Lynn started to speak again, but never had the chance. Ashley and Catherine were talking excitedly about
her
wedding plans, and she couldn’t seem to get a word in between them. As they continued to chat, she wandered over to the window. Looking out, she saw Jake, Ryder and Russ still talking.
She was going to personally wring Jake’s neck for embarrassing her. Though she loved her brothers, she wasn’t happy knowing they still thought it necessary to protect her. She was a grown woman, after all. She was perfectly capable of making her own decisions—and that included marrying Russ!
“What do you think, Lynn?”
Lynn turned when she heard her name called, her expression blank. “What?”
Catherine walked over and glanced out the window. Spotting Russ and the other men, she laughed. “Oh, so that’s where your mind was. Tell me, how did you ever break through that wall that surrounds him?”
Her cheeks burning, Lynn moved quickly away from the window and across the room.
Grinning, Ashley volunteered, “Oh, I bet even I can tell you that.”
Shooting a silencing look at Ashley, Lynn cleared her throat. “Um, what were you trying to ask me?” she asked, steering the conversation away from where it was headed. The last thing she wanted to do was to stand there and hear Ashley tell Catherine how Ryder had walked in on her and Russ in bed together.
Catherine paused, trying to digest the direction of their conversation. She ended up answering Lynn. “Oh, we were thinking about an all-day shopping trip this weekend. We could start in San Luis, then drive into San Antonio.” Her voice rose a pitch as her excitement built. “We can look at invitations to get an idea of what you’d like.”
“And flowers,” Ashley added. “Have you thought about the kind of flowers you want? There are so many kinds to choose from. I’ve got some wonderful
ideas already jotted down on a pad in the office. Why don’t I go get it?”
“Wait!” Lynn said. Ashley stopped in her tracks, and Lynn stared at them both. Her life was getting more and more out of control. This pretend wedding was taking on a life of its own. “Um, not now. I’ve, uh, got some things to do.” She edged toward the door. “We’ll make definite plans later.”
Before either woman could speak, Lynn rushed out and escaped to the sanctity of her room, slamming the door behind her, then taking a huge breath. She
had
to get some kind of grip back on her life! Why did everyone else want to control
her
destiny? And why couldn’t her brothers stay out of her personal business?
Well, she had news for them all. She was going to claim her life back.
Immediately!
She’d changed her appointment with Linwood Finney. She’d hoped to get one later in the week, but he’d already had plans to go out of town. A new appointment had been scheduled for her Tuesday morning. Getting a loan was going to be the first definite step in her plans. Once she got past that hurdle, they’d all see that she could take care of herself.
And that included Russ.
“Have a seat, Lynn, and I’ll let Linwood know you’re here.” Sadie Andrews waved her hand at a set of brown leather chairs. Lynn nodded and clutching a large envelope, sat on the edge of her seat, anxious to get her meeting started. Once she had approval of a loan, her plans would start taking definite shape and some degree of normalcy would return in her life.
She’d be able to go home, pretend to break up with Russ, then move forward with her plans.
She looked up as Linwood Finney walked into the room. He was a tall, thin man in his early fifties. A friend of her parents, Lynn had known him since she was a little girl. Though she could’ve shown up in jeans, she’d taken the time to put on a dress and sandals. Absently, she ran her fingers through her hair, then stood and took his hand when he offered it.
“Mr. Finney.”
“Lynn, sweetheart, it’s good to see you.” The banker held her hand in his a moment, and his eyes were as warm and friendly as his greeting. “Come on into my office where we can talk.”
She followed him into an adjoining room and took a seat in front of his small wooden desk. Papers were piled high on one side, and a framed picture of his family stood prominently on the other. He took a seat and smiled, then leaned forward on his elbows, giving her his complete attention.
“Now, what can I do for you?”
Lynn jumped right into her reason for the appointment, then proceeded to expand on her plans. As she talked, she opened the envelope and pulled out a manila folder, continuing to outline her ideas as she talked. She’d given her plans a lot of thought, had taken the time to formulate a proposal. She smiled and handed him a copy.
Mr. Finney slipped a pair of reading glasses on the bridge of his nose and was silent as he studied the paper. “Well, it appears you’ve put a lot of work into this idea.” He went on to ask a few questions, and Lynn filled in further details. When she finished talking, he laid the paper on his desktop. “I’m im
pressed,” he told her. “How long have you been working on this?”
