Once in a Lifetime (22 page)

Jack’s gaze said he thought otherwise and that Ben was an asshole.

“You two going to need a referee?” Luke asked, still sprawled out, all relaxed in his chair. “Because if I have to arrest you, Dee’s gonna kill me.”

Jack didn’t look like he cared, and Ben blew out a breath. “This has nothing to do with my happiness,” he said. “Aubrey lied to me. So it’s over, end of story.”

“What was the lie?” Jack asked.

“What does
that
have to do with anything?” Ben asked.

“A lot,” Jack said. “If she lied and said, ‘Oh baby, that was so good,’ when it was only okay, that’s not exactly a breakup lie.”

“It was an omission,” Ben specified.

“Like I-forgot-to-tell-you-I-hate-pizza omission?” Jack asked. “Or, like, I’m-really-a-male-in-chick-clothing kind of omission?”

Ben considered swiping the smirk right off Jack’s face with his fist. But then Luke would get all pissed off and call Sawyer, the sheriff, just to make a point. Plus, it was probable that even off-duty Luke was armed. “It was an
omission
, okay?” he said to Jack. “Drop it.”

“Well, I would,” Jack returned. “Except I’m bad at that.”

Luke pulled out his phone and started thumbing through his contacts.

Ben caved. Not because he was afraid of Sawyer but because he didn’t have time to be arrested tonight. “Aubrey told Hannah we’d slept together,” he said. “That’s why Hannah dumped me. Aubrey lied to her and cost me two years with Hannah.”

Two years that Hannah deserved…Ben didn’t give a shit about himself. But Hannah. She was dead and gone, and she didn’t have a voice.

That just about killed him dead and gone, too.

Jack, staring at Ben, dropped the teasing note in his voice. “Well, hell.”

“Yeah.”

“Wait,” Jack said, putting his hand on Ben’s shoulder as he turned to leave. “Wait. Are you telling me that Hannah believed her? And that she never brought it up to you? Ever?”

“So?”

“
So?
” Jack said. “Don’t you have to ask why? Or put some of the blame on her?”

“She’s dead,” Ben said flatly.

“Yeah,” Jack said. “And that sucks. Sucks hard. But think about this, Ben. So Aubrey was a bitch in high school. We were dicks. For that matter, Hannah was no angel, either. Whatever. It’s old history. Don’t let that be an excuse to—”

“If you say
not be happy
, I swear to God—”

“—not be happy,” Jack said, the dare in his eyes.

It was an arrow to the chest, because it was the cold, hard truth. He’d done exactly what Jack had said, and he planned to continue onward, thank you very much.

“Okay.” Luke stood up. “Look, I should knock both of you knuckleheads into next week myself, but I’d rather go home and be with Ali.”

“Tell him he’s being stupid, Luke,” Jack said, not taking his eyes off Ben. “Maybe he’ll listen to the voice of reason.”

“I’m not telling him shit,” Luke said, and met Ben’s gaze, too. “Because he already knows he’s being stupid.”

Ben shook his head and walked out of the bar, the questions floating in his head. Why had Aubrey done it? Why had she lied to Hannah?

And even more than that, why had Hannah believed her? Why would Hannah buy into the story that he’d cheated on her so readily?

Because she’d been eighteen. Young and foolish, like him. Of course she’d believed it. This was Lucky Harbor, where gossip was gospel.

And then there was the baseline truth: He’d fully and freely enjoyed the freedom that the two-year breakup had afforded him.

He was going to have to live with that.

He drove for a good thirty minutes before he ended up parking in the alley behind the bookstore. “You are so fucked up,” he murmured to himself, and took the stairs to Aubrey’s place.

He was only here to make sure she knew about the pictures. He may not have forgiven her, but he didn’t want her to be blindsided. That was all. He stared at Aubrey’s door for a very long moment before he knocked.

A
ubrey opened her door to Ben and felt the shock reverberate through her. She’d wanted, desperately, to talk to him, to get the chance to explain. There was so much left to say, like how badly she’d felt all these years, and how she’d never meant for them to get into a relationship without telling him the truth, that it’d just happened…

God, it had truly happened. She’d fallen for him, hard.

