Off Limits (10 page)

He pulled back and
I hung my head, avoiding his gaze. There wasn’t even any reason to be crying. I
was just being pathetic. Luke and I had kissed once off our own backs, it
didn’t mean I should be wildly into him. It was Phoebe I should be upset about,
it was hating myself that should be bothering me, not the fact that I already
missed Luke’s embrace. “Let’s get going. I’m guessing you’ll have a lot of
missed phone calls from Phoebe, she was pretty persistent when she rang me
earlier.”

Luke grimaced.
“Right. I decided I couldn’t break up with her until after her birthday, but
after this weekend we won’t be together anymore. Then at least I won’t have to
feel guilty every day for not wanting to talk to her about my family and
stuff.”

“Yeah,” I didn’t
really want to talk about their relationship. Getting out of here was the main
thing. I slipped into Luke’s passenger seat, after considering just walking
around the corner to my own car. “Well, whatever. Let’s just get gone. I need
to explain this stupid job situation to my mum and then I want to hide in my
room and drink a lot.”

Luke started up
the engine and grimaced. “That does sound quite appealing. I might join you, in
spirit.”

I couldn’t stop
the small smile. The entire situation was ridiculous. He pulled back up next to
my car less than a minute later and sent a worried glance in my direction.
“You’ll be okay getting home?”

“Of course. I’m
really not
that
pathetic.”

Luke chuckled, but
held his hands up. “I was just checking. This whole thing is scary.”

It was, and the
pressures from Luke and I and my parents definitely weren’t helping. It had all
come at absolutely the wrong time. I might have been able to deal with each one
separately, but there was never a spare minute in my brain. “Yeah, it is.
Everything is just kind of fucked up.” I opened the door and resisted the urge
to ask him if I could just come back to his. Sitting with Luke, watching a
movie, maybe I could do something enjoyable for a change. “I’m going to head
off. I guess we’ll see each other at work tomorrow.”

I once again had
the urge to tell Luke about my date with Jamie, but held off. It was a stupid
impulse and I’d only end up feeling disappointed.

“See you later,”
he gave me a small wave and I got into my own car. I’d been planning on sitting
and ruminating for a while, but Luke was waiting for me to set off first and so
I had to drive.

Of course it would
be my house that Phoebe was actually outside of, sitting in her car and waiting
for me to come home. I didn’t have any excuses as to where I’d been and I
didn’t have the mental stability to have a stable conversation with her right
now.

Part of me was
tempted to do a quick reverse and drive until I’d forgotten about everything.

Instead, I put on
my best false smile and pulled up, knocking on her window and grabbing my keys.
My mum still wasn’t home, so she couldn’t have mentioned my job, or anything about
Luke, at least. “Hi,” I greeted her awkwardly. I really hoped she wasn’t here
to continue the argument from earlier.

She stepped out of
the car with a sheepish expression. “I thought I should come and apologise
since you didn’t answer your phone. I didn’t want you to think I was mad at
you, I was just overreacting, again, I know.”

“It’s no problem.
You want to come in? My mum isn’t home yet.”

“Sure.”

I walked up the
driveway ahead of her, letting the grimace settle on my face. I just had to be
normal; it was just me and Phoebe, as we’d always been.

I had to not think
about Luke.

“So, how is
tutoring Luke, anyway?” Phoebe inquired as I unlocked the door. “Feels like I
haven’t really spoken to you in ages.”

I shrugged. “I’m
sure he’ll have told you it’s fine. He hasn’t grown on me, if that’s what
you’re asking, but I have improved his grades.”

Phoebe grinned.
“It’ll come, don’t worry. You’re just too stubborn to admit that you could
actually be friends.”

I debated sitting
on the sofa, before deciding I’d rather not have to face my mum whilst Phoebe
was here. I plodded up the stairs. “Maybe, but I really don’t think you’re
right.” Friends wasn’t something Luke and I could accomplish – we’d managed
less than two weeks of that. “So, what’s going on with you? How are
rehearsals?”

Phoebe’s face
faltered. “I’m starting to get really nervous.” They had a big performance in
Scarborough coming up and Phoebe was the lead lady. I’d never really been to
her shows before, but I knew this was a special occasion. I’d have to be there.
“I know I’m just being silly, but I’m so worried I won’t be able to do it.
There’s been so many mistakes in practice and everything.”

I perched on the
edge of my bed whilst Phoebe got comfy. “You’re worrying too much, your shows
have always been great before. They wouldn’t have given you the lead role if
they didn’t think you could do it.”

She smiled. “I
guess so.” Sometimes I wondered if she just did it for the attention, but it
was so regular it couldn’t have been. “I’m sure I’ll feel better closer to the
time.”

“Of course you
will.”

“It’s just Luke
and I have been kind of weird recently,” she sat cross legged, picking at my
threadbare blanket. “He hasn’t kissed me for at least three days. On the cheek
and stuff, sure, but when he’s out my house he’s just not interested. I try and
he deflects. We haven’t been…
together
in even longer.” She shifted,
meeting my gaze. “Something is definitely wrong.”

Yeah, he’s going
to break up with you
,
is what I wanted to say, but I held my tongue. Encouraging her that everything
was all right seemed like a bad thing to do, too. Everything in this situation
was wrong because Phoebe should have actually been screaming at me for
betraying her friendship. “If something happened today, maybe he’s just
distracted by family stuff. I know that can be difficult.”

She looked utterly
unconvinced. “Why won’t he tell me about it, though?”