“I’ve always loved horses. I started thinking about training them during my last year of school, then one thing led to another, and I figured it’d be great to have my own ranch.” She smiled again. He seemed genuinely impressed with her detailed proposal. Adrenaline caused blood to rush through her veins.
Mr. Finney nodded. “Well, I think we’ll be able to work something out without too much difficulty.”
“Great!” Lynn answered, obviously pleased. “Thank you.” She closed the folder and looked down on the floor for her purse.
“I’ll have Sadie get the paperwork together. It should be ready in a few days. I’ll give you a call, and we’ll set a date for you and Jake to come back in and sign the forms.”
Lynn stopped in the process of getting up. She redirected her attention to the banker. “What?”
He sat back in his chair. “It won’t take too long to draw—”
“I’m sorry,” she interrupted. “Why do you need Jake here?”
“You’ll need Jake to come in and cosign the loan.”
She sat up straighter. “Why? I mean, I own part of the ranch, don’t I?”
“Of course you have an interest in the ranch, Lynn, but Jake controls the assets, as well as making all decisions on the finances. He has since your parents passed away. I can’t give you this loan without his signature.”
She barely managed to cover her astonishment and struggled to keep her composure. “I see.”
“Should I go ahead and have the papers drawn up?”
Lynn swallowed past her disappointment. There was no way Jake was going to go for this idea. “Why don’t you wait for a few days? I’ll get back to you on it.” She wasn’t about to admit that she hadn’t talked her plans over with her brother.
“Okay, fine. I’ll put this in a pending file, and you give me a call when you’re ready to move forward.”
Lynn nodded, then quickly got to her feet. Suddenly she felt as if she was suffocating. She had to get out of there. “Yes. Thank you for seeing me.” With her purse and the envelope in her hands, she went to the door before he was out of his seat.
Mr. Finney stood. “It was my pleasure.”
Barely paying attention, Lynn waved goodbye and rushed out the door. She didn’t look at Sadie as she left, but kept her eyes focused on the door. Her insides ached with discouragement as she climbed behind the wheel of her pickup. After she closed the door, she started the engine, then pulled away from the curb in front of the bank.
Tears of frustration welled in her eyes. She hadn’t planned on this obstacle at all. Damn it all, she felt totally stupid. Sniffing, she tried hard to keep her emotions under control, but it was so hard. This was more than a mere setback. She knew Jake. He was never going to agree to cosign a loan. Despite the fact that she’d formed an impressive proposal, having her own ranch was not what he wanted.
And because of this stupid pretend engagement, she couldn’t even discuss it with him! And when she broke it off, she’d look even more like she didn’t know what she wanted.
As she drove home, Lynn wished more than anything that she had somewhere else to go. She didn’t feel like facing anyone. A lump lodged in her throat as she passed the corrals and pulled into the yard, stopping the truck in front of the house. For a moment she just sat there slumped in the seat, staring at nothing.
It wasn’t fair, she cried out silently. Her decisions, her course in life, should be for her to decide. Not the bank’s, and certainly not Jake’s. Drawing in a deep breath, she glanced out the windshield, and she was relieved to see no one in sight. She had to get out, but she just couldn’t summon up the courage to go into the house. The last thing she wanted was to run into Ashley or Catherine, or heaven forbid, one of her brothers. More than anything, she wanted to be alone.
Summoning the will to be strong, she decided to saddle a horse and take a ride and think about her options. Not that she had any. Where was she going to go from here? Jake was used to telling her what she could or couldn’t do. When he eventually learned that she wasn’t going to marry Russ, he’d start all over again about her furthering her education.
Her chest tightened, and pain seared her heart. Tears threatened again as she climbed from the truck and crossed the yard, heading for the barn. She clamped her lips together, and her jaw ached from the pressure of holding her emotions in.
Opening the barn door, she started to go inside, but was startled when she smacked into someone.
Oh, dammit, not Russ!
She didn’t have to look up to know he was exactly who she’d run into. She especially didn’t want to see
him—another reminder of someone wanting to tell her what she could or couldn’t do.
Barely holding herself together, she glanced up at him, then just as quickly turned her gaze away. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, then damned the way her voice cracked.
Grabbing her arm, Russ steadied her, realizing immediately that she was trembling. Frowning with concern, he studied her delicate features. “Lynn, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing, I—” Her throat felt clogged, and she couldn’t get intelligible words to come out of her mouth. When she tried to move around him, he held on to her. She raised her arm and tried to shake free of his grasp. “Let me go.”
