One Love (34 page)

“
Paxton-Waite seems healthy
enough financial wise. Of course there are ways companies hide
trouble.” Robyn glanced at the computer screen. “They were heavily
into the Asian markets.”

Lanessa turned to her sharply. “What
did you say?”

Robyn tapped the computer screen with
a forefinger. “I’ve been looking at some of the business web
sites.”

Lanessa walked around to stand next to
Robyn. “Let’s go to the Code of Federal Regulations on-line. I want
to find out as much as I can about dual-use technology.”

“
Got it. Oh, and let’s check
on restricted countries, too.” Robyn’s fingers darted over the
keyboard.

“
We can compare that to the
countries Paxton-Waite does business with.” Lanessa stared at the
computer monitor. “Although I’m sure it won’t be easy to spot. But
it will be a starting point.”

“
This could take hours. I’ll
call Marlon and let him know I’ll be working late.” Robyn picked up
the phone.

Lanessa stopped her. “No way. We’ve
got plenty of time left in the workday. You’ll go home on
time.”

“
But we need to stay ahead
of those Commerce guys.” Robyn brushed her hand away and punched
the number pads.

“
No.” Lanessa pulled the
receiver from her hand and hung up the phone.

Lanessa felt the ever-present sadness
that seemed to follow her around. Missing Alex was a dull ache that
she’d grown used to. She had little reason to look forward to
leaving the office. At least she could keep Robyn from making the
mistakes she had.

“
We’ll get more than enough
done by five. Take it from me; don’t give up your love life for
work.”

Chapter 17

Lanessa fussed about the room. She
changed the position of the accent pillows on the sofa for the
third time. She fiddled with the volume of the compact disc player
once again. Mood music was fine, but she did not want it to be
suggestive. Yes, she’d been happy to hear from him. Who was she
kidding? The sound of his voice had sent her into the clouds. After
almost a month they would be together. Still a small voice urged
caution. Lanessa would not let emotion rule her the way it did
Yasmin. The doorbell rang. Lanessa steadied herself and walked to
the door despite the urge to run. When she opened it, she was
composed.

“
Good evening,” she
said.

“
Hi.” Alex smiled nervously.
He stood watching her as though for some sign.

“
Come on in. I won’t bite,
for now.” Lanessa tried to lighten the awkward moment. She noticed
the flowers held but did not comment on them.

“
Right.” Alex came
in.

Lanessa closed and locked the door.
She led the way to the living. There was another awkward moment
when both tried to judge where they would sit on the sofa. Lanessa
did not want appear eager by sitting too close to him. Alex
apparently glanced at the sofa for a moment before sitting down.
The result was they were at opposite ends.

“
So how’ve you been?” Alex
said.

“
Okay. Just working like
crazy.” Lanessa groaned inwardly. How stupid to mention the main
reason for their fight.

“
Yeah, me too. We’re trying
to finish a big contract with the state.” Alex answered.

Lanessa felt a wave of relief. He
seemed not to notice her blunder into the sensitive area. “So it’s
going well?”

“
Not too bad. There have
been a few problems. But overall it’s been smooth.”

“
Good.” Lanessa wondered
what to say next. “I’ve got a few interesting projects
myself.”

“
Really? Like what?” Alex
assumed a polite listening posture.

As Lanessa talked, she tried not to
respond to the warmth his presence generated. Alex wore a forest
green short-sleeved shirt neatly tucked into khaki chinos. The knit
cotton hugged his upper body accentuating his chest. His warm scent
of musk cologne was like an invitation to move closer. Lanessa
savored the sight of him from his dark, tightly curled hair to the
tips of his tan leather loafers. Keeping up this cool pose would
certainly be a chore. She suddenly realized they were no longer
talking, but gazing at each other in silence.

“
I’m glad you’re doing
good,” Alex said. His voice was soft.

“
Same here.” Lanessa had
trouble responding. Her breath was short.

Alex moved toward her a few inches.
“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about...”

“
Yeah,” Lanessa cut in. “We
really should— talk, I mean.”

“
I said things I shouldn’t
have. I’m sorry.” Alex breathed as though in relief. “I know how
much your work means to you.”

“
I’ve been too preoccupied
with getting paid lately. You had every right to be angry.” Lanessa
felt tension drain from her. “Even though I said it at the time,
I’m sorry.”

“
No, I went too far. I just
wanted to tell you that first.”

“
Right. Get the apologies
out first.” Lanessa slapped the sofa cushion. “What say we have a
toast? I’ve got your favorite, Barq’s cream soda.”

“
A perfect way to end
hostilities.” Alex smiled.

“
I’ll be back.” Lanessa
stood.

“
Hey, don’t treat me like
company. I’ll come with you.” Alex followed her down the hall to
the kitchen.

Lanessa insisted he sit at the
breakfast table and be served. The bay window faced onto her back
yard. The night sky was a deep blue. Soft lights in the garden made
the flowers visible in the dark. Music through her intercom speaker
system helped with the relaxed atmosphere. Their casual
conversation was no longer forced and laced with uneasiness.
Lanessa felt the cozy sense of intimacy returning. When Alex
laughed at some silly story she told, the sound sent heat through
her.

“
I’m glad you understand
about my work. I’ve always loved learning new things and finding
out the answers. Being successful at something without help from my
father or anyone has meant a lot to me.”

Alex drank the last drop from his
glass mug “That reminds me. Stay away from Charles Metoyer. He’s a
piece of work.”

“
Tell me about it. Yasmin
isn’t speaking to me because of him.”

“
I warned you.” Alex raised
his eyebrows.

“
Alright. All right. I
didn’t count on the snake having such an effective poison. He’s in
her system bad.” Lanessa thought of Yasmin and her stubborn
resistance to the truth.

