“Let’s go for a ride.”
“A ride?”
He nods. “A ride.”
Luca sets his wine glass down and holds out his hand. I take it and I find myself being led to the stables.
“By yourself or with me?” he asks as we enter the building. The sweet smells of hay surround us and I murmur, “With you.”
“Good answer,” he says approvingly, and he only saddles one horse. He lifts me up, then swings up behind me. I lean back against him, against his warmth and strength. I can feel his heart beating against my back and I enjoy the feeling very much.
By now it is dusk and we are on the beach, the large horse easily carrying us through the sand. The sea crashes to our left and I stare at the moon.
“It’s beautiful here,” I say drowsily, my back absorbing the heat from his chest. “I love it here at Chessarae.”
“It can be very beautiful,” Luca answers. “Especially when
you
are here.”
His strong arms tighten up around me and warmth fills me up. I’m treading a dangerous line here and I know that. The line is about to blur to a place where I will no longer be able to be objective where Luca is concerned. Tonight, however, I am having a hard time caring about that. We ride for at least an hour more.
When we finally return to the stable, it is very dark and I am very tired.
However, when I slide to the ground and turn, only to find myself face to face with Luca, I suddenly realize that I’m not
too
tired. He ducks his head and covers my mouth with his, still hungry. We make love again, here in the stable against the wall. He picks me up easily and holds me as my legs encircle his hips. I don’t even feel it as my back slides against the stable wall. I lick the side of his neck and I decide that I love the taste of him. I tell him that, whispering it into his ear.
“I love the taste of
you,”
he says, and his eyes get a wicked gleam.
He pulls out of me and slides to the ground to his knees and then fills me with his tongue. My knees instantly grow weak. My hands grasp first at his hair and then at the wooden beams of the wall behind me and my eyes glaze over with pleasure. It’s all I can do not to whimper. By the time he is finished, however, I am doing more than whimpering. I am screaming his name, then falling limply to his chest as he moans mine.
By the time we finally return to the house, I have decided that it has been a very good day.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Luca
I don’t know why I have done this. I have no excuse. My behavior is as reprehensible as I am myself. To have drawn Eva to me like I have, to have acted on what I know we shouldn’t have… it’s unforgiveable.
Yet even still, I tighten my grip on her. She is sleeping now, deep and still and peaceful, her crimson hair spread around her on the pillow. The moonlight drifts in through her balcony doors and I wonder why we didn’t open them before we collapsed into the bed.
But we weren’t thinking about the balcony doors when we came into this room.
We were exhausted by how much we had ‘indulged’ ourselves today.
And after we came into this room, and my intentions were only to tuck her in, I couldn’t help myself. She was so soft and beautiful, I couldn’t resist but to stay. I drew her to me and she came so easily, sleeping in my arms. Her soul is so beautiful and I know that I will break it. Against every lingering shred of my will, I know that I will break it. I sigh raggedly in the dark room.
She’s beautiful and gentle and God would never give me someone like her and allow it to work. He wouldn’t.
Yet still I clutch her.
She is soft beneath my fingers and I know that I should let go. That I should get up from this bed and never come back.
But I can’t.
The selfish part of me can’t do it.
Eva moves slightly and I adjust my hold on her, allowing her to turn. She settles in, turning her face into my chest and I wrap my arm around her. She is vulnerable in sleep and I feel an inherent need to protect her.
Against myself.
I sigh, a ragged sound in the night. I carefully get up, taking care to not disturb her. I’m restless now. If I stay in bed, I know I will disturb her. I first cross to the balcony doors and open them, allowing the fresh sea breeze to come in. Then I make my way down the halls to the great room where I play the piano, trying to play the restless energy out of myself. But an hour passes and I am still wide awake.
I move to the outdoors for a walk in the fresh air.
The gardens are lit with the silvery light of the moon. I can smell the earth, moist with evening dew, as I walk through the dimly lit paths. I move quietly through the fragrant blooms to the terrace. I sit on a nearby marble bench, staring absently at a bubbling fountain in front of me, trying to allow the soft blue light in the water to lull me to a sleepier place.
