North Star (17 page)

‘It's okay, Kate.' John grinned. ‘Jenny's been trying to get us alone every chance she can. I have to hand it to her—this is a pretty class act.'

‘Oh yeah. Real classy—I just cooked enough food to feed a small army.'

‘Good thing I'm hungry then.' His wolfish smile did nothing to ease her apprehension.

‘I need a drink.' She handed him the wine bottle and picked up the glasses.

Despite her initial nerves, the meal went surprisingly well.After she had downed half a glass of wine in the hope of calming the flock of albatross fighting inside her stomach—no mere butterflies here—the conversation seemed to flow more smoothly. When they sat down to dinner Kate steered the conversation away from herself, determined to find out more about John's life.

‘So how does a guy like you manage to stay single for so long?' she asked.

‘A guy like me?'

‘Employed, polite . . .'
Hot
, a little voice inside her head added.

‘I was too busy making my way up the police force food chain to have time for anything serious.'

‘And how far up the food chain would Widgerry be?' she asked doubtfully.

‘Not very far,' he chuckled.

‘So what happened?'

He took his time answering, and for a moment Kate thought he wasn't going to.

‘All I wanted to do when I was a kid was be a cop,' he said, looking into the amber liquid of his wineglass. ‘From day one I set my sights on becoming a detective and I gave up everything to get there.'

Kate paused, her knife hovering above her plate as she glanced up and saw him evade her gaze. ‘Everything?' Kate asked.

John shifted slightly in his seat and sent her a lopsided grin. ‘I was in a relationship when I joined the academy. Bec and I had been going out since we were sixteen. Everyone thought we were going to get married as soon as I graduated.'

‘So what happened?'

‘We got engaged as soon as I graduated,' he said with a small shrug. ‘The thing is, looking back, I'm not exactly proud of my behaviour.'

‘In what way?' Kate tried not to look as though she was sitting on the edge of her seat waiting for his answer. Possible reasons flashed through her mind. Cheated on his fiancée. Developed some kind of commitment phobia. God forbid, became addicted to alcohol or gambling. 

‘I should have put my foot down and told Bec and our parents,' he said, a hint of regret in his voice. ‘I didn't want to get married, but I didn't want to hurt Bec either. To tell you the truth, I kinda ran away to join the police force just so I could escape it all. I was a kid—the last thing I really wanted to do at nineteen was get married.'

‘Then why did you get engaged?'

‘Because at the time it seemed easier to keep the peace. I know,' he said, putting up a hand when she hitched an eyebrow at him, ‘it wasn't the best plan, but what did I know, I was just a kid. Anyway, I did man up and tell Bec I didn't want to get married, and it turned out she was having her own doubts too—she ended up marrying my best mate. So it all worked out in the end.'

‘So after one relationship, you swore off all others?'

‘I'm afraid I'm not that sentimental,' John said. ‘No, it turned out I'd found a much more demanding relationship in my job with the police force. I saw marriages falling apart all around me as hours got longer and stress levels rose. Time for family and friends all but vanished. The fact was, if you wanted to make it to the top, you had to sacrifice everything else, and I was determined to be the new hotshot homicide detective in town.'

Kate reached for her glass and tossed down the remainder of her wine. ‘So how did you get from hotshot homicide detective to Widgerry cop?'

‘Let's just say I had my eyes opened to a few of the shadier parts of the force and when I decided to speak up about it I was given an option—get out or transfer. I took the transfer.'

‘You stood up against corruption?'

‘Something like that. Trust me, Kate, there are some things in this world you're better off not knowing about. Anyway,' he continued, ‘I came out here intending just to see the year out, disillusioned with life, but this place changed me. Finding decent, hard-working people again reminded me that there was still good in the world, and it kinda grew on me.'

‘I take it that out here you're no longer consumed by the fast pace of policing, so how come you haven't settled down yet?'

