Numbers Game (17 page)

26

I
stared at my empty screen for a long time after the broadcast ended. Four of those men I knew well from my childhood. I could have saved them.

I should have saved them.

It was one thing to send my clan members to work camps. It was a horrible life full of hard labor, but at least they were alive. This—electrocution of prisoners—went way beyond what I’d signed up for. This was murder. The Demander was using me now, messing with my mind. He would pay for this.

I buried the memories inside and focused on my men. Neb stared at the floor, his legs visibly shaking. The other guys weren’t faring much better. Treena stood, dazed, and made her way slowly to the bathroom. Her strides were uneven, as if she were drunk or sleepwalking. The door shut softly behind her.

After a moment, Poly made his way over to me, wearing a deep frown. “I never thought I’d see an execution televised nationally.”

“It’s happened before,” Ross offered. “About forty-five years ago. This mentally disturbed woman who killed, like, seventeen people. Except they didn’t use punishment mode in that case. Instead, they—”

“Not now, Ross,” I said.

“The empress must be really worried about smugglers,” Daymond said. “I bet every kid in the nation will be having nightmares tonight.”

“Maybe it’s good, though,” Semias said. He sat casually on his bed.

“What’s good?” I shot back. “Eleven less people to compete with?”

“Nah,” Semias drawled. “I don’t compete with outlaws. I mean that once all the smugglers are gone, or at least scared into leading honest lives, we can go home. The borders will be cleansed soon, and then our country. Any uprising the smugglers have started will be quashed. The commander won’t need us anymore.”

The other guys considered that, but I shook my head in disgust. “You’re unbelievable.”

Semias’s hand dropped. “What’s your problem, Vance?”

“My problem? My problem is that the outlands don’t need
cleansing
, as you put it. If there’s corruption and darkness anywhere in the world, it’s here in your blasted Roman Republic.”

Semias bristled, but it was Poly who spoke. “It may be hard for you to understand, Vance, but it comes down to this. First, we need fresh water. Ours is barely fit for human consumption—believe me, I’ve tested it. Second, our cities are bursting with new growth, and we’ll need to expand soon. The only place to do that is outside the current border, and the only way to do that is to displace the settlers who live out there.”

I pounded my fist into the wall. “You know better than anyone that this is not about land, and it’s definitely not about the water. This is about the empress’s little empire, Poly. It’s not enough to rule a nation. She has to control everyone else, too. This New Rome she keeps talking about? It’s a disease. The Romans tried to take over the world, and she won’t be happy with anything less.”

The room was silent.

Poly sighed, lowering his voice. “Vance, I’m sorry about the other night, but you have a different way of looking at things than the rest of us. Every country in the world—and in history—wants to expand its borders. Except that most of them just kill everyone in their path. At least the empress is giving her prisoners a better life.”

“A better life.” My voice was flat. “I thought you, of all people, would understand.”

“Vance—”

“You’ve accepted it, haven’t you? You’re perfectly content doing this forever.”

“Of course not.” Poly bristled. “We just haven’t fulfilled our part yet, apparently.”

“We fulfilled it
too
well. Now they’re never letting us go.” I turned to the others. “If you don’t want to see the truth, fine. But next time you start to think we’re out there saving lives, think about what you just saw.”

I strode out before anyone could reply.

27

T
ali
was dead.

Death was for the elderly at the Olympus Sunset Clinic, patients who spent decades waiting to die. Death was for my grandparents and faceless soldiers and for history classes—not for my best friend. Tali was lying somewhere, pale and lifeless. How could she be so alive, so colorful and happy, and then just . . . gone?

I shifted my position on the cold, hard tile, feeling as dead inside as any corpse.

It’s my fault.

I hadn’t pushed the button, but I’d killed her all the same. Why hadn’t I told her to run immediately? Why had I gotten myself captured in the first place so she’d need to save me? Worst of all, why hadn’t I known the depth of my best friend’s passion for freedom? The horrifying questions took root like a poisonous weed. Racking sobs threatened to escape me, but I gritted my teeth. I didn’t deserve to mourn.

A gentle knock sounded at the washroom door. It barely registered.

After a moment, the knob turned and Vance poked his head in. I noticed his red-rimmed eyes and messy hair. “You forgot to lock the door.”

I stared at him, trying to grasp the importance of his words. They slipped through my mind like water. He stepped in and pulled the door shut behind him.

“I saw your light was still on and thought I’d better check on you.”

I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. “What time is it?”

“Three-thirty. The guys have been asleep for hours.”

I didn’t respond. There was a shuffling noise as he made his way over and then knelt in front of me. I forced my eyes open to see him staring at the ground.

“This tile is hard,” he muttered.

“Try sleeping on it.”

“Are you okay? I know that was hard to watch.”

The real question was, would I ever be okay again? I’d just watched my best friend get electrocuted, and it was all because of me. No spy was worth this, no green Rating, and definitely no job as a Rater. Even a future with Dresden felt wrong in a world without Tali.

“My best friend died tonight.” The words slipped out, cold and lifeless.

There was a sharp intake of breath. “Your friend? One of the smugglers?”

“You didn’t recognize her because she was dressed as a boy, but you met her at the Rating Ceremony.” He should have arrested her then. She would have been sent to a work camp, but at least she’d still be alive.

Understanding registered in Vance’s eyes, then pity. He pushed himself off the tile and sat beside me, staring at his hands as if unsure where to put them. His jaw was dark and rough from going days without shaving, and he smelled faintly of sweat and soap. He seemed to make a decision and reached up to wrap one arm around me, pulling me into his chest. I hesitated for a millisecond but allowed myself lean against him, soaking in what little comfort he could give. He reached up and wiped a wayward piece of hair away from my wet cheek, tucking it behind my ear.

