One More Day (24 page)

He'd been here too many times before, sitting in a waiting room, staring at bad TV, praying for a glimmer of hope.  He didn't hear the door open, but he did hear the bag drop into a chair before the knees hit the ground beside him.

"I know, bro," Colby said.  "I know, man.  I got a fucking shoulder, bro."

Ryan couldn't even respond, all he could do was cry, his head shoved into his knees.  With Theresa standing in the doorway, Colby pulled Ryan closer, and wrapped his arms around him, patting his back gently.

"Can you pass me those tissues?" Colby asked.

"Yeah," Theresa said.  "You need anything else?"

"Coffee's in the bag on the chair.  Any way you'd be willing to brew it?"

"Yeah," she said.  "Might even be able to find a shot of something in one of our lockers."

"No," Ryan mumbled.  "No fucking alcohol."

Colby smiled appreciatively.  "I'm an alchy.  Thanks, though.  He'll be ok in a bit.  He's just long over due."  He patted Ryan's back again.  "Already had mine, bro.  Your turn."

Ryan nodded and sniffed, grasping at the tissue Colby passed him.  "Her mom's a fucking cunt, but her dad's on the way."

"He's either gonna love ya or hate ya, man."

Ryan sighed.  "Don't you fucking get cancer on me, Colby."

"Nah," he said shifting to sit beside him.  "You already saved me, man.  Mack's turn, now."

"Thirty percent," Ryan said.  "That's not good man."

"No," Colby agreed.  "It's not.  You wanna dump the bitch and move on?"

Ryan just shook his head and started crying again.  "I want to live happily ever after.  Is that so fucking hard?"

"Gotta save the damsel in distress first, bro.  She's gonna make it through this, or die the happiest fucking bald bitch in the world, deal?"

"Thanks, man."  Ryan sighed, and wiped at his face, again.  "You gonna help me hold this together?"

"Sure am.  You got like three hours to melt down, then we have to be strong for Mack.  Got everything rescheduled today.  Probably going to be some flowers arriving soon for her too."

"Tony?"

"All of em," Colby said.  "We had three cancers, Tony, and that monster leg piece.  I also brought your supplies, and the book."

"I'm not leaving."

"I know, man.  I'm opening tomorrow.  Maria, the nurse, offered to come help with the phones, in case I need to jet.  You do your thing, I'll hold down the rest."

Chapter 25

She heard a soft scratching.  It didn't go with the beeps.  Mack tried to pull her eyes open, but they resisted, so she tried harder.  Blinking against exhaustion, the first thing she saw were flowers, but not the real kind.  Dozens of brilliantly colored bouquets were drawn and pinned around the room.  Smiling, she let her eyes close.

"Ryan," she muttered before falling asleep, again.

She tried to wake up one more time.  She remembered flowers.  Ryan had been there.  No one else would use those colors, but her arm was cold.  Blinking too many times, she looked at the IV.  There was something on her hand.  She tried to focus, that incessant scratching in the back ground distracting her.  It sounded familiar, but she couldn't place it.

Forcing her eyes to focus she saw a large pink heart drawn across her palm.  He wasn't supposed to know where she was, but Ryan had been here.  Only Ryan would do that.  Gently, she turned her hand over, hoping to figure out why her arm was so cold, and saw words.

I love you.

"Ryan?" Mack asked.

The scratching stopped and a warm hand clasped hers.  "Hey.  How do you feel?" he asked.

"I dunno.  You love me?"

He kissed her head, his lips soft against the bald skin.  "Very much, Mack.  You can't get rid of me that easy."

"But what if I die?"  Her mind felt like it wasn't working right.

"Then I won't get to love you as long as I want.  I'm still not leaving."

"But - "

"Shh," he breathed.  "How do you feel?"

"My arm's cold."

"K," he said, kissing her again.  "We can fix that."  He stepped through the door and spoke to the nurses at the desk on the other side.  "She's awake, and says the IV is making her arm cold."

"Let me get a heated blanket we can put around that," someone said.

Ryan returned and sat at her side.  Mack felt like her brain was mush, but she couldn't forget those words on the back of her hand.  "Ryan?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"I have cancer, so why do you love me?"

"Must be some good drugs if you put that together.  I love you, Mack, because you are amazing.  You have cancer which sucks.  They do not go together."

"But I don't wanna hurt you," she said softly.

"I know, sweetie.  Thing is, doesn't matter if you're twenty-five, or a hundred and five, one day you're gonna die, and it's going to hurt like hell.  We can't stop that.  So I'm gonna take what I can get."

"Hey, Mackenzie," the nurse said walking in.  "I've got something to make that IV a little less cold.  Can you lift your arm?"