‘In case you haven't noticed, there's something of a shortage of women out here. All the decent women are already married, the others my age have long since left town to find work—pickings are slim in Widgerry, Kate.'

It was somewhat disappointing to discover that his interest in her stemmed from the single fact that she was the only eligible female his age for miles around.

Since it was a warm evening, they took their dessert and coffee out onto the verandah. John had switched from wine to coffee, but Kate had decided she quite enjoyed this steady buzz the wine was giving her.

The heady scent of wisteria drifted in the breeze and Kate took a long, deep breath. ‘I love the way this place smells,' she sighed.

‘Wait until Nathan brings in his new cattle, then you'll have the delicate waft of fresh cow poo to really give the place that country smell.'

‘I'll still love it.' She grinned.

He sat across the small table from her, one foot resting on the thigh of the other, his cup held loosely in one big hand. ‘You look like you belong here,' he said quietly.

‘Do I?' she said, surprised. ‘I still feel like an outsider. But I guess part of me always belonged here.'

‘When you weren't here, where were you?'

A harsh smile touched her lips. ‘All over. Mum wasn't exactly traditional.' As a child, when she was asked about her mother's whereabouts, she always pretended her mother held an important job that took her to places all over the world, and she only left Kate with her grandparents because it was too hard for her to take a child with her. The truth, of course, was much less glamorous. Eve took whatever menial jobs she could find. Having little education, all she was qualified for were minimum-wage jobs, and because she never stayed in one place for long, usually because she found a man she wanted to follow, she was never able to hold down a job long enough to gain experience in anything.

‘How old were you when you came here?' John asked.

‘She left me here just after I was born. I think I was about three when she came back the first time. I don't remember that though. Then she brought me back when I was five. I stayed a year that time. I remember Gran showing me how to weed the garden and mix scones.' She smiled at the memory. ‘Mum came back and stayed here with us for a while when I was eight.' Kate paused. ‘I remember that was the first time I felt like we were a family. I was in school and Jenny and I were insep- arable. After that I was back and forth, until I started high school and became too much for my mother to handle. But then when I was fifteen, Gran died and . . . then Mum came back to get me.'

‘The last time she came back was the night your mother died?' he asked, staring into his coffee cup.

‘Heard this story before, have you?' She could just imagine the frenzy of gossip since her return.

‘Bits and pieces,' he admitted.

‘After Gran died, Henry told Mum to come and pick up her brat. She wasn't exactly ecstatic about it—she had a new man and a new life and a kid just complicated things.'

There was a silence, filled only by the chirp of crickets.

‘What happened?' John asked quietly.

Kate got to her feet and carried her wine to the rail, turning to face him as she rested her back against the post. ‘Mum turned up stoned, they argued. We stayed the night and in the morning I woke up to find she'd killed herself. Henry kicked me out, so I headed to the city to find a job.'

‘That sounds like a condensed version to me.'

‘There was an investigation,' she said coldly. ‘I'm sure you'll find a file somewhere that will fill in all the missing details for you. Although by now you've probably heard that the general consensus around town is that Henry had something to do with it.'

‘Do
you
think Henry had something to do with your mother's death?' he asked, searching her face.

She turned her head to look into the darkness beyond the gentle glow of light that spilled out onto the verandah.

‘He'd been killing her slowly all her life—but that night, she killed herself.' The sweet tang of the grapes on her tongue washed away the bitter taste of her words, but not her memories. ‘I'm going to get some more wine, do you want some?' she asked, already moving towards the screen door.

John snagged her hand as she passed, standing to tug her into his arms. As she lifted her face to him, she caught a flicker of awareness in the depths of his dark eyes and in an instant the need for comfort turned into something else.

He took her lips, coaxing a response from deep within her. Beneath her flattened palms she could feel the strength and power in him. He was holding himself tightly in check, forcing himself to go gently. For a moment she relaxed, knowing how easy it would be to give in to this wonderful feeling, to give in to this man who was kissing her so thoroughly. But two words echoed in her, sounding a warning: homicide detective. With gentle insistence, she pulled away and took a step back, refusing to meet his gaze.