And she’d blown it, just as hard. He hadn’t called or been to the store.

But now here he stood on her doorstep, wearing jeans, scuffed work boots, a gray henley, and an open down jacket, hood up against the rain. Given that she could see only part of his face, and that the part she
could
see was an unshaved jaw, she shouldn’t have felt weak in the knees, but she did. She nearly threw herself at him in relief, but before she could move, he said, “Do you know about the pictures?”

She blinked and began to realize that this visit might not be what she hoped. “
You
know about them?”

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Yeah.”

Oh, God. “You read Ted’s book?”

“No. But I heard about them and—”

“Heard about them, or saw them?” she asked tightly.

“Saw them.”

Damn it
. She drew a shuddery breath and tried to figure out what the silver lining might be, but really, there was none. “Do you think a lot of people in town know?” She closed her eyes. “Never mind. This is Lucky Harbor, right? Everyone knows by now. I can’t even imagine what they think.”

“They think you’re hot as hell, that’s what they think,” he said. “At least the red-blooded males do.”

“The pictures are old,” she said. “Nearly a decade old. And in some of them I’m in a mask. Maybe people won’t recognize me…” Her words faded away at the look on his face.

“You’re pretty recognizable, Sunshine.”

“I was young,” she said softly. “And it was an okay job as far as modeling gigs went. I didn’t have to sleep with the photographer, and I made enough money to pay for college.”

“Aubrey,” he said, and let out a long breath. “I’m not judging you. At all. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.
Nothing
,” he repeated, voice like steel, making her eyes sting. “I just wanted to make sure you knew they were out so that you weren’t blindsided by them.”

He was here because he cared about her, and she decided to take
that
as her silver lining. She stepped back to let him in, but he was already stepping back as well, away from her. “You’re…not coming in?” she asked, hating the naked vulnerability in her voice.

He didn’t take off his hood, so she couldn’t really see his expression, but there was a definite edge to him tonight—and a sense of exhaustion that broke her heart.

“No,” he said. “I’m not coming in.”

She absorbed the hurt, just one more hurt on a pile of hurts. He gave one curt, barely there nod and started to go. “Ben, I’m so sorry. I—”

“I’m sorry, too.”

She stared at him, throat burning. “Why did you come?” she whispered.

“I told you. To make sure you knew.”

“
Why?
” she pressed.

He was still a moment, looking at her intently. “It was the right thing to do,” he finally said.

An arrow to her heart. Her gut. Her soul. Because the implication was, of course, that
she
wouldn’t know the right thing if it bit her on the ass.

“Do you need anything?” he asked.

She nearly laughed, but it would have been a half-hysterical one. And in any case, she had far more pride than sense at this point, so she lifted her chin and looked him right in the eye and shook her head. “I’m fine.” She was always fine.

He paused, so she added a smile to prove it. Hell if she’d let him see her sweat. If he didn’t want her, she wouldn’t beg.

Oh, hell. She
wanted
to beg. Bad.

But after one last long look at her, he turned and walked away.

And she let him.

Aubrey had thought she was at rock bottom when she’d screwed up with Ben.

She’d underestimated herself.

The next day was a painfully slow day at the store. The day after that was the grand-opening party, and she was beginning to think it might also be her grand closing.

Heartsick, she closed up for the day and then dropped her forehead to the door.
Damn it
. “I’m not going to cry.”

“Okay, but just in case, we have reinforcements.”

Aubrey whirled around and faced Ali and Leah, who’d come in the back. Ali held a bottle of Scotch and three big red plastic cups. Leah was holding a tray of goodies. “Leftovers from today’s baking,” she said. “And trust me when I say you don’t need anything else when you have this stuff—not even a man.”

“That’s good,” Aubrey said, and swiped at her cheeks. “Because I don’t need a man.”

Ali set down the cups and poured them each a very liberal dose of Scotch. “A toast,” she said, waiting for Aubrey and Leah to pick up their cups. “To us,” she said. “And to Aubrey.” She toasted Aubrey. “Because you look damn hot in those pictures.”

“Yeah,” Leah said. “There’s going to come a day when you yearn to look like that again.” She paused. “And for the record, I’ve
never
looked that way. Bitch.”