His silent actions released the torrent of emotion. I sobbed into his shirt. It was soaked within seconds, but he just held me closer.

I don’t know how much time passed, but eventually my mind took control again, and a shudder racked my body. There were no more tears left. The pain inside threatened to overwhelm me, and I had no desire to fight it.

Eventually he spoke. “I know this means absolutely nothing to you, but I’m sorry about your friend.”

My throat hurt like there was a khel ball stuck in it. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tight. I’d do anything—
anything
—to take it all back. I’d worried for Tali’s safety in Meridian. Now she was dead, and it was my fault. Self-loathing filled my stomach until I felt like screaming.

“She made her own choice. There’s not a single smuggler who doesn’t know the risk they’re taking.”

I considered that. “She knew exactly where she should be and what she wanted. Me? I don’t know either one. I don’t belong here, Vance. And yet I don’t belong at home, either.”

“Then run.”

I jerked my head up.

His expression was intense, determined. “I’m serious. I’ve been meaning to speak to you about it. If NORA is trying to kill you, your only option is to run. You’ve seen the lengths the empress will go to for control.”

I gave a bitter laugh, sounding hoarse. “And go where?”

“The smugglers. They’re the only ones who can cut your techband off.”

I blinked, causing fresh, hot tears to burn their way down my cheeks. “But there aren’t any left at Meridian.”

“That was only one hideout. There are four others like it.”

A sick feeling swelled within my stomach. Four others. Vance shouldn’t have known that
.
Not unless . . .

In a cautious tone, I asked, “Why would they help me?”

He hesitated. “Tell them about your friend. When they see your Rating, they’ll believe you.”

Suddenly it was clear. The evidence had been there all along, but I’d refused to see it. Vance’s disappearing act on our base operation, his guilt at my injury, and his sudden determination to protect me. No matter what he pretended, Vance would always be an Integrant.

Vance watched the emotions playing out on my face. “What?”

I forced myself to pull away from him and felt his arm drop. Cold air replaced the warmth of his body. “You’re the spy.”

He blinked in surprise. “
The
spy?”

I didn’t respond, watching his reaction closely.

Vance leaned back against the wall. “Ah. That’s why you’re here. And the reward was a high Rating with Bike Boy thrown in to sweeten the deal, I’m guessing.”

“You make it sound so cold,” I said, feeling a twinge of anger at his tone.

He shook his head in disbelief, pushing to his feet. “I’m no spy. The rebellion has been trying to recruit me since the beginning, but I refused.”

“You mean the smugglers.”

“No, the rebellion. It consists of smugglers, Integrants, and even lower citizens. NORA calls them smugglers for simplicity’s sake—and because they don’t want word to get out that there
is
a rebellion. It’s not about the food smuggling as much as the uprising that the empress is worried about. And she should be. They’re planning something, Treena, and they’ve tried everything to pull me over. If there was a spy here, I would know about it.”

He looked deep into my eyes, his expression so full of frustration and hurt, so
him,
that I somehow believed it. It wasn’t logical, but I felt it deep inside. He was telling the truth, which meant my mission was a sham. “But—but if there’s no spy, why did the empress send me here?”

“Remember that soldier who tried to kill you? I asked around, and a few others were given that same order. Something about
you
being a traitor.”

“Me?”

“They’re playing games with us, making us all suspect each other, using us as pawns. It’s their way of making us think we’re privileged. Flatter a weak mind like that, and they’ll do anything for you. But I don’t get why they tried to kill you. What would that accomplish?”

I shrugged and forced myself to my feet, wincing at the sudden tingling sensation in my numb legs.

He refused to drop the subject. “Treena, you said your dad was a traitor. Do you know what he did, exactly?”

“I don’t know. I never met him, but his name is Jasper.”

“Jasper.” He felt the word on his tongue. “Isn’t that a type of stone?”

I stared at him. Something tickled the edge of my memory—something about rocks and names. But I couldn’t remember, and the sudden lapse in conversation brought Tali’s face back again. A lump formed in my throat.

“Go,” he said. “If they want you killed, they won’t miss next time. You have a chance if you go right now. I’ll cover for you as long as I can.”

“They’d know you helped me.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“But what about your family?”

“Let me worry about them.”

I looked up, feeling sudden warmth at the realization that he was staring at me. Our faces were inches away now. His eyes were brown, with tiny flecks of gold and raw with pain. I wanted to reach up and smooth the unruly hair above his ears, stroke his unshaven jaw. My hand started to move on its own accord, but I made a fist instead.

Focus.
I could do this. Even if the smugglers didn’t accept me, I had a greater chance with them than I did here. Maybe I could offer them information in exchange for my life.

The thought made me frown. No. That would prove NORA right about me, and they were dead wrong. I was better than that. If I joined the smugglers—the rebellion—it would be despite my Rating, not because of it. It would be because I believed in their cause, not because I had nowhere else to go.

Haven’t you ever been part of a cause worth dying for?
Tali had asked.

“No,” I said. “If the empress really wants me dead, I have to know why.”

His shoulders sagged, but he didn’t seem surprised.“They
will
kill you, Treena. I can’t guarantee your safety here.”

I didn’t answer, and he leaned back with a frustrated sigh. We sat there for a moment in a silent deadlock.

“I’m not leaving EPIC,” I said again, more firmly this time. “But I do need something.”

“What, a bodyguard?” he asked with an exasperated tone.

I thought of Tali’s smiling face and choppy dark hair. I checked the time. There was a salon four blocks away, and they would be opening soon. “Let’s go for a run.”