‘I'm going to get that drink,' she muttered, before escaping into the house.

In the kitchen she reached out for the bottle, then jumped as John came up behind her. ‘Did you want one after all?' she asked, trying to sound calm.

He covered her hand with his own, stilling her movement. ‘I need to get something off my chest.'

Kate looked at him guardedly.

‘I know you're wary of men, and I can understand your reasons. But I'm not your ex-husband, Kate, and I hate that you're lumping me in with the likes of him.'

She shook her head. ‘That's not what I'm doing.'

‘If you're too scared to take a chance on letting me into your life because of your bad experience of marriage, then it's the same as thinking I'm going to hurt you just like your ex-husband did.' Seeing his words had hit their mark, he softened his tone. ‘Kate, if you can't believe me, then at least give me the chance to prove it to you.'

‘It's too complicated, John. I've got the kids to think about. They've been through so much . . . Their mother in a relationship is one more thing they'll need to adjust to and it's not fair on them.'

‘And their mother taking on everything alone and denying herself a life isn't going to affect them?'

‘They're kids. They don't see things like that. Mums are just . . . mums.' She shrugged. ‘We don't have a life, we're just . . . there for them.'

‘And what about you, Kate? Look me in the eye and tell me you don't have wants and needs that even being the best mother in the world can't fill,' he challenged, moving so close that she could feel the warmth of his body. ‘Look at me, Kate,' he said and reluctantly she lifted her gaze to his.

He lowered his head and took her lips in a gentle, tentative kiss, as though feeling her out. Her senses went into overdrive. The warmth of his mouth, the taste of his lips overrode the alarm bells ringing in her head. For once she allowed herself to stop thinking and just feel.

Her hands went to his chest, and his hands cupped the back of her head, holding her firmly as he kissed her. A groan filled her ears and she was surprised to realise it had come from her. This man was driving her crazy. She wanted to feel his mouth . . . everywhere.

As if reading her thoughts, he skimmed his lips down the smooth length of her neck to where her pulse throbbed an erratic beat.

‘I've wanted to do this since that first day I saw you by the pool at the motel,' he murmured, his breath hot against her ear.

His hands roamed across her body. She felt the tingling delight of his warm palm sliding along her thigh as he moved the flimsy material of her dress further up her leg. His breathing was jagged and rough and it took a moment for her to realise that he'd gone suddenly still.

‘What's wrong?' she whispered.

‘I didn't mean to go this far. I just wanted to let you know I had feelings for you. I'm sorry, Kate.'

It took a moment for his words to penetrate the fog of arousal. ‘I think you made your point.' She smiled.

Dropping his head against her forehead, he groaned. ‘I want you, Kate, but not like this. I want
you
to know that you want me too—for the right reasons—not to wake up tomorrow and regret giving in to the heat of the moment.'

Taking a small step away, Kate felt the heat flood her face once more. Thank goodness one of them had an ounce of common sense—she just wished it had been her. ‘I'm sorry I keep giving you mixed signals. I didn't expect . . . this.'

‘Makes two of us.' John gave her that off-centre grin that managed to send her heart skittering again. ‘Kate, I know this is a big decision for you to make, and I know there's more at stake here than just you and me, but what happened just now proves there's something that might be worth taking a risk on.'

‘You have no idea how complicated my life can be. Do you really want to upset your nice orderly bachelor's life with the bedlam of mine?'

‘Only one way to find out.'

Kate saw the determination in the stubborn set of his chin and sighed. ‘Let's just go slow and see what happens.'

‘Deal.' He leant forward and kissed her nose, then said goodnight.

Kate stood on the front verandah and followed his progress up the long drive before he vanished from her sight. He couldn't say she hadn't warned him about the complications in her life; she guessed she'd just have to take his lead and wait to see how he handled those complications when—not if—the time came.