It doesn’t work.
“You couldn’t sleep, either?”
Adrian’s low voice interrupts my solitude and I turn to find him standing behind me. He’s dressed casually, in sweats and a t-shirt and it looks like he has been in bed. His hair is slightly rumpled. I shake my head.
“No. You?”
Adrian shakes his head. “Nah. Fucking full moon.”
He rolls his eyes and I lift mine to the sky. There
is
a full moon tonight. I hadn’t noticed it until now. Huge and yellow, it hangs low in the sky, barely visible on the edge of the horizon. It’s a beautiful sight, Mother Nature at her finest.
“So the moon’s at fault for your shitty sleep patterns now?” I scoff.
Adrian shrugs. “Why not? Everything else is blamed on it. Child birth, bad behavior, crimes, epileptic seizures. Why not my insomnia?”
I shrug. “As you like.”
He sits next to me and hands me a flask.
“Night cap?”
I take it from him wordlessly and take a gulp.
Scotch. Adrian always knows what I like. Of course, I hooked him on the stuff years ago. I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept this flask in the glove compartment of the Mercedes. I mention that and he smiles without incriminating himself.
“What’s going on with Eva?” Adrian asks instead, his blue eyes focused on me. He doesn’t beat around any bush. He never has. I sigh.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Luca, you’ve moved her into your estate. You disappeared with her on the jet all day. And since you didn’t fill me in, I know that you’re doing something that you know I wouldn’t approve of; something you know that you shouldn’t. For all I know, she’s in your bed right now.”
I don’t confirm or deny that.
“She is,” Adrian says, his eyes widening as he watches my face.
“No, she’s not,” I answer. Because she’s not. I was in hers. And Adrian correctly guesses that next.
“Then you were in hers,” he says firmly. I stare at my hands, my jaw clenched so tightly that I can feel it twitch. Adrian rolls his eyes.
“Luca. I don’t want to rain on any parade, but you know this isn’t a good idea. And you know why.”
I take another slog from the flask and set it on the table, then turn a hard gaze to my friend.
“I’m not a child, Adrian. And the last I knew, you worked for me, not the other way around.”
A stain of red flashes on Adrian’s cheeks and I feel instantly guilty.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “That wasn’t called for. I’m sorry, Adrian. I’m on edge.”
“It’s alright,” Adrian says, laughing it off as he always does. “I get it, Luca. She’s gorgeous. And smart. And has it all pulled together. She is the total package. But it’s not a good time for you.”
“It will never be a good time for me,” I point out, dejected. Adrian stares at me, his thoughts hidden. I arch an eyebrow at his expression. “What? It won’t.”
I’m grumbling now like a spoiled child, but I can’t help it. This is my life we’re talking about. And at this particular moment when there is a beautiful woman sleeping in the house who by all logic is unattainable to me, I’m feeling like life is a little unfair. In fact, life is sometimes a raging bitch whom I would like to punch in the face.
“It is what it is, Luca,” Adrian says quietly.
“I know.”
I reach for the flask on the table one more time and take a gulp. I’m finally starting to feel sleepy.
“Thanks for the drink,” I tell him.
“Thanks for the shitty company,” he tosses back. I smile.
“You’re welcome.”
Adrian shakes his head and tucks his flask back into his pocket. I nod at him.
“Good night.”
“’Night.”
He goes in one direction for his room and I go in the other to Eva’s. I find myself once more thankful for him. He’s been there for me since I was a kid. We grew up together and he’s talked me into as many things as I’ve talked him into. I know that he means well. And more importantly, I know that he’s right.
And I hate that.
As I make my way through the quiet house, I feel significantly sleepier and I silently praise the effects of the Scotch. But as I enter Eva’s rooms and latch the door behind me, my mind starts to fog and cloud and I curse.
Fuck.
Not now. Please not now.
