On the Night of the Seventh Moon (10 page)

There was the day to be lived through. How desolate the house was; how lonely was I!

I went into the forest. I walked down to the grove of pine trees; I sat down under one of them and thought of all that had happened to me.

I wondered what the aunts would say when they heard that I had become the wife of a count. What would the Grevilles say, and the Cleeses? It all seemed so fantastic when one considered those people. It was the sort of thing that could only have happened in an enchanted forest.

When I went back to the lodge to my surprise Ilse and Ernst had arrived.

“The Count called on us on his way,” they explained. “He had suddenly made up his mind that he did not want you to stay at the lodge while he was away. He said it was too lonely. He wants you to come back to us. He'll come straight to us on his return.”

I was only too pleased. I put my things together and in the late afternoon we left. It was a relief in a way to get away from the lodge in which I had known such happiness; it would be easier to wait in the company of Ilse.

It was dark when we reached the house.

Ilse said I must be tired out and she insisted on my going straight to bed.

She came to me with the inevitable glass of hot milk.

I drank it and was very quickly in a deep slumber.

And when I awoke, of course, the forest idyll was over and the nightmare had begun.

W
hen I awoke it appeared to be late afternoon. For the moment I could not think where I was; then I remembered that Ilse and Ernst had brought me from the lodge yesterday. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It said a quarter to five.

I raised myself and a pain shot through my head; I could not think what had happened to me. The walls of the room seemed to close in on me, my head was swimming, and I felt sick.

I'm ill, I thought. Worse still, my mind seemed confused. Only yesterday I had awakened glowing with good health with Maximilian beside me. I must have caught some sickness.

I tried to get up but I could not stand. I sank back into bed.

I called feebly: “Ilse!”

She came in looking very worried.

“Ilse. What's happened to me?”

She studied me intently. “You don't remember . . . ?”

“But I was all right when we came back here last evening.”

She bit her lips and looked uncertain.

“My dear,” she said, “don't worry, we'll look after you.”

“But . . .”

“You are feeling ill. Try to rest. Try to go back to sleep.”

“Rest! How can I? What's happened? Why have you suddenly become so mysterious?”

“It's all right, Helena. You mustn't worry. You must try to sleep and forget . . .”

“Forget! What do you mean? Forget? Forget what?”

Ilse said: “I'm going to call Ernst.”

As she went to the door, a terrible feeling of foreboding came to me. I thought: Maximilian is dead. Is that what they are trying to tell me?

Ernst came in, looking very grave. He took my wrist and felt my pulse as though he were a doctor. He looked significantly at Ilse.

“Are you trying to tell me that I've got some disease?” I demanded.

“You had better tell her, Ilse,” he said.

“You have been in bed since you came back on that night. It is six days since then.”

“I've been in bed for six days! Has anyone told Maximilian?”

Ilse put her hand on my forehead. “Helena, you have been delirious. It was a terrible thing that happened to you. I blame myself. I should never have allowed you to go in the first place and then to lose you there.”

“I don't understand.”

“I think it would be better if she knew the truth,” said Ernst.

“On the Night of the Seventh Moon,” said Ilse, “we went out. You remember that?”

“But of course.”

“You remember our being in the square and watching the revelers?”

I nodded.

“We were separated and I was frantic. I searched everywhere for you but I couldn't find you. I wandered round looking over the town for you and then I thought you might have come back to the house so I came back, but you weren't here. Ernst and I went out then looking for you. When we couldn't find you we were frantic with anxiety. We were going out again to search for you when you came back. Oh, Helena, I shall never forget the sight of you. That we should have allowed it.”

“But when I came back you understood that I had been brought back by Maximilian.”

Ilse was looking at me shaking her head. “You came back in a pitiable condition. Your clothes were torn; you were dazed with shock. You were delirious. You were incoherent, but we knew what had happened. It has happened to young girls before on such nights . . . but that it should have happened to you, Helena, in our charge . . . a carefully nurtured girl with little knowledge of the world—I could not face your aunts. Oh, Helena, Ernst and I have been beside ourselves with anxiety.”

I cried out: “That's not true. Maximilian brought me back here. The next day he called and asked me to marry him. We were married by the priest in the lodge.”

Ilse put a hand over her eyes and Ernst turned away as if overcome by emotion.

At length she sat on the bed and took my hand. “My dearest child,” she said, “you must not worry. We will look after you. As soon as you face the truth you will grow away from it. I will tell you bluntly what happened on the Night of the Seventh Moon. You were lost; you were taken into the forest, I believe, and there criminally assaulted. You found your way back to us, so shocked that you didn't seem to remember clearly what happened. We put you to bed and called in an old doctor friend of Ernst's to see you. His advice was that you should be given sedatives until your mind and body had recovered from the shock. He has been to see you every day . . .”

“Every day. But I have not been here!”

“Yes, Helena, you have been in this bed ever since that terrible night when you stumbled in.”

“It's not possible.”

“There!” Ilse patted my hand. “It has been a nightmare but you're going to put it out of your mind. It is the only way.”

“But he came here,” I cried. “You know he came here. We were married. You two were witnesses.” I felt for the ring he had put on my finger and turned cold with terror because it was not there. “My ring,” I said. “Where is my ring? Someone has taken it.”

“Ring, Helena? What ring is this?”

“My wedding ring.”

Again those significant looks passed between them.

“Helena, I wish you'd try to rest,” said Ilse. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow!” I cried. “How can I rest until tomorrow?”

Ilse said: “We must be clear because I can see that you will have no rest until you have rid your mind of this hallucination.”

“Hallucination . . .”

“Perhaps we were wrong, Ernst. But we thought it best. Dr. Carlsberg is a brilliant doctor. He is in advance of his time. He thought that he must do all he could to blot out that shocking memory until your mind had had time to adjust itself.”

