Authors: Kristina McBride

One Moment (28 page)

“I thought I knew Joey….” My voice trailed off as soon as his name hit the air between us. The single word soured things. Made Adam’s face go hard.

“Don’t compare me to him. Not ever.” Adam held his hands out in the air like he was about to touch me. I wanted him to. So crazy bad. But he didn’t. Instead, he used them to push himself to his feet and turn away from me, toward the water.

“I’m still trying to figure out what I’m supposed to believe. How much I can even trust myself.”

“Let me help you, Maggie.” Adam turned back toward me, into the moonlight. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, and I wanted to rub my hand along the stubble on his cheek. To feel the warmth of his skin. But his words, they rushed me, flipping everything over one final time.

“I have wanted you as long as I can remember,” he said. “And it’s killed me, knowing what a screwup he was, knowing that you deserved so much better than his lies. But I’ve sat by and watched. And I’ve waited. Because I didn’t want to be the one to take him away from you.”

“Adam, I—”

“And now, when I finally have a chance, they’ve ruined it.”

I looked into Adam’s eyes. And I knew. Without a doubt. He was telling me the truth. The feelings between us, they were real. As suddenly as I realized that, it hit me that the most important parts of what I had with Joey were in my own mind. I’d built him up to be something he never really was. I’d kept the truth from myself, and that’s why it all hurt so much when it came crashing down on me.

Adam chuckled. “Maggie. Just get it over with,” he said. “It’s nice and all, this little blow-off speech, but it’s killing me. I know I screwed up. And that you’ll never feel for me the way that I feel for you.”

“Adam, I—”

Adam interrupted with a deep sigh. “Just please tell me you’ll still be my friend. I can’t lose you all the way. Not now … not ever.”

“Are you done yet?” I asked.

Adam nodded.

“Good.” I stood up and stepped away from him. Pulled my hair from my face and looked right into his eyes. “Because it’s my turn to talk.”

Adam sighed.

“I’ve had all this crazy stuff swirling through my head lately. About Joey. And Shannon. All the memories and guilt that came rushing at me when I found that bracelet.” I watched the way Adam’s gaze had shifted down to my hands. Felt that he wanted to touch me. “But all the stuff with you, it’s been there, too. Not just how you feel—have felt for so long—but how you make me feel.”

Adam looked up at me then, his eyes flashing the brightest green.

I had to force myself to go on, to crash through the fear that was nearly suffocating me. “I’ve tried to shove it all down, but the parts with you, they bubble their way to the surface in the strangest ways. How, at the craziest moments, I just want to feel your hand on mine, or hear your voice whispering in my ear, or feel the tickle of your laughter against my cheek.”

Adam smiled. Ducked his head.

Some of that fear melted away.

“I’ve been trying to sift through all the reasons we shouldn’t try this, weighing them against all the reasons that we should.”

“Yeah?” Adam asked, his voice hoarse.

I nodded. “There are about a zillion things going against us.”

“True.” Adam held a hand out to me.

“And we shouldn’t.” I reached out and placed my hand in his. So sad when I thought about everything that had led to this moment.

“Probably not.” Adam squeezed my hand and then let me go.

I stepped toward him, wishing I could cut a swatch of the cool, silky rock beneath my feet, wishing I could use it as the first patch of fabric in the quilt that would make up the rest of my life.

“But when I think about it really hard, when I push everything else away, I realize that I don’t care.” I grabbed both of his hands. “I don’t care one single bit about any of it. I just care about you.”

Adam raised his eyebrows, his eyes widening. “Wait. What are you—”

“I’m saying I’m ready. I am
so
ready. To try this thing with you. It’s going to have to be slow, right? And I’m pretty sure that I’ll have some total freak-out moments along the way. But I can’t seem to get you out of my mind. And if you feel the same way, doesn’t that mean we should just …”

“Give it a chance.”

“Something like that,” I said, laughter curling over my words.

“You’re sure? You’re ready?”

I nodded. “I feel like I shouldn’t be. Not so soon after my relationship with Joey. But there were so many lies. I needed to come to terms with it all before I could move on.”

“And you have? I don’t want to rush you.”

“You’re not rushing me,” I said. “I can’t wait. Not one more minute.”

Adam ran his thumb along my forehead, slowly pulling back my bangs.

“Can I show you something, Maggie?” Adam’s eyes lifted, his hands hovered in the air just under my chin.

I nodded. I hoped. But I didn’t know.

We stepped closer then, our faces tilting together, closing out the rest of the world.

And this time, this moment, I got everything right.

So very right.

acknowledgments

The overall concept of this book was inspired by several people I’ve known who moved on before their time should have been up. In their honor, I want to acknowledge everyone who has lost a life too soon, and all of those who were left behind.

Writing a book is an incredible process that comes with many highs and lows. It’s also something that I couldn’t do on my own, and I’m grateful to have many people to thank for their support.

To Amy Eckenrode, who gave me excellent feedback on police procedure. Also to my team of medical advisors, Tim Beach, Jim Loki, Dr. Tim Schoonover, and Dr. Debra Sowald. Any mistakes in these areas of the book are mine and mine alone.

To Jason Behm for sharing his knowledge of all things motorcycle, and for finding me one that needed a key. And to his lovely wife, Lori, for always being there and knowing the perfect thing to say. (It’s time to celebrate, right?)

To Melanie Singleton, one of the only people I know who reads as much as I do, for always being there to brainstorm ideas, for your interest in my stories and characters (I know they keep you up for some late-late nights), and for always giving me incredible feedback.

To Jenny Cooper, for being one of my first readers and my number one musical advisor. Love all of our brainstormy dinners. Those SHS yearbookers rock, too!

To my very first reader, Janet Irvin, who plows through early chapters that should never see the light of day, for your skillful story problem-solving abilities, unwavering support, and for always giving me encouragement to keep going when I need it most.

To Katrina Kittle and Sharon Short, two very talented authors who have become like family over the course of writing this book. I am so lucky to have you to share with and seek advisement when it comes to … well,
everything
.

To the remainder of my friends (who are like family) and my family (who are like friends) for always being there.

To all of the supporters who enjoyed
The Tension of Opposites
—your feedback keeps me going when I need motivation. Also to the Class of 2K10 and the Tenners, two groups of awesomely supportive authors—I am proud to be part of your lives.

To Jay Asher, my very first blurber, for a talk in the park, a salted caramel hot chocolate, and all of that lovely praise.

To Regina Griffin, Katie Halata, Mary Albi, and everyone else at Egmont USA for everything that you do. Especially to Alison Weiss, whose phenomenal feedback, guidance, and support helped me wrangle the earliest draft of this book into something I am proud of.

To my mom and dad for always nurturing my love of books. It’s because of you that the first glimmer of this dream to become a published author came to life in my mind.

To my children, for your love and for always believing in me. Nothing beats having you in my life.

To Eric, my husband and best friend, you have this crazy way of getting better with each passing moment. Thanks for supporting this dream of mine. For so many reasons, I couldn’t be happier.

To my kick-ass agent, Alyssa Eisner Henkin, for always being there, for always inspiring, and for always pushing me to do my best.

Thanks to all of you for believing in me, and for helping me believe in myself. Much love.

Table of Contents

1. So Close to Flying

2. The Ripple of My Fear

3. The Whole Spinning World

4. Hands Clasped Tight