“
And the more you talk
against him, the less she’ll listen.”

“
There is one thing I can
do.” Lanessa wore a steely expression.

“
No. Stay out of it.” Alex
took her hand and smiled. “Besides, we’ll need all our time
together.”
“It’s not just the way he’s treating Yasmin. Not only did he mess
with my friend’s head, but now I’ve got the feds on my doorstep. I
tell you--”

“
Hold it,” Alex cut in with
a frown. “What is this about feds coming to see you?”

“
Two agents from the
Department of Commerce came to my office the other day. You best
believe I’m going after the whole story now.”

“
All you did was research.
You’re not an employee or anything.”

“
Which is what I told them.
It took hours, but Robyn and I are definitely onto something. The
internet is wonderful.” Lanessa grinned at him then grew serious at
his expression. Alex was not amused.

“
Lanessa, Charles Metoyer is
a powerful man. He believes in punishing his enemies.” Alex shook
his head once.

“
Yes, but--”

“
If they’re doing anything
illegal, let the authorities handle it.” Alex looked at
her.

“
But what he did to Yasmin
burns my butt.” Lanessa took her hand from his. “And he could hurt
more people.”

“
Yasmin made it clear she
resents you getting involved in her love life. And I agree with
her.” Alex spoke in his fatherly manner. “Drop the whole
thing.”

“
I don’t think I can. My
reputation is on the line,” Lanessa said.

“
Nonsense. No one will
connect you to their mess.”

“
Well my instinct tells me
I’d better take care of business. According to this website on...”
Lanessa stopped short at the way he was looking at her.

“
Forget it and get on with
more important things,” Alex said in a tone that was final. His
expression showed that he was losing patience.

“
Are you asking me or
telling me?” Lanessa sensed the charged atmosphere between
them.

“
Let me guess, you’ve put in
long hours in the last few days.” Alex sat back increasing the
distance between them.

“
You’ve got to trust me to
make my own decisions.” Lanessa knew even as she said the words
what his reaction would be.

Alex shook his head slowly and did not
answer immediately. “We keep coming back to the same place,
Lanessa. You won’t give.”

“
It’s not fair to put it all
on me,” Lanessa burst out.

“
There’s always something
ahead of me, isn’t there? From day one you’ve wanted me on
standby.” Alex pressed his lips together.

Lanessa stared at him. “You’re right,
we’ve been here before. Goodbye, Alex.” She pushed away from the
table and stood.

Alex seemed to seethe with suppressed
anger. “I wanted us to be a family. Maybe you’re just not the
type.”

“
Leave. Now.” Lanessa wanted
him gone before she lost control. She did not want Alex to see just
how much he’d wounded her.

Without another word, he walked out
the back door. Lanessa listened to the sound of his footsteps
receding. A few seconds later, the motor of his Montero Sport
grumbled. It too faded away. She locked the door and turned on her
alarm system with mechanical movements. This time there were no
fireworks, only quiet despair.

***

“
So like it’s really, really
over?” Jackie said.

“
Really,” Lanessa echoed.
Her mouth felt pulled tight when she forced a smile. “Hey, I think
we did it right this time. We’ve finally got this breaking up thing
pegged.”

They sat in Jackie’s kitchen. The
bright corner was comforting at least a little. Lanessa sat on the
sofa on hugging a pillow. Jackie gazed at her with a look of
sympathy.

“
What a mess.” Jackie struck
the cushioned fabric with the flat of one hand. “That old saying is
wrong;
men
are the
root of all evil. They’re either no good or two good to the point
of being self-righteous.”

“
I can’t give up my new
life. Hell, I just figured out who I want to be when I grow up!”
Lanessa shook her head.

“
Then he should
change.”

“
Alex is a good man,”
Lanessa said quickly. “And a wonderful father.”

“
He’s being unreasonable and
you know it.” Jackie was not convinced.

“
You know what? We’re both
right. We don’t want to be, which is why we keep finding each
other. We keep trying to prove one of us is wrong.” Lanessa took a
deep breath and let it out. “Because in our hearts we know that if
we’re both right...” She could not finish.

“
Yeah,” Jackie said in a
soft voice. “I know how it goes. My marriage was like that. My mama
had used to play this old song by Gladys Knight. It’s called
‘Neither One of Us’, I think.”

“
I know the one.” Lanessa
felt tears threatening. She could almost hear the smooth voice
singing about two people unable to admit that their relationship is
dead.

The two friends sat thinking of their
own sad endings. Lanessa was not angry with Alex. There was no
reason to be. Alex was right to want a stable, conventional family
life for the twins. Yet she was right to go after a career. After
doubting herself and being dependent on others, Lanessa realized
something vital. Part of her recovery hinged on making a successful
life on her own.

“
I’ve got to get myself
together before I can take on the whole family thing. Remember the
advice we got in group?” Lanessa said.

“
Don’t jump into making
heavy commitments too soon.” Jackie tilted her head to one side as
she gazed at Lanessa. “You started a business. Pretty heavy if you
ask me.”

“
Right, and taking on a
pre-packaged family is pushing it.” Lanessa looked back at
her.

“
So you did right to stop
fighting the inevitable. You’re feeling better about it,
right?”

“
Yes and no.” Lanessa closed
her eyes for a second then opened them again. “But I’ll
live.”

“
I’m here to see you do,
darlin’” Jackie smiled at her with great affection. “That’s what
friends are for. Dionne Warwick, Stevie Wonder, and Elton
John.”

“
Man, you are into old
school jams today, aren’t you?” Lanessa chuckled. Her smile faded
after a while. “Speaking of friends, Yasmin won’t return my
calls.”