I wished away the
slight heating of my cheeks. He’d told me everything and I hadn’t even asked
for it. Maybe him and Phoebe just weren’t meant to be. Kissing me definitely
wasn’t good, but breaking up with Phoebe might have been for the best anyway. “Telling
people about this stuff is difficult. I don’t like talking to people about it,
I haven’t told you even close to everything I’ve been going through and you’ve
been my best friend for ages.”

She actually
looked surprised and I realised I’d told Luke more than anyone. We just had
this in common and so it was easier. “I suppose. I didn’t realise.
Are
you
okay? I probably haven’t asked enough.”

I managed a small
smile. “I’m fine. It’s just weird and pretty difficult. I miss having my dad
around and I miss not thinking badly of my mum. I think it’s getting better,
thank you.”

“I’m glad,” Phoebe
picked at her nails. “And you’re probably right about Luke. I’ll try and talk
to him about it tomorrow, because this is too weird. I feel like I’ve done
something wrong, or that,” she cleared her throat. “I know it’s stupid, but I
can’t help but worry he’s cheating on me. I’m not going to mention that to him,
of course, but it just bugs me so much.”

I couldn’t look at
her, but she was staring at the blanket anyway. “Just talk to him about it.”
Maybe Luke would decide he didn’t even need to wait until after her birthday.
Her birthday might be a good way to feel better after the break-up, anyway. “If
it’s only been a week it could be anything.”

“I guess, and I will
do. Anyway, tell me something interesting. You and Jamie. Surely I’ve pestered
you enough to make a move by now.”

I forced out a
smile. A slightly better conversation topic than Luke, I supposed. “He made the
move, not me, but yeah, we’re going out on Friday.”

Phoebe grinned ear
to ear. “That’s awesome! I knew you’d be good together, so, where are you
going? What are you doing? What are you
wearing
?”

I groaned, lying
on the small bed sideways so my bum just hung off the end. I hated having this
conversation. I was just planning on wearing normal clothes, jeans and a
t-shirt or something. Maybe I’d attempt to find a necklace that looked a bit
fancy. It wasn’t the exciting event Phoebe always seemed to see. “He said we’re
just going to a restaurant that’s pretty casual. I was just going to wear jeans
and a blouse or something. Maybe those shoes I bought for when we had to visit
court with school.”

Phoebe, now
invigorated, got up and started flicking through my wardrobe. She pulled the
same face she always did and I rolled my eyes. We had a very different fashion
sense. “I guess that could work,” she conceded. “Curl your hair though, please,
it’s so gorgeous curly.”

I ran my fingers
through my long, straight hair. “Maybe,” I conceded. It was far less effort to
straighten it, which I prioritised highly. I heard the front door open and close
and sighed. “I have to just go and talk to my mum. Be right back in a few.”

I stuck my head
around the bottom of the bannister after sneaking down the stairs and my mum
jumped. I smirked. It never failed to amuse me, even when I was in the worst of
moods. Thankfully, she was alone. “Hi, mum. Sorry about earlier, I know it was
weird,” I moved away from the staircase so Phoebe wouldn’t be able to overhear.
“Phoebe’s here now, though, so can we chat later?”

My mum watched me
with an exasperated expression. “I guess I can wait a bit longer,” she looked
incredibly sad for some reason and the guilt flowed through me. “Just come down
whenever, I’ll be awake.”

I nodded, slipping
into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, and hoping Phoebe would choose to leave
soon. Exhaustion was beginning to slowly take over.

Tiredness had
taken Phoebe, too, when I opened my door and she was sleeping soundly. I closed
the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed back down the stairs. “Phoebe’s
asleep. It’s cool if she stays here tonight, right?”

“Of course.”

I took a seat
opposite her armchair and weaved my hair through my fingers. “Basically, Luke
got a job at that place and the guy offered me a job, too. I accepted. That’s
it, really.”

My mother
floundered, trying to think of a way to question my statement. Eventually, she
sighed. “I didn’t ever want you to hate me. I made a stupid decision, I know,
but your father overreacted, too. He’s not an angel, you know?” She shook her
head. “That’s not what I mean, retract that statement. I just wanted to
apologise, for everything that’s happened. I really never intended to hurt
anyone.”

I moved over and
sat on the arm of her chair, resting my head on her shoulder. “I don’t hate
you, mum. I was really angry and I’m starting to get over it. I’m glad you
found someone to be happy with, I just wish my dad wasn’t stuck in this
situation.”

“Have you visited
him?”

“Yeah.” I felt bad
for not going to visit him again, but my desire to go back to that house,
especially after the threat from our stalker, was practically nil. I’d have to
remember to call him and ask if he wanted to go for coffee soon.

My mum shifted
slightly, rocking my head. “Is he staying somewhere all right? I really tried
to convince him to stay.”

I considered
lying, but decided that wasn’t going to help our relationship go back to
normal. “Not really. He’s staying in some druggy house. I don’t think I really
want to go and visit him again there.”

She hung her head
and I was sure I saw tears glistening in her eyes. “I knew this was going to
happen. I should have just let him have the house.”

“It’s not your
fault. He overreacted, and he’s always too stubborn to get a job. It’s his own
mess, really.” My mum had wanted to be happy and she and my dad had broken up;
I’d done something far worse than her and wasn’t even facing any consequences.
I wrapped a hand around her shoulders and squeezed. “It’s really not your
fault. He’ll sort himself out.”