Aubrey felt herself laugh for the first time in two days.

They all drank, and Ali refilled their glasses. Leah ordered a pizza. They inhaled it and then raided Leah’s bakery for dessert.

“I hate men,” Aubrey said much later, out of the blue, and they drank to that, too.

“I can’t exactly say I hate men,” Ali said. “’Cause I sleep with one of the finest men out there. But I recognize
your
right to hate men.” She hiccupped and then paused. “Wait. Why do you hate men again?”

“Because Ben broke up with her,” Leah reminded her.

Aubrey nodded. The room was getting a little wobbly. They’d had three double shots each, and the booze had gone straight to her head with exponential power. “He had good reason,” she said. “I wronged him.”

“That’s a chickenshit reason,” Leah said. “I love him, I really do, but he’s a pussy chickenshit.”

Ali snorted Scotch out her nose. “Damn it!”

Aubrey looked at Leah. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Leah said, maybe slurring her words a bit. “He’s made mistakes, too, you know. Lots of them. He should forgive yours.”

“Yes, but it was a doozy of a mistake,” Aubrey admitted. “And when it comes right down to it, I did it on purpose, so actually, technically, I don’t think that even qualifies as a mistake.”

“Hey, love transcends all.”

It was Aubrey’s turn to inhale the Scotch and snort it out her nose. “Gah,” she managed, her throat burning.

Ali was pounding her on the back. She got her breath back, but Ali continued to pound her until, with a weak laugh, Aubrey held up her hands. “I’m okay. But it wasn’t love.”

Ali and Leah looked at her, then at each other, and then burst out laughing.

“Okay,” Aubrey admitted. “So I love him. Damn it. But he doesn’t love me.”

“Does so,” Leah said, refilling her drink. “You just need to fight for him.”

Aubrey stared at her. “What?”

“You’re a fighter, Aubrey. And I don’t mean like this…” Leah put up her own fists and nearly punched herself. “I mean you’re not someone who gives up. You go after what you want. Yeah, you screwed up, but you know what? He did, too. He didn’t let you talk about it or try to work through it. He just closed himself off.”

“Hence the pussy chickenshit moniker,” Ali said, and hiccupped again.

“Yes,” Leah said. “Because he used what happened as an excuse to run away from what you two had.”

Aubrey stared at her. This was true. So true…
why
hadn’t he wanted to hear everything? Why hadn’t he wanted to understand? And most important,
why had he been so willing to walk away from her
? Thinking about that last question made her stomach hurt, but more than that, it made her really mad.

“Yeah,” Leah said, seeing the look on Aubrey’s face. “That’s what I’m talking about. Hang on, I’ve got an idea.”

“Oh, boy,” Ali said. “Those usually involve the police.”

“Hush, you,” Leah said. She pulled out her phone, hit a number, and put it on speaker.

“Hey, babe,” Jack said, a smile in his voice as it filled the room. “More phone sex already? ’Cause I think you wore me out at your last break—”

“No,” Leah said quickly, her face red, as she scooped the phone up close to her mouth. “And I’m not alone. Sheesh, I’ve got Ali and Aubrey here.”

“Hey, ladies,” he said smoothly. “What’re you all doing?”

“Drinking,” Ali said cheerfully. “We’re commiserating about the penis-carrying race being too slow on the uptake. Present company and your BFF excepted, of course.”

“Of course,” Jack said. “And Ben, too, right?”

Aubrey growled, and Jack laughed softly. “Yeah, you’re right. Our Ben
is
a little slow on the uptake, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,
very
slow,” Leah said before Aubrey could speak for herself. “And about that—”

“Wait!” Ali interrupted. “I want to hear more about this phone sex during business hours. I’m shocked.
Shocked
, I tell you.”

Leah waved a “Shh!” hand at her. “Honey,” she said to Jack. “We need a little favor.”

“Anything,” he said.

“We need a ride. Can you come get us?”

The back door opened, and he strolled in, phone still to his ear. He grinned as he walked up behind Leah, sank his fingers into her hair, and bent over her for a hot kiss.

Ali sighed at the sight. “We’ll never get you to Ben’s now,” she said to Aubrey. “They can go on like this forever. They never run out of air.”

