On Every Street (11 page)

“No, angel,” he told me with a slow
shaking of his head. He quickly shed his suit jacket and shirt, until he was bare-chested. I spied the name “Maria” tattooed in script on his inner bicep.

He came over to me and put his hands where mine were on the edge of
my shirt. “I’ll be undressing you. I’ll be doing everything.”

I swallowed hard, trying to figure out who Maria was while trying to keep my cool. My legs really were shaking now. This was really happening.

“Everything?” I asked, my voice trembling.

He slowly raised my shirt until it was over my head and let it drop casually to the floor. He pressed his chest up against mine while reaching behind with one hand. With a deft maneuver he unclasped my bra and that too fell beneath me.

He sucked in his breath as his hands went to my breasts, slowly squeezing them, feeling their weight in his hands. My nipples were hard instantly and his thumbs began circling them. “Everything,” he whispered, bring his mouth to my ear. His hot tongue came out and did a sweep along the rim, ending at the lobe where he suckled on it, biting lightly. “Everything,” he said again, sending visible shivers down my back.

His hands went to my jeans and undid the button. He pulled down the zipper in a deliberate manner, as if he were unzipping my heart. He tugged at the jeans, pushing them down to my feet where I stepped out of
them. He didn’t linger on my scars, didn’t comment, he just took me by the hand and led me over to the bed.

“Lie down, my angel.
On your stomach.”

I paused at the foot of the bed while he went to the side table and brought out a box of condoms and a tube of lubricant.
I knew the fear was showing in my eyes because he gave me a soothing look, his voice matching it.

“Please, lie down.”

“What are you going to do to me?” I stammered, still not moving.

“Nothing that you’ll fear.”
He gestured to the bed, palm open. “Now, please?”

I could see a flash of impatience in his eyes
, and instead of using that to run away, I instead did as he asked. I believed I had nothing to fear. I believed I only had something to lose.

I lay down on my stomach beside the ties and the blindfold, completely conscious of how silly
—how vulnerable—I must have looked, being buck-ass naked and everything.

Javier’s face lit up at the sight and he quickly undid his pants. As before, he was commando and his erection was large and impossible to take your eyes off of. My heart continued to beat erratically. I didn’t know how I was going to be ready for him. He was going to hurt me without meaning to.
I felt the blood rushing between my legs, pulsing eagerly.

He came right beside the bed, his cock pointing my way, throbbing as it waited for me. He reached over and picked up the blindfold and ties.

“I won’t hurt you,” he said, reading my thoughts. “But you can’t just hand over your virginity to me, Eden. I have to take it from you. I have to make you surrender to me, to everything, in every way possible. I want your heart, your soul, and your body. I want the you that you’re hiding deep inside. I must have her.”

Carefully, he slipped the blindfold over my eyes, tying it behind my head.

“Is that okay?” he asked soothingly.

I nodded, even though everything was scarier and more dangerous
without my sight, even though I didn’t know if he was asking about the blindfold or whether it was okay if he took everything from me. I opened my eyes but could see nothing but an inky redness. Every pore on my body was suddenly alive and I jumped a little as I felt him gently take my hands behind my back, tying them together with the silky ties.

   “Am I supposed to be your submissive?” I found myself mumbling into the pillow, my thoughts going back to some of the disturbing porn I had watched the other day.

He chuckled good-naturedly. “Submissive? I’m sorry to disappoint you my angel, but I don’t run with that crowd. Perhaps you’ll submit to me tonight, but after that, I’ll be the one submitting to you.”

He let go of my hands and I heard the snap of the lube bottle closing. I held my breath, my body poised and waiting to find out where he was going to touch me next. I felt his fingers, wet from the lube, going between my legs. I stiffened, afraid he was going about this
completely
the wrong way, but his fingers settled on my cleft instead. Was he seriously going to do it like this? I knew doggy-style was popular but not when it came to losing your virginity.

“How does that feel?” he whispered as he trailed kisses down my spine. I didn’t know what to say. Good? It felt better than good. The touch of his lips was magnified by the darkness, the feel of his wet fingers stroking me until it was almost unbearable. But despite how good it felt, I was still scared. I knew it was going to hurt no matter what way he took me, and I only hoped the pain would be short lived. I wanted it to end in the bedroom and not follow me for the years afterward, trailing like a cloud of smoke.

I felt him adjust himself above me, straddling my back. His sac dropped on me for a moment, soft and strangely pleasurable, before I felt the smooth tip of his cock trail the same wet path that his lips had made.

“I’m going to teach you how to fuck me, Eden,” he said, his voice hoarse. He shuffled back until he was sitting just behind my ass. “But first I’m going to show you what it’
s like to be fucked.”

He scooped one hand underneath my pubic bone and pulled me up so my ass was higher in the air. With the other hand he inserted a few fingers inside me, plunging them in deep. It made me squirm in the best way possible.

“Are you ready to give me everything?” he asked.

I said yes before I had a chance to take it back.

He thrust himself into me in one smooth go. The pain shattered me from the inside out, blinding me so that the blindfold wasn’t even necessary. I cried out but Javier kept on coming, kept pushing in until the world was stars of sharp agony.

“Your pain is beautiful, Eden,” he said, his breath catching in his throat.
“Because it will fade.”

I wished I had sheets to grip. The only thing I could
do was squirm. I bit my lip until I tasted blood, and from the wetness between my legs I knew I was bleeding elsewhere.

His pumping slowed and I felt him lean over. He placed his hand underneath my throat, holding it in place. “Don’t breathe from here,” he said as he gripped my windpipe. “Breathe from your lungs.
Slowly. Relax. Slowly.” And as he said it, his own thrusts matched the same cadence.