“Please, please, tell me what happened.”

“You came home in this terrible condition. Some brute had found you in the crowd and somehow got you to the forest . . . close to the
Altstadt.
There he assaulted you. Thank God you found your way back to us.”

“I don't believe it. Surely I know what happened to me. Maximilian Count Lokenburg brought me back. We were married at the lodge. You know we were. You and Ernst were witnesses.”

Ilse shook her head. She repeated slowly:

“When you came back, we got you to bed and we called Dr. Carlsberg. We knew what had happened. It was painfully obvious. He gave you some medicine in order to calm you and make you sleep. He said you had had a terrible shock and in view of what we could tell him about your family he thought it wiser to keep you under his care until you were well enough to grasp what had happened. You have been under sedation for the last few days but he did say that this was likely to produce hallucinations. In fact that's what he hoped.”

It was the second time she had used that word. I was really frightened now.

She added: “Helena, you must believe me. Since you came home on that terrible night you have not left this bed.”

“It's impossible.”

“It's true. Ernst will bear me out, and so will Dr. Carlsberg when you see him. You have been raving about someone called Maximilian. But you have been here in your bed all the time.”

“But . . . I am married.”

“My dear, try to rest now. Let's sort it out in the morning.”

I looked from one to the other. They watched me with compassion. Ilse murmured: “If only . . . We should never have gone out without you, Ernst. If we had stayed indoors. Oh, God, if only we'd stayed indoors.”

I thought: I am dreaming. I shall wake up in a moment and find this is a nightmare.

“Ernst,” said Ilse, “perhaps you'd better ask Dr. Carlsberg to come and see Helena at once.”

I lay back on my pillow. I felt exhausted yet convinced that at any moment I would wake up to reality.

I touched my finger believing that my ring would miraculously be there. I had promised myself when Maximilian had put it on that I would never take it off.

When I opened my eyes I was alone.

I felt a little better; the dazed feeling was beginning to pass.

Of course I had proof. It was strange about my ring. Could it have slipped off my finger? It had been rather loose and might be in the bed somewhere. But why should my cousin Ilse pretend that I had been in my bed for six days if I had not? Six days! It was impossible. One could not be unconscious for six days. Under sedation? Those words were ominous. And why should Ilse and Ernst, who had been so kind to me, tell such a story? What could be their motive? I had had nothing but kindness from them and they seemed as though they were trying to help me now.

Oh, no, I could not believe what they were telling me. I would stand against that. They were saying that instead of the man I loved, the noble count, who to me was the very essence of romance and my own husband, was a man who took women and forced them to submit to him and then abandoned them. I will not believe that. And yet they said I had been here for six days.

If I could find that ring I could prove to them . . . It
must
be in the bed. It
must
have slipped off my finger. But if it had then my cousin was lying to me. Why?

I got out of bed. The room swam round but I was determined to ignore that. I searched the bed but I could not find the ring. Perhaps it had rolled onto the floor. I could find it nowhere. I was feeling faint but the great need to find this symbol of my marriage urged me on.

What could have happened to the ring?

I was glad to get back into bed because searching for it had exhausted me.

I lay there trying to fight off the terrible drowsiness which was persisting. But I could not and when I awoke it was to find Ilse at my bedside with a strange man.

He was middle-aged, bearded, with piercing blue eyes.

“This is Dr. Carlsberg,” said Ilse.

I half-raised myself. “There is so much I want to know.”

He nodded. “I understand.”

“You would like me to leave you,” said Ilse, and he nodded again.

When she had gone he sat beside the bed and said, “How are you feeling?”

“That I am going mad,” I told him.

“You have been under the influence of certain sedatives,” he said.

“So they have told me. But I do not believe . . .”

He smiled. “Your dreams have seemed as real as life,” he said. “That is what I expected. They were pleasant dreams.”

“I don't believe they were dreams. I can't.”

“But they were pleasant. They were just what you wanted to happen. Was that so?”

“I was very happy.”

He nodded. “It was necessary. You were in a deplorable state when I was called in.”

“You mean on the Night of the Seventh Moon?”

“That's what it is called, yes. You had been out amongst the revelers, lost your cousin and that happened. It had shocked you perhaps
even more than a young girl would normally be shocked in such circumstances. It was a mercy you were not murdered.”

I shivered. “It was not like that at all. I was brought home.”

“That is the result we wanted to achieve. We wanted to blot out the memory as soon as it became unpleasant. It seems that it worked.”

“I can't believe it. I won't believe it.”

“You still find the need to shut out the evil. That's natural, but you can't be kept in that state any longer. It could be dangerous. Now you have to emerge and face the facts.”

“But I don't believe . . .”

He smiled. “I think we have saved you from a mental collapse. Your condition when you came in on that night was terrifying. Your cousin was afraid for you. That was why she called me. But I think we have managed very successfully and if we can work toward the fact that this was an unfortunate accident—deeply to be regretted of course—but which has to be accepted since it existed, then we shall get you back to perfect health. Others have suffered similarly; some have emerged and in time led normal lives; others have been scarred forever. If you will try to put this thing out of your mind, in time it will leave only the smallest scar—perhaps none at all. That is why I took a rather drastic action on the Night of the Seventh Moon.”

In spite of the fact that he looked so calm and professional, I could not stop myself crying out in protest: “It isn't possible. How could I imagine so much? It's fantastic. I don't believe it and I won't believe it. You are deluding me.”

He smiled at me sadly and gently. “I'm going to prescribe something for you tonight,” he said soothingly, “something gentle. You will sleep and tomorrow the dizziness will have passed. Tomorrow you will wake up fresh, then you will be able to see this more clearly.”