Russ’s jaw tightened. “Talk to me,” he demanded. “What happened to upset you?”
She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. If she tried to talk, she’d fall apart right in front of him. Pushing at his chest, she struggled to free herself. Russ subdued her by grasping both of her arms, preventing her escape.
“Did someone hurt you?” he demanded.
She stilled. Without looking at him, she slowly shook her head.
“Honey, are you hurt?”
Despite her attempt to stay in control, Lynn felt her composure shatter. With absolute dread, she raised her face to his. Before she could stop herself, she threw herself into his arms and burst into tears.
R
uss felt every muscle in his body tighten as Lynn pressed herself against him. She was shaking uncontrollably, and her crying intensified as he tried to calm her. He’d remembered that she’d had that appointment in town. Something must have happened there, he figured.
But what?
He looked her over closely. She was wearing a blue, short-sleeved embroidered-yoke dress. He didn’t see any bruises on her skin. She didn’t look hurt, just terribly upset. Regardless of what had transpired, at that moment, he knew one thing for damn sure. He’d personally find the person responsible for hurting her and beat him within an inch of his life.
Slowly massaging her back, he let her cry, and she burrowed deeper against him, burying her face in his chest. Her shoulders shook, and she gasped for
air. After fishing in his pocket and giving her a handkerchief, Russ held her closer, and despite her obvious pain, something inside him tightened, a feeling that ran deep enough to scare him.
He was beginning to care for her. Lately, instead of avoiding her, he’d caught himself searching her out. When he should have been keeping his hands to himself, he’d used every opportunity to touch her.
“Shh…” Holding her against him, he brushed her short blond hair with his chin, and he murmured softly to her, “Honey, talk to me. Tell me what happened, and I’ll try to help you.”
Lynn sobbed even harder.
“Come on,” he said, his voice coaxing as he led her away from the barn and the house. “I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”
She let him draw her away without argument, and her docile manner was further proof that something had happened to disturb her deeply. Normally when it came to him, Lynn never did anything without putting up a fuss.
He’d learned quickly enough that she didn’t like being told what to do. That had been the source of their heated discussions in the past, and would probably be the source of more in the future, he thought sardonically. They slowly made their way around one of the corrals and continued walking until Russ stopped near a grove of trees a distance away from the barn. Once there, he lowered them both to the ground, then settled himself against the base of a tree to support his back.
When he pulled her to sit beside him, she leaned her shoulder against his chest and allowed him to put his arm around her. Her breathing started to slow, and
she sucked in a deep breath. After agonizing moments of silence, she finally spoke.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and her voice was eerily quiet. “I didn’t mean to fall apart on you like that.”
Russ continued to move his hand in a circular pattern on her back. “It’s all right, honey. Want to talk about it?”
She sniffed, then swiped at her eyes with her hand. “No.” Then a soft-spoken, “Maybe.”
“Do you want me to go and break someone’s legs?” he asked, and the lift in his voice undermined the seriousness of his words.
She gave a halfhearted chuckle that came from deep inside her throat. “No, but thank you for offering.”
Russ remained silent, knowing she’d talk if she wanted. He could hear the distant sounds of cattle, and could see Ryder and Jake pull into the yard, but he knew that he and Lynn were pretty much hidden from their view by the fences and the animals.
His fingers caressed the back of her neck, and she looked up at him, her gaze drawn to his mouth. At that moment his gaze snared hers, and embarrassed, she quickly averted her eyes.
Lynn eased away, sitting across from him. She straightened her dress, arranging it over her legs, then slipped off her sandals. The heat of his gaze made her skin prickle. Though love was not a factor in their relationship, she felt a strong desire to be held and comforted by him. Picking at the grass, she chanced a glance at him. He was regarding her silently, his eyes questioning.
“I’m not going to get the bank loan,” she con
fessed, and again the pain of seeing her dreams disappear caused her heart to ache. She told him the details of her conversation with Linwood Finney, the words pouring out of her. “I feel so stupid. I didn’t realize that Jake would have to sign for me.”
“Ah.” Russ felt bad for her. Even worse, he’d figured she’d run into this kind of obstacle, but deciding she wouldn’t listen to him, he hadn’t even tried to warn her.