I tried to do as he said, even though he was almost choking me. I brought my breath out from the deepest part of my lungs
, and within a minute, I was relaxing. My legs spread wider and I could feel myself opening up. It wasn’t quite pleasurable yet, but the pain was subsiding. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and drip off onto his hand which was still around my neck.

“That’s better, angel,” he said
, and he began pressing his hand back, as if to completely cut me off. “Sit up, sit back.”

His other hand went around my ribs and pulled me back until I was upright. He was still behind me, thrusting steadily, groaning into my ear. He kept his hand at my throat
, and with the other, started pinching my breasts hard. I fought for breath again until I remembered to work my lungs. I gained control and his hand slid away from my breasts and down my abdomen. He pressed his fingers at my clit and slowly swirled them around. Before I knew it, I was feeling the pressure and the pleasure I’d been waiting for. It radiated out from me and sent waves of warmth all over my body.

“Don’t hold back
,” he breathed into my ear. “You’re so damn wet, don’t hold back. I’m not coming before you do. I want to hear my name. Angel, please.” He moaned, his hand tightening, nearly losing himself. His voiced was pleading and his fingers worked faster. His cock pressed full against my inner wall, pressing my clit harder into his fingers.

“Say my name,” he grunted. “Give my cock what it needs. Give me what I need.” He stopped to groan and catch his breath. “Please.”

I couldn’t handle any more of it. I came hard and loud, screaming “Javier” involuntarily as I lost all control of my mind and body. I wasn’t even aware if he had come or not until I was face down on the bed, gasping for breath and clarity as he pulled out of me with another wet burst of pain.

He lay down beside me and slowly removed the silk ties and the blindfold. I expected to open my eyes
and be in a whole other world, but we were back in his bedroom, the candles flickering around us. I blinked hard and looked at him. His chest was heavy, beads of sweat forming on his temples, his hair sticking to his face. He reached over and touched my cheek.

“Are you alright?”

I had no idea. I couldn’t even process what happened. It felt like a painful and pleasurable dream, a nightmare with a happy ending.

My mouth was totally dry
; I couldn’t even speak.

He quickly kissed my forehead and said, “Lie here. I’ll get you some water.”

He left the bedroom and I lowered my head to the pillow again. I brought my wrist up to my face and looked at it. The ties had been gentle, and aside from a few pins and needles that were running up and down my arms, I was good. My nether regions on the other hand? I was too afraid to even move.

Javier came back with a glass of cool water, raising the cup to my lips. He coaxed me to put out my tongue and explained he was giving me some ibuprofen for the pain and swelling which was to follow.

“How long am I going to be sore for?” I asked after swallowing them down.

He shrugged lightly and smiled. “I don’t have too much experience in this, believe it or not. But I suggest you refrain from bike riding over the next couple of days.”

I rolled my eyes at that. Yeah, no kidding. He reached into the drawer of his bedside table and brought out a small towel. He poured a bit of water on it and brought it down to my legs.

“I’m just going to clean you up.”

I shriveled up, feeling embarrassed. “How much of a mess did I make?”

The towel was cold on my skin but his touch was more than gentle. “Not much, I’m afraid. You are a virgin, right?”

I could tell he was teasing me, so I said, “Not anymore.” I was glad I didn’t bleed too much. I always thought I’d lose my virginity and there would be blood splattered all over the walls like an episode of
Dexter
, but I guess years of tampon use and masturbation took some of the edge off.

When he was done he told me to roll onto my back and he continued cleaning me, making sure he was wiping every crevice clean. He then folded up the towel and got to his feet. He was still completely naked
, and though his cock wasn’t as hard as before, I couldn’t help marveling at it. That had been inside me. He was my first. And, as I felt my heart clenching uncomfortably, I had the guts to wish he wouldn’t be my last.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Some days I felt like Eden White. Other days I felt like Ellie Watt. But most days, I only knew one thing: I was a horrible con artist. And, against my better judgement, I was making peace with that.

After Javier deflowered me, which sounded far more delicate than what actually happened, the next couple of weeks were a blur of sex and work. If I wasn’t working my shift at Hogan’s Heroes, I was getting ra
mmed by Javier in the bedroom. Fucked sideways on the porch. Riding him in Jose. Thrust against the wall in the grimy stairwell of my apartment building. Reverse cowgirl on the couch. We were both insatiable, our physical need for each other overpowering everything we did. It was the catalyst for our thoughts, for our actions. We gave each other our bodies as if we’d die otherwise.

It reminded me of being on the Florida coast as a child, when we lived
(briefly) at a gypsy-like trailer park. The ocean on the coast was rough at times and I was attracted to the waves. They held danger and mystery, even death, and my parents were too occupied to tell me any better. I’d jump into the surf, far away from the lifeguard stations, and time and time again, when I was trying to leave the water, the waves would break over my head. I tumbled, feeling the sand scrape my body, not knowing which way was up. And by the time I reached the surface, another wave would crash and I would repeat the turmoil all over again. I was tumbling in my new life—my new lie. I tried to come up for air, to think straight, to remember my plan, my goal, my revenge. But the heat in my belly that used to drive me forward had been replaced by the heat between my legs. It disappeared with every thrust Javier took, it melted when we came together. My body was his and it was just a matter of time before he had my heart. When that happened, I knew I’d take in water. I knew I would drown. Any love that starts under a lie is bound to kill you.

I didn’t really realize how deep I’d gone in, the power he had over me, until he picked me up after work one day. I was late doing the close down thanks to a last minute rush, so when he got tired of waiting
he came inside and pulled up a barstool.