It was true, apparently, because they kept kissing.

“See?” Ali said, and then shoved her way in between the smooching couple.

Jack lifted his head and smiled into Leah’s dazed eyes. “Your wish is my command, babe.”

Leah smiled up at him dopily. “Wow.”

Ali sighed. “Damn it, now I miss Luke.”

“Didn’t you just see him at lunch?” Aubrey asked her.

“That was hours ago.”

Jack grinned. “You ladies are all looking a little schnockered. Where do you need to go?”

“Ben’s.” Leah pointed to Aubrey. “She needs to tell him something
muy importante
.”

Aubrey nodded grimly. “
Muy importante.
”

Jack’s grin widened. “This is going to be fun.”

Aubrey understood the sentiment from his point of view. After all, it hadn’t been all that long ago that Ben and Aubrey had delivered an inebriated Leah to Jack. That the situation was now reversed clearly pleased Jack to no end.

Of course that had turned out great, and this didn’t have a chance in hell of ending anywhere close to great.

Still grinning, Jack offered Aubrey his arm. She took it because she was more than a little off her axis, and not just from the alcohol. Jack loaded her into his car, and Ali and Leah piled in behind her.

“We’re your courage,” Leah said.

“She doesn’t need courage,” Ali said. “She’s kick-ass. She’s
made
of courage.”

Aubrey felt her heart swell. “Don’t,” she said quickly. “Don’t make me cry. I’m mad, and I need to stay mad.”

“This’ll help,” Jack said, and powered all the windows down.

“Hey!” they all protested immediately as freezing air hit them in the face.

“Fresh air will keep you ladies from tossing your cookies in my car,” Jack said. “I hope,” he added under his breath.

Aubrey didn’t say anything, because her buzz was starting to wear off and a case of nerves was setting in.

Leah squeezed her hand. “Screw the nerves. This situation isn’t all your fault.”

Aubrey nodded. It
was
all her fault, but she was going to go with pretending that it wasn’t, because Leah was right about one thing. The nerves didn’t belong here. She needed to find her mad. After all, she’d honestly been trying to do the right thing by facing her past. Maybe she failed in the delivery, but her heart had been in the right place. She’d
needed
to do the right thing, because the only way she could be the kind of person she wanted to be now was to acknowledge the person she’d been.

Ben didn’t have that excuse. He was using her screw-up as a reason to hide behind his fears of getting attached again. “I’m a fighter,” she said.

“That’s right,” Ali said.

“I’m going to fight for him.”

“Yeah, you are,” Leah said, and put up her fists, once again nearly hitting herself in the face.

“Careful, Tiger,” Jack said into the rearview mirror. “How much did you all drink?”

“Not enough,” Aubrey said as he parked in front of the duplex. Ben’s truck was in the driveway, and her heart kicked up a notch at the sight of it.

“
No
eavesdropping,” she said to her posse, and got out of the car.

There in the dark, she stood on the sidewalk a moment, gathering her scattered thoughts. In her peripheral vision, she saw Ali, Leah, and Jack tiptoe into Jack’s house, and she breathed a sigh of relief, grateful there’d be no witnesses for this.

Chin up, she strode to Ben’s front door and knocked.

No response; nothing but a gaping silence.

Aubrey knocked again, with a fist this time, matching the rhythm of her pounding heart.

More silence.

She backed up, to the grass yard. Picking up a small rock, she aimed it at Ben’s upstairs bedroom window, and then heard the little
tink
that told her she’d hit her mark.

The window opened, and Ben stuck his head out. “What the hell?”

“I want to talk to you,” Aubrey said.

He took this in for a beat. “There’s this newfangled thing called a phone…”

Good point. Why hadn’t she just called him? Her thoughts scattered on the wind. Damn that Scotch, slowing her thought process. “I know it’s late,” she said, craning her neck to try to see him. “But you should know something.”

“That you’ve got a good arm?”

She wished she could see his expression. “I wanted to say that the only way I can be the kind of person I want to be is to acknowledge the person I was.” Her tenuous balance gave way then, and she stumbled back a few steps, nearly toppling over. The damn boots. They didn’t go with Scotch. By the time she looked up to Ben’s window again, he was gone.