The tone of his voice made her look at him. “You knew that was a possibility, didn’t you?” Though her voice remained soft, there was an underlying accusation in her tone.
“I wondered,” was all he said. He supposed that in the back of his mind, he’d hoped that once starting her own ranch was no longer a factor, she’d start accepting the fact that they were going to get married.
“But you didn’t say anything to me?”
“You had your mind made up. Most of the time we’re at cross-purposes, so I doubt you would have believed me.”
He was right, of course, and she couldn’t deny it. “I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I’ll have to think of another way, I guess.” She sniffed again, then wiped at her eyes with her hands. “Do you know what it’s like to want something so bad that you can taste it?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t elaborate, and she lifted her face and looked directly at him, her eyes wide with curiosity. “Really?”
Russ’s lips twisted as he toyed with the idea of revealing his own plans for the future. They wouldn’t sound like much, but they were important to him. “I
have a piece of land. It’s not far from here actually. I figure by next year, I’ll have enough money to stock it.”
“With horses? You’re going to start your own ranch?” She stared at him, mystified. She’d had no idea at all that Russ would ever leave the Bar M. The thought of him doing so caused a new and different kind of ache in her chest.
“Eventually,” he admitted with what seemed like reluctance.
She studied him intently, wanting to know more. “Is that what you did before you moved here?”
“I worked on ranches, yes.” He looked away and stared off toward the sky. Why had he let her lead him into this conversation? he wondered. He usually wasn’t comfortable sharing his thoughts. Finding it easy to talk to Lynn, considering their earlier altercations, both surprised and worried him.
“In Montana?”
“Mostly.”
“Is that where you grew up?”
“Yeah.”
“Do your parents still live there?” she asked without bothering to mask her inquisitiveness.
Russ leaned forward and rested his arm on his knee. “I lived with an aunt for most of my life. My mother dumped me there when I was a kid and took off on her own. I never saw her again.” He didn’t look at her then, couldn’t stand the thought of Lynn feeling sorry for him. He wasn’t the first kid who’d been abandoned, and sadly, he wouldn’t be the last.
Lynn didn’t look away from him. Instead, she kept her gaze steady, and she guessed that possibly the
way he was raised was the reason he remained a man unto himself. “What was your aunt like?”
He shook his head, and his attempt at a smile fizzled. “She was a hard woman. I don’t think she meant to be unkind, but she wasn’t exactly thrilled to have me. She’d lived by herself for many years in a small town. People there would’ve disapproved of her if she hadn’t kept me.”
Which meant that she’d kept him because she’d
had
to, Lynn surmised. That or his aunt would have had to face the ridicule of her friends and neighbors. Forgetting her own problems, Lynn’s heart throbbed for the little boy he’d once been and how terribly sad it must have been for him to lose his mother and be forced to live with an unfeeling woman who hadn’t wanted him.
“So what happened when you grew up?”
“I left the day I finished high school. I worked where I could get a job, and I sent money to my aunt to pay her back for the inconvenience of raising me.” He swore softly, then looked back at Lynn. “Eventually I got married.”
Lynn studied the wounded expression in his eyes, and it told her so much more than his words. She’d had no idea, of course, that he’d been married before. The thought of him loving another woman, marrying another woman, bothered her in ways she wasn’t ready to explore.
“What happened?”
“She found someone to keep her company when I wasn’t around.” His tone held a bitter twist. “I probably wouldn’t have ever found out, except she got pregnant and I found out it wasn’t mine.”
She touched his arm. He stiffened for a moment,
then appeared to relax slightly. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been horrible,” she told him.
“I got over it.” His tone was indifferent. He’d gotten over Candace’s betrayal, and he’d moved on. He hadn’t expected, hadn’t
wanted
any more from life than to live it peacefully.
By himself.
Until he’d made love to Lynn.
She made him want things he could never have.
“Did you?” It seemed to her that though he probably wouldn’t admit it, he had it all bottled up inside him. His solitary existence was proof that he didn’t trust anyone but himself.
“Yeah, I did,” he told her, and his tone held a warning to let it drop. “I moved on, settled here, and if all goes right, I’ll have my own ranch one day.”
Lynn considered pushing him into talking more because there was so much more she wanted to know about him, but his scowl stopped her. She slid her palm across his arm and rested her hand on his. “Can I see it?”
“What?” Russ asked suspiciously, his skin heating from her touch. But instead of withdrawing from her like he should have, instead of keeping his hands off her, he linked his fingers with hers. Her skin felt soft and delicate, and his gut knotted.