She tried, but when her elbow came away from the bed, she felt a tug in her waist and the threat of a sharp pinch to follow.  The nurse just grabbed her arm and supported it gently as she wrapped it in a warm white cloth.

"Now let's look at that incision."

"You want me to wait outside, Mack?" Ryan asked.

She closed her eyes and shook her head.  "It's not gonna go away," she said softly.

The nurse gently raised the head of her bed, and Ryan moved easily to adjust her pillows, like he'd done it a million times before.  He probably had.  Slowly, carefully, Theresa raised the hem of the gown, tucking it along Mack's ribs, then eased down the blankets.  A long, harsh line, stained yellow at the edges, tore across her belly, tiny staples holding it closed.

"Your abdomen is swollen, but that's normal," Theresa said, glancing up at Ryan.  "It will take a while before it all dissipates.  It's from the trauma of the surgery, but it's holding together nicely."

"How's her white count?" Ryan asked.

"Not bad.  She got a unit of blood this morning.  In a couple of weeks, she should be producing more than enough white cells.  Your blood work is very good, Mack.  Someone's been taking care of you."

She smiled and reached up for Ryan's hand, wincing a bit.  "He has."

"Yeah," Theresa said, "and there's a lot of damage to your tummy muscles.  That's why you felt that."

"I use my stomach for my arms?"

The nurse nodded.  "It's all connected.  Downside is you get to start all over trying to build them up.  Now, there's a button right here," she tapped it.  "If you start to hurt, just press this.  We'll be giving you meds regularly for swelling, nausea, anxiety - since you started out pretty rough today - and antibiotics, but that button is for morphine.

"Gonna get you high," Ryan teased.

"When can I have a tattoo?" Mack asked.  She was talking to Ryan, but it was Theresa who answered.

"Probably three weeks.  I'll check with the doctor to be sure."

"The phoenix."  She gestured to her pelvis.  "I want the body to lay across my tummy, the tail down my leg, and the wing to cover that damned scar."

"Scar tissue is hard," Ryan said.  "Doesn't take the ink well.  I can do something around it, to hide it."

"Yeah," Mack said, laying back, exhausted.

Ryan caressed her bald head.  "And if you do it there, it won't hurt your chances of getting a job." 

"I have a job."  She smiled.  "Maybe I'll have Colby do it."

"No."  He chuckled.  "Yeah, Colby's hands are not going there, Mack.  Sorry."

Theresa laughed and eased the gown back down before pulling up the blanket.  "I'll leave you two alone for a bit.  Ryan, tell me if she needs anything?"

"Yeah.  Thanks."  He pulled a chair closer to the bed.  "Don't scare me like that again, Mack."

"You were supposed to hate me and move on."

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly.  "That's not going to happen, baby.  You also quoted the wrong poem."

"It was the only one that fit."

"But you're not going to die from this.  Those statistics?  They are an average of all the people who get it.  Some of them don't take treatment, some don't take care of themselves.  That's not an option for you, ok?  We're gonna beat this.  All three of us.  One day I'm gonna get to run my fingers through your hair."

Mack closed her eyes but turned her head to face him, and took a deep breath.  She felt so weak, so fuzzy in the head.  Her mouth just didn't know when to stop, and she didn't even care.  "You could have anyone you want, Ryan.  Why me?"

"Because you're perfect," he said softly. 

"I'm far from perfect."

"You're perfect for me."  He rubbed his thumb across her hand.  "And when we get you home, we're going to do more, ok?  You're right, I've been trying too hard to protect you, but we'll do more than just tattoos all the damned time."

"I was trying to come up with an excuse," Mack said.  "You take me to the park and let me do the one thing I love the most.  Draw."

"Then we'll go to the gardens and the zoo, and you can draw anything you want."

She opened her eyes, a smile playing on her lips.  "I need to work on my nudes."

Ryan pressed his other hand against his face and blushed a brilliant red.  "Mack!"

"It's ok," she teased, "Colby will do it."

"He fucking would."  He laughed again.  "Hell, Tony probably would, too."

"But I'm drawing you," she said, her mouth not working well.  "Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too, but I have to sleep for a bit, ok?"

"Yeah, sweetie.  You sleep, I'm gonna go get some coffee."  He set the bear beside her, then kissed her head gently, but Mack was already asleep.

She looked so frail in the bed, her head tilted to the side, only the pillows holding her in place.  Ryan hadn't realized how much the cancer had sapped her strength until he'd started looking through his old drawings of her.  Somehow though, she'd become stronger.  The old Mackenzie had been tough on the outside and soft on the inside.  This one, the survivor, might look like she'd been beat down, but there was a new light in her eyes that spoke of a strength he couldn't even imagine.

