what I have stated.” He stopped and turned his face to her, his jaw firmly set and brows narrowed. “It has already been arranged.”

While grateful for his consideration, she wondered how much he had been told. Perhaps he did not know the particulars of what her younger sister had done. News of this most certainly would colour his treatment of her.

“Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth said, her voice soft, yet determined. “You may not be aware of the full extent of my family’s crisis. My younger sister, Lydia…”

“I am fully aware, Miss Bennet, and it is unfortunate. We can only hope that once you arrive in London, you will find that all has been resolved.”

Elizabeth looked down, a feeling of resignation coursing through her. He knew, but he did not know
all
.

“There is one matter, however, on which I must insist.”

All eyes turned to him.

“I will be sending a rider to London first thing in the morning to ascertain whether the roads are yet passable. While I have every confidence in my carriage and driver, there might still be roads that are washed out and bridges that are unsafe due to the recent rains. My rider will travel to London, determining the best possible route, and then will return with a report. It is only then that I will send my carriage for you, Miss Bennet.”

“Mr. Darcy, you are too generous,” Mrs. Ketterling gushed. She was not protesting; she was bestowing praise upon him.

Elizabeth shook her head, fully aware that if he knew about Wickham, he would not be so generous. She needed to acquaint him with all the details. She was surprised, then, to hear his next request.

“Would you be so kind, Mr. Ketterling… Mrs. Ketterling… to allow Miss Bennet to step out with me? There are a few matters I need to discuss with her.”

Elizabeth’s eyes shot up, and she looked over at her hosts. They both nodded with understanding and gratitude for all this man had ever done and was now doing. “Certainly, certainly,” Mr. Ketterling consented. Elizabeth did not believe they would deny this man any request.

Elizabeth stood up as Darcy beckoned to her. As they walked toward the door, he said to the Ketterlings, “I do appreciate all you have done for Miss Bennet.”

Mr. Ketterling waved a hand in the air. “No, Mr. Darcy, it is
you
who have done so much for her.”

They walked out slowly and quietly. Mr. Darcy finally broke the silence.

“Miss Bennet, as I was unaware of your departure yesterday, when I walked up to the ridge this morning and you did not show up, I questioned why. I pondered the strong possibility that you may have judged me completely devoid of good manners and breeding in giving you that pair of mud boots, because of what you may have alleged my meaning was in doing so.”

“Oh, no, sir, I…”

Darcy put up a hand. “Still, while I was up there waiting, I berated myself for
again
acting completely without propriety.” He let out a long sigh. “I imagined that you thought me a rake!”

Elizabeth let out a soft chuckle. “I did not, sir.”

He met her gaze and regarded her with contrition. “At breakfast, when I first heard you had left Pemberley, my initial thought again was that I had been the reason for your departure. You wanted nothing but to be out of my presence.”

“I am sorry to have caused you concern.”

“Miss Bennet,” Darcy stopped and turned to her. “There are a few things I need to relate to you. Some things occurred after you left that might distress you.”

Elizabeth looked up at him questioningly. Now she wondered whether he
did
somehow come to learn of Wickham’s involvement.

Darcy breathed in deeply and combed his fingers through his hair. “Apparently, after you left, Miss Emily went into your room looking for that book of birds the two of you had so enjoyed.”

“Oh,” Elizabeth exclaimed. “I gave it to one of the maids to return to the library.

Darcy nodded. “She was unaware of that and believed it to be somewhere in your room, so she searched for it.” He paused. “Fairly extensively.”

Elizabeth lifted her brows, encouraging him to finish.

“She did not find the book, but she did find…” He reached into a pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. “This.”

As he held it out, Elizabeth gasped as her eyes recognized his meticulous handwriting. It was the first page of the letter he had written to her at Rosings. Red flushes of mortification spread across her face; her stomach suddenly growing queasy. “Oh, no!” Her hands went up to her cheeks. “I am so sorry, Mr. Darcy. I thought I had packed it away!”

“She claimed to have found it on the floor under your bed.”

Elizabeth shook her head as she tried to think. She remembered reading it one night on her bed and when Rosalyn came in, she quickly stuffed it under her pillow. It must have fallen to the floor, and she put the remaining pages in her drawer without ensuring all the pages were accounted for.

“Did anyone else come to know about it?” she asked, looking warily up at him.

“Not immediately. Apparently Miss Willstone put it in one of her pockets and forgot about it until the evening meal. She pulled it out at dinner.”

Elizabeth’s chest tightened so severely that she could not take a breath; she felt so much shame and distress. To have that letter come into the hands of everyone was one thing, but for Mr. Darcy to know that she had kept it all this time was another. “This is terrible!” she said.