“Your ranch. Will you take me to see it?”
“Why?”
She tilted her head, and a smile appeared on her lips. “Because I’d like to see it.”
Russ looked around him at the expansive operation of the Bar M. “It’s nothing like this place.” He wasn’t ashamed of it, but he didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. The house needed work to make it
livable. He spent most of his spare time there working on it, and there was still a lot to do.
“That doesn’t matter,” she assured him. “I’d still like to see it.”
He didn’t understand why she’d be interested, but he shrugged and said, “If you’re sure you want to.”
“How about this weekend?” she pressed, not giving him a chance to change his mind. He nodded, and she grinned. “Great!” She got to her feet, then realized he was still holding her hand. Blushing, she disentangled her fingers from his and picked up her sandals. “I guess we’d better get back.”
“Yeah.” Russ nodded and stood. He gave her a half grin. “Wouldn’t want your family to think I was taking advantage of you out here in the grass,” he teased.
She picked up on the fact that he was baiting her. “Or that I was taking advantage of you,” she replied tartly, then she walked away and left him standing there.
“We have
got
to do something about this engagement!” Lynn slammed the door to Russ’s truck so hard it rattled the window glass. “Ashley and Catherine are like vicious pit bulls.” Since he’d promised to take her, she’d been looking forward to seeing his ranch, but her latest conversation with her sisters-in-law about her supposed wedding plans had stolen some of her enthusiasm. She couldn’t get away from the house fast enough.
Russ shot her a curious look as he pushed down the gas pedal. “What happened?”
She glared at him as he slowly pulled away from the house. “What do you think? The two barracudas
that I’m living with are out for my blood.” He chuckled, and she shot him a hot glance as they traveled farther away from the ranch. “Go ahead. Laugh. You won’t think it’s funny when they start on you.” She slumped down in the seat, then crossed her arms over her chest.
“They keep asking me if we’ve set a date for the wedding. You’d think they’d have more important things to think about. But nooooo. It’s, have you and Russ talked any more about setting a date? When are you going to decide? We need to know something definite. Do you think you can tell us something specific in the next few days? And on and on and on. It’s driving me crazy!” Her tirade ended as she ran out of breath.
“Actually, I know how you feel. Your brother cornered me yesterday,” Russ admitted.
Her head whipped in his direction. “Jake?”
“Yeah. You shouldn’t be so surprised. I told you how your brothers would react when they found out we were sleeping together.”
“But we’re not,” she protested, then a flush rose to her cheeks. “I mean, we’re not now.”
Russ’s lip twisted at the reminder. It had been days since he’d touched her. Long, difficult days of spending time with her and wanting so bad to kiss her that he ached with it. “They don’t know that. They want me to make an honest woman of you. We’re gonna have to set a date and stick by it.”
“No!”
Gritting his teeth, Russ tried to hold on to his temper. “You can fight this all you want, but it’s gonna happen.”
“There’s got to be another solution. We just have to think of something.”
“Yeah? Like what?” he demanded.
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, but I’ll come up with something.”
“Try coming up with a short date. That’ll satisfy everyone.”
“Not me!” She lifted her chin defiantly. Marrying Russ, even for a little while, would undermine her desire to control her life. That wasn’t an option.
His expression stony, Russ shifted his attention back to the road and turned onto a narrow dirt drive. The truck bounced over a few ruts in the path before he pulled to a stop in front of a large, two-story structure.
“You bought the Petersons’ place?” she asked, looking around her, her eyes widening. He nodded and got out of the truck. She quickly followed. “Really?” Lynn was stunned. Though ten minutes away by car, the Peterson property line backed up to the McCalls’, making it accessible by horseback.
He nodded and looked toward the two-story farmhouse. “It needs a lot of work, I know.”
The old farmhouse stood before them. It was sturdily built with fluted columns and a slate roof. Two large dormers jutted out from the second floor. “It has so much character,” she said with admiration.
“I ran into Peterson in town one day and he mentioned that he and his wife were moving back east to be with her mother who was ill. I told him I’d keep an eye on the place for him if he wanted. He said he was more interested in selling it, that he was getting too old to keep up with it and he didn’t think they’d be coming back.” He looked at the house and saw it
through her eyes. Lynn was used to the best, and he figured the place looked pretty shabby to her.