He made his way out of the room, and one of the nurses looked up.  "She asleep?"

"Yeah," he said with a little smile.  "Any of you want a coffee?"

"I'll take one," one of them said leaning back through a doorway.  "Two sugars?"

"Can do.  Anyone else?"

The lady at the desk grinned.  "Trying to spoil us?"

"It's my job," he said.  "Grew up in a hospital, know how hard you all work."

"Hey Ryan?" Theresa asked, moving into sight.  "Shift change is in thirty minutes.  I'll be back tomorrow, but she'll be getting a new nurse over night."

He grinned.  "Just no hot guys.  She already tried to dump me once today."

"What the hell was she thinking?" a lady in the back said, but Ryan heard.

He laughed, and tried not to blush yet again.  "Coffee," he said hurrying down the hall, hearing the women laugh behind him.

He filled two large cups and was headed back when he realized they were still talking.  "Did you see the tattoos?  Oh my god.  I'm gonna like having that eye candy running around here."

He cleared his throat and heard them laugh.  "So, I have coffee," he said setting one on the counter.  "Didn't catch your name."

"Lindsey.  That's Beth, you know Theresa, and the other one is Karen."  She took the cup with a smile and her eyes flicked down his arm.  "And you're not supposed to hear that well."

"Yeah, um, sorry," he said.  "I'm just gonna go draw Mack some more flowers or something."

"Ryan?" someone called, walking out of a room down the hall.  She was wearing a pair of blue scrubs and a white coat.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning.  "How does everyone know who I am?" he muttered.

"You're kinda hard to miss," Beth teased, making the other girls chuckle.

"I'm Dr. Janis," the woman in the coat said walking up.  "You have a minute?"

"Of course," he agreed, following her into the visitor's lounge.

Casually, she took a seat, and Ryan did the same, sitting across from her.  The lounge was empty except for them, most patients having their guest tucked into their room.  Ryan felt his stomach clench, fearing the worst.

"Her surgery went well.  We were able to leave both ovaries, and moved them up so radiation will be less likely to affect them.  There has been some damage, though, so early menopause is a real consideration."

He nodded.  "Yeah.  Something new to learn about," he said, trying to smile.

"I was very thorough on the excision.  At first glance, the edges appear to be clean and healthy, but we can't be positive until the pathology is complete.  This means there's a good chance that we got it all.  Unfortunately, there's still the chance it spread."

"I understand."  Ryan realized he was clasping his hands tightly in his lap.

"Intimate relationships may be awkward for a while.  The top portion of the vagina was restructured.  Nothing at all in the vagina for four weeks.  Not even tampons.  Nothing.  No stimulation of any type for two weeks."  She paused and reached over to pat his knee.  "She probably won't feel up to it, but after that, external stimulation is allowed."

Ryan chuckled a bit.  "I suddenly feel like a kid in health class."

The doctor grinned at him.  "I've got three kids, Ryan.  Pretty sure we both know how this works.  Now, she's going to need to stay in bed for the first ten days.  No showers, nothing.  The most exercise she can have is making it to the bathroom, and there's a very real chance she'll need help with that."

"Easy enough."

She looked at him for a long moment.  "Ryan, this can be hardest on the care givers.  Don't try to do it all on your own."

"Her best friend wouldn't let me," he said, smiling at the thought of how close Colby and Mack had become.  "How soon can she have a tattoo?"  The doctor glanced at his arm and tilted her head, so he elaborated.  "She's already asking.  I've been putting her off for weeks, now.  I think it's her way of trying to reclaim her body."

"Yeah," she sighed.  "I can see that.  She'll have a check up in two weeks.  If her white count is decent, she can have one then.  If you remind me, I can add an extra week to her antibiotics, just to be safe."  She patted his knee gently.  "Medically it's not the best idea - "

"Then she can wait."

But Dr. Janis shook her head.  "Thing is, you're probably right, and keeping her spirit up is the biggest battle.  She'll grieve a bit.  This is a big change for her.  You two talk about kids?"

"Vaguely," he said.  "I have the breast cancer gene and she has no uterus.  Kinda works out."

"Doesn't mean she didn't want them.  Now, she's going to need to eat well, but no alcohol for a while."

"Not allowed in our place.  Roommate's a recovering alcoholic."

"I see.  The nurses also told me about her additional pain killers."  Dr. Janis smiled.  "I can't really condone that, but marijuana will help with this, too.  It's illegal in this state, but the medical practicalities of it are well known.  I can give you a prescription, but it isn't good for much."

"Thanks," he said.  "Might be enough to weasel out of a ticket."