“Well, it is not so much to you.”

She looked up warily and asked, “What do you mean?”

“As you know, I was not there. When Miss Willstone pulled it out, announcing that she had found it in your room, Miss Matthews snatched it out of her niece’s hand and began to read it. My sister recognized my handwriting and protested that we ought not be reading someone else’s personal letter. My good cousin, Hamilton, promptly liberated it from Miss Matthews’s hands.”

Very softly, Elizabeth asked, “How much did they read?”

Darcy shifted from one foot to another, Elizabeth recognizing this as a sign of his unease. “Basically just the first sentence of the letter. At least the Willstones and Miss Matthews only read the first sentence, but I believe my cousin has now apprised himself of the whole page.”

Elizabeth let out a frustrated huff. “They must wonder about the propriety of a letter written by you to me.”

Darcy nodded. “There has actually been a great deal of speculation, especially as to the nature of the first sentence.”

Elizabeth tried to recollect what that first sentence said. She ought to know the whole letter by heart, but with all that had happened, and with Mr. Darcy’s close presence, she could not recall. “May I have the letter?”

He promptly handed it to her. As her eyes read the missive, she took in the words.

Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you.

Elizabeth looked up at him and saw that his face appeared grim. “You said earlier that it was not so horrible to me. What did you mean?”

Darcy’s jaw tightened and his brows pinched tightly together. “The conjecture last night was based on what type of offer I would have made to you that would have been so disgusting to you.”

Elizabeth’s heart quickened as he spoke. She wished to hear, and yet at the same time did not want to hear, what it was they believed.

Darcy’s voice softened. “Someone thought they saw you in the private hall to my chambers yesterday. That led to the consensus that I… that I made a most dishonourable request of you.”

Elizabeth stomped her foot and spun around, bringing her arms up and folding them in front of her. Her eyes filled with tears and she could not prevent one from spilling down her face. She took in a shaky breath. “I am so sorry, Mr. Darcy.”

Darcy looked down, wishing to console her but knowing the Ketterlings were likely watching them through the window. “Miss Bennet, I want you to be assured that you have come through this shining like a star, for according to this letter, you were disgusted by my offer.”

“I am so sorry, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth could not imagine he was pleased with these rumours. “What about your friends and cousin? What about your sister?” Elizabeth wondered with true concern that those who truly cared for him would not be under the wrong impression.

“I had an obligation to confide in them the reason for the letter. Besides, Hamilton would not leave it. He pressed me unremittingly to justify my actions.”

“I am so sorry,” Elizabeth could think of nothing else to say.

“My good cousin is getting quite a laugh about it, particularly when he recollected his comments the day of the picnic.”

Elizabeth looked up at him with appreciation. He was not angry at her; he seemed to not even be angry at the rumours that were swirling about.

She suddenly thought of Rosalyn, and wondered if there was anything to the conjectures about his feelings of regard for her. “I am quite certain,” she began, “that you will be able to explain the letter and its contents to Miss Matthews and all will be well with her. She will certainly forgive you.”

His eyes narrowed and he expelled a short breath. “Miss Matthews? What is she to me?”

Elizabeth looked nervously down at her hands, which she rubbed briskly together. “I was under the impression, in fact several have been under the impression, that the invitation to Pemberley was to further your acquaintance with her.”

Darcy’s head dropped and he let out a long breath. He was silent for a moment before saying to her, “No, Miss Bennet. If that has been what everyone believed, I have been a fool. It was all for…”

“Mr. Darcy, please!” Elizabeth stopped him. “There is something I must tell you.”

She could not bear to have him express any admiration for her, if that was what he was about to do, and then withdraw it once he heard about Wickham.

“What is it?” he asked.

Elizabeth clasped her hands together and looked down at them as she proceeded. “You said you knew about the contents of the letter I received from Jane, that my youngest sister Lydia has run off with an officer?”

He nodded. “That is precisely what I was told.”

“You know my sister, Mr. Darcy. She may have no qualms about not marrying, and if she does not, it will bring disgrace to my family.”

“We cannot be sure of that yet.”

“No,” Elizabeth answered, turning her head and looking off into the distance. “But there are particulars about this whole situation with which you are not acquainted.” She turned back and looked at him, tears now freely falling down her face. “The officer she ran off with is… is George Wickham.”

Elizabeth saw it immediately. His countenance was altered as his eyes widened in shock and then narrowed in anger. She saw in him the recognition of all the consequences of her sister’s actions. She saw the calculations in his mind as he battled what he now knew with what he possibly felt. She saw the resignation and the determined set of his jaw when he had made his decision.