But the inky black fog still curls around my conscious thought, threatening to eradicate it, blurring the edges of logic, quickly absorbing any cognizant thought. My shoulders slump.
Fucking full moon. If the situation weren’t so dire, I would laugh that I had just blamed my darkness on the full moon like Adrian. I’m not a werewolf. But I
am
cursed and it
is
coming.
Right now.
I lean against the wall for a moment, trying to breathe deeply and stave it off.
I feel different than normal. My mind is a blur, but not blackness. I’m puzzled and confused, but remain still for a moment, trying to breathe through it, to figure it out. I should be slipping away at any moment, but instead, I am remaining in a static foggy state.
What the hell? Why are things changing?
“Luca? Is everything alright?”
I glance up to find Eva sitting up in bed, her sheets pulled tightly around her shoulders. Her face is anxious and beautiful in the moonlight.
“It’s coming,” I tell her brusquely. “Now.”
She leaps from the bed and rushes to me, naked. Her hands are on my flushed face, her cool fingers brushing the hair away from my forehead.
“It will be okay, Luca,” she tells me calmly. “Focus on my face. Look into my eyes. We can do this.”
“You don’t understand,” I growl. “I’ve got to get out of here. Now.”
I start to leave, to turn away, but she clings to my elbow. “Do you trust me?” she asks. “You won’t hurt me. I know it. Trust me now, Luca. Don’t leave.”
I’m still able to think logical thoughts, although the clouds are building in my mind. Perhaps I can remain sane tonight. Perhaps she can help me. It’s a possibility. All things are possible, right? I know that I’m beginning to think like a lunatic, but I don’t care. All I know is that I want to stay with Eva. I don’t want to leave this room.
I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I turn to her and fold into her waiting arms. But even as I do, the fog begins to overtake me and turn to red. My vision tunnels and I gasp. I can see through the fog, but my thoughts are sluggish and growing slower by the moment. I suddenly feel sexuality raging through me; a fierce and aggressive need and I am hard against her.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Her gray-green eyes are turned toward me, confused and anxious.
“I don’t know, I don’t know,” I mutter, trying to turn away, but she holds me fast and my thoughts aren’t coming as they should.
“This isn’t right,” I tell her helplessly. “This isn’t right. I’m not myself.”
The light fades away and the blackness comes, as it always does.
The last I remember, I am pulling her back to the bed and my hands are on her neck, her eyes closing.
Then nothing.
When I open my eyes again, it is light. And I am in the stable. I sit for a moment, alone, trying to remember what happened, what I have done.
But nothing is there.
I catch glimpses of things; of Eva’s frightened face, of my fingers around her neck, my tongue on her body, my hard thrusts into her.
I raped her.
I am aghast, appalled; filled with hatred and repulsion. Of myself. I’m a monster. I don’t deserve to remain alive. This has to end. I can’t do this anymore. The desolation of it all has finally pulled me under. I cannot continue to exist in such a way.
I sit with my head in my hands until I feel Eva’s presence. I feel her before I see her, but when I look up, she is here.
She found me.
And then I realize that there is blood on my hands and my stomach turns over.
“It happened again,” I tell her needlessly.
Her face is tortured and sad as she nods silently.
There is no need for words.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Eva
Luca doesn’t remember anything that happened last night, but he insists that his episode came on differently than before. He was cognizant for longer than normal, then there was absolutely nothing but fog. No memory whatsoever. He’s insistent that his curse is changing, that he will not live in such a way. He wants to go to town and turn himself in to the polizia, but I was able to talk him out of that for the time being.
I don’t know why.
The ethical side of me knows that that is the right thing to do.
But the side of me that is in love with Luca can’t bear it.
I’m in love with Luca.
I swallow hard as I label the vial of his blood that I took from him this morning. I love him. He has broken through the barriers that I have surrounded myself with and he stole my heart. He holds it unwillingly in his hands, because he doesn’t want me involved with him. But I cannot do anything else. I love him.